Finding Helpful Advice Without Getting Sucked Into Dogma And Disappointment

Hello Love!

If you haven't done so already, I highly recommend going and reading

Part One

Of this post.

Today we're going to dive a little deeper into the patterns of influencer marketing in the health/wellness/spirituality space, how we can start to spot the unhealthy ways things are being presented and how we can protect ourselves from being swept up in dogmas that are eventually going to let us down.

I'm also going to give you some concrete tools for navigating the self help/healing space so that you can get what IS good there, without falling prey to what's predatory.

Let's dive in, shall we?


We Follow Because They Are Selling Something We WANT To Believe:

We have to keep in mind that it’s likely that the main reason people were following them in the first place was because they were very confidently presenting their modality/method/solution as being THE THING that totally changed/healed/transformed THEIR lives/the lives of their clients. 

Their selling point will almost always be a personal anecdote of having had a very relatable problem, that was solved fully by adhering to this perfect lifestyle solution. 

Look for this - the 'this FULLY transformed my reality/healed me totally/made things perfect' story. Whenever we hear anything that claims to be complete in its ability to FULLY transform something for the better we have to have a skeptical eye.

Especially if the 'problem' is something complex like relationship patterns, health, finances or purpose.

Here's the checklist of a dogma you can almost always assume is going to turn into a pivot or will show itself to be too simple at some point:

  • The presentation will all be very dramatic while also being positioned as being super relatable to make sure that the story garners as much CONNECTION as possible. 
  • They will offer the perfect cocktail of having been JUST LIKE YOU, of finding this perfect solution, getting perfect results and therefore being able to promise that YOU TOO can get their perfect results if you follow exactly what they did.
  • The path will be extreme in a way that makes it FEEL  ‘radical’ and like you’re discovering a secret that not to many others know.
  • It will be different enough that it INEVITABLY gives results due to how much of a shift from people’s normal lives it is, thus giving you that ‘hit’ when you first try it of it ‘working’. 
  • It will generally be straight forward and one size fits all so that no one feels confused or the nuance that is offered will still be very much within tight parameters.
  • It will be sold as something incredibly unique - either very ancient or very new - that only the few, elite people are going to catch onto. It will require a certain amount of discipline and will have very straight forward rules to follow so you feel like you know exactly what to do.
  • You will feel empowered, like you have a rule book to follow, like those initial results are PROOF that it works and you will feel like you’re in on something most people will never know about.
  • It will make the followers feel safe, supported and like they finally have the ticket to freedom because it ticks all the boxes of what we look for an a solution - extreme, clear rules, results right away and a leader with a relatable transformation story.

This is how they sell what they sell and this is how they stay in business - because remember this is always going to be a BUSINESS. Their story and their program isn’t just their personal diary posted to the internet - it’s a marketing tool to sell a product. That product has to fit into what’s popular in order to be successful and currently what’s popular - as stated above - isn’t actually conducive to real healing/growth/change. What’s popular doesn’t actually lead to long term success because long term success is nuanced, individualized, contextualized and HARD - with lots of ups and downs and changes and figuring things out along the way.

Big influencers can’t sell you the real deal, for the most part, because the real deal won’t ever be popular. What’s popular will always be flashy and shallow - because that’s what most of us WANT - complexity feels too hard and makes healing/success seem impossible.

**Now, it's important to note here that what influencers are selling can TOTALLY be a PART of a healing protocol. What's being offered can contain real tools that fully DO work to help improve life. Some influencers/people in this space have a shtick that very much DOES help certain GROUPS of people in a very profound way.

This isn't about throwing the baby out with the bath water and assuming that nothing on the internet is helpful.

Rather we want to be aware of context, and we want to be aware that nothing is EVERYTHING. Looking at the content we're taking in as possible steps, possible tools to add to the tool box, possible information to build on what we already know and to serve as the foundation for what we'll learn next - THIS is the healthy way to interact with what's being marketed today.

Allowing ourselves to see what's being offered for what it is - parts of reality that we can add to our awareness. Knowing again that just because a tool or way of life works for some doesn't mean it's the cure all for all people at all times in all situations, nor does it mean it's an 'ultimate' solution to life in general.**

How Do We Protect Ourselves From Being Tricked Into Following These Gurus?

Nothing is everything.

When we live like there is a 'thing' to discover that will be the answer forever - we are ALWAYS going to end up disappointed and with negative results cropping up and surprising us.

When we live like there is a 'one and done' solution for any of life's big complex issues we're always going to find that even tools that work, eventually show their limitations. And rather than being able to adjust ourselves accordingly, we're going to assume the tool is fully defective and throw it out or we will clamp down on trying to make the tool work even when it doesn't - and in THAT we're going to get trapped.

The influencer market demands a one and done, always and never, easy to follow solution.

Which means the influencer is ALWAYS going to crash at some point.

Because healing doesn't work that way.

If our influencers are using their personal story as the marketing materials for their product - this means eventually their own product is going to stop working FOR THEM. They won’t be able to keep selling the same dogma over and over - without either pivoting in subtle ways to integrate the changes they had to make to the perfect program INTO the NEW program, throwing the whole thing out and finding something else extreme to do instead, or lying and making changes in the background while continuing to present the perfection of their program in the foreground. They won’t be able to keep up with their own dogma because it will eventually lead to their own demise - and thus, they will have to change.

Thus, when these leaders INEVITABLY shift from their own perfect path - which they always will because the more stringent the dogma the more it’s going to mean that it’s incomplete and will HAVE to change if the practitioner wants to feel good in their lives - they aren’t able to take any kind of accountability nor are they able to humble themselves in saying that they aren’t the ultimate arbiters of truth - because that would mean stepping down from the pedestal that gave them their income. That would mean making their product less popular by making it more realistic and it would mean admitting fallibility when people want and need to believe that they have IT. To admit that reality is more complex than they were wanting to make it seem would be business suicide. They often won’t even be able to admit that they followed the dogma because THEY wanted to believe in a perfect, simple solution that is right for all people at all times because THEY were overwhelmed and scared by the complexity of life. They won’t be able to contextualize the good results they DID get with the fact that nothing is the be all-end-all solution and that life will always be an evolution.

They won’t be able to be honest and nuanced, because this would eat into their bottom line too much.

It wouldn’t fit into our culture - what’s required for success in our day and age.

But it’s also REALITY and something they are going to have to face at some point. Unless they want to be one of those people who changes their habits behind the scenes hoping no one will figure it out OR who practices what they preach so much so that they ruin their own lives.

Which means we have to assume - the more dogmatic a leader's program, the more they are GOING to inevitably shift from what they’re teaching. The more ‘perfect’ and one size fits all a leader's product is, the more we can predict a wild swing the other way, or a shift that they can’t actually take responsibility for.

Whenever we see someone presenting a dogma or presenting a way of life that is THE THING - we HAVE to assume that at some point they are going to shift.

Because life is more complex and there is never a ONE way.

We can arrive at strategies that work over time. At GENERAL ways of life that work. We can arrive at tools that we will then build off of - 100%. 

But there’s never going to be a very specific set of rules to follow that work for all people at all times, that never change and that contain no nuance.

Any time we see this, we have to understand what we’re looking at.

We’re not seeing a transcended soul. 

We’re looking at a person who’s doing an extreme version of a modality who will eventually have to find complexity or nuance, otherwise when the holes in that extreme expression start to show they will be forced to hop to something equally extreme but different in order to get that same HIGH of finding IT.

Their pitch is exactly what we all want - a perfect answer to our problem with a perfect and specific rule book to follow. 

It’s also an illusion.

People who offer complexity, nuance, steps, multiple tools, flexibility, systemic awareness and all that comes with that often don’t have big followings because these people aren’t offering shiny before and afters and they aren’t offering that hope of perfection.

Their businesses will never be as big, they won’t center solely on their own experience, and they will clearly state a scope of practice.

It won’t be flashy and it won’t spark all those parts in us that get lit up over a miracle. 

But they WILL actually lead to honest progress.

Any influencer/person who’s really looking to help and serve others won’t have a dogma.

They won’t have a ‘thing’ that ALL people should be doing/being in order to heal/grow/ascend. They won’t have ONE WAY that’s the ultimate or highest way. 

They won’t dole out overt or subtle shame - claiming that there are different ‘levels’ and if you aren’t where they are that you’re simply not as evolved as they are.

They WILL shift, change, grow and expand their teachings - and as they do they will admit to where they were wrong before, or they will again be perpetually upgrading what they’re saying to include more nuance, context and detail.

They won’t have a one size fits all model and their solutions won’t be simple, easy to digest, bit size nuggets that make you feel like transformation is a single action step away.

We have to stop being surprised when our leaders fall from the ideal - because we have to stop believing that the ideal exists.

Life is complex, healing and growth is complex, and one persons experience being shared on social media isn't a whole picture.

With this awareness, as you interact with all the different things being sold to you as THE ANSWER for your issues, take all of it as a step to try. Something to attempt and see if it adds value to your life. Take everything as POSSIBLY part of the path. If a modality works for you, great! But remember perfect adherence should never be the bar for whether something works. Also make lots of room for yourself to adjust what you're doing to suit YOURSELF, and to add other tools, modalities and information TO what you're doing.

Don't trust anyone else's experience. Try things on for yourself and see what the actual results in real reality are. It doesn't matter what anyone 'said' 'should' happen. All that matters is what ACTUALLY HAPPENED. If you get good results, carry on. If not, let it go. Learn from it. Then again, continue to add to your awareness and to what does and doesn't work for you.

Never lean on anyone as having ALL the answers. This person doesn't exist.

Expect contradictions and expect that certain tools that work for *some* won't work for you and vice versa.

Use critical thinking always. Look for where people are selling you a story purely to sell you a product. If there's a massive pay-wall before you can reach the 'real goods' again that should be a red flag.

Don't look for THE THING.

Look for tools to add to your toolbox.

Try on what people have to share, but know that making adjustments and finding holes is part of the process.

In this, you may actually find true healing.


Getting off of the self improvement path and onto the self love path is hard.

Because everywhere we look in society, we are TRAINED to be in a perpetual state of self improvement.

We're trained to be in a perpetual state of feeling like we aren't enough, like our pain is a reflection of something being 'wrong' with us, like if we are failing to live up to the expectations of those around us that this means that we are flawed, broken and messed up and we're trained to CONSTANTLY feel like we are lacking something - because this is what keeps our society functioning how it functions.

Learning to understand WHY we have the habits we have, why we self sabotage, scapegoat and numb, why we can't seem to 'get it together' in our relationships, health and careers, why we have emotions, why our thoughts don't seem to help us move forward and why we struggle so much to be nice to ourselves is a MASSIVE key to building a life that actually works for us.

Learning where we don't need fixing, healing or changing, but rather where we need SUPPORT, self awareness and tools to help us EXPRESS and GROW is even harder work.

This is why I created the Aliyah Mystery School.

The School is your one stop shop for exactly how to:

Be your own safe place - and why that matters

Learn how your body speaks so you can better support it

Learn how your emotions speak so you can use them as guidance

Learn how to problem solve so you don't feel like every challenge means that you're stuck or that you need someone to come tell you want to do

Determine for yourself what is and isn't working in your life - and how to change even when that means upsetting others or being different

Support yourself through feeling the pain of your past so that you can integrate and move forward

So much more!

This school contains all the tools you need to really get to KNOW yourself, so that you can figure out what you need to feel your best in any given time - step by step, in a methodical way.

If you resonate with the content around here, but you want something more organized, a clear map for how to get on the self love path and how it will change your life - this school is for you.

Below you can find a video showing you EXACTLY what's in the school and how it will support you on your quest to build a life that feels amazing for you

Check it out, and let me know what you think when you do!