Welcome back Transformation Maker!
So happy you are here! See how committed you are?!
Now then, since you are getting your feet wet with your awareness work, it is time to take things to the next level. This week we are going to dive deep into the second most important and impactful thing you can ‘do’ to cultivate true growth and transformation in your life.
Its Not About Re-Decorating The House
With your new found awareness work, you are going to start to notice your tendency to want to shift and change your external environment every time you feel discomfort in your mind/body.
What I mean is, you are always going to project your inner turmoil out onto your external environment, because on a subconscious level, you really believe that your external world is the SOURCE of your discomfort.
Due to this, you believe that shifting your external world is the key to getting yourself to feel how you want to feel.
You may not even be aware that the reason you want to change your external environment is because you think it is going to allow you to feel some way you don’t right now – but that too is something you will discover with your awareness work.
You will start to notice that you genuinely believe that shifting your external world is the answer to all your discomfort.
You will see clearly that truly believe that if your wife was just nicer to you, if your boss was less of a dick, if your job was not so demanding, if your bank account balance had more zeros on the end of it, if your weight was less and your muscles were more toned, if you had the right partner or if you could just get the job of your dreams or take that trip or buy the house or get the T.V – that all would be well in your world. That more money, more sex, more fun, more power, more SOMETHING is going to fill the void you feel within. That void you keep running from. That you keep attempting to fix by re-decorating the house.
It is time to embrace the idea that maybe – just maybe – what you actually desire is an INTERNAL state shift.
In this step, you are going to challenge yourself NOT to make any external moves when you feel discomfort. I know this sounds crazy and anti-progress – but hear me out.
Awareness Before Movement
As your awareness of your discomfort deepens through your awareness work, it is going to be even MORE tempting than usual to go about making external changes. Be prepared for this. Rather than being surprised or taken aback by the fact that as you start to get quiet, you also start to get really antsy, get out ahead of it by realizing that:
- You were already feeling this restlessness and desire to re-decorate the house BEFORE you took on your awareness practice. Your awareness practice is not CREATING it. The desire was the reason you got on all those fake growth paths you have been on. This awareness work is not ‘making’ you feel this way; it is just making you aware that you feel this way.
- Notice how every other time you have felt this; you have gone about doing what you thought would make you feel better – and it has NEVER actually worked. You told your wife to be nicer to you. You tried to make more money. You changed jobs. You started working out. You did what you thought you needed to do – and you are still feeling this dissatisfaction. Meaning it may have worked in the short term – it may have helped you to feel like you let off some steam blaming your wife, it may have felt empowering to feel like you were finally going to make the money of your dreams, you may have convinced yourself that your new workout regiment was the key to your feeling awesome – but here you are again. Not feeling awesome. Still wanting to make a shift or a change to your external reality. So it didn’t really work, or you would not be here. Be willing to admit this to yourself. Something only ‘works’ if it creates a PERMANENT healthy shift in your life. If it worked for a period of time, and then you lost it, it didn’t work. It was something you tried that did not serve you, ultimately. This may be a tough idea to wrap your mind around, because there are things that do give you results in the short term, that FEEL like they worked. But again, follow this logic all the way through. You would not say that a car ‘works’ if it could drive you half way to your destination, and then all the wheels fell off. You would say that car needs a re-design because it did not work. Same thing with all personal growth stuff – if it only gets you results for a period of time and then stops delivering, it didn’t work.
Now, I am not saying that real growth never involves changing your external reality. In fact, just the opposite. With every true growth journey, there is going to come a lot of changes to your external environment. The catch is, those changes will not be made from the energetic place of desperation, confusion, and agitation that changes made from a place of fake growth will be. You won’t be running away from something you don’t like, or trying to move towards something that you think will feel better than whatever you are in right now.
You will simply be re-aligning your external world to MATCH the internal space you have created.
There is a HUGE difference between these two states – the getting away from what you don’t want, and the natural re-adjustment that takes place after an inner transformation.
When real growth has occurred, the changes that you make are no longer an attempt to CREATE a new way of being. They are changes that essentially will feel like your new, healthy, happy ‘normal’ rather than big shifts to try to make a big shift. Do you see the difference here? When you choose to add working out to your daily routine from a place of REAL growth, it will feel like a natural, obvious next step.
It won’t be this big dramatic distracting venture.
It won’t pull you away from any uncomfortable feelings.
It won’t be something you ‘think’ you should do.
It won’t feel like a massive battle to get yourself to do it and stick with it.
It will be something you feel in your core aligns with who you know yourself to be.
Who you know yourself to be’ – being the key factor here. Not an attempt to find yourself, or create yourself, or make yourself. It will be an aligning with the truth that you have discovered about yourself.
To Grow, You Must First Become Non-Reactive
You will only arrive at this place of external change coming from true, real growth, if you first take the time to NOT REACT to that voice in your head that wants you to do a whole bunch of crazy things.
What needs to happen first, is stillness. So that you can go within, be with those uncomfortable emotions, and stick with them long enough so that they can reveal to you what you are currently not seeing.
You see, these agitated parts of yourself have INFORMATION for you.
Right now, you don’t actually know what you want. You don’t actually know who you are. You may think you do, but again if you are feeling this inner turmoil, you don’t – not fully anyway. If you truly knew why you wanted to make all these changes, if you truly know why you are feeling so dissatisfied, if you truly knew yourself – things would be A LOT different. You would be internally motivated to make shifts that feel that you are coming into yourself – rather than externally motivated to make yourself feel better by changing your environment.
You must first let yourself consider that fact that you don’t actually know what you want. You think you want your wife to change, more money, a better body, a better job – but maybe, just maybe, you only ‘think’ you want those things. Perhaps they are cover-ups for a deeper longing, a deeper dissatisfaction, a deeper sense of being not totally in alignment with yourself.
You need to give yourself space and time to find out what you ACTUALLY want, what is ACTUALLY bothering you, WHY you think you need to change what you think you need to change, and you need to see that moving the furniture around a house that is not working for you, won’t fix the house.
Essentially, if you take this on seriously, you will discover that all the things that you thought were bothering you about your external world, were actually INTERNAL identifications that you have been projecting onto your world. It was your self image and your lack of feeling that you could fully live as your authentic self that caused all these incongruences in your life – not your life itself. Not the circumstances themselves. The circumstances of your life are a result of the inner conflict, not the cause.
Meaning when you address the inner conflict and resolve to allow yourself to more deeply step into who and what you really are, the external stuff will be obvious.
In this step, what you are going to do is sit still and let the agitation/irritation/flustered energy arise within you.
You will then sit still.
Sit with it.
Be with it.
Feel into it.
Breathe into it.
You will do this, and while you are doing this, you will let the agitation tell you what it thinks you need to do – let it bring to mind all the changes it requires you make. This is where the money/wife/job/body stuff will all come up.
Then with that, ask yourself ‘WHY do I think I need my wife to change? What will this give me? What do I think will happen if she does? And then what? And then what? And then what? How do I think it will make me feel? What is it that I want to feel? Could it be that there is something I am not giving myself, not acknowledging in myself, not loving or nurturing in myself that I am projecting onto my wife? If I did not have my wife to project this onto, what would I be feeling?”
Do this with your money stuff, your body stuff, your job stuff.
Question the shit out of it.
Take at least 3 weeks to sit with the feelings, and question your thoughts. Journal your thoughts and responses.
Don’t re-decorate the house.
Give yourself space to explore what is REALLY going on.
If this is a frustrating proposition for you – sit with that. Be with that frustration. If you feel that this was not explained properly, or that I could not possibly know that you should not change stuff – sit with that. Really. Be with it. Give yourself at least 3 weeks to not change anything, and to feel and question everything.
Then move onto step three. Which we will cover next week!
Awareness is key. If you don’t believe me, give it a try.