How To Navigate Self Help/Spirituality Materials Safely

Hello Love!

If you missed last weeks post, you can read it here.

Today I want to continue my exploration of how to healthfully navigate the world of self help/spirituality/personal growth.

I want to give some grounded examples of why true healing often doesn't fit well into our influencer economy, and how we can spot genuinely helpful materials vs. stuff that's there to sound good/look good but that doesn't really make our lives better.

There IS a way to find the gold in what may be a lot of sand.

Let's explore how together.

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True Healing Doesn't Fit Well In The Influencer Economy:

True healing doesn't sell in our market economy.

Self help gurus are often preaching to a choir that aren’t taking in all the factors of their own position in life, or the position of the influencer they’re looking at. As with most gurus, in our example above there’s little mention of the fact that this person didn’t self help their way through their stuff - they had coaches and guides and therapists. They had one on one support and instruction. They then turn around and start selling something that wasn’t even the path that they took to get to whatever healing they’ve arrived at. They aren’t talking about their status in society and how there may be factors that prevent others from being able to get their same results that have nothing to do with the person's choices. 

Late stage capitalism and the idea that our entire experience comes down to our own thoughts, feelings, vibrations and actions in this moment is what powers the entire self help movement. There’s always a through-line of ‘complete responsibility’ for one's life - which quickly becomes toxic when it denies the very real economic, social and familial patterns we may be born into that we have no control over. These self help tools rarely make any concessions for the idea that things CAN happen to us that have nothing to do with our choices, that tragedy occurs that we don’t choose, that we may be in systems that are set up to derail our success - and that the ENTIRE wheel of capitalism depends upon people believing that the system is NEVER to blame for someone's lack of success or suffering. This way we all continue to be diligent producers and consumers - giving our lives over to the profit of those at the time - always blaming ourselves. There’s a toxic positivity painted over all of it - that anything is possible if we just believe enough and strive enough and do enough. It’s all personal empowerment with no mind paid to any of the other confounding factors that play into the arc of someone's life experience.

There’s little to no recognition of trauma, the way we get conditioned, the fact that some people don’t have access or ability and the fact that we can’t just ‘parts talk’ these things into oblivion - and these things are made out to be a personal or moral failing if it is acknowledged. Self help and spirituality often takes the idea of personal responsibility and turns it from an empowerment tool into something completely debilitating. Not acknowledging that the foundations of safety available to those in influencer positions plays a MASSIVE role in how well these tools work.

Finally, the reality is they literally can’t sell us what they’re trying to sell us, because that would put them out of business.

They can’t ever find ‘the answer’ and have their lives together after that - because that would be boring and that would mean no more future sales. You can only sell the one thing to the same audience so much - and most of the people in influencer roles don’t have the desire or capacity to go deep with something and to stick with it - either personally or professionally. That peace and stability would mean no new next BIG thing - just small adjustments moving forward to an already pretty good life - small adjustments that don’t feed the capitalist idea that we need to be pushing, striving, growing and expanding at an exponential rate at all times. 

They have to have chaos in their life over and over because their entire sales pitch is their personal story, and the whole industry revolves around manufactured discontent. These gurus generally aren’t licensed or certified in anything longer than a 6 month course or two - their entire social currency is their ‘journey.’ They need the chaos story for their marketing material. They need you to feel insecure about what you have and they need to tell you that it’s because you’re not growing and changing enough so that you will keep buying - instead of telling us that sometimes we just need to learn to find satisfaction in what we have. That we are good enough. That from here it’s just more of this. More practice. More repetition. That we’ve reached a good enough place and we don’t need to keep pushing. They play into the manufactured discontent just as much as corporations do.

Their own personal journeys are exploited for content, and so much of what they do for themselves isn’t even to really heal - it’s a means to an end. They are struggling just as much under the weight of late stage capitalism as the rest of us. They’re just telling us that they are free because that’s what we want to hear and it’s what they want to believe.

Our self help and spirituality isn’t about healing at this point. It’s about profit. Status. Clout. 

How To Interact With Self Help In A HEALTHY Way:

All of this isn’t to say don’t do self help - heck, I don’t think I’d be here if the industry didn’t exist, and I *sort of* work in the industry myself.

It’s to understand that the tools that work generally aren’t simple, flashy, all encompassing or something we do 100% on our own. Nor are they one size fits all, and no tool works for all people in all situations at all times.

Tools that work, work over the long term in conjunction with other tools. Our human experience is complex and there’s no ONE answer - there are many answers and many steps. Sometimes we need help. Sometimes things that work for one don’t work for others. We’re not in total control and the existential fears of life will always be there - along with tragedy. Our spirituality and self help has to include these factors if they’re going to be of use to us because this is the reality we actually live in.

Nothing is a cure all.

There is no ANSWER.

There are many answers and many factors.

Thus, when we dive into self help and spirituality, we want to be connected to real reality. We want real world outcomes. We don’t need to be skeptical of anyone without several degrees or who appears to still have issues in their own life (ahem, that would be all of us), nor do we want to try to find the one tool to practice forever and hope it solves everything eventually. There are people with no qualifications who have gotten real results and can share their story to help others get those same results. There are licensed professionals who have enough experience with therapy techniques to be able to effectively communicate steps and nuance so that we can walk ourselves through and be safe. There are licensed professionals who are complete grifters, and those with personal experience that are deluded.

All we should care about are RESULTS.

Outcomes.

At the end of the day - do the tools you're using actually WORK for you? Are they allowing you to feel more joy and freedom in your life now, while also helping you make incremental changes that are also boosting your capacity to live well? Are they giving you a sense of being good enough how you are, so that you can sort through what really needs to be worked on 'out there' and what's an 'in here' issue? Are they SUPPORTING YOU? Are they adding stability, continuity and understanding to your life that you didn't have before? Are they allowing for a sustainable experience?

If so, keep on keeping on! That's what we want.

If not, we want to question things.

So How Do We Navigate Self Help Safely?

• When we look at our influencers - do we see the above mentioned pattern?
• Do we see someone who has a journey of access to people and resources that they then are trying to distill into a self help program that isn’t what they actually did?
• Are they promising a one solution that can be applied to all people at all times as the KEY?
• Do they believe everyone who doesn’t believe in what they are sharing are just asleep, stupid or don’t get it?
• Do they trash other methods?
• Do they make you feel like your life is 100% within your control and everything comes down to your choices/inner work?
• Do they simplify healing techniques they just got certified in recently?
• Do they make healing sound simple?
• Do they make you feel like if the tools fails YOU failed?
• Do they keep selling you on the idea that you’re life isn’t transcended, abundant or perfect enough and thus you need to keep ‘leveling up?’
• Do they put EVERYTHING on the individual and ignore conditions, history and society?
• Do they ask you to continually be challenging yourself, discouraging you to ever find peace or satisfaction in what you have right now?
• Do they ask you from abhorrent amounts of money for their work? Work that again, was mostly born of personal experience and not actual licensing?
• Do they charge more for group sessions/programs/workshops than most professionals charge for one on one work?
• Do they have a perpetual 'level up' option?
• Are their teachings very esoteric/energetic with little to no grounded, practical advice?
• Are you told that everything is happening between your ears and that if you can just change your insides enough the outsides HAVE to start to match?
• Are you being told that ALL of your problems are a reflection of YOU?
• Are you being told that there's inner work to be done with issues that would be solved with simply more access to safety?
  
  If so, red flag.

When you give their tools a try, be honest with yourself.

• Are they helpful?
• Do they actually work?
• Is there nuance and complexity?
• Is it stated that there’s no one size fits all?
• Does it take societal factors into account?
• Does it encourage seeking one on one support?
• Does it allow for the addition of other modalities?
• Does it explain that this is just a piece of the puzzle?
• Does it encourage long term practice and slow steps?
• Does it help you balance growth with contentment?
• Does it give practical solutions for finding true safety in the ways that are possible for you?
• Does it call on those in positions of safety to help shift society so more people can have more access?
• Does the influencer give scope of practice and clearly state who may NOT be served by their work?Do the gurus share practical and grounded tips that have roots in real reality?
• Do they speak to societal issues and bring to light where our struggles are not all in our heads/within our control?
• Do they make lots of room for normal human emotion?
• Do they empathize with their audience and have a focus more on service than on gaining fame and a following?
• Are you encouraged to find rest and comfort just as much as you are encouraged to grow and change?
• Do they highlight the problem of hustle culture and help you to navigate working ENOUGH to be safe but not so much that you burn yourself out?
• Do they encourage you to focus on your WHOLE life as a unit vs. trying to perfect ONE area (body, work, relationships) thinking that this will lead to a happy life?

If so, green flag.

Take in everything you do with a grain of salt. Do your research on your gurus. Go in knowing that you can take what’s good, what works, what’s real and leave the rest. 

Know that finding some places of stability IS possible if you are using the right tools for you - that if what you’re doing isn’t leading to permanent changes that make your life better overall - it’s not you, it’s the tool.

Be careful out there. Self help can be a miracle or a curse - it all depends on how you use it.

<3

 

 

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If this work is resonating with you, but you feel like you are struggling with HOW to apply all this awareness, HOW to become your own safe place, HOW to help yourself make the changes in your life you know you want to make and HOW to stop spinning your wheels in self improvement, or if you're looking for a safe, supportive COMMUNITY in which to work through all of this with - then The Aliyah Mystery School is for you.

The school is designed to walk you step by step through the PROCESS of this self love path - so that you can radically transform your life, one step of compassion and curiosity at a time.

It's also designed to be a safe and supportive space to get your questions answered, to process what you're working through in a community of people who understand and can empathize with you, and in a place where you will get those much needed reminders to stick with this path - because it's SO contrary to what most of us are taught we must do/be in this world.

This work works, if you work it. There is a method. And you don't have to do it alone.

Check out the school here for more support.

Finally, if you're looking for more individualized support - I am currently taking on one on one coaching clients.

If this work is working for you, and you feel like you need more guided support - fill out this form and I will get back to you within 1-2 working days.