There you will learn all the theory behind why you are not going to get rid of any aspect of yourself, and why what is going to happen instead is the maturity of the immature parts of yourself instead.
Now you are ready to see HOW to do this.
The Process Unfolds As Such:
Distressing Emotions Come Up And We Notice It: Anxiety, depression, perfectionism, confusion, needing to ‘get it right,’ judgement, resentment, anger etc. You notice this part of yourself or these feelings you usually reject as wrong or bad, and practice making space for them. The emotions are the signposts alerting you to an aspect of self that is being rejected and denied its right to grow.
We Make Room For The Aspect By Being With The Emotion: We practice being with whatever emotion is arising. Most of us are so good at deflecting, running from, numbing out or judging our emotions as wrong, that we have never learned to be with them. This is the first phase of revealing to yourself the aspects that need to grow. We have to learn to be with the emotion first. Practice moving into that unconditionally loving presence mode as you sit with the emotions. Let the emotion over take you, be as big and loud as it wants to be. Continue to give light and love to the emotion, relaxing your judgement of it. This takes time and practice as we are very used to running from and numbing out our emotions. Check out The Emotional Mastery Series for help with this OR The Presence Process By Micheal Brown for help with this.
Allow The Emotions To Bring Up Memories: As you sit with these emotions, you will start to have memories of when you first felt the current emotion. Allow whatever memory comes to mind to come to mind. It will usually be a time where something traumatic or painful happened. Again, just as you did with the emotion, picture yourself being with this younger aspect of you who is going through the painful experience. Be your older self, who is there to love and support this younger one who is in pain. This again may take practice to be able to really be with you in that painful situation and not feel like it was wrong or bad. Just keep staying present, being in that love space for YOURSELF. You don’t have to like the situation or be ok with it, just be there for YOU who was in it. Comfort the one who went through it. Remind them that it was not their fault that the pain happened.
Be In The Memory With your Younger Self: Stay in this memory and ask yourself what you needed in that moment. What did you need to hear in this painful situation? What did you need to know? What was really going on? Be with you and give yourself everything you would have needed. Stand up for yourself. Take yourself out of the situation. Change it as much as you need to.
Give You What You Needed: After a while of going back to the memory and changing it, you will get to a place where you no longer feel like you want to shift what actually happened, but instead you want to go through what actually happened and see it in a new way. So again go back to this memory and stay with it exactly as it was this time.
Ask Yourself Where The Growth Was: In this, ask this younger version of yourself what was really going on. Look onto the situation as it was, and see where the growth was. What was being stimulated in you? What we beginning to express, that then was stifled? What in you was coming to the surface to be evolved that was shut down? The circumstance wasn’t your fault – the person who hurt you was not aware that they were infringing on your right to grow. Be in this, look for where you needed and wanted to express and grow. Look to the person you were wanting to become through this. This is the start of completing with the trauma – where you no longer see it as something that should not have happened, but as something that took place to help you grow into a new version of yourself. Where you can see this situation not as wrong and painful, but RIGHT – even if still painful.
Ask Yourself What You Would Like To Do Or Be Now, Now That You Know You Were Not Wrong: Once you see the part of you that was being stimulated into growth, you can ask yourself what you would have wanted to do in that old situation if you had allowed for the growth to occur, rather than deciding that some part of you was wrong. What did you want to express? Do? Say? Become? Can you love you in this? This part you have tried to hide and run from forever because it got you rejected? What would you have done or expressed if you were not afraid of love going away from the outside? With this love that you now have for yourself, being with this aspect now should not be painful. Now that you can see this aspect clearly, approve of this part in what they wanted to express. Approve of the tantrum and play that out in your mind. Approve of whatever it was that you have spent your whole life rejecting.
Be With The Rejected Aspect For Some Time: Learn to spend time with this part of yourself every time it gets triggered, or whenever you get the change after a trigger. You now see what you were scared to grow into, to express because it got you rejected. In this it is time to embrace this part and start making room for yourself to step into it. This will be SCARY and that is ok. Do it in your mind first. When the aspect comes up, acknowledge it and see how it wants to express and as much as you can express it. Remember it will still express in an immature way at first – you will throw the tantrum, either in your mind or right out loud – but now you can BE WITH YOU in it. Love yourself through it. Hold space. See what unfolds. You will be taking the role of the caregiver you didn’t have as a child. You will allow you to go through your growing process – with all it’s messiness – and this time, love won’t be taken away. There is a good chance you will act and speak in ways that have terrified you up to this point. You will return to that childlike way of being for a period of time. And you must. You must go through the journey of growth – you cannot skip forward to be where you want to be by will. So allow for the messiness. This is the scariest part, but it must be done. Learn to express where you actually ARE right now, so that the growth can take place. Love you in your tantrums. This is the ultimate key.
Act In The New Inspired Way: Eventually this allowing for the growth process to take place will lead you to that matured aspect of self. You have to give it space to express in the immature way, and to go through its process of expansion. Love yourself as you hate things, as you throw tantrums, as you judge people – THIS is how the part grows. It won’t stay this way forever, so long as you are loving and embracing it. As this part is re-parented by you, it will grow and mature into the aspect of you it was always meant to be. Your personal will that knows how to live your life purpose and ask for things. Your capacity to discern where people in your life are at on their journey and how you should approach them. Your intuition. Your creativity. Your passion. THIS is what you will discover when you allow that wounded part to express as the child it is right now. You will find ALL of you in there. THEN it will become something different and more mature. But only through acceptance in its immaturity and innocence.
This is why you don’t want to get rid of any part of you. All those immature parts ARE your higher self – just not yet matured. As you let them express and grow, you will find everything you were trying to become by getting RID of these parts, are what you are THROUGH the process of EXPANDING these parts.
Who you want to be is already there, hidden in those parts you hate the most.
Let them grow, parent like like you would have wanted to be parented and see that they ARE everything you have ever wanted to be.