Monday Musings ~ #METOO And Sexual Disempowerment.

**Image Credit – https://nelleillustrations.com/product/pussy-power-framed-photo-paper-poster/ **

The Harvey Weinstein Thing Is A Symptom Of Our Cultural Sexual Disempowerment And We Need To Talk About It

Harvey Weinstein is just the latest flash in the pan story that is showing us a much deeper issue that is pervasive in pretty well all of the human race. This issue is being illuminated in other issues as well – which we will get to – but lets start with sexual harassment and what we are really set to learn from it.

Fair warning – this post is going to contain colorful language. If you are easily offended or have a hard time reading sexually explicit material, you may want to skip this post.

You Are Sex

Here’s the deal first and foremost – if you are a person you are walking sex on legs. Literally.

Sexuality is not simply what happens between peoples physical bodies from time to time.

Sexuality is quite simply any and all creative act.

Sexuality is taking the feminine aspects of receptivity, drawing in, gathering and accumulating and matching it with the masculine qualities of action, reaction, force and forward momentum, to create a specific outcome.

Walking is a sexual act. You need the theoretical knowhow – to watch others do it, to have an understanding of your environment, where you want to go and how you want to get there, mixed with the action of putting one foot in front of the other. This creates motion.

Receptivity/Theory + Action/Force = Creative Outcome.

Any time you create anything, any time you engage in a conversation, any time you conceptualize something, any time you act on an idea you had – you are partaking in the fundamentally sexual nature of your reality.

So we are all sex on legs. No one is escaping from the fundamental issue that is sexuality – no matter how much you abstain from the more traditional viewpoints of what a ‘sexual act’ is.

Sexually Disempowered Beings:

Now, with this sexual harassment issue, what we are really seeing is what happens when a people group are sexually disempowered. This is the big, blaring drumbeat behind so many of our human rights/sexual issues that we face as a humanity.

Anyone who is physically dominant (this is not specific to those who identify as ‘men’ but it does tend to be more common here – women are just as capable of being physically dominant – any person is capable of being physically dominant) is capable of forcing a physical act where it is not wanted when met with someone who is less physically dominant.

This is no act of strength – this is a very clear expression of one not standing in their sexual mastery.

Anyone who feels that they must use force to take someone else’s right to consent away from them within a sexual context is a disempowered person. Harvey Weinstein is one of a slew of totally emasculated men (and anyone else who finds themselves in a physically dominant position) who are acting out a perverted version of what the healthy masculine energy can be.

We are a world that is high on dominance. On the capacity to take from others what is not ours to take. The Western world was ‘settled’ on this very idea. It is pervasive throughout all of culture and we can’t even see it anymore because it is simply everywhere.

Slut Shaming:

Which brings us to ‘slut shaming’ or ‘victim shaming’

In short – no.

If we are moving towards a sexually empowered civilization, as in a civilization that recognizes its creative capacity within the bounds of consent – which is what we should be aiming for – then there is zero space for blaming the person who was overpowered within a sexual context.

This is because in a truly sexually empowered society, consent is the one and only rule. This is the hallmark of sexual mastery and empowerment. No one has the right to choose what anyone else does with their personal sexual power – ever.

So any of this ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘she was asking for it’ or ‘look how she was dressed’ – is simply fueling the fire of sexual disempowerment rather than calling for something higher. By blaming the party that was overtaken and made to engage in a sexual act they did not willingly engage in, you are saying that the disempowered enforcer in this situation does not have to grow up. You are saying that the responsibility lies on everyone else to ‘know how they are’ or ‘know what’s expected’ and so on.

That is codependency.

That is laziness.

That is quite frankly complete and utter immaturity.

It is also a clear reflection of the ideals that again founded the entire Wester Civilized world. That conquering others, taking land, taking resources – dominating – is fair play and it’s the victims own fault that they were not strong enough to play along or win.

This idea that some who are strong have an inherent right to take whatever they want if they are able to take it IS the underlying issue.

Again, this is true sexual disempowerment. The belief that you can and must ‘take’ what was not offered to you/is not yours to take as a way of being satisfied. 

Empowered people simply don’t do that. 

So no. I really don’t care how anyone was acting, how anyone was dressed, what anyone was doing or what was implied/assumed in any situation – consent is the law of empowered sexuality – empowered co-existence – and that is always the responsibility of the individual. And no, a child can NEVER give consent to an adult. Ever.

No one ever has a right to decide for someone else how they are going to engage their sexuality. Period. End of story. If someone is doing so, they are disempowered and need to grow up.

Anyone who is using force to procure sex needs a wake up call.

They need empowerment.

They need to be taught how to identify their wants/needs and how to communicate them in a way that allows of consent, and they need to be empowered enough to be able to walk away if the answer is no.

That is an empowered sexual being – ‘I can deal with whatever your level of willingness is.’

This is a disempowerment issue that stems from a society that is NOT calling those who are physically dominant to grow up. To learn that they can’t just take whatever they want because they want.

They need to be taught that getting what they want in a complicit way is actually far more rewarding. This also leads to deeper issues of aggression/fear that are playing into this whole mess which again – show us the complete disempowered nature of humans in general. The fact that fear and aggression has made its way from the battle fields to the bedroom is no surprise. Our whole society believes it is under attack, we believe we have to fight for what’s ‘ours’, and we deeply believe in an ‘other’ – thus we  are disempowered and are going to act that way. This has it’s roots in the very foundations of the culture we live in – everything was taken by force and so the whole civilization has been feeling the echo’s of that uneasy and insecure root forever.

The whole defense/nationalistic world view comes from this foundational mishap of sexual disempowerment. Using force to take what was wanted and believing that because one was stronger it was ok.

None of this is strength, courage or something to be promoted as ‘masculine’ ‘patriotic’ or something to aspire to.

The Perverted Masculine:

We are being taught that the perverted masculine is something to be honored. If we want to keep our wars, if we wan’t to keep our ‘we have the right to things because we fought for them’ if we want to keep the idea of an ‘other,’ if we want our nationalistic pride, our boundaries and walls, our lack of willingness to co-create with everyone else on this planet – these sexual issues are going to stick with us too. It’s all the perverted masculine that never learned how to play nice with others. That never learned how to cooperate. That never learned how to work as a team because it was so hell bent on ‘me and mine.’

You can’t have one without the other, nor can you do away with one and not the other. It’s all the same system.

The empowered masculine does not take things by force. Again – it does not matter how you identify as a person, we all have a masculine and feminine energy to us. We are all capable of expressing as the disempowered masculine. This needs to be matured in us.

This deep root issue of a totally disempowered society gave rise to the sexual suppression and oppression that is literally taking place everywhere on our globe. Again, it may now be becoming clear to you why the root of this is.

The fear of the ‘other’ the ‘being different from me is a threat and I am feeling threatened all the time, the ‘I am dominant so I am right and have the right to choose for others’ thinking is what is getting us in this mess where people are not fully liberated to own their sexuality in whatever way, shape or form that serves them – with again the number one rule of consent being the guiding torch.

No one would have to fight for LGTB (and all the other letters now added) rights if we were a sexually empowered society. If we were an EMPOWERED society in general. Those who are dominant again are showing their weakness in their fear and lack of capacity to make room for everyone. Both globally and at home. Its all the same thing.

There is no right or wrong in sexuality. In a sexually empowered society everyone gets to express what feels right for them and no one else is ‘threatened’ based on that expression. THAT is mastery.

We need to grow up. That’s all this is. Sexual suppression/oppression in general is the cause of all this mess, not the solution. We are not going to shame, blame or remove rights from anyone as a way to a peaceful non-sexually abusive world. We have tried that. It’s not going great.

Education, inclusion, information, empowerment, consent – these are the keys.

The Importance Of Pussy Power

What this leads us to is this – a sexually empowered person 100% has the right to use their sexuality to get what they want in this world. Let’s be honest adults here – #pussypower is a real thing.

Whether you have an anatomical pussy or not it really doesn’t matter – anyone who is using their sexuality as a tool for drawing someone in, coercing them to their will and promising a sexual favor for their time/effort is engaging one of the many real facets of the power of the pussy. That feminine, drawing in, come hither, being the object of desire and using it for something.

Again, if all parties involved know this is the situation, in a sexually empowered society this kind of behaviour is completely fair game. Everyone gets to decide if they want to play. You can be seduced but you can still say no.

This also means that each individual sexual encounter is considered a unit unto itself. It does not mean next time sex is assumed. It does not mean if someone else comes into your world who reminds you of the person who used their #pussyower in this way, that this is assumed. Sexual empowerment is consent anew every.single.time. Meaning you have to be adult enough to read each situation for what it is.

A sexually empowered society is an informed society. We all have to grow up out of the fear of the ‘other’ out of letting government, religion, education, medicine and the media tell us what to think and believe and we need to fucking learn that the more you take responsibility for yourself, for your actions and for your place in this world, the better this world becomes. For you and for everyone around you. We have to let go of the idea that there is ‘someone out there’ who is gong to serve us, protect us, save us or give us the answer – OR who is going to take our shit who we need to defend ourselves against.

We need to mature sexually. All of us need to embrace our #pussypower and our dominance. We all need to learn who and what we are sexually, and to fucking express that shit with no shame. Really. Fuck shame. Fuck rules. Consent is the one and only.

Beyond that, grow the fuck up and let everyone else be who they are. It’s not hard. Your homosexual neighbors are not affecting your heterosexual marriage. The swingers down the street have no affect on your choice to be abstinent. You do you, and get your nose out of anyone else business unless you are there to learn something. And hey, you may just learn something, if you know what I mean ;)

And we need to take this and apply it EVERYWHERE. We need to grow up and mature on ALL LEVELS. We need to see this sexual disempowerment and taking without consent as a wakeup call for humanity in general.

It’s time to grow up. We have been disempowered in the past, and this is what it has gotten us. So what do we want now? Do we want to keep raping the land? Taking from other nations? Going to war? Enslaving people and animals? Is this perverted masculine society really doing what we wanted it to do?

We all need to take a good hard look at our selves, where we are overstepping our creative boundaries, where we are taking without consent, where we are incapable of mature adult communication of needs and where we are not taking no for an answer.

This is not to undermine the issue of females/those who are less dominant being dominated. This is not to take away from that issue in and of itself. That is a huge issue, and women/those who are less dominant deserve fucking better. Again, end of story on that one. The whole system needs to change, to support the change in this particular system.

My Personal Story:

Lastly I want to end this with a bit of a personal story.

I was raised in this sexually suppressed society just like everyone else – and far from ever being sexually abused or harassed, I was essentially trained to believe that sex and any carnal desires were evil, sinful and would send me straight to the pits of hell.

I was taught not to trust my body, not to trust my desires, to be a ‘good girl’ who stays as just that – a GIRL – for the rest of my life.

God owns my sexuality, as does the church and my pastors and my parents and whoever else was telling me ‘just don’t.’ Until you I married that is. Then I must be fully available for my husbands wants/needs, I must pleasure him and now HE owns my body and sexuality and I must please him. Oh and I can enjoy it too now – kinda – so long as it doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable and at least ends in a few children.

I studiously shut down ALL of my sexuality all through school and into my adulthood. I think part of why I have never been sexually harassed was because I was so closed down, so over clothed, so childlike in my presentation and so sheltered in where I could/would go there was really no room for sexual situations to arise.

I never talked about sex with my mom, with my friends or anyone really. I literally had no idea what masterbation was until I was in my 20’s. Seriously. All I knew was that ‘penis gets inserted into vagina and then you get pregnant.’

Now I have no comparison to draw between overt sexual abuse/harassment and covert sexual abuse – in the form of deep suppression – but I have to say this was in my opinion a form of abuse that took me a lot of time and effort to integrate from.

Even as I left Christianity, as I started a relationship with someone I loved very deeply – I had ALL THIS SHIT built up around sex and my sexuality.

I had so much shame. So much guilt. I so deeply felt that sex was my obligation to my partner, not something that had anything to do with me or what I wanted.

Through absolutely no fault of my partner – I thought sex was something I did to please him – a duty – and at the same time still felt totally shameful and sinful for engaging at all and could not shake the idea that I was doing something dirty. So while my upbringing certainly protected me from premature adventures into the realm of sex – it also stunted me and made it so that I couldn’t turn it on when it was time to do so.

This sexual suppression showed up EVERYWHERE in my life.

I had no idea how to ask for what I wanted – I knew how to manipulate but had no idea how to be straight forward. I didn’t know how to own my power.

I didn’t know how to properly harness my creativity.

I sure as hell had no capacity to connect with my body.

Not to mention having an extreme and irrational fear of getting pregnant all the time because I had no REAL education on how that ACTUALLY happens. (Condoms DO actually work contrary to the scare tactic stories used by the abstinence community, thank you very much!) It has taken a great deal of time and effort to create a space where I have started to ‘find myself’ sexually and show up as a woman, not a child.

The lack of empowerment, the lack of education, the fear mongering, the teaching that my body is/was not my own and the idea that sex is wrong and bad didn’t only protect me from teen pregnancy – it also protected me from a relationship with myself, with my body, growing up and maturing and being able to show up fully in my relationship.

I am not saying all those in religious homes feel this way – this was just my experience and I don’t think it is a particularly unique one. This kind of sexual disempowerment is for sure a form of abuse in my personal opinion – the opposite side to the coin of over sexualization.

We all need to expand and express both our masculine and feminine aspects. A sexually empowered person knows how to access, harness and express both energies. We all need to become more receptive, vulnerable, open, compassionate and inviting just as much as we need to own our power to act, build, go get what we want and put intention into reality.

No more excuses. No more shaming. No more abdication of responsibility.

Let’s grow up, each one of us. Be the change. If you are in a position of dominance, fucking stand up for the rights of those who have less power right now. It’s your duty. Until we are all free, none of us are.

And seriously. #pussy power.

<3

***Image Credit – https://nelleillustrations.com/product/pussy-power-framed-photo-paper-poster/ ***

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