Hello beautiful 🙂
Today I want to give you an allegory of the true self love/healing path.
If you have been feeling like you have been doing a lot of 'inner work' - feeling your emotions, facing your past, meditating, journalling and so on - but still feel really stuck in negative emotions and thoughts - this blog will hopefully clear things up for you.
The truth is, in the spirituality world right now we are being fed information that is a PART of the path, a part of truth, but not the whole kit and kabootle. We need more and there is more.
In our world right now, we have been taught that healing, growth and expansion is all an intellectual, internal game. We are being told that if we meditate enough, get spiritual enough, get clean enough - we will 'manifest' lives that feel awesome - where we are the free and happy beings we were designed to be.
This is only partially true. The going in, the getting information the learning about the self and the reality are absolutly and integral PART of this journey, but it is not by any means the end of the road.
We are not being taught that the true completion of all of this, is when we take our new found understandings and use them to CHANGE our LIVES. Both internally and externally.
If we don't take what we are learning, and have some way of applying it on a very real and practical level - that we are not really taking a spiritual journey. We are learning things intellectually that may or may not be true, and no matter if they are true or not they cannot possibly make you feel any better in your life. The reason for this is that the reason you don't feel good in your life is because you are living out of alignment with that which is the truth for you right now.
You can't think your way into a new life that aligns with you. You can realize what is out of alignment, change the fundamental beliefs that are causing you to live out of alignment, but then if you don't take that final step of aligning your ACTUAL LIFE with that which you now know to be true, you will stay unhappy - because to live out of alignment with truth is to kill yourself slowly - and your emotional guidance system doesn't like that so much.
Until you change in a way that takes you into a state of life generation (on all levels) you will be stuck feeling miserable. This is not to say you find perfection - not at all - just that you take the next step for YOU in becoming more aligned with truth and life. A life cycle is simply a life that is continually shifting to be more in alignment with truth. Not stagnating to trying to make something work that is not working.
Whatever feels bad in your life is letting you know that there is a piece of reality you are not seeing, and this is causing you to cut yourself off from life force energy. Until that life force energy is restored through new and different action, the negative emotions remain because you are still being cut off from that which you need. The emotions go when we no longer need time - ie when we are shifted to a place where we are receiving that life force through aligned living and are thus no longer dying. It is as simple as that.
If the negative emotions and thoughts are still there, there is still a block to the flow that must be removed. Internally and externally.
We must change to be not in death to feel better. This looks like ever deepening expressions of the true self and ever deepening expressions of alignment with life.
An Analogy:
Here is an analogy to demonstrate the point:
Lets say you feel ill with symptoms of frequent urination, nausea, headaches, dizziness, excessive thirst and an out of control appetite. Feeling concerned for yourself and your health you go to the doctor and get blood tests. Those tests can reveal to you that you have diabetes - meaning your body is no longer processing sugar properly. You now understand that there is a fundamental issue going on within your physiology, and you have a vague idea of what that means but nothing too in-depth. The truth is here - this diagnosis will not make you feel better, nor does it offer the steps to take to get better, but it does give you a bit of information about what to do next.
This is what the 'being with emotions' phase is. Just getting used to not running from the emotions. Getting used to facing information rather than denying it. Getting comfortable with facing the 'diagnosis' and seeing that there is a problem that needs attention.
Next, you may go to a nutritionist and ask for diet advice. At this point you will start to get more information about the condition of your body, how it all works, why your current way of eating and living is causing you to be ill, and how to start to change and adapt so that you can become better. This step of information gathering is more empowering, but again not going to make you feel better in and of itself. Sitting and talking to a nutritionist does nothing for your blood sugar levels.
This is akin to mediations, sessions, tarot readings, the heart space room mediation - where you are getting information about what you are feeling and why - but again this is not going to actually make you feel better either. This is one step closer, but not it.
Now from this place of understanding, most of what the nutritionist says to you won't make all that much sense. She will say things that you will miss, misunderstand and that you will feed through your current diet/lifestyle paradigm. There will be lots of guilt, regret, shame and also blaming of your caretakers and culture. There will be a lot of emotional and mental upheaval and processing. You will be facing that fact that what you thought was right and health in fact was making you sick. You will be facing the fact that how everyone else eats and lives is not in alignment with health, and that everyone around you was actually participating in your disease by participating in their own. There will be resistance and heaviness, but also a willingness to try and to heal. You now have some tools to use to get you started, but this is not really the truest information because it didn't come from within. This is a template and a guide to get you started, but not the truest revelation/solution.
This is the place most 'spirituality' stops. We want to believe that the information gathering IS the answer, that if we just go in enough, learn enough, feel the emotions enough we will eventually feel better. But just like with the diabetes, knowing everything there is to know about why you got sick and even what you need to do to get better is not the answer. If you keep doing what you are doing, even with all the knowledge in the world, you stay sick. Knowledge and insight in and of itself has no power.
After that, if you are truly determined to heal, you will start to put the diet into practice. It will be hard and it won't feel good. You will most likely feel WORSE for the first while, as you release addictions to old toxic foods, as you have to be uncomfortable in changing your lifestyle. You will feel lost, not knowing what to eat or what is right. You will try to remember what the nutritionist said but won't be able to. You will have days where you feel like it's all coming together for you, and days where you feel like you may as well just give up.You will notice how uncomfortable everyone around you is that you are doing things differently, you will feel judged and rejected and lonely. You will start to look at everyone else and how they eat and only be able to see disease. You may want to try to save and fix them - only to find that most are totally unreceptive. It will be unsettling. You will lose friends and relationships because you wont be able to bond over food anymore. People won't understand you, and will perceive your taking better care of your health as an attack on how they are living. You will go back and forth, be on then off the plan, blame the world for your sickness, blame your nutritionist, try again - these are the beginning phases of doing the work. There will be moments of feeling like you can do it, but mostly just despair and depression over how sick you are, and how much it hurts, and how much work it is to change and get better. The work will be really hard, and it will require that you change more than you ever thought you would have to.
This is akin to when you start to stand up for yourself a little at work. When you start to say what you really mean in relationships. This is also where you feel a little like you are 'losing control' when big emotions come up, when you say things that are really mean from your most wounded areas, where you start to behave as a person you don't even recognize. This is the phase most people never get past. They get scared because they are starting to come close to a root, and that is making everything REAL. It's no longer about readings and sessions - but about saying the things you are most horrified to say. Doing the things you are most horrified to do. Becoming the person you have been fighting your whole life not to be, because you have been told your whole life it is not ok to be this person.You will start to have all your worst fears confirmed on so many levels - as you step into who you really are, as you ACT on the information you are getting in your meditations you start to get actually rejected. You find yourself in conflicts. You find yourself not being able to 'do what you used to' - everything is more painful and less manageable. The things that are out of alignment with you can no longer be 'coped' with and you feel a sense of deep heaviness in between moments of incredible lightness that follow acting on your new way of being. In this phase, you will want the comfort of the old stuff - the mediations, the sessions, the information gathering that is more esoteric and fun - but it won't satisfy anymore. The only thing that works is facing those fears, being your true self, and watching as your life unravels and re-ravels in the process.
If you then keep going, you hit the phase where your new lifestyle of health starts to become something you own, rather than something you are looking to the outside world to guide/approve of. You will truly accept that you can heal, but in order to heal it is only you who can heal you, and only you who really knows the path to that healing. Others can offer support and guidance along the way, but ultimately it's just you doing the work to figure your own body out.You start to notice what foods do and do not work for you. You start to plan your own recipes. You start to really SEE what this new lifestyle is all about, and things that your nutritionist said start to come back and make sense. You will think you understood before, but from this new vantage point of taking responsibility fully for yourself, they will make sense on a whole new level. You will find new friends who live a healthy lifestyle, and start to connect with them. You will be deeply connected to your own body in a way you had never been, and most likely never would have been if you hadn't gotten sick. You will be a whole new person, living a whole new life - the change will be so obvious no one will doubt it. This new understanding will change how you LIVE in every area of your life - it will change your work, your relationships, how you dress, how you carry and see yourself - nothing will remain untouched and untransformed through the process.
This is akin to when we are finally able to get the real messages from our emotions. We revisit everything all over again, no matter how many times we have done it before, and start to really see where you have abandoned ourselves, where we have built our lives around this self abandonment, where we are needing others to love and approve of us and in so doing not being true to ourselves, and we face that barrier of being our truest self even with the risk of losing everything. This is the scariest phase - becoming the person you have never been. You start to fully live it, no apologies, and this is where the 'magic' starts to happen.
From there, you no longer need to test your blood sugars because you can feel your own body. You know what foods are right for you. You get WHY you got diabetes, you see the whole system that led you there, how it all works, and how to live in a totally new way that has nothing to do with conventional eating anymore. You let go of standard everything in exchange for reality and yourself. You now take it WAY beyond healing from diabetes, and go on to create amazing and unique things with your deep knowledge of the body and the self. Your health is now a byproduct of your taking complete responsibility for yourself, being on a quest to learn forever, and never letting yourself settle because you WANT to reach your potential. It is just this way in life. This new way of life creates a whole new way of life. You get health on a level you never even knew existed. You teach it. You are it.
This is what it looks like to fully heal. You change your whole life to align with the being that you are, and then continue to walk a path of continued self transformation. It goes so deep that it permeates everything. You are fundamentally different - the old behaviors that used to drag you down are no longer even a thought. You don't self sabotage anymore. You don't need to. You have healed. You have integrated the traumas of your past, and you are now living as a light no longer hampered by what happened to you, but instead you are enriched by your past as it informs and empowers your now. There is no more of the old struggle or the old life. Everything is made new.
It is the change that makes the change. Internal, then external.
We go beyond healing or clearing the trauma, to integrating the trauma and realizing it was the catalyst for us to truly awaken and become who we were always meant to be.
Always learning, growing and expanding.
This is the path.
You becoming you, more and more each day, forever.
<3
