
For many of us, getting to a place where we are able to establish healthy, adult relationships and where we are able to establish a health relationship with OURSELVES and our true identities, needs and a lifestyle that works for us, means that we're going to have to go through a phase of getting mad at our caregivers.
We are going to have to go through a phase of processing all the ways in which they let us down, the ways in which they hurt us, the ways in which they weren't able to help us foster our true selves - and for many of us this phase of being upset with THEM is going to be very, very destabilizing and uncomfortable.
In fact, many of us are going to find that our guilt, shame and self blame get's even WORSE when we try to move into finding anger or upset at our caregivers - and we are going to find that there is a LOT of resistance to 'blaming' them - especially if we are able to see that they too were struggling, that they were trying their best, that they didn't intentionally harm us.
This process of allowing ourselves to be angry with how we were raised is usually something we need to do to get OUT of shame, blame and self loathing - we need to go through this phase in order to set ourselves from from turning all the ways in which we were hurt into the guilt, shame and blame most of us walk around with - but at the same time, it's incredibly challenging for us on a nervous system level, even if we can mentally understand the importance of intellectually see where we were hurt and harmed.
This process of being angry with our caregivers isn't one we are meant to get stuck in forever - and there can be a big fear that if we go there AT ALL we are just giving into 'victim mode' or otherwise abdicating our adult responsibility to figure ourselves out and move on.
But the reality is, for most of us, this anger phase is something we are going to have to pass through, in order to fully come to a place of seeing our own innocence and being able to stand in who we really are.
Today let's explore why this is such a difficult thing to do, why there can be so much resistance, why it's so destabilizing and how we can slowly invite more space for this kind of processing without totally knocking ourselves into a state of overwhelm.
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