If you haven’t done so already, I highly recommend that you go and check out Part One of this post!
Now let’s keep diving into how compassion is the KEY to finding our place in the world, and how we can serve to make this world a better place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Living From Not Enough Takes Us Out Of Our Humanity
As we were exploring last week, what we have in our current world is essentially a culture that is CONSTANTLY putting us into a state of ‘scarcity’ mentality.
We have a culture that has so few social safety-nets, that many of us NEVER feel like we have enough to be ok. We are constantly worried that if something were to happen - an accident, an illness, being laid off, a weather event or any other situation that could leave us in a state of deep vulnerability - that we would not be ok.
We have a culture that is telling us that we are SUPPOSED to be finding our connection to others, our connection to purpose, our feelings of fulfillment, our ways of making money AND our sense of identity in what we DO and what we OWN - and this is leaving many of us feeling like we NEVER know who we are or what we’re ‘supposed’ to be doing.
Many of us feel that we are never achieving enough in our careers, in our families, in our relationships, with our bodies, with our minds and in our social groups - and this makes us go into a state of constant competition with everyone around us and forces us into a mental space of perpetually feeling like we have to be focusing on ourselves and others perceptions of us, vs. focusing on how we are actually feeling, our actual experiences or on truly connecting with others.
Our culture tells us that we are never good enough socially, that we must be in a constant state of monitoring how we are coming across, how we are communicating, if we are looking successful, wealthy and healthy, if we are on trend, if we are following the ‘rules’ enough to be liked - so much so that many of us never feel like we can actually just RELAX and let ourselves BE around others.
We are constantly pitted against one another, and we’re made to FEAR those who are struggling and suffering the most in our culture vs. being able to have compassion for these people and being able to see that they are often struggling not because they are simply ‘making bad choices’ but because there is a whole SYSTEM of influences that are acting on their lives that are leading to their predicament.
We have a spiritual culture that is deeply lacking in anything truly supportive for us. So much of what we call spirituality today is either deeply SHAME based - constantly shoving messages down our throats that we are fallen, sinful, irredeemable and must be in a constant state of self-monitoring lest we fall victim to our lower nature, or we have a spirituality that is again continually telling us that we must be ‘manifesting’ and BEING AND DOING BETTER at any cost.
We have a wellness culture that again, has very little interest in us tuning into how we actually feel, what we are actually experiencing or what may or may not be working for us in terms of culture, lifestyle and mindset, but rather is fully invested in just selling us as many products, services and experiences as possible, feeding into this idea that if we just make all the right choices we can perfect our lives.
We are blamed for our problems and told that the only reason we could possibly be suffering in life is because we are wrong, bad or guilty on some level - and we are trained NEVER to look at the bigger picture, the bigger systems and the things that are impacting our lives that are NOT within our control.
Now this is not to say that personal choice doesn’t exist or that personal choice isn’t important - of course personal choices plays a role in our lives and we never want to discount that - but many of us are making choices from this deeply insecure, fear-based place and THAT is actually what’s leading us to feeling so terrible, vs us just being fundamentally bad or lacking in consumer goods.
We are being sold that what is CAUSING our pain is the SOLUTION to our pain - that more shame, blame and guilt, more trying to fit in, more trying to conform and more trying to perform - is what will ease our pain - when in reality the exact opposite is true.
The Missing Link: Compassion
When we can take a step back from all of this, when we can start to question the narratives that tell us that the ONLY reason we may be in pain or suffering is because we are fucking up on some level, when we can start to recognize that the stories, values and dictates of culture may be the CAUSE of our pain vs the SOLUTION to our pain, this is when we can start to understand WHY compassion is the answer.
When we can allow ourselves to stop striving, when we can start to question the narratives that tell us over and over again that who and what we are is fundamentally not enough, when we can start to question the stories that tell us that the only way to be safe and loved in this world is to achieve more, to do more, to accumulate more, to pretend more and to change ourselves into something other than what we are, and we can start to realize that SO MUCH of what we ACTUALLY want is just to be able to feel like if something goes wrong in life we have people and resources who can help us, and that we have people around who genuinely like who we are - THIS is going to help us question the narratives that are driving our current choices.
When we can start to question WHY we feel so ‘lacking’, when we can start to question WHY we feel like we have to be, do, achieve and accumulate more, when we can start to really look at what we want, what feels good, what feels bad and most importantly, when we can VALIDATE this in ourselves instead of believing that this again is some sign of our lack of capacity - in THIS we are going to start to see the water we’re swimming in.
When we can have COMPASSION for ourselves when we are feeling down, tired, scared, anxious and like we aren’t enough instead of feeding into the narratives that these feelings mean that we truly aren’t who we should be and need to engage in culture MORE - we are going to be able to see culture for what it is.
A never ending goose-chase that goes no-where.
The fact of the matter is this - so long as we are living from this place of scarcity - we aren’t going to be seeing clearly.
We aren’t going to see ourselves clearly, we aren’t going to see our circumstances clearly and we aren’t going to see others clearly.
We aren’t going to be able to connect to what WE actually care about, who we are, what we value, what we need in order to feel safe and connected, what our enough is and what may be hurting us/harming us/bothering us in culture.
When we start to work from self compassion, we are going to find that so much of the time, we don’t actually need to be doing more. We don’t need to be fixing ourselves. Our feelings aren’t actually rooted in not having achieved or accomplished enough.
Rather, we are feeling disconnected from our bodies, our emotions and from those around us.
We don’t have a sense of purpose because we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for answers, security and validation, rather than living from our own feelings and lived experiences.
We don’t have a sense of purpose because what we do and what we own are NEVER going to be enough to fulfill us.
We don’t have a sense of purpose because we are systematically trained NOT to deeply connect with those around us, not to have empathy, not to see where we fit into the whole but rather to hide ourselves, change ourselves and to be constantly trying to fix ourselves so we can at once ‘fit in’ but also ‘be special’ - and this blocks us from being able to actually CONNECT with anyone outside of ourselves.
We don’t have a sense of purpose because SO much of what our culture values and teaches us to value isn’t purposeful, and because what IS purposeful - caring for others, getting people food, shelter, water, clothing, getting our streets clean, tending to the sick - is seen as somehow ‘lesser’ in terms of the social structure than things like being an entertainer, a C.E.O or other roles that do have value but that aren’t actually NEEDED for society to run.
When we can have compassion for ourselves, we can start to deconstruct the culture we’re in, and we can start to see what is and isn’t for us, what works for us, and most importantly what our ENOUGH is.
We will be able to get off of the roller-coaster of ever changing trends, ever changing expectations of what we should have and what we should be doing, ever changing ideas of who we should be - and we’re going to come into the actual realization of who we ARE.
In order to find purpose, we need to connect with our WHOLE humanity, and this means getting off the never ending self improvement treadmill and figuring out what truly lights us up and how we can connect to others.
It means that we have to stop looking to only our vocation as our source of meaning and purpose, so that we can expand into the realization that we are SO much more than what we ‘do.’
It means expanding into a place that culture tells us never to go - actual connection with our bodies, emotions, rhythms, cycles and feelings, and adjusting our lives around these things to the degree that we can.
It means letting GO of ‘keeping up’ with everything all the time, so we can check in with how things FEEL and what we actually WANT - safety and connection - and then learning how to get those things in real life.
THIS is the foundation for a life that feels good.
Compassion For Self Equals Finding Our Place In The World.
Through this connection to our actual selves, we are going to find what we are here to offer.
It can be no other way.
When we start to settle into our enoughness, when we start to honor who we are as individuals, what we care about, what we need, what’s actually valuable to us and what isn’t, in THIS we are going to become aware of what we can do for others.
First, this way of living, this compassionate, self aware life where we aren’t chasing culture and where we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for approval, means that we are going to be much more able to connect with what lights us up.
We’re going to realize the kind of life that actually feels satisfying for us - and we’re going to realize that most of the time this DOESN’T require living some sort of ‘extraordinary’ life.
We’re going to find that having a job that is steady enough that it allows us to connect with friends and family, to connect with nature, to afford the things that makes us feel safe and secure and that allow us to have leisure time where we don’t have to be ‘on’ - is a life that feels good.
We’re going to discover that a life that allows us to have a very normal experience IS a life that is enough.
From here, we’re going to find that letting go of all the striving and the constant idea that we aren’t enough is going to then take us OUT of that scarcity mentality.
We’re going to start to recognize where we actually ARE enough, where we ARE safe, where we don’t have to do more, take more and be more.
This is going to leave us with extra time to actually connect with others.
It’s going to leave us actual SPACE within ourselves to be able to see others not as competition, not as stepping stones and not as people we need to convince to love us - but rather as brothers and sisters that we actually deeply care about in a real way.
This will then lead us into seeing how we can serve our communities.
As we connect to who WE are, what WE care about what what fills our cup, as we feel more secure and less afraid, and as we feel more able to truly be ourselves with others and to love others - we are going to find where our special interests, talents, time and resources can be used to help those closest to us.
We are going to find where we can be of service.
We are going to find where we can help in our small way.
And we will have the space to actually do it.
We’re going to realize that purpose is not getting on The New York Times Best Sellers list or being the head of a massive charity - but rather it’s using what we are good at and what we care about to serve those around us the best we can.
It’s serving our families.
It’s being active in our neighbourhoods.
It’s learning where we can participate less in the exploitation of our culture.
It’s learning where we can opt OUT of systems of harm that we don’t need to be participating in.
It’s in our daily choices, our daily actions and our daily care for those in our circle.
How we help isn’t some big THING we do - it’s all the little actions we take every day that add up to our contribution over a lifetime.
THIS is how we change the world.
When all of us realize we have a small role to play and when all of us choose to play it - the world changes.
We don’t need a few special people to come and save the world.
We need the majority of people to come out of fear, competition and scarcity, so we can be genuine, so we can connect and so we can give what we have to give.
THIS is how we find it for ourselves and this is how we show others how to find it for themselves.
So what if leaning into compassion for yourself is the actual KEY to discovering what you’re here to do?
What if that was the case?
<3
Want more tools like this?
Check out The Mystery School Here
