Welcome back!
Just in case you haven’t already, you can read:
Of this series above.
I highly recommend that you read both parts before this one, as understanding this post will be a LOT easier with all the background information provided in the previous two posts ????
Now onto today!
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When We Arrive At Anger
Then we finally arrive at ANGER.
ANGER is the FIRE that lets us know that we are not to blame. That we are not supposed to feel guilt - but rather are meant to be in a state of OPEN AWARENESS around our pain - the pain we are causing ourselves, others and the world and the pain that is being experienced by us on behalf of the world/circumstances - so that we can LEARN FROM IT what it is there to teach us - how reality does and doesn’t work.
The anger is the MOTIVATING FORCE that PUSHES US to act despite our fear - to do something DIFFERENT. To reject what we are in, to reject the narrative that what is happening is ‘normal’ and thus if it hurts us there is something wrong with US. It’s there to burn away the illusions that are leading us to not SEE what’s hurting us, why it’s hurting us and what we can do differently to align with reality. Anger is the PASSION, the FUEL to move FORWARD.
The reality of anger is that it is a motivating force.
It’s again something we have to process through in terms of the things we’ve been through in the past (yes, we have to be allowed to be mad at our caregivers, those who hurt us in childhood, those who hurt us at any point in our past life) so that we can then recognize WHAT was painful about those situations and what we need to change in our lives NOW to both heal from that pain AND to make sure we’re not in cycles of re-creating or accepting that same kind of behavior/treatment today.
Anger helps us see where what we have been conditioned to see as ‘normal’ or ‘the way of things’ is actually HARMFUL - so that we can then start to change how we operate in the PRESENT.
Anger helps us see what isn’t working in our present life, again even if the things that are hurting us are deemed ‘normal’ by our families, friends, culture and society at large - this is what’s so powerful about our emotions - they help us see where what’s NORMAL is not actually HELPFUL - our emotions help us go PAST the ways our minds have been conditioned to think and perceive, into what REAL reality is and THIS is so important in finding a life that feels good!
When we are allowed to get angry about the things that are hurting us, we can find CLARITY - just because something is normal, doesn’t mean it’s GOOD.
That anger then helps us find the courage to CHANGE. To say no. To put up boundaries. To ask for better circumstances. To stand up for ourselves. To walk away. To create change in our own thinking and ways of being. This is all HARD to do - this is all destabilizing and oftentimes requires that we re-interpret reality. Which is scary! Without that anger motivating us, oftentimes we wouldn’t have the ENERGY to do the hard work of change.
Anger is fuel when we know how to harness it and direct it towards helping us create healthier habits.
What Happens When We Reject Our Anger?
When we REJECT anger - we don’t get to jump past it to the more ‘enlightened’ emotional states. You don’t get to go to grade three because you skipped out on all the days of grade two. Nope. When you resist anger you don’t get to go to pride, courage and then neutrality where you can finally see CLEARLY and make good, reality based NEW choices. Rather you get bumped BACKWARDS into fear and grief.
Or the anger stays stuck in you, leading you to being in a constant state of resentment. Because if you don’t go into WHY the anger exists and what needs to change, the anger is going to remain, because you are still going to be FEELING the hurt of whatever’s happening/happened - it’s going to keep coming up over and over and over again because the STIMULUS is still there - and no matter how much you try to forgive, you won’t be able to. It can also lead to a place where we displace our anger and project it to places it doesn’t belong - yelling at our significant others, taking it out in traffic or the cashier, turning it in on ourselves constantly.
When we resist anger, we go backwards into helplessness or we get stuck in resentment/lashing out/turning in on ourselves.
It doesn’t just go away. We can’t just ‘choose to forgive’ if we haven’t processed the harm and CHANGED it.
Because again remember - anger is there because something is HURTING US - the past is still hurting and it shaped how we do things now, the present is still hurting. The anger won’t go away until we see this and change things for the better. It is a RESPONSE - we must remember that - and until the stimulus is remedied, the response will continue to be activated and triggered.
We can’t choose to stop feeling anger - we must process the past, change what is still hurting and come to a new place of safety, balance and health - THAT is how we ‘heal’ anger.
This is why MOST people cycle between feeling hopeless and helpless, flowered by periods of deep fear that propel them into ANGER - that they then RESIST - which drops them back into feeling hopeless and like there is no potential for anything to ever get better and so on. Round and round it goes.
Innocent people are trying to ‘empower themselves’ to NOT be angry, but this is actually majorly disempowering. Until you FULLY HONOR your anger, and let it BURN AWAY the delusions, you will never TRULY SEE where you need to GO NEXT. What needs to change. How it needs to change. You won’t have the motivation to do the hard and scary work of going AGAINST the status quo - whatever is your normal that is hurting you. You won’t have the ability to go against the consensus reality that is telling you that everything is as it should be and that being normal is acceptable and SAFE.
Anger is the MEDICINE that will help you SEE.
It will help you have the POWER to MOVE.
It is a force to be HARNESSED.
It is going to ask us to ACT in some way - to process, to change things, to remove ourselves from situations, to set up boundaries, to take time away, to adjust circumstances the best we can - and this may all take time and more processing than we want - but THIS is how we move THROUGH anger - we move through it by listening to it, understanding it, and changing what needs to be changed or processing/expressing what we actually felt instead of shoving it down/going into shame and guilt.
Responsible Anger Management
Now that we understand all of this, we get that we don’t want to act on our anger impulsively.
We don’t want to lead lives of explosive anger.
Learning to take a step back and again feel our sadness, grief, hopelessness and apathy is phase one. Seeing where we would usually go into self blame and shame, and asking ourselves what we ACTUALLY feel if WE are not the problem is step two.
From there, we are usually going to access our anger.
From here, we don’t want to act on our anger right away.
We need to take time to actually be with our anger, to get curious about it, to explore it, to express it in a journal or to a trusted friend. We want to take time to VALIDATE ourselves in our anger WITHOUT making that mean that we assume that here in the middle of it we are seeing things clearly or that what we want to ‘do’ about it is the actual best thing to do.
Because most of the time - our initial takes on our anger AREN’T the most mature and helpful things to do.
We first want to recognize that for a lot of us, what we are currently angry at if we are in a state of constant explosive anger may not be the ACTUAL true SOURCE Of our rage - because we are so conditioned to repress and deny the anger where it TRULY exists, and thus it simply comes out in other areas of life - driving, yelling at your spouse, objects - this is where our fear of anger comes from. We have all witnessed and been victim to people's anger projected outwards. Their sense of helplessness and lack of control being used as a weapon to harm others as a way of trying to mobilize some sense of power. That kind of anger is a symptom of a person feeling deeply traumatized by life who doesn’t feel they have any control over their actual pain.
You’re not just a rageaholic and there’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re angry for a reason, and you deserve the space, time, curiosity, compassion and exploration to help you figure out where the anger is coming from, and what you need to feel better.
So we start to learn how to FEEL and OBSERVE and make ROOM for the anger without acting on it or judging or demonizing it. We admit that for the most part we won’t know why we are really angry, where the anger is actually SOURCED - because we don’t yet see our true pain. We have to embrace it as a fire that is there to help cleanse our perceptions.
Next, we make ROOM FOR IT. We let it flow through our bodies. We punch, kick and scream. Yell into a pillow. Journal the SHIT out of it. Explore it. Make it a FRIEND that we invite in over and over and over again - giving it a chance to BURN THROUGH US. Move it. Move it. Move it. Love it. Be with it. Process it physically and mentally.
This is also what we do when we start to allow ourselves to make contact with our anger for the first time, when we have been previously stuck in shame/blame/hopelessness and grief.
Then, slowly over time, as we learn to observe and express in these SAFE ways, the anger will open out vision. We will see where it's coming from. We will transcend the guilt and shame and stop resisting and it will pull us up towards true sight.
Once we have taken the time to let the ‘raw’ fire of it all burn off, when we feel safe and validated in our anger even if we don’t understand it and when we have taken the time to just let ourselves be MAD about what we think we’re mad about - and when we have given ourselves permission to fantasize about what we want to do with that anger knowing we aren’t ACTUALLY going to act on this initial impulses - eventually we will start to settle into true sight.
We must let the initial heat burn off with physical release, mental and emotional release that is safe and contained, validation and space - THEN we will start to see clearly. We don’t act on the initial impulse - we let it burn until clarity arises.
THEN we start to take proactive steps. We start to address the past, and change the present in whatever ways we can that help to create more peace, harmony and safety for us and those around us.
We let our anger process so that we can move to INTELLIGENT action instead of impulsive action.
Don’t act ON the anger unprocessed. Let it go through you. Think all the vile, hate filled thoughts. Be MAD. Don’t be politically correct - in a responsible way in a journal or to a therapist or any other container you can. Doing this means it WON’T come out in other areas of life where it WILL be harmful. Embrace it and own it - because trying to deny it just means suppression and explosion. Depression or anxiety.
Let the anger burn your sight clear.
You will discover SO MUCH about your true nature, who you are, how you work, what you need and so on through this.
You will move through depression this way as well - as depression is a symptom of you living a life that doesn’t serve you. You live this way because you’ve been trained to deny and reject so much of yourself in order to conform to a reality that doesn’t work for your true self.
Don’t let anyone gaslight you into rejecting your anger. Don’t fear the anger either. Again we learn to become masterful over anger as we first OWN IT FULLY. Embrace it. Make room for it WITHIN to move THROUGH US. To be PROCESSED. Brought into the LIGHT. Made holy. We don’t reject or repress or deny - this just leads to being stuck in haplessness or fits of anger.
We will also come to see that the more masterful we become OVERALL - the LESS we will experience anger.
The traumas of childhood are where MOST of our anger is rooted - those things that hurt back then that still hurt now. That still have us living in ways that are out of sync with reality OVERALL.
As we work through that childhood anger and adjust our adult lives accordingly - we will feel more empowered and capable OVERALL.
We will spend more time in the ‘upper emotional states’ - simply because we are more aligned with reality and our true power within it. OVERALL. It may look like spiritual people don’t experience anger and thus we should try to BE LIKE THAT and deny ours - but this isn’t how it works.
Again we don’t get to go to grade 12 just because we want to.
Let your anger INFORM YOU.
Let it show you how you need your life to be set up so you can feel good, so you can be in a state of open learning and expansion.
Creating a general base of alignment through a general knowledge of the basics of reality and yourself.
THEN you will experience less anger and more feelings of empowerment in your pain. You don’t fake it till you make it. You LEARN IT and then it MAKES YOU. Then you simply won’t journey into shame and guilt and fear and helplessness and so on because you will have a base understanding of how to work with pain to learn and grow. You will go only so far as pain = acceptance so you can understand and grow. You will have sadness and anger and so on from time to time, but never in the ways you did before you learned how to learn 🙂
You will NATURALLY rise to enlightenment as you learn to master your emotions - and that is not a term that means learning to CONTROL your emotions or learning to TRANSCEND them - it means learning to FEEL and PROCESS them so they can INFORM YOU.
THIS is the role of anger.
I hope this serves you.
<3
Are you sick of the self help roller coaster that leaves you constantly striving and never arriving?
Are you ready for a true spiritual path that connects you to yourself and reality so you can feel good about your life?
Then come check out the Mystery School.
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