Hello my Beauty!
After reading all the other posts in this series, (Part One, Part Two and Part Three)as well as simply though your own life experiences and observations, you are well aware that the current cultural climate on earth is one of FEAR of the shadow. We are all afraid of those parts of ourselves that have experienced pain/have the idea that life has gone wrong, and we are trained from day one to avoid these areas of self at all costs.
For most, this means running, numbing, denying and generally doing everything possible to drown out these aspects of self – which leads to that fermentation we talked about in all the other posts.
To understand the shadow in another way, I want to offer this analogy before we move forward.
Think of each individual like a garden full of seeds.
Everything we will ever become is lying in wait as potential within us – just like the potential for become a giant tree is lying in wait inside of a small seed. The experiences of our lives are like the water that activates the growth of those seeds. Some experiences are pleasant ones – others are not so much. However, once an aspect of self is ‘watered’ or activated by an experience, it cannot then go back to being an inactive seed. Once activated it has two options – to be fostered through nutrition and sunlight which will enables it to realize its potential OR it can reject and deny the light and nutrition it needs, which will cause it to rot and ferment.
Our shadows are the aspect of self that were stimulated to grow through experience that we labelled as wrong.
Through this rejection of reality, we inadvertently reject and deny the aspect of self that experienced that reality. We cut this part of ourselves off from love, (awareness) and thus it becomes a shadow. This aspect of self then becomes the numbing, self abusive behaviour patterns that we so often think of as our ‘problems’ that we must get rid of.
But your shadow is not something you get rid of. It is an aspect of your potential that was simply denied the love and attention it needed.
True healing is actually integration. It is a revisiting of these wounded and rejected aspects of self, which will be having an impact on your current emotional experience. The painful emotion and thought patterns that you live with, the self abusive behaviors and so on, are echoes of that rejected experience that you are now reliving over and over through the fermentation process.
You will start the integration by showing up for yourself in the emotions, thoughts and behaviors – whether you are aware of where they come from originally or not. You will learn to be with yourself in your sadness, anger, victim hood, your eating, your drinking, your overspending – and so on. You will start to bring life and light to these parts rather than more rejection. You will start to see them not as negative and trying to harm you – but as aspects of you that are actually trying to protect you from the rejected reality and that are simply functioning as best as they can given the lack of light and love.
Then, you will be led to reconnect with the aspect of self that experienced the rejected reality. You will learn to see this experience in a new light, just as you did the ‘negative’ emotions, thoughts and behavior patterns – to see it for the growth opportunity it really was. You will complete with the trauma through finding growth it was there to activate – and through reconnecting with the aspect of yourself that was to grow and be activated from it. You will learn to embrace this aspect of self, often through the knowing that you may be rejected for embracing this part of yourself – and in THIS you will see as your shadow transforms itself into an aspect of your being that is here to serve you.
You give the seed the light and nourishment it needs, and it becomes an asset.
When we ignore it, deny it and repress it, it becomes self sabotage. It becomes the impetus to numb. It becomes the pain you work from in your relationships. It becomes the projections you send out onto the world that don’t align with reality and cause you to hurt yourself.
In short, it is these denied aspects of self that cause us to hurt within, and to hurt those around us.
You know this.
Now, you fully understand that the average person looks at their shadowed aspects as the CAUSE of their pain, and fully believes the only way to not feel the pain is to either get rid of or deny these aspects.
They believe the shadow is the cause of the pain, because most are not aware that they are IN pain to begin with.
They are so used to numbing out, to deflecting their pain onto circumstances (body, jobs, relationships,) that when the true source of the pain is revealed, because they were not previously aware of the pain, it feels like the revelation CAUSED it.
They were not aware the pain was there and were just running from it. They literally did not see it. So when it is exposed, to them all of a sudden pain that was not there before is there! Cause! Exposing this stuff makes the pain!
With this understanding, there is no option of loving or integrating these aspects because they are inherently evil and the cause of all the rejection and loss they have ever experienced. In the average person’s mind, to look at and acknowledge shadow is simply to be in pain.
When they numb it or distract themselves from it – the pain goes away!
The pain is now because of the eating or the boyfriend or the job, which is easy to fix. That is controllable. The deep existential pain stemming from the idea that they have been rejected for being who they are and thus they must repress and deny and try to fix themselves, that life has not gone how they thought it should, is SO overwhelming that the idea of tackling/facing that is too scary.
The only option is to run or fight because there is promise that one of these ways of tackling the issue may lead to happiness some day. To let go of the coping mechanisms, to let go of the projections, to let go of the victim mentality is to take away the numbing agent NEEDED to survive with this pain. To attempt to love these parts and give up trying to fix or change them is to surrender to a life of pain that can never be remedied. For most to look at or acknowledge shadow, or to move towards loving and embracing it is synonymous with surrendering to suffer for the rest of life.
So they will fight with everything in them to avoid doing anything of the kind.
You as a light-worker have a deeper insight. You know that integration is the way through. You know that doing this shadow work is not scary, is not surrendering to suffering for life – but quite the opposite. You know that the root of the suffering is the rejection and denial of the aspect – not the aspect itself. You know the root is the incompletion with the painful circumstances – the not seeing what they were calling you to grow into and thus not growing – that is hurting.
You know that by going in, loving the one who hurts, learning to integrate the lesson and then growing into the new version of self is the SOLUTION. Where no more numbing or fighting is required.
You get that this person will stop hurting, and thus stop hurting those around them once this shadow is revealed and integrated
With This Knowing You Feel Very Deeply Called To Expose Shadow.
You want to bring it to light. You most likely have a very hard time being around someone who is deep in shadow, hurting themselves and you, without feeling like you need to help them. To offer guidance. To offer words of wisdom. To change what is going on. You have the impetus to take action and this may even cause you to become rather aggressive in your light working mission at times.
On the flip side, you may find that you don’t get aggressive, that you can allow people be in their shadow, but this makes you feel very uneasy in their presence. You feel like you are walking on eggshells, like you don’t want to say or do anything to expose anything you know they don’t want to look at. You are constantly on ‘I don’t want to offend them/make them uncomfortable’ patrol. You attempt to shrink into the background as much as possible, being as agreeable and accommodating as possible, sometimes even avoiding social interaction all together as a way of never triggering anyone. You may feel victimized by social situations, like you have to mold yourself to those around you in order to be ok.
You either feel like a light worker on a mission who needs to expose things, who works as hard as possible and tries every technique at your disposal to get those around you to see the shadow, OR you are a social chameleon working overtime to predict where everyone around you is at so you can alter your own behaviour to avoid setting anyone off. You want to expose all the shadow OR you want to disappear into the white noise of life around everyone so as to never be the victim/cause of someone’s trigger being set off.
You feel that you bringing the light or doing everything you can do to avoid triggering someone is the answer. You are going to save them from pain. By exposing the shadow you will save them from pain, by doing whatever you can to keep them comfortably in their unexposed shadow you are saving them from pain.
Sounds obvious and simple enough right?
But there is a catch here.
What you are most likely not seeing in this moment is that what you believe about the shadow that causes you to need to expose it/avoid it, and what they believe about the shadow that is causing them to need to hide or fight it – are actually the SAME BELIEF.
Where the shadow of the light worker comes in, is that we believe that the shadow is wrong just like everyone else does.
We are just scared that the UNEXPOSED shadow is what is going to hurt us, rather than believing that exposing the shadow is what hurts.
So you are all about exposing or seeing the shadow and placating it. At all costs.
Meaning your method of fight or flight is just different than theirs. But it is still coming from the same root – FEAR.
You Have Every Right To Feel Fear:
You have most likely been hurt by the unexposed shadows of others. In their behaviour. In their way of reacting to you. In their way of coping with their pain. You have been abused, rejected, neglected, attacked and gas lit because of the shadows of others. You also have a deep sense of wanting those around you to be happy. You want them to be well. You don’t want to see them suffer, because you at once love them so much and thus want for them to be happy AND feel their pain so deeply it may as well be your own.
You are scared of shadow because it causes them pain, and their pain causes you pain.
The thing we have to recognize here is that this fear reaction is taking place in us as a response to shadow/pain just as much as it is taking place in them.
You have been hurt by shadow, you feel hurt by others hurts, and you want that pain to stop/not happen again.
So you fight against the shadow in others, or run from it by trying to make yourself as small and un-triggering as possible.
You play trigger ping-pong with everyone around you. Wondering why life feels so terrible, stressful and hard all the time.
The problem here is this – this leaves YOU in a massive state of stress/fear all the time. Because everyone has shadow and many people are not at all yet ready to face it. You live in a world filled with people who can be set off at any moment and there is nothing you can really do about that.
With this, you may notice that for your whole life no matter how hard you have tried to expose all the shadow all the time or turn yourself invisible/into someone who has no needs and is simply there to comply to the needs of others in the hopes that one day you would find peace and happiness – that you would finally feel safe enough to relax – this has never occurred.
No matter how many people you try to save, no matter how much shadow is exposed, no matter how small you get, no matter how many people you eliminate from your life – there ALWAYS seems to be some trigger, some stressor, someone around who is not ok that makes you feel like you are about to crawl out of your skin.
So you get aggressive.
You turn into someone who fully abandons what they think/feel/want in order to placate those around you.
You try with all your might to make the world different for yourself and for others – and you end up always feeling exactly how you always feel – threatened, scared, angry, aggressive, abandoned, sick in your body, confused, crazy and so on.
Because fear can only lead to chaos – no matter how logical our behaviour seems in the moment, no matter how well intentioned we may be – if we are moving from fear, we are creating the conditions for everything to stay just as it is.
Fear can only create sameness. Love is what shifts us into something new
This my friend, is your work. Your opportunity. Your shadow to love.
Accepting The One Who Can’t Accept The Shadow:
As we talked about above, it makes perfect sense for you to fear the shadow. It hurts you and has hurt you. You don’t like being in pain or seeing others be in pain. You want the whole world to awaken so we can all live in harmony, feeling amazing inside ourselves and avoiding all suffering forever.
You know that once integrated, we can go through life’s ups and downs without suffering so much. You know that joy comes from being able to be with all experiences and find the growth in them. You know that discovering who you are on a deeper level and then expressing that is the ultimate in joy. And you want to facilitate that experience in others
You want the world to stop suffering – for them and for you.
This line of thinking and these desires are not entirely out of alignment with your purpose here. You are here to help others step into their light. You are here to help expose the shadow. You are here to facilitate integration.
The only problem here is this – We are not all ready to stop suffering right now.
The pain that most people find themselves in has a purpose.
We are not meant to ‘get rid of it’ prematurely.
Nothing has gone wrong here.
That pain is the water that is activating the seeds within all those around you – the thing is, sometimes we need a lot more water than we think. Sometimes we need the downpour before the seed will be ready to grow. Sometimes we need an extended fermentation before anything will be viable.
Sometimes, we need a whole life of pain and suffering for the seeds of growth that are being activated on a SOUL level. Not everything is going to germinate and show itself in this lifetime. We are not all going to become the tree this time round.
This is the toughest but most freeing pill you as a light-worker will ever swallow.
The ultimate truth is – the pain we go through in this life is the learning. It is the expansion. It is the biggest tool we have for learning about who and what we are, who and what reality is and everything else in between
The pain, the shadow, the denial of self and all that comes with that IS what life’s all about for most of the people on the planet right now.
Most of the people on the Earth at this time are not here to wake up this lifetime. They are not here to fully transcend their pain and suffering. They are not having that kind of lifetime. Many of the people who exist right now are in a phase of their evolution that requires that they learn the way they are learning. That they go through what they are going through. That they continue to experience what they are experiencing right now
What is important for us light-workers to realize is that we do not always see the ultimate picture. Especially when we are in a state of fear.
We must realize that our judgement of someone’s pain and suffering as being wrong, especially when they show very clear signs of not being willing/able to face or transcend it right now, is what causes us our pain.
It is not their pain that is hurting you.
It is your perception that their pain should not be happening and that it is your job to fix it/avoid it with them that is causing you pain.
The true source of your fight/flight is your judgement and therefore lack of understanding of the pain those around you are in.
Meaning when you start to allow yourself to take a step back and really get honest with yourself about where people are at in this moment – you will start to see the bigger picture that is at play here.
The truth is, those who are ready to move forward make that clear. They hear you when you speak to them. They come to you and ask you for advice and genuinely take that advice to heart and put it into practice. They seek out changes to their approach to themselves and to life outside of talking to you.
You don’t have to drag them. You don’t have to force them. You don’t have to make them do it.
You also don’t have to coddle or walk on eggshells around them.
You don’t have to watch what you say or do your best to avoid setting them off. You don’t have to become someone you are not or abandon yourself for the sake of them being comfortable.
When they are ready, the doors open.
Next is you moving from a place of love rather than fear.
When you are moving from a place of love your lightworking won’t be a drain on you. It won’t feel frantic or forced. It won’t come from a place of panic within you. Your body won’t tighten up. You won’t feel responsible for this person or their journey. You won’t feel like if you could just say it perfectly, if you could just try one more time, just offer one more thing, just suggest one more technique FINALLY they will get it. You won’t feel like a crazy person when you offer your support.
When you are moving from a place of love and the person you are working with is ready, you can be truthful in saying what you see, you can offer support, love and guidance, you can offer unconditionally loving presence for when people are in the ‘I just have to talk about this over and over again’ phase – you can be there as they unearth their deep pain, hold their hand and be that supportive presence.
When the time is right, it will happen.
This is not to say that on your light-working journey you won’t plant seeds for people that won’t be watered for some time to come. There will be times when you say things that are not totally understood/utilized at the time – but again when this comes from a loving place in you, you won’t be forceful. You won’t push the idea. You will be able to say your piece and then leave the rest to them – allowing them to go on their journey. You won’t be desperate for them to ‘get it’ right now.
You will be able to offer what you offer when it is needed. You will be able to plant those seeds and leave them. You will be able to say nothing when you know nothing can be done in this moment. You will be able to see the pain that still needs to be felt, that still needs to be experienced and you will make room for that
You will see when it is time to work your tools, and when it is time to simply love someone in their pain. You will see when there is something you can offer, and when it is time for you to simply take a step back or to step out all together
All of these things will be a part of the path.
You will know when to apply what tool and technique, when you have made peace with shadow as an integral part of this journey.
Some will have long painful lives and never awaken. Some will awaken later in life. Some awaken sooner. We don’t get to decide when someone’s pain expiration date is.
All we can do is offer what is appropriate at the time through settling into a state of love within ourselves, ask for more information about this person’s path if we want it, and then make peace with the reality that is.
Some are not going to get it.
Some are not going to get it right now.
Some are in need of just your presence.
Others need to hear you say what you know you see.
Love will guide you in knowing what to do when and where.
How To Step Into Love:
Here I will direct you to the Emotional Mastery Series:
Take that part of you that is afraid of the shadow of others and bring them into your heart space room. Let this part of you speak. Let them cry. Let them breathe. Let them rage.
Then let them teach you what they know.
It is this very part of you that holds the key to loving the shadow in yourself and others – to seeing the shadow for what it truly is – a part of the light.
The shadow is working for us – it just has the long game in mind.
You can see this for yourself. And in that have peace.
Take the time with this one. The rewards of doing so will totally transform your experience in this life.
One shadow loving moment at a time.