Hello!
There's a LOT of talk in the self help/spirituality/personal growth worlds about going after what you want. Around the idea that in order to be living your most happy, free and liberated life you must be filling your days with things that you value - working a job you love, tending to your important relationships, exploring hobbies and interests - doing what's real and authentic to you.
And this is GREAT advice and totally important when we are looking to build a life that actually feels good to us.
But something that I don't feel like get's enough air-time when we are talking about creating a life that feels good, is the fact that with this, we are also going to have to REJECT a lot of things that culture tells us we're supposed to value, that we're supposed to prioritize and that we're supposed to be pursuing.
We tend to forget that in many ways, a 'yes' to one thing is a 'no' to multiple other things.
We tend to forget how HARD it is to say 'no' to all of the things that are culturally expected of us - how hard it is not to go after the things our friends are chasing, how hard it is to step outside of the value systems of our families, how hard it is to allow ourselves to 'not have' what others have in favor of building in what we want.
We forget how hard it is to 'not have' anything to REPLACE what others are building in their lives, as we slowly figure out what we actually want and what we don't.
We forget how hard it is to be in a position of dismantling - of getting rid of the things that aren't going to serve our lives - without having clarity on what we are going to put there instead.
We forget that so much of what hurts about our culture is the excess, the noise, the things we don't actually need and that simply drain our energy - and that the 'solution' to this isn't to add ANYTHING but rather is to create actual VOID spaces in our lives and to let them be just that - void.
It's tough to build a life that works for us because we're not taught how to let things go, how to not go after things, how to allow for gaps and spaces in our lives - because our systems teach us to be as maximal as possible.
Learning to say no to what we don't want is also a massively important tool for figuring out what we DO want, when we don't have clarity on that.
Learning to say no is a skill, and one I really want to explore deeply today so that you can build this skill for yourself.
Building a good life that works for you requires a LOT of saying no - so let's explore how we can get more comfortable with this reality.
<3
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