Hello again Beauty! So excited to have you back
In the last post, we dove deep into the differences between real growth and fake growth.
You have had a chance to deeply reflect on your own life and your own choices, in order to determine whether you are truly headed in the direction you want to head, OR if you are stuck in a state of thinking you are moving forward, when in fact you are simply spinning your wheels.
If you have not read that post yet, go ahead and do that before you move onto this one
Today let’s cover exactly what is required in order for yout to cultivate real, true, lasting growth for yourself.
***One last thing before we move on*** – please understand that even the process of fake growth, being caught up in the idea that you are changing even when you are not, is not at all WRONG or BAD. There is nothing wrong with you to have gotten stuck in fake growth, and there is nothing bad about the experience. It is simply an experience. You will learn a lot from it. This is not a bashing fake growth or bashing the tools that cultivate fake growth post. The intention here is simply to provide you with another option if you find yourself weary of the RESULTS of fake growth. No blame. No shame.
The thing is that you deserve real growth. Because real growth is so much less frustrating and so much more rewarding in the long run.
Real growth rocks. You rock. So you two should be together.
As mentioned in the last post – real growth, at first, is no where near as flashy as fake growth. It is not as tangible, and you won’t see outer results the way you perceive that you do with fake growth.
The long term results of real growth are simply way too good to ignore.
How To Cultivate Real Growth
So, now that you know what fake growth looks like, and now that you are aware of the hallmarks of real growth – how exactly do you make real growth happen for yourself?
The best part about real growth, is that it is an obvious, repeatable system. It is not mysterious or mystical. It is not ‘sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.’ It is experience based, and because of that, it is deeply understandable.
You are going to be developing awareness, emotional mastery, self sovereignty and clear focus and intention – combined with the ability to deeply observe and understand reality for how it is, so that you can create what you would like to create within it.
With all of these skills, you will:
- Actually KNOW what you want, rather than simply moving away from experiences, feelings, thoughts and emotions you don’t like.
- Be taking complete ownership for your role in your life, and thus be fully stepping into your power.
- Be healing those parts of yourself that are lost in wounding, so that you can release and transform all of your self destructive behaviours and allow them to become new strengths you never knew you had.
- Become the person you know yourself to be.
Awesome. Lets get started.
Its All About Awareness:
The very first skill that you will begin to cultivate on your journey to real growth is awareness.
Now, I am sure you are rolling your eyes so hard you are straining your optic nerves because you have heard about awareness so many times – but hear me out.
True awareness – that which slingshots you into the here and now, and reveals to you WHO and WHAT you are, vs. who and what you BELIEVE yourself to be – is the single most powerful super power on the planet available to you.
You see, when you are not practicing awareness, when you are not practicing the art of objective, unnattached observation of yourself and your reality – you are projecting. You are bringing your past (and all your opinions about how it should have gone differently) into your now, and you are bringing all of your fears about what may happen, and how that will be good or bad, into your now, and thus are not interacting with your ACTUAL now very much at all.
With this, you have no power to actually shift or change anything.
Because shifting and changing things can only happen NOW.
Not in the past, that is done. It is now a figment of your imagination.
Not in the future, that is not a thing – it is also a figment of your imagination.
Only here can transformation take place.
If you – meaning your awareness, focus and attention – are not here, if you are projecting your past resistance onto your now, and your fear of the future (aka preemptive resistance) onto your now, you are not in your now. You are trying to manipulate and change and bargain with wisps of smoke. Stuff that ain’t stuff. Reality only exists as the stories that are rolling around in your mind.
You are arguing with a reality that already happened, trying to bargain for a future that does not yet exist – rather than living in your actual current reality, where you have the power to learn, grow, expand and thus create a ‘future’ from a new and different place.
You see how this works? In THIS moment, and only in THIS moment, do you have any capacity for effecting change, growth and expansion.
But you have to be aware of the actual realities of this moment in order to do that.
This awareness of reality, is going to start with you becoming aware of how resistant you are to reality. You are going to have to come into awareness of all your emotions, all your discomforts, all your stories that say that everything went wrong – and that because of that you must protect yourself by manipulating your life in order for the future not to go wrong.
Which means you have to own how you feel.
You must own what you think. You must become aware of your unconscious knee jerk reactions to life. your projections, your perceptions that are not in alignment with what is really happening, your resistance to what is, your resistance to what was.
Understand that coming into alignment with reality, as it stands right now, means OWNING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. This is not about IGNORING your past. It is about embracing the NOW experience you have having of your past, and the NOW experience you are having of your future. You see how this is not a new level of pretending what happened didn’t happen so you can ‘be here now?’ It is about showing up in the here and now, and admitting every emotion, thought and feeling that is present here. This is where you have power.
If you are resisting your past, you will never know how to create a different now. You will simply live in a state where you continually FEEL what you have always felt, due to your painful projections onto your past, and thus keep having that same emotional experience no matter what your current circumstances are.
You see, when most people are going about the business of ‘fixing’ their problems, many feel that they genuinely understand why they do what they do, but just simply cannot get themselves to stop. This is actually a total misunderstanding.
The truth is, when you ACTUALLY have an awareness of where something came from, where a habit or a self destructive cycle started, this will automatically shift and clear things on its own.
From there, you won’t have to role play your way into being different. You won’t have to fight and deny urges. You won’t have to rely upon your willpower forever and ever amen to not fall back into old habits.
What will start is a process of emotional integration.
You will first learn to be aware of what is arising within you, and how that is triggering behaviour patterns.
You will start to notice patterns, projections and feelings that all repeat, over and over.
You will start to notice things you never noticed before.
Then you will start to develop the ability to watch your emotions. To watch yourself.
From here, you will be able to love and nurture yourself inside your emotions, rather than reacting to them with resistance or fear.
This process will lead you to completion with your past traumas.
Which will then shift your current mode of operation.
All that from noticing. Crazy, right?
All that is required here, is that you get serious about noticing. About witnessing. About seeing your judgements towards yourself, reality, your emotions and your thoughts. Then not doing anything about what you are noticing. Not at first. Just stay with the practice of witnessing. Relaxing judgement. Witnessing and relaxing judgement.
Not so glam. But super, super effective.
How I recommend you go about this witnessing work in practical terms is:
1. Dedicate yourself to at least 15-20 minutes of meditation a day: Meaning sit alone, in a room, without your phone or computer or ipad or friends or spouse or partner or any kind of distraction. Relax your body. Breathe. Watch all your thoughts arise, and let them. Notice how you FEEL when you think your thoughts. Then notice the EMOTIONS that arise as you are forced to simply sit still with yourself. Be in it. Don’t fuss around. Don’t make plans for hwo you are going to shift this or change that or fix this. Just sit. Be with it all. Let it all wash over you. Practice relaxing your resistance to what is. Notice the walls you want to build between you and what you are feeling. Notice how uncomfortable you are and just stay with it. Notice that you don’t have to react and respond to every thing you feel.
2. Start taking ‘awareness breaks’ throughout your day: Tune into your body periodically and ask yourself ‘what am I feeling right now?’ “What’s my emotional state?” “What kind of thoughts am I entertaining, and how are they feeling within me?” “What is going on around me?” “Am I resisting my current reality?” “Am I busy wishing it were some other way?” “Can I sense the part of me that is EXPERIENCING this, rather than feeling that I AM the experience?” “Is there a greater sense of presence here that I can become aware of?” “What are the synchronisities and patterns occurring around me?” “How do I feel in this particular environment? With these people? Why?” “Do I sense any energy from anyone/anything around me?” “Do I have an incling to want to do soething out of the ordinary?”
The crux here is consistency.
You gotta show up every day.
Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a session or two, but do commit to doing this.
Without judgement free awareness, expansion and growth are impossible. But you gotta start with the awareness of all your judgements, before you will be able to be aware without the judgements.
So sit down, shut up, and notice.
Practice this for the week, and we will meet you back here next Monday for the next step!