Hello again!
If you’ve not done so already, I highly recommend you read
Of this series to make sure you have a good foundation for what we’re going to be exploring today.
Today I am going to give you some practice tools to help you put all this information into actual practice in your day to day life.
I’m going to show you HOW to use your emotions as guides for what is and isn’t true in reality, and how to start becoming aware of your body and how it speaks to you.
So let’s dive in!
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The thing we need to implement here, is being able to become VERY conscious of when we are in a state of meaning-making, vs. in a state of observing objective reality.
The way we do this, is by learning to train ourselves to perceive that when a thought, idea, concept or belief feels TERRIBLE inside of our body - this means we need to question it.
This is hard.
It can be really, really really challenging to actually do this work of noticing when we’re thinking something painful, and actually allowing ourselves to question if whether what we are believing is true or false.
This is because most of us have had years and years and years of practice thinking the thoughts we’re thinking, believing the things we’re believing, and doing the patterns we’re currently doing.
It’s no easy task to actually take a step back, notice that we are feeling terrible, notice that those terrible feeling thoughts may mean that what we are thinking isn’t true, actually NOTICE what we’re thinking and then QUESTION those thoughts.
But that is what emotional mastery is all about.
It’s not an easy task. It’s not something that most of us are going to find comes naturally at all. Generally speaking it’s going to feel clunky, there’s going to be lots of resistance and there will be feelings that we must be doing it wrong.
There’s going to be insecurity and fear that comes up - being afraid of not knowing what IS true when we first start to make room for the idea that what we’re currently believing may NOT be true. There’s going to be doubt that we can actually trust that our feelings are telling us the truth - especially when they deeply contradict what we feel we have a lot of GOOD EVIDENCE to believe. There’s going to be a sense that we may be going AWAY from reality and entering into delusion.
This is all normal.
There are going to be days where it feels totally impossible to question our thoughts. Where it feels like a massive risk to question our shame, blame and guilt. There will be days where we believe that if what we are thinking isn’t true, this must mean the opposite of what we’re currently thinking is - and often-times this isn’t the case either! Lots of times the real truth is somewhere in the middle of what we are currently telling ourselves, and whatever the ‘opposite’ is.
This is going to take practice.
It takes a LOT of self awareness.
It takes a LOT of patience.
So don’t expect yourself to just ‘get’ this right away, and for it to radically change your whole life.
Rather expect that it’s going to be a JOURNEY you have to go on. It’s going to be a PATH to follow. It’s going to be a PROCESS that leads you places you never thought you’d go.
It’s going to be something you develop within yourself over time, and you will get better and better and better at it the longer you practice and the longer you dedicate yourself to it.
Practical Application
So what does all this mean practically? How do you actually start to apply this to your life? What does it mean to come into a place of actually USING your body as a tool to help you discern what’s true from what isn’t?
Here are a few practice tools to get you started:
Practice tool One: Body Saying Yes: The first thing you want to become aware of what it FEELS like in your body when you are connecting to reality. This can be done very simply by doing the following:
Get yourself into a comfortable position where you can be undisturbed for a few moments.
Bring your awareness to your breath. Just notice the breath and don’t try to fix, change or alter it in any way.
Draw your mind down to your feet, and see if you can invite your feet to relax. Notice your legs, and see if you can surrender any tension that doesn’t need to be there. Notice your seat, hips and pelvis - again relaxing any tension. Allow your belly to let go. Loosen any gripping in the hands. Drop the shoulders down and away from the ears. Relax your jaw and forehead.
Now place your hands over your heart, and let yourself know that this practice is all about you getting to know you. Remind yourself that there’s nowhere else you need to be and nothing else you need to be doing right now. That there is no ‘being good’ or ‘doing it right’ - rather you’re just here to get curious.
Settle into your seat and allow yourself to just be in this moment of breathing and relaxing.
From here, bring a thought to mind that you know for a fact is objectively true. For instance you may state your name, place of birth and current age. Think this true thought and simply notice what happens in your body when you do.
This may be very, very subtle. You may not notice much at all. That’s ok. Just see if you can do a gentle body scan from your feet up to your head - noticing your legs, your belly, your chest, your hands, your shoulders, your jaw and your face. Notice any sensations.
What’s really important here is that you stick with noticing PHYSICAL SENSATION. So we don’t want to be looking for words like ‘anxious’ or ‘excited’ or even ‘true’ - rather we want to tune into what these thoughts make us FEEL on a PHYSICAL level. So if you think this feels like ‘anxiety’ - dig a little deeper - what does anxiety FEEL like to you? Where do you feel it in your body? What does it feel like? A tingling in the hands? A knot in the stomach? A tightening of the chest? A quickening of the heart-rate? Keep yourself connected to JUST the physical reactions. See if you can step into that ‘observer’ mode - just NOTICING the physical reaction WITHOUT reacting or responding to it.
Can you just OBSERVE the FEELING in your body without labelling it anything other than exactly what it is? This is very important. This is how we must do this. Sensation words only, observing sensation without judgement.
From here, choose another thought that is objectively true that has a little more passion/activation behind it. For instance, state in your mind something that you love that you are deeply passionate about - some hobby you love, a favorite food or person - and then say again very strongly “I LOVE ‘x’”.
Then again, do that body scan. Notice what happens for you on a physical level when you state this truth to yourself.
How does it feel in your chest? Your belly? Your head? Your hands?
Finally, allow yourself to bring to mind a memory of a time where you felt like you were really where you were meant to be. Where you were in a flow/creative state that felt really good to you. When you were connecting with people that you felt really safe and comfortable with. A time when you were enjoying a beautiful sunset or when you felt like you were really in the right place at the right time.
Notice what happens in your body when you remember being in this situation of total alignment. When you remember being deeply comfortable, engaged and connected.
Where do you feel this in your body and what does it feel like for you?
Take a moment to let all of this in and to let all of this settle.
This is what it feels like when your body says yes!
Practice Tool Two: The Body Saying No: From here, stand up for a moment and physically ‘shake off’ what we just did. Move your body, shake out your hands and feet. Move your head side to side. Shimmy your shoulders. Flutter your lips and make a sound.
Let that all go and see if you can come back to your present, neutral moment here in the now.
Repeat the breathing exercise and body scan from the previous exercise.
Come back to neutral and to a gentle, open awareness.
From here, allow yourself to think a thought that you know is objectively UN-true - that isn’t very emotionally activating for you. For instance, you can state that your name, date of birth and current location as being something other than what’s factually true. Think this untrue thought to yourself and then again, drop into your body and simply notice what happens on a PHYSICAL and SENSATIONAL level.
Notice your legs, your belly, your chest, your hands, your shoulders, your face and jaw. What happens in your body when you say this untruth to yourself?
From here, choose another thought that you know is true, that is a little more activating.
For instance you can choose to think the thought “I LOVE doing ‘X’ activity” when the real reality is that you despise doing that activity. You can think “I LOVE going to the dentist” when you know that you actually feel very uncomfortable in the dentist chair. Pick a thought that is an ‘I’ statement followed by an untruth and then again, notice what happens in your BODY on a physical level.
Is there a tightening anywhere? A shrinking? A pressure? A pain? Just notice. Observe. Don’t judge or label. Just see if you can become aware.
Finally, allow yourself to bring to mind a memory of a time when you were in a situation that you know was REALLY wrong for you. A time when you were working a job that just wasn’t ever going to be something you enjoyed or were interested in. A time when you were hanging out with a group of people that you simply didn’t connect with and were never going to connect with. A time when you were in a situation you REALLY wanted to escape and that you hated - for instance being stuck in a car with people that bored you to death or having to go to swimming lessons early on a Saturday morning as a child when you just wanted to be snuggled in bed.
*Be careful here that you are not diving into memories that make you go into shame - this can be challenging for some of us so really be conscious of if you are making these past unpleasant memories mean that there was something wrong with YOU - for instance if you are remembering working a job you really hated, but instead of being able to just accept that you hated the job, you’re telling yourself a story that the reason the job was so horrible was because YOU sucked at it. Choose something that you can objectively look at as simply being wrong for you, that doesn’t make YOU feel like YOU are wrong or bad on some level*.
Now again, notice what happens in your body when you think about being back in this deeply misaligned place. What happens to your body on a SENSATIONAL level when you think about being back in that car, in the pool, at the job or with those people? How do you FEEL? What do you notice?
THIS is how your body says NO!
From here, I want you to compare and contrast the two reactions. What are the differences that you can sense in your body as you notice what a ‘yes’ feels like and what a ‘no’ feels like?
Can you start to open up to the idea that you can TRUST these reactions as being TRUE?
Practice Tool Three: Thinking Thoughts And Feeling Feelings From here, the last thing I want you to start to practice is to begin noticing the thoughts you’re thinking throughout your day - and tuning into your body and noticing if what you are feeling is more of a ‘yes’ or more of a ‘no.’
Notice what happens in your body when you are around certain people.
Notice what happens in your body when you think certain thoughts about yourself.
Notice what happens in your body when you think ceratin ‘what if’ thoughts.
Notice what happens in your body when you tell yourself your familiar stories about who you are, what you’re worth, where you’re good enough/not good enough.
Notice what happens in your body when you’re at work.
See if you can notice the THOUGHTS you’re thinking and how they FEEL in your body.
Before you try to question anything, before you try to figure out what’s right and wrong, before you try to actually deconstruct anything - I want you to practice JUST the observation without judgement part.
Begin this process without asking yourself to actually question anything or change anything you’re thinking, feeling, believing or doing at this moment.
Make it SAFE for yourself to just be CURIOUS about this tool and how it FEELS in your life.
Take all the pressure off of yourself to ‘do’ anything with the information you’re going to be getting, so that you can just GET the information without any feelings of needing to perform.
Give yourself a few weeks of just practicing this observation.
That is all you need to do to get started.
From there, the tool will start to take you forward.
You can start to actually challenge the thoughts that feel bad. You can start to question the things that feel good to you. You can start to open to the idea of learning something new based on how your body is reacting and responding.
You can start to open to the idea that if a thought feels terrible, there may be something you need to reexamine in your life.
You have the information from the beginning of the article, and this can help you start to apply your new found awareness.
Let yourself explore this.
Let yourself get curious.
See what happens when you open to this idea and actually practice it.
One step at a time.
<3
Want more tools like this?
Check out The Mystery School Here
