Have you ever taken a step back and looked at the totality of your life experience so far, and thought to yourself ‘I’ve been chasing something for my whole life, but I’ve never actually felt like I have ‘gotten there?’
Have you ever noticed that any time you DO end up ‘getting somewhere’ in terms of achieving a goal, finishing a project or phase, getting something you’ve always wanted (like having a child or getting married or buying a house or landing that dream job) that even in this, there is a brief moment of feeling like you’ve ‘arrived’ that’s followed by a ‘ok what’s next’ feeling?
Have you ever noticed that life doesn’t actually work in a way where we can segment it into clean ‘chapters’ - but rather even as we are finding peace in one area we may be having a big meltdown in another - in other words we notice that phases and chapters bleed into and out of one another?
Have you ever felt that sense that you aren’t ever ‘getting anywhere’ because no matter where you land, no matter what you finish, what you start or what you’re working your way through, it always feels like there’s something off in the future you’re wanting to get to or dreading happening?
Have you ever heard those motivational speakers talk to you about reaching the ‘top of the mountain’ - getting to that place where all of their dreams came true, where they healed all their trauma/fixed their bodies/got the perfect relationship/made all the money, where they reached success, figured out all of their problems, became spiritually enlightened and then BOOM that was it. Life was bliss forever after that…only to notice that a few months later they are back on that stage or on your social-feed telling you about the struggles they’ve been having and how they are NOW at that peak - over and over and over again?
Have you ever felt like you must be failing at life because you aren’t ‘transcending’ the way all the spiritual gurus say you’re supposed to transcend - because you’re still feeling like life isn’t complete, like you aren’t complete, like you haven’t finished or ‘gotten there?’
Do you even have a clear picture of what ‘getting there’ would look like, feel like or be? Or are you living a life where you just know that you AREN’T there yet…all the time?
If any of the above rings a bell for you - I’ve got some news for you.
You’re not alone.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re not failing.
Rather, you’re living a normal, natural human life, just like the rest of us.
You’re doing life just fine - and hopefully today I can help you shift your perspective in a way that allows you to live this normal, natural human life in a way where you can actually ENJOY the messy process of ‘never arriving’ instead of feeling like you’re always missing something.
Peak Moments Never Last
The first truth I want to offer you about what life is really like is this - peak moments never, ever last.
Peak moments are just that - peak moments.
The graduation from school, the wedding day, the birth of your children, the quitting of a job or the starting of the dream career, the award, the party - all of these things are IMPORTANT and add deep meaning to our lives - but these moments are not what life is.
These moments are worthy of reverence and they are meant to be enjoyed and savored - but they are also fleeting and if we make them our ENTIRE reason for being, we are going to live lives where we are *mostly* feeling unsatisfied because at the end of the day, we can’t live sustainably in a peak moment.
This is true for you, and it’s also true for literally every other human being that you share this planet with - even the ones who are trying to convince you that they live in a constant peak.
The truth is, once the ceremony is over, once we take the baby home, once we get settled into that new job, once we complete the spiritual training, once we have the big revelation - we are then going to enter into a phase of integration.
We are going to walk into a life where things may have shifted from how they were to a new way - but overall, we are going to be walking into a ‘new normal’ that will soon become our NORMAL.
We are going to be walking into a life where we then start laying down routines, habits and daily tasks that will slowly become simply what life is like.
We are going to be walking into a life where we still have most of if not all of the same issues we had before the peak moment, where the struggles that were there before remain, where we are still ‘us’ just in slightly new circumstances.
We’re going to be walking into a life where we start to set new goals, have new dreams, and notice that we now have a new set of phases we are going to be working with and through.
We’re going to notice that even though we had that peak experience, on the other side pain doesn’t stop. Challenge doesn’t stop. Struggle doesn’t stop. Routine doesn’t stop. We still have to feed ourselves, clothe ourselves, clean up after ourselves - life goes on.
After the wedding comes the marriage - the figuring out how to integrate two lives, the dealing with extended family, buying a house, figuring out if/when you want kids, dealing with health issues together, finding a routine that works for you both, learning how to communicate and get both of your needs met as both of you change and grow - life doesn’t stop.
After the birth comes the actual process of raising a child - all the different growth phases, all the challenges that come with providing for a child at each stage of their lives, having to do that while also living out the rest of YOUR life - life doesn’t stop.
After the spiritual awakening comes your human existence - still having to earn money, care for your body, tend to your relationships, deal with the chaos of the world - life doesn’t stop.
After you get the dream job comes the working of that job - the long hours, the difficult co-workers, the pressure to perform, the desire for that next promotion or raise - life doesn’t stop.
No matter where we land, we are never going to ‘land’ and be done. We are never going to land and want nothing else. We are never going to land and have no more problems to solve. We are never going to land and face no more challenges.
Life didn’t stop.
Pain didn’t stop.
We didn’t become something so deeply different from what we were before that none of those old problems exist anymore and life is only bliss now.
What’s more, we may even notice that after the peak moment, after the accomplishment, after getting that thing we longed for for so long, we actually step into a whole NEW set of problems and challenges that weren’t there before!
Long story short - the peak moment happens, it’s amazing, we love it - and then? Life continues to be life.
This is true for you, and it’s also true for all the gurus out there, all the celebrities, all the spiritual teachers, all the self help and manifestation teachers - no matter how much people may want to make it LOOK like they are transcending the human experience, for the most part, they are just existing in a new normal that is making way for the next iteration of their lives.
Also something to consider here; the people who are showing you a life where they seem to be perpetually chasing those peak experiences - constantly partying or going on luxury vacations, constantly driving for more money, more awards, another ‘enlightenment’ - these are people we want to be wary of following or idolizing because that constant chase is usually a sign that this person doesn’t feel good in their day to day lived experience. It’s, generally speaking, a sign that this person isn’t able to find a ‘day’ that makes them feel satisfied - and thus they are in constant need of a peak to feel good. It may be a sign of deep pain they don’t know how to process, or a kind of ‘addiction’ to the high of the peak because they don’t have any other way of feeling purposeful, happy or free.
This isn’t a good thing, and it’s not something we should actually want to emulate - because oftentimes we are going to see that those who live for the constant high end up eventually causing themselves and others a great deal of harm - because living from peak to peak to peak isn’t a sustainable way to live.
Peak moments are beautiful, but they are fleeting - and when we center our lives on being in a peak all the time, we are going to crash and burn out, or we are going to be perpetually feeling like we are ‘always striving never arriving’ because no matter what we accomplish, no matter where we get - life doesn’t stop and our current peak will simply become the foundation for the next mountain we want to climb.
There is value in pursuing our dreams, there IS satisfaction in ‘getting’ to the places we wanted to get - this is real and I don’t want to pretend this isn’t a part of life - however, it’s not everything, not be a long shot, and it doesn’t lead to fulfillment.
What ACTUALLY Leads To A Fulfilling Life?
So with all of that, I want you to consider the rest of your life.
I want you to take a step back and realize that MOST of your life is spent ‘on the way’ somewhere.
MOST of your life is going to be lived in-between the ‘there’ moments - and this is really what we want to be focusing on if we are going to live a life that feels even remotely rewarding or satisfying.
We want to focus our time and attention on building a lifestyle that actually feels good and works for us - that allows us to continue to pursue the things that matter to us in a sustainable way while also giving us the capacity to ENJOY whatever it is we HAVE in this moment, as well as leaving us with enough capacity to process and work through the inevitable challenges that will always be a part of our human life and experience.
Again, I want to invite you to take a moment right now to consider the totality of your life - to look at the big picture of all of your experiences so that you can see that you’ve spent MOST of your time ‘in between’.
You have spent MOST of your time in school before that graduation day.
You have spent MOST of your time dating or being married before and after the wedding.
You have spent MOST of your time not being a parent or being a parent before and after the birth.
You’ve spent MOST of your time working before and after the job placement.
If you feel like you haven’t achieved your goals or gotten to your peak - again I want to remind you that MOST of your life has been spent working towards it or working towards other goals, most of your life has been spent living your day to day doing what you’ve needed to do to survive, most of your life has been spent living out days that are filled with all the things life is filled with - pain, struggle, moments of joy, connection, heartbreak, illness, wellness - it’s been a mixed bag and it’s been a process that never really started and doesn’t actually end.
This is the reality for all of us - whether we are living days that feel amazing or living days that are horrible - the truth is we are ALL just living our days. We are all on the way from somewhere, going somewhere and doing all the life maintenance work that needs to be done in the in-between.
From here, I want you to consider the following life categories and how they play out in YOUR personal experience:
First, I want you to consider all the things that need to be done in your day. All of the ‘life maintenance’ tasks that are a part of keeping yourself alive and functioning that you know you need to dedicate time and energy towards - and I want you to consider how much time these things take up in real reality. What does it take for you to maintain yourself? These tasks are a big part of your life, and they are something we want to focus on making as enjoyable and rewarding as possible, while also acknowledging where we resent them and wish things were different.
This is going to be different for all of us and I want to deeply acknowledge that for some of us life maintenance is MOST of our existence - for some of us who are chronically ill, who have jobs that aren’t stable or supportive, who care for others - these people are going to have a very different relationship with life maintenance tasks than those who can afford to hire out, who don’t have very much responsibility, who are able bodied or otherwise supported. This is a fact of reality.
We also have to recognize that the time and energy we personally have to put into our life maintenance is going to greatly impact how much time and energy we have left over to pursue other things - which again, means that for some of us ‘reaching our goals’ is going to be much more challenging than others. Those of us with able bodies, healthy minds, stable income/support are going to have a LOT more freedom to pursue dreams and goals than those who are living each day trying to keep their heads above water. This why the old adage ‘we all have the same 24 hours in a day’ just isn’t true.
So for YOU, realistically in your life - what does life maintenance look like?
From there, I want to invite you to learn to see these hours spent as valuable.
Even though we may not enjoy them, even though they are hard sometimes, even though they aren’t a peak experience - these tasks matter, and I want to invite you to start celebrating yourself for doing what you need to do to maintain yourself.
Because these tasks DO matter. That time spent DOES matter. These moments are the moments of your life.
So if you were to frame these tasks not as a waste of time, not as something you ‘have’ to do but rather tasks that you are doing because you want to support yourself, you want to live, you want to feel as good as you can possibly feel - how can you approach these tasks from a place of self love and acknowledgment of your efforts? How can you celebrate yourself for doing these things? How can you let yourself off the hook of being in a constant state of chasing a ‘peak’ so that you can allow yourself to VALUE the work and time you’re putting into taking care of YOU? To taking care of others? To taking care of the world around you?
How can you infuse these tasks wherever possible with things that you enjoy or that make the tasks more fulfilling for you? Can you listen to an audio-book or podcast while you clean? Can you journal on your commute? Can you allow yourself to sing or dance while you’re cooking?
I know these things may seem trite and small, but THESE are the moments of our lives. These are the longest and most time consuming parts of our day for the most part - so how can you start to integrate them into your feeling of purpose and fulfillment?
Next, let’s do the same thing for your working life. Whether you work outside the home or not - we want to do the same kind of inner work here. Can you acknowledge all that you ARE doing if you have a job in or out of the home? Can you acknowledge the skills you're learning? The ways you’re learning to interact with others? The way you're learning how to develop systems and protocols? The way your work is supporting others in doing what they are? The way your work is giving you the capacity to eat, live and do the other things you want to do in life?
Again, I know this can be really hard to do when we don’t enjoy our work or when we wish we had another career. I know this can be hard when we feel like we aren’t living our purpose or like we are wasting our time doing what we are.
But again, I want to invite you to start to value YOUR TIME and YOUR EFFORT. Even if this job isn’t one you enjoy - I don’t want you to pretend that you enjoy it or to try to convince yourself that this is where you want to stay forever - but I DO want you to be able to value the effort, time and energy you are dedicating to this time in your life. Because this time in your life counts. It matters. You matter.
So where can you value your efforts more?
Where can you celebrate yourself more?
Where can you acknowledge the energy you’re putting in?
Where can you again let yourself off of the hook to be striving for more - even if you really WANT more - when you’re tired and overwhelmed? Where can you infuse pieces of joy into your day?
Where can you give yourself permission to validate this experience as a worthwhile experience because YOU are worthwhile and YOU are putting your time and energy into this?
Finally, I want you to consider the bigger picture.
What do you value?
What matters to you?
What is important to you at the end of the day?
If you look at your goals or the peak moments you wish to experience - can you look a little deeper into WHY you want to experience these things?
Can you ask yourself what you believe you will GET from these peak experiences that you don’t have now? What you will be able to get rid of?
Can you get clear on the problems you feel will be erased by those peak experiences?
Can you allow yourself to stop chasing the peak just so that you can allow yourself to assess your real motivation for GETTING to that peak?
How do you want to feel?
What do you want to experience?
What do you think that peak will DO for you?
I really want you to take some time with this.
Don’t rush through these questions and give yourself time to process through them all more than once.
I want you to start to consider what you REALLY want, what REALLY matters to you and what your values are.
And then I want to encourage you to start to shape your life around those values and desires as much as possible.
Are you looking for connection? A sense of purpose? A sense that you will be SAFE?
How can you start to shape your life around these bigger THEMES, rather than chasing the peak moment believing that that specific peak is going to be the be-all-end-all?
Can you expand beyond chasing the peak, to creating a life that is centered around what you really WANT?
How can you give the you that exists right now more of what you want?
How can you create those feelings now, within the current life you have?
How can you ENJOY yourself on the WAY to where you’re wanting to go?
If you CAN’T enjoy the process - why not?
Are you sure this is what you want and where you want to go?
Let this article be a jumping off point - not a finishing point.
Check out this video on youtube for more on this.
START here.
See where this exploration takes you.
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Are you ready for a true spiritual path that connects you to yourself and reality so you can feel good about your life?
Then come check out the Mystery School.
