Hello Beautiful.

Lets talk healing and transformation.

Two states that are very much sought after in our day and age.

Now, I am willing to bet that you love to hear stories of people who have healed from states of dis-ease - whether that be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or a mixture of all. There is a good chance that you draw inspiration and hope from stories of people who have transformed themselves and their lives through some kind of healing/self improvement journey.

This is most likely especially true when the struggles the person you are listening to are the same as the struggles you are experiencing in your life.

The attraction to the 'hero's journey' is a universal one.

Everyone, on some level, can identify with a healed or transformed persons 'before' and thus hearing about their 'after' gives us hope that we too will be able to experience the bliss, freedom, expansion and excitement of life on the other side of whatever it is we are struggling with.

As I have talked about many times here on the blog and in my videos - we tend to love the 'before' and the 'after' part of the story - we love to hear about how TERRIBLE life was in the pain and suffering, and how AMAZING life is now, over on the other side of healing.

What we don't love so much is the in between.

We are not a culture that really values process or journey. The middle bit is the part we would all rather just gloss over and pretend never happened.

We don't love to hear about the sacrifice of healing.

We don't love hearing about the death.

The deep, soul crushing realizations.

The broken relationships.

The dead business ideas.

The 'mistakes' that were made over and over again.

The disappointments.

The false starts.

The crippling self doubt.

The coming face to face with all that held you in the stuck, sick space in the first place.

You don't like hearing about those things, because those are the VERY THINGS that are being used as YOUR EXCUSE for not moving forward on your path. Either that, or those are the things that you are looking at in your life right now as OBSTACLES to your 'after.'

This idea that the in-between things were the problems that needed to be solved, that they were obstacles, that they were wrong or bad or mistakes that should have been avoided is a pervasive one.

So pervasive, that even those who are in their 'after' place often look at their journeys as embarrassing mishaps that happened before they figured out what they needed to figure out to be where they are now.

This is absolute CRAZY TALK. And it does not serve anyone.

Lets Get Honest About The Journey

What is really needed here, is an honest talk about what the journey from 'before' to 'after' (if you really believe in an ultimate 'after' anyway) looks like, and an honest assessment of the value in that journey.

Because it is not just about getting from point A to point B in the fastest time possible. With the fewest bumps and bruises along the way. If it were, then we would revere and respect a whole different group of people than we actually do.

Let's face it - the people who inspire us the most are the ones who have overcome the greatest obstacles to get to where they are now. The ones who had to get over the biggest hurdles. The ones who had to face the most challenging of odds. Of course we still appreciate the people who have smaller, less significant journeys - but generally speaking the greater the struggle, the more we care.

This is mostly due to the fact that we all want to walk away from a healing/transformation story thinking - if THEY could do it, facing what they had to face, then certainly I can do it.

You want to feel that if it were possible for them, it is possible for you, because your circumstances are not as challenging as theirs were. It gives you hope.

So lets get to the real point of this piece, shall we?

The point is, the middle bit of your healing journey is the most important bit.

Everything that happens in between point A and point B is what determines the quality of the point B, and your ability to sustain and maintain your point B.

The journey is not the part that needs to be hastened so that the destination can be lived. It is in the journey, that the destination takes shape - and it is in the journey that you become capable of living at the destination.

Now that you know this - that the journey is the key, not the obstacle - here are a few things that will actually make the journey easier for you.

I cannot tell you anything that will actually CHANGE the journey - I can simply give you a road map so that when these very common things that tend to come up on a healing journey happen for you, you recognize them as good things - rather than things to resist. You will understand that the challenges you are facing are not trying to block you from getting where you want to be, in fact they are the very things that are propelling you to where you want to go.

They may be hard to face, but it is essential that you face them. So that you can get to your B.

The Four Main Challenges You Will Face On Your Healing/Transformation Journey

1. You Will Be Required To Sacrifice Deeply Held Beliefs.

In order to maintain a state of dis-ease (in mind, body and or spirit) you must have beliefs that allow you to stay where you are. You must have beliefs that tell you that healing is not possible. That what you are dealing with is genetic. That it runs in your family. That it is insurmountable. That you are not wrong in anything you are doing, and it is not your fault that you are where you are. You are going to have to come face to face with the ideas that you may not even be aware of that are keeping you stuck, and you are going to have to let them go.

This process is most likely going to be painful. Because those beliefs that keep you stuck are the ones that have been comforting you in your state of un-wellness. They have been the reasons you have held onto for why you have not had to change.

For instance, when I was healing from my anorexia, I realized I had a whole slew of beliefs built up that totally re-enforced my disease. Beliefs like;

'Everyone was mean to me growing up, and part of it really was because of my weight. Being skinny is working for me better than being fat did.'

'Recovery from anorexia is impossible, so I shouldn't try to really get better, just wallow in hopelessness and try to find a way to manage it.'

"It's not my fault that I am sick and hate myself, no one loved me and so it makes sense that I am like this. It is my parents/friends/churchs/teachers faults '

'Mental illness runs in my family, I guess I am just pre-disposed to this.'

'I don't know anyone who has really recovered, so I have never seen it done. I don't want to have to do the work to figure out recovery on my own, I want someone to come save me. I should not have to do this, since this isn't even really my fault anyway'

These beliefs and thoughts felt good in the moment when I was sick. They were good reasons for not healing. Some of them were even totally LEGITIMATE reasons for not healing.

I would often get insulted, really upset, when someone would tell me that I could heal from my eating disorder. I felt like they were telling me that everything I held dear and true and special was just a big pile of shit. When people tried to hand me my power back and tell me I could heal, I hated it. Because it did not align with the belief systems I had in place that were keeping me sick.

Then one day, I realize that all the excuses in the world, all the proof that healing was not possible, all the reasons - legitimate or not - that I could not heal were doing one thing and only one thing - keeping me sick.

That was it.

Healing required that I questioned those sacred beliefs. And it hurt. It caused me to feel worse not better at first. But eventually it liberated me.

Questioning those sacred beliefs that tell you that healing/transformation is not possible for you is a requirement. You need new beliefs about yourself if you want to get to your B. The ones you have here are not going to work over there.

How do you know if you have beliefs that are keeping you stuck that you need to question? Simple - If you are still over here, then I can guarantee you that you have beliefs you are going to have to let go of - otherwise you would be over there.

So when you are confronted with ideas that totally fly in the face of what you currently believe about your situation and your ability to heal/transform - don't get mad and reject those ideas. Let them sink in. Let them start to fuel your fire. Let them empower you. When you notice yourself getting offended or pissed off, or really sad about someone telling you something about your situation, take that opportunity to start to change your beliefs in the direction of healing.

2. You Are Going To be Required To Decide For Yourself What You Want To Carry Forward, And What You Need To Release

Relationships, dietary habits, sleeping patterns, the ways you communicate, points of view, systems of analysis, thought processes - when you are in the process of healing, everything is up for re-evaluation.

Again, just like with the beliefs you have been holding onto so tightly, your external practices and processes are also going to have to be held under the microscope for their validity and their benefits.

You are going to have to get really honest with yourself, and question if what you are doing on a daily basis supports your staying stuck, or if what you are doing is moving you closer to where you want to be.

I had to look at all the ways in which I had designed my life to support my eating disorder, and I had to do a big lifestyle excavation.

I had to stop isolating myself and eating only in my room. I had to start sitting at the dinning room table with my family and eating with them.

I had to stop refusing all social invitations that included food or interrupted my eating schedule. I had to start saying yes and going out.

I had to stop over-exercising. I had to start resting and facing my thoughts.

I had to stop looking in the mirror 400 times a day to check where my body fat was at. I had to start thinking nice thoughts about my body, and focusing on other areas of my life.

I had to stop forcing every conversation I had around to my body and what I looked like. I had to decide on the kind of person I actually want to be, and I had to start acting like that person.

I had to give up a whole bunch of really comfortable and familiar habits, in favour of things that were totally foreign and uncomfortable.

When life presents you with opportunities to make new and different choices, take the opportunity. Life is not fucking with you when it makes your current routine impossible or challenging to maintain - when people start getting in the way, when friends and family members start to refuse to play along, when life circumstances go haywire on you - it is helping you make new choices that support a new, healthy you. Take the opportunities. It is going to be a challenge, and everything inside of you is going to want to cling to what you know - but if you want to heal, you have to do new things. 

Ok. That is enough for now. Take a moment to digest all of this. I will be sharing with you part two next week, which will contain the final 3 cost of transformation/healing, and why you should be excited for these things to come up for you in your life.

For now, breath. You are safe and you are amazing.

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