Hello My Beautiful Friends!
Today I have something EXTRA special to share with you.
My dear friend, Intuitive Eating coach and Kundalini Yoga Teacher Rande Moss and I have been working diligently behind the scenes to bring to you what we believe to be the most comprehensive, ground breaking and unique program for recovering from any kind of disordered eating/body image struggles available today.
It's finally here. Introducing:
If you struggle with body hate, with self loathing, with food fears and anxieties, if you binge or purge or overexercise, if you feel that you are preoccupied with thoughts of food, your weight and your body and feel lost in the sea of diets - then this program is for you. If you have had an eating disorder in the past and feel that you have not found any real peace in your 'recovery', then this program is for you. If you have done the whole 'intuitive eating' thing, the throwing out the scale, the letting go of restriction and have allowed yourself to 'eat all the food' - and still don't feel free - this program is for you. If you have ANY hangups about your food, your weight, or your body in general - read on.
If you prefer, you can watch the video we made about the course here:
Why We Wrote This Course:
As you may or may not know, I struggled with an eating disorder in my teens and early twenties.
Growing up, I was a deeply sensitive child. I developed a pervasive sense that the worlds pain was my responsibility to solve at an early age - and this caused me to develop into a very stressed out, anxiety ridden and depressed person. On top of this, I was bullied both at home and out of the home for being so sensitive, so needy, so emotional and so unable to pretend things were fine when they weren't. I was smart and that made others feel insecure around me, and I was also REALLY intense - and this too caused people not to like me so much. I learned early on that who and what I was naturally as a person was wrong, made others feel bad, and needed to change. I was also sickly, and this added to my feeling that all I was was a major burden on everyone around me.
I felt deeply out of control of my own suffering and the suffering of those around me - and eventually I got to a point where I had exhausted every option of trying to change myself. I realized on some deep, fundamental level that if I didn't change who I was, I was going to live a life of constant pain and rejection - but I had no way of changing who I was.
So I turned to the one thing I had some semblance of control over - my body. I used my body, dieting, food and a preoccupation with my weight as a tool of mass distraction. At the age of 14 I went on my first diet, and for the next ten years my world was deeply consumed by this quest for ultimate thinness and physical perfection.
I plunged head long into a life of body hate. Of food preoccupation. Of manically planning workouts. I jumped around from diet to diet, constantly changing things up hoping, wishing, praying that one day I would arrive at the 'body of my dreams' so that everything in my life would be 'perfect.' I truly believed that the solution to my suffering.
I felt like the worlds biggest failure, and I held onto the idea that if I could just get thin, if I could just get healthy, if I could just get rid of any and all aspects of myself that were 'too much' - that all my pain would go away.
I wanted to be perfect. I had no idea how to be perfect. So I turned to food and my body.
As I mentioned, I used food, my body and exercise to distract, motivate, power and placate me for over a decade. My eating disorder was at once my best friend and my worst enemy.
I was diagnosed at 19 with Anorexia, was at a very unhealthy weight, my liver kidneys and liver were shutting down and my heart was beating irregularly. Something needed to change or I was going to lose my life.
So I decided to 'recover.' And rather than this making anything better, things got even harder.
I tried with all my might to 'get over' my eating disorder. I did the re-feeding phase and was in absolute misery with my new, bloated, inflamed, bigger body. I retreated back into eating disorder behaviors frequently, only this time nothing worked. The weight never came back off. I tried intuitive eating. I tried no restriction. I threw out my scale.
Nothing worked. I was still lost in all my painful thoughts, still consumed with self doubt and hate, still totally obsessed with my body - I just didn't have the 'thinness' to placate me anymore. My emotions and thoughts were torturous and my body seemed to be fully against me ever being happy again.
Then, one day during my first trip to Thailand, I had the revelation that changed my life forever.
I realized I had been fighting with my body for over a decade, that I had been over weight, under weight and everything in between - and I had NEVER been happy. I realized that all my dieting, all my striving for physical perfection - had landed me no where. At 24 I was physically, mentally and emotionally exactly where I had been when the whole saga had started at 14. I realized something needed to change in my APPROACH to myself. This clearly wasn't about my body and food. This was much deeper. This was about how I saw myself. How I saw the world. Who I thought I was and who I thought I had to be.
I realized 'recovery' wasn't about eating intuitively or being ok with an extra 10 pounds. It was about learning who I actually was, and learning how to BE that in the world. I was about integrating all the shame I had around who and what I was, so that I could actually be FREE.
It was then and there that I stopped trying to 'fix' myself, and I started trying to figure out who I was and why I was in so much pain.
It was a long journey - one that is still very much in progress - but I stand here today and can confidently say I no longer hate myself. I no longer hate my body. I don't struggle with food, my body image, over exercising or the need to control myself anymore.
My body and I are friends now. I have become a true friend to myself. I am a constantly evolving being - learning more about myself, life and how to live every day.
I am by no means a transcended or perfect person. I still have hard days, weeks and months. I still have doubts, fears and insecurities. I still struggle to express who and what I am. I still look to the outside world for security that it cannot provide. I still have people telling me that who and what I am is wrong and bad.
The difference now is simply that I have tools to healthfully deal with these things.
I have tools to deal with my emotions. Tools to deal with the hard stuff that comes up in life. I don't need my body as a scapegoat anymore, because I have found new ways to support myself in this life.
What This Course Will Do For You
This six week course was designed to help you find the peace we have found. It was designed to help you see deeply into your body image issues so that you too can discover what is REALLY going on within you - in order that you may find true freedom.
- If you struggle with your body image, with anxiety around food, with restriction, with over eating, with binge eating, with purging, with over exercising, with feeling self loathing when you look in the mirror, with any level of body shame, food shame or otherwise shame for how you physically manifest - this course is for you.
- If you have tried every diet, every health program, every intuitive eating practice - and still struggle with food - this program is for you.
- If you have tried to 'love yourself', make peace with your weight, let go of the numbers and feel confident in the skin you're in - but still feel body shame - this program is for you.
- If you feel anything other than complete peace with food and your body - this program has something to offer you.
This six week course is designed to take you deeply into yourself.
It is designed to give you every tool you need to discover WHY you struggle with your body, your eating, your weight and body image - so that you can find TRUE FREEDOM with your physical experience.
This course will take you deeply into WHO YOU ARE and will help you learn new tools and techniques for facing your REAL LIFE in a way that serves to support you, rather than in ways that work against you.
You will learn through this work why your body has never been against you. Why your eating disorder thoughts and behaviors have actually been tools you have been using to HELP yourself and are not things you need to 'fight' or get rid of. You will learn WHY your body is actually your number one tool for liberation - not an impediment to your freedom - and how to tune into it's wisdom. You will learn that you don't need to transcend your physical self, you don't need to perfect your physical self, you don't even need to change your physical self at all in order to find absolute freedom. You will learn how to use your body as a tool for true self expression, true self actualization and true self love - and why your body may actually be the KEY to these things, not something that holds you back from these things.
This course will help you see that your body has never been against you. That you don't need to fight with food, your weight or your eating disorder behaviors. All you need to do is discover the roots of why these things exist, so you can start REALLY getting your needs met.
This course is going to help you see how your body is actually a GUIDE for you to finding your truth, to finding peace and to finding strength - rather than being an impediment to these things. This course will not take you farther away from your body - but rather is designed to ground you into your physical experience as a way of finding truth, freedom and LIFE.
In short, this course is designed to help you see that your body is your best friend on your path. That it is there to support you in living your best life, just as it is right here, right now. It is speaking to you - guiding you towards freedom. You simply need to learn to speak it's language.
Your body is on your side. All you need are some tools for learning how it speaks, so that it can guide you to your best life.
You deserve to feel free in your body.
You deserve to feel ease with food.
You deserve to feel worthy just for existing.
You deserve to have peace in your life.
Your body is on your side. It is here to help you on this path.
We are so excited to take this journey with you.
Ali and Rande