When we have been really hurt in our relationships, when we have been abandoned, abused, made to feel unworthy, when we have been conditioned into patterns of codependency and other unhealthy ways of relating - it's totally NORMAL to go through a phase where we feel extremely sensitive to 'unsafe' love as we start to heal.
For a lot of us, in order to recover or to create for the first time a true sense of self, healthy boundaries, healthy self worth and the ability to be on our own side - we ARE going to have to go through a phase where we feel very tender and like trusting others to love us well feels totally impossible.
We are likely going to go through a phase where we unconsciously seek for the perfect love that we didn't get in our childhoods - and where we find that pretty much every relationship we currently have and every relationship we try to enter into falls short.
We are going to find that we feel like we can't trust ANYONE because NO ONE is able to be a truly safe space for us - everyone let's us down on some level, everyone is flawed, everyone has their own stuff going on - and this can lead us to feeling like connection in general is unsafe and impossible.
And this is normal. This is our self protecting parts coming up and sounding the alarm-bell at any chance of harm, attempting to keep us safe from the pain we have experienced in the past. We want to honor this phase and allow ourselves to go through it, to grieve, to be a little isolated and to really process the pain that we went through.
Then, there's going to come a time when we are ready to embrace the reality that perfect love doesn't exist - but that DOESN'T mean that we can't have GOOD love. That we can't have GOOD ENOUGH love.
We are going to come to a place where we have healed our internal world enough to be able to navigate the complex, grey, imperfect reality of adult relationships, and where we are empowered to find WORKABLE relationships that don't feel threatening, even when they aren't perfect.
We are going to be able to see people for who they are - lovely and imperfect - and rather than looking for any one person to be everything to us, we will transition into a space of pragmatic relating - where we have an internal sense of power and safety that allows us to establish healthy, adult connection - that again is imperfect but good enough.
We will get to a place where we're ready to accept that we will never have perfect love - and we have grieved that - so that we can enjoy the reality of love that DOES actually exist.
Let's talk about how to get here today, and how liberating it can be to embrace imperfect love.
Hi Aliyah, yes….good enough health…..good enough wealth and good enough love…..❣️ I always enjoy hearing you speak. I thought about you in this video….how much you trusted that you could come to this place in your life of “ good enoughs”. You were ready for the surgery that finally after your whole life long of seeking….a diagnosis was made and a procedure was recommended that could correct an abnormality you were born with and could help you feel better. I feel joyful knowing after your years of fine tuning everything about the best next step to take you came to this next good enough health step. You never gave up on your health, wealth or love….and that is the crux of your message…..the persistent attitude or virtue of never giving up on yourself. Always wishing you and yours “good enough” everything….your love, health, wealth and happiness shines through those ever amazing eyes of yours always. I enjoy your videos and Facebook posts as I have since 2009. You have been a trusted friend along the way. Keep up the good work. TTYL????
YES! That is the main message – we are ALL worth never being abandoned/given up on. We are all worth allowing ourselves to settle into ‘good enough’ so that we don’t get lost in the ‘never enough’ of our culture. So happy to be walking this path of ‘good enough’ along side you Mary, sending you a huge hug <3