Of this series above 🙂
Now onto today!
Our Current Pain Is Usually A PATTERN Of Pain:
In this processing, we are also going to realize that so much of what we ‘think’ is hurting us in our CURRENT reality is actually a PATTERN of pain, a pattern of behaviour and a way of life that we learned in our childhoods. Questioning these patterns, getting MAD at our caregivers/our initial programming is HARD and SCARY work. It’s going to lead us to many ‘dark nights of the soul’ and feeling like we have NO idea what’s right/wrong/true/real - because we are LOSING our foundations. We aren’t going to see truth, a new way, a new path, what’s life generating right away. Instead we are going to pass through that wilderness where we feel alone, chaotic and all of our childhood wounds and traumas come up to be witnessed, processed and integrated so that we can design our ADULT lives in ways that ACTUALLY work for the beings that we are. So we can get our needs met in ways we never had before. So we can UNDERSTAND our needs in ways we never did before.
THIS is the process of ‘enlightenment’ on a macro scale.
Each experience is a piece of the grander journey as each experience gives us INFORMATION that works to help us understand what we need, who we are and what serves our growth OVERALL.
With this, the only way to ‘manifest’ disease or more pain from a trauma, is not by PROCESSING it. Is not by FEELING it for as long as it’s there. We may have stories that it’s taking us too long to process our anger, that we are still sad, that we are still in a negative place and if we don’t get out fast we are going to develop cancer or keep attracting negative situations - but this is the opposite of the truth. (And to be clear, I am in no way saying that if we DO develop illness or experience negative situations it's because we HAVEN'T processed - people get sick. Things happen. We are not the centre of the Universe, and not everything that happens to us happens BECAUSE of us or something we did or didn't do. No one should feel 'responsible' for their illnesses on any level. It IS true that the body keeps a record and our stress CAN have an effect on us, but this is NOT to say that this means all cases of illness, or even cases of illness that CAN be correlated to unprocessed trauma are our fault. Not at all. This is a fine line to walk, as our experiences do affect us, but this is not a blanket statement that illness = unprocessed emotions on any level. Also, we don't always have the tools to process, and this again isn't the 'reason' we are 'manifesting' painful experiences. Life is complex. Again, we must always always approach this with nuance and grey.)
The ONLY way emotions get STUCK is when we RESIST them. When we push them down or try to ‘get over them.’
We must process.
Processing is NOT dangerous and does NOT lead to manifestations of more trauma.
If the trauma still hurts, there’s still more to process. The thing that hurt you was the TRAUMA - not the emotional reaction TO the trauma. It’s not the anger, sadness or fear that’s hurting you - it’s the unprocessed EXPERIENCE that’s stuck in your body that’s hurting you. The way through is through.
And it’s ALWAYS going to take us longer to process than we want it to.
Please keep this in mind as you go forward. You are going to think you ‘should’ be over it by now - many times - but again, the key is to keep showing up with curiosity and compassion. If you’re still feeling it, there’s still something to see.
The Reason Processing Takes So Long:
The reason the processing is going to take so long, is because we aren’t EVER going to see the ROOT of what harmed us or hurt us right away. Rather, we are going to see the things in our CURRENT life that are actually a RESULT of the patterns we learned in childhood - our job situation, our current relationships, our bodies and diets, our addictions and coping mechanisms - and these are going to be the first things we process. But these are not the ‘fix’ we are looking for. Processing these pains and traumas will lead us to a STEP of liberation/enlightenment, but not the whole way. You will work your way all the way through the vibrational scale around what’s currently happening - and reach that ‘enlightenment’ of what you can learn from THIS layer of awareness.
Then, there will then be a DEEPER memory and situation that will need to be worked through. Where that anger you thought you had processed about your boss or husband comes raring back - and you think ‘what?? I thought I dealt with this?’ Only to see that the pattern you had in THAT relationship was a patter of pain from childhood relationships. So you will process THAT pain and grow because of it - going through the WHOLE vibrational scale as you do again.
Then it will happen AGAIN, this time leading you DEEPER. Until EVENTUALLY you’ve done this process with this trigger/trauma enough that you actually reach the ROOTS of where it started, so you can integrate THAT trauma via going through the whole vibrational scale again.
THIS is what will lead to that overarching change in the way you FUNCTION that leads to FREEDOM.
You will first process the rotten apples on the apple tree. Then look at the infestation in the branches. Then you will deal with the fungus in the trunk. Then you will get to the root system. Bit by bit, you totally transform the tree - using the same process for each layer.
We want to make room for this. To go up and down the scale over and over again, around each of our experiences.
Then we want to understand that OVERALL in our lives this is going to happen over and over again.
We are not looking to ‘transcend’ any emotional state so that we ‘never’ have to go there again, nor are we looking to find a place where we never have pain again. Rather we are looking for how we can LEARN from the pain through the process of emotional mastery. Learning to feel. Learning to be with ourselves. Learning to be curious about what we need and who we are. Curious about how reality works. Learning to observe cause and effect. Learning how to LEARN so we can continue to GROW.
THAT is the point.
We use the vibrational scale as a MAP, not a measuring system.
Finally, manifestation isn't so simple. We aren’t having a one to one relationship with reality where it simply reflects back to us OUR emotional state.
I fully understand wanting to believe things are this simple - as this would mean again that if we just perfect our inner state we can protect ourselves from all pain and be perfectly provided for forever - but this is a childhood view of the world.
This was reality IN CHILDHOOD. When all we had control over was our own behaviour. Getting our needs met was a matter of being loved and understood - changing who and what we were to adapt to what was expected so we would get pleasure and be rescued from pain. We are now projecting this childhood idea onto ‘the universe’ and thinking that by perfecting our inner state, the universe will be that ultimate parent who rewards us with the ‘heaven’ life we seek.
This isn’t reality.
Again in real reality, there is no ‘arrival’ because we must be in a constant state of growth in order to be alive. Joy doesn’t come from ‘getting’ somewhere and never having pain again.
Joy and satisfaction comes from development and journey.
Being on the journey.
We don’t actually want to ‘escape’ pain forever and never have anything ‘negative’ happen to us again - what we actually WANT is to feel EMPOWERED when these things happen. We want to feel like we can LEARN from the experiences and use that learning to help us create a life that works BETTER for us than the one we had before. What actually feels good is the process of INTEGRATING both the positive and negative experiences so that they have led us to a place of DEEPER AWARENESS of ourselves and reality, so we have MORE power to create the lives that suit who we are in the moment. So that we can continue to expand and grow.
Pain and trauma are ALWAYS going to be a part of human life, because we are ALWAYS going to have to be bumping up against the limits of our understanding in order to grow.
Because in order to grow we need NEW information. New experience. New awareness. Newness.
Newness is ALWAYS going to be unsettling for our nervous systems. That’s ok.
Also, newness might involve some pain because we don’t already KNOW everything - thus as we are on our learning and growth path we are going to take steps that are out of sync with reality from time to time - leading to pain - and so long as we have the tools to LEARN from this pain, we don’t get trapped in it.
Sometimes we are moving and shifting BECAUSE we are in pain, our foundations are already hurting us and we are seeking a way out - and the steps we take to get out ALSO feel bad. This is normal and natural. We are going to have growth processes where shifting to what is in alignment with reality, what we need, what is good for us, requires a lot of trial and error. Requires that we try a lot of things that ‘aren’t it’ in order to discover what ‘is it.’ Pain isn’t bad, and it’s not a permanent thing, so long as we are willing to process it, learn from it, investigate it and keep taking new steps.
Also, we are not the singular creators of our own experience.
We are a COLLECTIVE and we are being affected in large and small part by EVERYTHING that has ever occurred on this planet from the very beginning of time up to now. All the systems we were born into, the consensus reality, the families, the bodies - these are all a result of evolution we didn’t play a part in. We inherited SO much of the reality we occupy. Our current ways of life and the patterns we are living out aren’t a result of our free will choices - that are a mix of our choices and what we stepped into/were programmed with.
We are also affected by those around us. Other people making choices. I again fully understand that we want to believe that we ‘attract’ our experiences or that we ‘chose’ them all, and that the people who come into our lives are PURELY there as a reflection of our inner world - so again we can ‘control’ who comes into and out of our lives via changing our inner world - but I think this is overly simplistic.
Accepting What We Cannot Change, Changing What We Can:
The reality is, we have SOME control over our circumstances. We have control over how we are going to VIEW and APPROACH our circumstances.
There are some things we don’t have control over. It’s not always that we are ‘attracting’ bad weather, negative people, car accidents - this world is very complex. The cause and effect mechanisms of reality combined with the sheer number of ‘causative’ factors (people, weather patterns, biology, bugs!) mean that there are going to be times when we just experience tragedy. Where we are born into systems that suck and hurt. Where we have physical issues that we can’t fully ‘heal.’ There are going to be accidents. People who are having a bad day that come into our experience.
Rather than thinking we will one day have FULL control over our experience of reality - again thinking one day we will be able to FULLY avoid ALL pain - we might do better to understand the concept of ‘accepting what we can’t change, and the courage to change what we can.’
This awakening path is about continually becoming MORE aware of how we and the reality around us functions.
Meaning as we grow we WILL become more and more aware of how experiences are CREATED, and thus it will look like we have more and more power to ‘create’ the lives we want for ourselves. This is true to a degree - the more we understand how things work, the more we can shift OUR way of BEING in order to generate our desired outcomes. This part of manifestation is real.
AND there will ALWAYS be things that are happening fully out of our control. Things that occur that we didn’t want, that we didn’t chose, that we didn’t ‘manifest’. We were simply THERE when it happened. We were born into it. We were part of the unfolding without our awareness.
Thus our real freedom is in continually learning where our power lies. Sometimes we are going to be in situations we don’t want to be in, that hurt, and we are going to realize we have a LOT of power to change our perceptions, actions and thoughts so as to actively create a new outcome for ourselves. Sometimes we are going to be in a situation where we are cleaning up a mess we didn’t make - where we are having to process and work through and change systems and ways of being that we didn’t create but that we inherited. There are going to be times when we simply don’t have control over the circumstances we are facing, and only have the power to shift our perceptions of them. Sometimes it will be a mix of some or all of the above.
So again, rather than trying to get to a life where we have NO pain, we rather find satisfaction in learning to LEARN from the pain.
Learning to find where we can change things. Where we can grow. Where we can shift. Where we must learn to accept what is, and in so doing how we can empower ourselves mentally and emotionally though choosing to see everything as an opportunity to expand our awareness of reality. Even if that expansion is simply to see a pattern that leads to destruction and to understand that in cases where we can’t actually change the system.
Self Love Is The Foundation:
Pain and pleasure are at once in our control AND out of our control. We can always shift our perception to welcome what’s happening OR to ALLOW ourselves to RESIST and hate it, via loving and welcoming OURSELVES. The work of becoming our own safe place - THIS is the foundation for the freedoms we seek.
When we allow ourselves to FEEL what we feel, when we are working to really SHOW UP for ourselves - this is where all of the above comes from. This is how we learn to learn. This is how we grow.
When we are open to processing because we finally realize that pain doesn’t mean we are bad, wrong or being abandoned by the universe, when we are able to get curious about what is - THAT is where ALL true ‘enlightenment’ experiences are going to be seeded from.
The work of making ourselves safe with ourselves - understanding that to our nervous systems LOVE = PROVISION = SAFETY - we can see that this work IS the work of creating the lives we want to create AND learning to accept what we can’t change while still learning from it and being evolved from it.
Even degrading situations can be an opportunity for GROWTH if we are willing to understand it and learn something new.
Pain doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Pain isn’t something we can fully get rid of - it’s something we want to renegotiate our relationship with.
Enlightenment isn't a one time deal - it’s something that occurs via every single one of our experiences that we allow ourselves to fully process.
The vibrational scale is a map, not a grading system.
Your reality is complex - discovering where your power to create and where you must surrender to what is a continual learning experience that you will never complete - but learning how to learn through making yourself safe - THAT is the foundation for a whole new life.
That’s what this self love work is all about.
Giving you the tools to LEARN so you can be LIBERATED to GROW for the rest of your life.
THIS is what will make you the most joyful and satisfied.
Making yourself safe so you can open to learning is the key.
Coming home to yourself, learning to love you, so you can do the processing work required to expand - THAT is the secret to a life of actual joy.