Hello and welcome to the final installment in our exploration of why true service to self is your highest service to the world!
If you have not done so already, do go check out Part One, Part Two and Part Three. In this final installment, we are going to continue exploring what you can ‘expect’ as you move towards truer and truer self expression.
Again remember that none of this is to say that living any other way is wrong or bad.
This is the paradox of self love and embracing who we truly are a little more each day. We see that in embracing ourselves, we actually enable MORE growth, MORE change and MORE expansion than when we are trying to fix ourselves or change so that we ‘fit into’ society better. True self love, true self expression will cause lots of change – not because you were wrong or bad before, but simply because evolution is the nature of reality!
The more you embrace yourself, the more you will change and expand. The more you express who you are, the more of you there will be to express, and the more change you will see in your reality. This is simply how life works. No good. No bad. Just evolution and expansion for the sake of learning.
Continuing to show up as more and more of what you feel you are in this moment is all it takes to start living a life that ultimately feels really good. As stated before, it may feel weird and awkward at first, especially if you are used to heavily censoring/monitoring yourself so that you fit into whatever status quo you feel you need to in your life. But as you go along, it will get easier, it will get lighter and you will start to see the evidence for how you acting in your truth really does serve everyone. Remember to give this time to reveal itself to you. Really make an experiment out of it, and give yourself space to have the experience of seeing that even if people around you get upset with your no longer towing the party line initially, how in the end it works out better for everyone’s growth.
Now let’s continue on, shall we?
There Is Nothing Wrong With Any Part Of You – You Just Believe Love Went Away: As stated in the last post, you are going to be doing the work to really SEE and understand that there is nothing wrong with you. This takes practice, and a continual willingness to show up with curiosity, an open mind and a soft heart with yourself, where you would usually show up with the judgement that something is wrong and must be fixed.
You will be practicing letting go of the idea of fixing any aspect of yourself, and moving towards UNDERSTANDING yourself instead. You will be deeply choosing to release the need to judge yourself, to judge your behaviors, to judge your experiences as wrong, and will instead be moving in the direction of ‘how is this helping me?’ ‘How is this blessing me?’ ‘What is this situation/trigger/aspect/emotion trying to teach me?’ ‘Where do I believe love has gone away?’
With this, your new mantra is ‘Curiosity over Judgement.’
Every time you notice yourself judging something as wrong, rejecting an aspect of self or of life or attempting to ‘fix’ something – you will stop, slow down, breathe, and get curious instead.
This does NOT mean you will never again take action to change things in your life. Of course not. What this means it that you will give yourself an opportunity to actually dig into what is TRULY going on, to see the deeper layers and aspects of WHY something is occurring, why something is hurting, why something is the way it is, and in this you can move from a place of love, rather than from trying to escape what you deem wrong.
Ultimately you are moving yourself out of judgement, which cuts you off from understanding and information, which leaves you in a state of fear where no change is possible, into a state of allowing, which is a state of renewed awareness, learning and expansion. In this place, you are moving from a place of love, where all things are possible.
It is the paradox that once you release resistance, change can happen. When you stay in resistance, stay fighting against something, stay trying to fix something, that is when you get stuck in it.
You open yourself up to learning, and allow the resistance of judgement to melt away. You will change and grow more than you ever thought you could when you relax into the idea that you are already perfect. You will embrace this paradox and start to see it unfold in your life.
You Will Make Others Uncomfortable: Know that most of the people in your life will NOT be doing this work along with you. Most are still caught up in the idea that love is only available from the outside and that we must conform and fit into society in order to earn that love. Most are going to be staying in their fear, staying in their rejection of self and will continue to play ‘trigger ping pong’ with one another.
This is Ok. Everyone is allowed to be where they are. It takes a HUGE leap of faith to start believing that there is nothing wrong with you. It takes a huge leap of faith to get curious about the things you think are ‘wrong’ with you, rather than rejecting them and trying to fix them. It takes a huge leap of faith to decide to get to know yourself. It takes a huge leap of faith to turn in and love yourself when you are triggered or rejected by someone, rather than projecting back or turning in on yourself as a way of trying to avoid being rejected again.
You will be very unique, and in this way, you will be reflecting back to others that there is another way to be, another way to live, another way to react and respond to life that is much less dramatic and much less energy consuming. People generally, are not going to like this.
You doing this, will stir things up in those around you. It is inevitable. Because staying in the old system of fear/self hate requires everyone’s collective participation. It requires the collective participation because it is out of alignment with ultimate truth. No one is feeling good in that system, but everyone participating in it continues to feed into the psychology that is the right and only way. So when you pull out, it is like removing a card from a house of cards – it makes the whole thing less stable for everyone.
You living differently is going to have direct and indirect impact on everyone around you. This is a good thing. This destabilization of what never truly existed is progress. It is uncomfortable. But it is progress.
Learn to love the one who is making those around you uncomfortable. Learn to comfort the one that is shaking things up. Learn to surround yourself with all the compassion you need to continue to walk your path, even when others discourage you. Learn to be ok with disappointing people. Learn to be ok with letting others down. Learn to be ok when you can’t show up in the ways that others want you to. Use your Emotional Mastery tools to love those aspects of self, get clarity, and move from a new place of self compassion, rather than moving from the old place of ‘just do whatever you need to do to get that love and approval.’
Know that fear is not stronger than love. Your love is enough for you, and it is enough for the whole situation.
Stay open, stay curious, stay observing. Watch others get triggered. Watch yourself get triggered. Watch as others clamor to get ‘control’ of the situation through drama, negativity, manipulation or expectation. Get curious about this. Allow yourself not to make any attack on you mean anything about you. Understand that you are simply showing something that very few want to look at right now – that freedom IS possible, and that it comes from internal self love. Most are so convinced that this love does not exist inside, that the desperate attempt to get the world to love them is all they can see as an option for getting love. You will run into this fear too. That if others don’t love you, there is no love.
Be with that. Love it. Hold it. Get Curious.
Then keep on keepin’ on.
You Will Have To Learn To Manage Your OWN Emotions: In this work, you will start to see that your emotional state is 100% within your control. This is not to say that you can stop yourself from feeling sad when you are sad, stop yourself from feeling mad when you are mad, or that you should try to force yourself to be happy all the time.
This is about taking RESPONSIBILITY for how you feel. This is about owning your anger, your sadness, your upset, your trigger, your pain – and learning to BE with those emotions, rather than running from them, trying to make them go away or projecting them onto those around you and blaming them for how you are feeling.
This is about going in and, as stated above, getting CURIOUS about your emotions. Making room for them within, and exploring them.
Rather than stuffing them away, or projecting them onto your reality, you will go into them and work with them. You will communicate with them. You will allow them to talk to you, to teach you, to give you the messages they are designed to give you.
You will start to see that ALL emotions are messengers for you. None are anyone else’s fault, and none are wrong.
In this, you will start to be able to be with your negative emotions and you will be able to discern what they are trying to tell you. In this, you may be guided to make changes in your life, to have difficult conversations, to set boundaries – but all from an internal state of power – not from an internal state of feeling victim to the world and people around you. Other times you may simply see that no action really needs to be taken, all that was really required was a shift in your own perception of your value and worth. You will be doing the work to figure out what each individual situation truly calls for, by first and foremost going within and getting curious about what is arising for you.
You will be letting go of any hard and fast ‘this is always how you handle X emotion or trigger’ and stepping into showing up for each situation with an open mind and the capacity to learn from it specifically. You will start to trust your own ability to navigate your emotions without needing a rulebook on how to do it.
You will own your emotions as tools and guides. You will be present with them. You will learn what they are here to teach you. You will act accordingly.
Take all emotions into your heart space room and learn to communicate with them. THIS is key. This is being emotionally responsible and aware. This is where freedom comes from.
There are no wrong or bad emotions. Only messengers. Learn to listen to the message.
You Will Learn To Trust Your Intuition: Dovetailing off the last point, you will start to see that when you truly tune into self love, truly tune into your emotions and allow them to communicate with you, much of what you will be called to do will be considered nonsensical or even heretical in the context of the old way of thinking and being.
You will notice that you feel drawn to do things, to say things, to be a way that is totally outside of the old fishbowl of how you used to be.
This is a good thing.
It is also something that will require that you use your inner guidance and TRUST that inner guidance – especially in the beginning.
This work will require that you step outside of your old ways, without really knowing that the new way is going to ‘work’ so to speak. You won’t have experience and evidence to lean on in the beginning phases, and thus faith will be your friend.
With this, my number one tip is again never to make any outcome right or wrong. To allow yourself to follow what you feel is right in the moment, from that centered, grounded, self loving place, and then see how it plays out. Let yourself witness the whole scene. Let yourself get curious about the outcomes.
Allow yourself to let go of expectations of how you think things ‘should’ turn out, and instead follow that guidance, and then be present for whatever results arise.
Be open to the experiment, be open to things not going how you thought they should, and be open to learning how EVERYTHING eventually goes exactly how you needed them to.
Follow the guidance, let go of the expectation, love the one who has expectation. Be open to the learning. Eventually you will start to gather evidence for how things truly work, and less and less faith will be required of you to follow your intuition. It will turn from magic into a technology. Let yourself play the game all the way through, so that you can collect enough evidence and experience to arrive at understanding.
You Will Learn To See The Larger Picture: Following that guidance, you will start to see how all things work together. You will start to step outside of the boxes of consciousness that have you locked down in fear, trying to protect yourself, into the boxes of consciousness that allow you to see how everything we do has a ripple effect. You will start to have less and less anxiety about the immediate affect of your actions – ie. someone getting temporarily mad at you for not conforming to an expectation or ideal they had – because you will be able to see the far reaching effects – you standing in your truth actually provided an opportunity for this other person to do some internal investigation that may have led them to standing deeper in their own.
Remember, when we are in abusive/co-dependent relationships, it is because BOTH parties are acting out of alignment with their true power, their true selves. When we play trigger ping pong and blame one another for how we feel, we are not really interacting with true reality – the true reality of who we are or who the other person is. We are simply reacting and responding to small fragmented aspects of self that need love and attention.
When you live in alignment with yourself for long enough, you will start to see how this sets that stage for everyone around you to do the same. This may not always happen – everyone has free will, and people may choose to stay in their self destructive behaviors, even if you stop participating, but you will be able to see how your lack of participation actually weakens the structure that allows for that self denial to take place. Others may not like that you pull out of their painful stories and behavior patterns – but YOU will see how this is actually a service to them. They get to decide what they will do with that, but ultimately you have done them a favor.
As you address your own co-dependent behaviors and start to move in a new direction, you will see how these same behaviors are playing out in the lives of those around you. As you start to see how your life is positively impacted by your own integration and expression of self, you will see how this ripples out to make the opportunities for those around you to do the same kind of self exploration. It will become obvious to you how you are serving the whole by living in alignment with your truth, and the small daily implications will become less stressful or worrisome for you, because you will see the larger reaching impact – both personally and globally. You will have less of a fear based perception that keeps you focused small, and will have a new found capacity for unity awareness.
You Will Learn To Comfort The One Who Wants To Make Everyone Happy: Lastly, the biggest thing you will be doing here, is learning to self soothe, so that life becomes far less traumatizing.
You will become one who has the capacity to love yourself and honor yourself no matter what those around you are doing, and in that you become one who is capable of peace, equanimity, true observation of reality, love, compassion and understanding in ALL circumstances – even those in which you are being attacked or otherwise neglected.
As you learn to access love from within, no matter what those around you are doing, you become a source of peace for the planet. As you embrace yourself, you make this world a better place, because the way YOU move within it will profoundly change. You will no longer be prone to trigger ping pong (remember, if you are in a fight with someone, you are activating their pain body just as much as you feel they are activating yours) you will be capable of big picture thinking, you will be able to see through an attack on you to the hurting one behind the offender, and you will be able to carry love where love has been blocked off.
As you love the one that YOU are, your capacity to love the one that everyone else is, is increased monumentally. In this, you create a better world. This does not mean you always react with non-action if someone is being abusive towards you – it means that you will know when and where to assert yourself, and when and where to allow for a softening within that can create space for a new relationship dynamic to take place.
As you comfort the one who needs approval, you will find that YOUR approval was always the approval you were seeking. When you give that to yourself, you find peace. When you find this peace, you radiate this peace and create peace for all of us. When you no longer are at war with yourself, you create one less battle being waged on this planet. You BECOME the peace you wish to see – without any external changes needing to happen. YOU CREATE the external change, through the internal shift.
This is powerful stuff.
This is why true service to self is true service to all. We are all connected. As you love you, you love all of us. As you create peace within, you create peace without. Each one doing this creates the global shift we wish to see.
All it takes, is you loving you. You ending the war with yourself. You giving yourself the love you always wanted. In that the drama stops. You are available. You can see. You can move from love.
You create the love and peace you wish to see by being it.