I was, and still am, codependent - but I’m seeing the path forward more and more as I take each step.
In my last video I spoke about my coping mechanisms and why I was so deeply caught in them. Why I couldn’t always ‘do better when I knew better’ - and why even when I COULD do better - it didn’t always FEEL BETTER.
I have had MANY experiences of walking what I KNEW was the ‘right’ path, living in alignment with truth, doing what was truly pertinent in reality - and feeling WORSE than I did when I was in my coping/scapegoating/self sabotaging behaviors.
That no matter what I did - I still felt like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. That I should be doing ‘better.’ That I was failing at life. I also had a deep sense of existential DREAD - that I was dying and didn’t know why - feelings I couldn’t explain.
Today I want to share with you what I’ve discovered about that deep, gnawing feeling of ‘doing life wrong’ that I’ve felt for most of my life.
That feeling of ‘failing at life’ that I constantly felt no matter what I was doing or how much I was achieving. That feeling that there was something better I should be doing at all times.
The feeling of existential dread and fear that would come up for me when I was alone or quite for a period of time.
I want to share how my conditioning was keeping me trapped in fear even when I was technically living in alignment, and what I’ve been doing about it.
Resources: Nervous System Video: Nervous System Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br8-qebjIgs&feature=youtu.be
Pete Walker CPTSD website - http://pete-walker.com/