So many of us want to make the world a better place.
Many of us truly want to spend our lives doing something positive for the planet and for the people around us, and we’re struggling to figure out what the best way to actually DO that is.
Many of us believe that in order to make the world a better place, we have to discover some big, grand ‘purpose’ - that we have to find a job role or position in society that gives us this MASSIVE overarching power to effect change.
We believe that unless we’re doing something super obvious to the outside world - like running a charity or writing books or holding healing circles - that we aren’t ‘doing enough’ to fix the world.
Many of us feel that we’re not using our lives the way we ‘should be’ in the sense that we feel like we’re missing something, not performing to the best of our ability, not giving enough, not doing enough, not achieving enough - and this can feel like a constant weight on our shoulders that never gets lifted no matter what we do.
Many of us spend time feeling lost and overwhelmed in our bodies and minds as we reckon with this pressure to be and do better.
Many of us feel conflicted between the reality that we need to be providing for ourselves, we need to be making enough to live and survive and the reality that we want to be of service in some way - often feeling that these two ends are deeply opposed.
Many of us feel like we have something to give, that we’ve learned lessons and come to deep understandings - but we don’t know how best to get that information out to others, and we find it hard to connect to the people who are actually ready and able to take in what we have to offer.
We want to make the world better, we want to feel like we are living with purpose, and we are struggling to figure out what that actually means in real reality.
I want you to know that if you are feeling any of the above, you’re not alone.
The System Takes Us AWAY From Finding Purpose
There are a million and a half people out there (I know, I’ve counted) who claim to be able to teach you how to find your purpose.
There are so many self help, spirituality and personal growth teachers out there who all profess to hold the secrets to unlocking your potential for both massive personal success and wealth accumulation, while also being able to help you discover what you’re ‘here to give to the world.’
Many, many a guru out there preach the idea that when you are really ‘in alignment’ with your true ‘souls purpose’ that this is going to translate into having a career that is very obviously something that serves the world and makes others happier/healthier/more resourced.
There is a narrative that in order to be helpful, in order to be making a difference, we have to have this BIG purpose that is also a career that we are doing, that others are validating, and that is also helping us to be secure and loved all at once.
It’s a big dream and it makes sense that many of us are attracted to this idea and deeply want to believe that it’s true.
But the reality is, for most of us, this isn’t actually how reality is going to work.
This isn’t what our lives are going to look like and this isn’t what’s going to make us feel purposeful and like we are making a difference.
In fact, for many of us, this isn’t the difference we are even here to be making.
We’ve talked a LOT on this blog about how our capitalist structure is the water that most of us are swimming in, it’s the lens through which we are viewing reality and in a lot of ways, this is causing a LOT of us to not see reality for how it actually is.
Long story short, we have been indoctrinated into believing that our vocation is our purpose, that our vocation is supposed to be something that gets us love, approval and financial success while also being something that brings us a sense of fulfillment and purpose AND makes the world a better place - all at the same time.
We’ve been led to believe that we’re essentially perpetually failing at life if this ISN’T our reality.
And the truth?
This simply ISN’T going to be the reality for MOST of us, because our economy simply isn’t set up in this way.
Rather, our systems are set up to support very specific things, in very specific ways. Our systems reward what’s fast, easy, quick, stimulating and distracting for the most part. Our systems reward over-working and over-driving for ‘success’ that actually leads most of us to burnout.
Our systems don’t necessarily reward honest, pure or heart-based work. In a lot of circumstances the opposite is actually true - that which is pure, genuine and actually good for people is often very much NOT valued in our systems.
People who perform jobs that are 100% required for society to function - like those who grow, transport and deliver our food, those who educate our children, those who work in public health and community support sectors and those who work as support for the aging or ill often are the most UNDER paid and UNDER valued. Whereas those who make our entertainment, those who control the means of production, the C.E.O’s of massive corporations and stock-holders are making the most.
We are told that those who work these ‘low skill’ or ‘low value’ positions are unworthy of a living wage and that those who are at the top of society deserve to have more money than they will ever be able to spend - and this is a fallacy that we need to contend with.
From there, we are being fooled into valuing things that again, have no value and into not valuing what does.
Many of us idolize entertainers, C.E.O’s, the rich, famous and powerful people of our planet - and in *some* cases these people have done great things - but in MOST cases, they are people who are actually the MOST exploitative and harmful on our planet - whereas those we have been trained to see as less than, such as those who clean our streets or maintain our infrastructure or serve our food are actually incredibly critical for our society and its functioning.
Our systems often ask us to sacrifice our wellness in order to work - either through making it impossible to have a healthy work/life balance through low wage, high stress jobs that don’t offer the chance for us to actually take care of ourselves and work at the same time OR through indoctrinating us into the idea that if we just sacrifice more and more of ourselves for money and success, that this payoff on the other side will be WORTH any amount of exploitation of self and others we have to participate in.
Many of us don’t even SEE how deeply dependent our systems are on people being exploited for those who are succeeding TO be successful. Because we are trained to see that exploitation as the fault of those being exploited vs. seeing it as the fault of those doing the exploiting.
We’ve been sold the idea that our career is SUPPOSED to fulfill us and give us ‘definition’ not because this value system actually serves US as humans or because it’s TRUE - but because it keeps us in a perpetual state of being willing to sacrifice ourselves, our lives, our humanity and our value systems in order to get rewarded with money and provision.
So long story short - we have a totally backwards value system.
And this value system again tells us that there are ‘special people’ who are doing ‘special things’ that then DESERVE to have so much more than everyone else, because these ‘special people’ are making the world a better place.
But is this really true?
I would argue that it’s not.
Our systems are entirely devoted to us being disconnected from ourselves, from what lights us up, from what matters to us, from what actually brings us a sense of fulfillment and most importantly, it’s all about keeping us in a state of perpetual fear and isolation.
THIS is the foundation of why most of us don’t feel like we have true purpose in our lives.
How Compassion For You Is The Antidote To Feeling A Lack Of Purpose
The truth of the matter is, the more disconnected we are from ourselves, from what we actually value, from what matters to us, from our bodies and emotions and, due to all of this, how disconnected we are from the world and people around us, the more we’re going to feel that our lives lack purpose, direction and the more we’re going to feel like we’re not ‘doing the right thing.’
The culture that tells us that we are perpetually failing to be ‘special’, that those who are struggling are just making ‘bad choices’, that those who are having the most success in terms of having the most are the ‘best’ people that we should look up to and emulate, the culture that tells us that it’s better to fit in and conform than to be ourselves and the culture that tells us that we must always be in a state of levelling up and doing MORE is the culture that’s ripping us away from what truly brings a feeling of purpose and fulfilment to our lives.
In real reality, most of us are going to find that when we really check in and slow down, that a lot of what we are chasing doesn’t actually feel good.
This is the first part of the process in figuring out what DOES bring us a sense of contentment and fulfillment.
We’re going to discover for OURSELVES that all the trying to conform, all the trying to fit in, all the trying to measure up, all the productivity at the expense of our actual lived experience is not really leading us where we thought it would.
It’s not making us feel more connected. It’s not making us feel safer. It’s not making us feel more secure. It’s not leading us to feeling like we’re ‘doing the right thing.
For most of us, when we start to notice this, the instinct is to believe that this must mean that WE are doing something wrong.
That we’re failing the system.
That sense that we don’t feel good, don’t feel fulfilled, don’t feel purposeful - we turn that IN on ourselves and we make it mean that we must not be trying hard enough and must not be doing enough.
This is how the system keeps us trapped.
The perpetual self blame, shame and guilt that we feel whenever we notice our own sense of not being fulfilled is what’s keeping us trapped in loops of overproduction, over consumption and denial of our humanity.
THIS is why COMPASSION for ourselves is the first step and the most important key to unlocking all of this.
When we can step into COMPASSION for ourselves, we’re going to be able to see that we are not, in fact, broken, wrong, bad or shameful.
That our lack of fulfillment in our system is NOT due to our inadequacy or us not doing enough.
We, for the most part, are going to find that it’s actually the system itself that is making us feel terrible.
Again, we are going to realize that the fact that we are continually being told that we aren’t enough, that we are continually being told that we must shut down who and what we are in order to ‘fit in’, the fact that we have little time in the day to actually BE HUMAN due to the fact that we are in a constant state of having to hustle to make ends meet or because we are being TOLD that this is what we SHOULD be doing in order to be good and the fact that this leads to a constant feeling of insecurity and lack of connection - both to ourselves and others - is REALLY the reason we don’t feel good.
It’s not that we’re failing the system.
The system is failing US.
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Let’s take a break here and come back next week to dive deeper on this!
<3
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