Hello again!
If you haven’t done so already, please do read Part One of this post.
Now let’s keep diving deep into WHY it’s so hard to get on the self love path so we can be fully prepared for the effort that’s going to be required of us.
Our Culture Is Fully Backwards
Let me put this into context for you for a moment.
The reality is, what actually leads to a sense of fulfillment for us as human beings looks like the following:
- Having a safe and broad community of people who love and support us, who we know we can count on to help us out when life gets tough and that we support and help through our unique gifts and talents.
- A community where the goal is to support the community - not to profit a small group of individuals that use power, force, coercion and control in order to exploit a large portion of the group for their time, energy and labor and who use intimidation and the threat of insecurity to manipulate a large portion of people in the middle of the group to see those being exploited as the problem and to perpetually participate in the exploitation of them as a way to avoid suffering themselves.
- Having a spirituality that supports us in facing the very real existential realities of being alive - death, illness, loss, pain we can’t control and questions we can’t answer - in a way that helps us move WITH these things rather than telling us that we can somehow transcend them through self perfection or that simply ignores the existence of these reality.
- Having a work life balance that prioritizes doing what’s ACTUALLY beneficial for the collective in terms of working within systems that help us to get our needs met and to produce what brings a reasonable level of enjoyment and pleasure without work being something that becomes our entire identity or how we are measured in our worth/value.
- Having hobbies and leisure activities that we engage in just for pleasure, that we don’t have to worry about monetizing or doing for work.
- Having a connection to nature and lots of time to be outside.
- Having reasonable access to healthy foods, time to prepare those foods, safe housing, clothing and healthcare.
- Having access to education that empowers us to find our adult perspective, that helps us feel like if struggles happen we have the tools we need to problem solve and find solutions.
- Being TAUGHT how to feel and process our emotions, being taught how to process when an emotion is simply a natural response to life that just needs to be validated and honored and when an emotion is telling us that we need change and being taught how to lean INTO those emotions so they can guide us in the direction of health.
- Healthy close connections that are based on authentic expressions and open communication - where we know how to have adequate self awareness and self responsibility while also operating with a lot of empathy, compassion and understanding for those around us and receiving the same.
- The ability to express and develop ourselves as individuals with unique needs, desires, perspectives and talents that need to be fostered and supported.
Think about that.
Just put yourself in that reality for a moment.
If the above is what leads to us actually thriving, if the above is what MOST of us are actually MISSING in life - can you now see why so many of us may be struggling and suffering in our current culture?
If we really take a step back, we can see that what we have right now is pretty much the polar opposite of what we actually need to thrive.
Rather than us seeing this, rather than us being aware of this and rather than us as a society moving to try to change culture to match what we need more, we are instead continually and perpetually told that our failure to thrive in our current world is a sign that WE SUCK.
We are in pain because what we have as a culture is so opposed to what we need.
We are responding to that pain with all sorts of symptoms, coping mechanisms and struggles.
Then we are being told that it’s our symptoms, coping mechanisms and struggles that need to be fixed rather than being supported in understanding WHY we have these symptoms and what needs to change in how we live that would actually make us feel better.
THIS is the reality that we live in.
We’re not broken, we are responding to a deeply toxic way of being - and THIS is what’s hurting most of us.
We’re not broken, we’re adapting to a culture that doesn’t work - and we’re being blamed for our response instead of witnessed and respected in our pain - individually and collectively.
THIS is where the problem lies and THIS is why most of us struggle to love ourselves so much.
There’s so much pain in our way of life, and if we believe that pain is rooted in US being broken, we are going to have endless reasons to believe we’re broken.
Our culture will then waste no time telling us that we’re right, that we need to buy the next thing and change ourselves in this or that way or participate in more consumption and production in order to feel better - and this goes on and on forever for most of us for our entire lives.
Because there’s no way to system our way of the pain the system is causing.
THIS is why we’re suffering.
Can you see?
Stopping The Wheel Of Self Loathing - It’s Going To Take Concentrated Effort
The reality is, the solution to all of this is us finally choosing to get off of the never ending wheel of self loathing so we can get clear on what’s actually happening, what needs to change and how we can be a part of that change for ourselves and for those we share the planet with.
The reality is, checking out of our toxic culture is literally going to be one of the hardest things any of us ever do - because again, it’s the water we’re swimming in. It’s the conditions we’re all conditioned to believe are real and true. It’s the narrative we’re all being fed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week that is tapping into the deep nervous system programs that most of us are unconsciously running anyway.
None of us chose to hate ourselves.
None of us CHOSE to believe that we needed to be fixed all the time.
None of us chose the inner dialogue that tells us that who and what we are isn’t enough.
None of us created the filters that perpetually show us that we’re failing and that we need to be improved.
These were things that were born due to our upbringing and that have been perpetuated by culture.
Like I said, the messages that we aren’t enough and that we need to change are literally everywhere - and this is why it’s such a challenge to shift these narratives.
It’s not because you’re broken or because you’re hopeless - it’s because it’s incessant.
Which means that shifting to a self loving way of life isn’t easy - it’s not easy for any of us and it takes a lot of dedication and commitment especially in the beginning.
We really can’t be all that casual about it if we want to see real changes.
Starting is the hardest part - once we get some momentum going, the path does get easier.
I highly recommend that you check out This Video Here for a breakdown of how to get started on this path. Because I know it can be really confusing/hard to navigate this work.
But the main thing I want you to remember is that this IS going to require effort.
Questioning your painful thoughts is going to require effort.
Challenging the stories that tell you that you’re inadequate is going to require effort.
Learning to be aware of when you’re beating yourself up and looking deeper into WHY you’re telling yourself this story and what’s actually hurting takes a LOT of practice.
Learning to see that our painful thoughts about ourselves and life aren’t just observations of reality but rather are stories that we can shift means having to question your own perception - and a lot of us have a deep resistance to doing that because it can be incredibly destabilizing to realize that you’re NOT seeing reality perfectly clearly.
Most of us trust our thoughts. We believe that our perceptions are right on and we are working from the assumption that what we think and believe is true with a capital T - and this gives us a feeling of security and safety even when those perceptions are painful.
It can feel like we’re losing our grip on reality when we start to do this work and realize that SO much of what we thought was just LIFE are actually only BELIEFS - beliefs that can be wrong and that can be changed.
It can be tough to be one who sees yourself as worthy in a world that’s constantly telling you that you shouldn’t see yourself this way. That you are flawed. That you are broken.
It’s hard to learn to accept the things about ourselves that others have rejected. We are going to have evidence that ‘proves’ that we are terrible that we can continually lean on to reinforce our painful stories about ourselves - and it takes WORK to counter those stories and look for new evidence to support the positive self image we want to cultivate.
So please don’t be discouraged if this path feels really hard, and if it requires a great deal of effort at first.
It’s time for us to really start to see where we are being sold a bill of goods.
Remember, all that I stated here doesn’t mean that because culture is counter to what we need that we are now trapped in a life that feels terrible until culture changes. We DO have power and we CAN make our lives better - but the path forward in that first requires that we deconstruct all that we have been conditioned to believe we must be and do in order to be happy within a culture that doesn’t create happiness, so we can start to figure out what we DO need.
We need to stop beating ourselves up for not being able to thrive in the culture we have, so that we can question the values of the culture we have. So we can question if the way we’re being told to live is actually working or not.
We need to be able to unpack all that we’ve been conditioned to believe about ourselves and our worthiness, so that we can stop participating in the constant over consumption and production that comes from believing that we need to be fixed.
THEN we can start to put our efforts towards changing our lives in ways that are actually going to make us feel better.
We are going to have to figure a lot of this out for ourselves - which again, is HARD WORK. We aren’t going to have examples of people who are actually thriving and doing well to look to for the most part, and we are going to have a LOT of examples of people who look like they are doing well by cultural standards - but who are actually suffering quite a bit on the inside. We are going to have to work hard to challenge the narratives around what ‘success’ looks like so we can actually FEEL what living in alignment with culture feels like.
This learning to FEEL the results of our actions and rather than blaming ourselves for any pain looking at what may be wrong about what we’re being told to chase, do and be is how we’re going to figure out a new way.
Connecting back to our emotions, our bodies and our humanity without the film of self blame will put us in a place where we can see clearly.
Where we can see where we need to pull back, not work harder. Where we can stop participating in the things that are causing us and the world around us harm. Where we can support ourselves in living in ways that actually foster health.
It’s a journey.
It’s complex.
It’s multifaceted and layered and it will be one of slow and progressive expansion of awareness and taking small steps over and over again that eventually lead to big results.
It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
This is just what it’s going to look like.
You are not broken and you aren’t failing.
You deserve to have an inner world that’s safe for you - and I’m so sorry that it takes so much effort to create this.
But you are WORTH the effort.
I hope this series has inspired you to take this path seriously.
<3
Want more tools like this?
Check out The Mystery School Here
