Our Relationship With Our Caregivers Is Not Our Relationship With Everyone Else

By May 27, 2022Videos

Hello Beauty!

One of the reasons so many of us can't ever seem to find balance in our adult relationships, is because we didn't have secure attachments with our caregivers growing up.

We weren't given the safe space of unconditional love and provision we needed while we were learning all the 'basics' of life. We weren't given the opportunity to grow in a safe environment where self expression was celebrated, mistakes were teaching moments, growth phases were embraced and we were allowed to process through the messy parts of being alive.

Rather, we experienced a relationship of dependence upon caregivers who loved us conditionally. We experienced love going away and therefore FELT like PROVISION was going to go away. We got wired to believe that acceptance from the outside world was the way to get our needs met/to get out of pain - instead of learning that in real reality, we can identify our own needs and causes of pain, and in that we can figure out how reality works so as to get our needs met/get ourselves out of pain.

We all got the faulty program that LOVE is the route to what we want - that we get our needs met through being accepted and THEN provided for - instead of waking up to the fact that needs get met from REALITY.

We are all still believing that acceptance from others is the middle man we need to get our needs met/get out of pain - and this is why we are all trapped in identities and lives that don't feel good to us.

We also weren't given the opportunity to transition out of what is SUPPOSED to be a codependent relationship where we are ALLOWED to simply take, be held and loved, supported no matter what, into healthy adult relationships where we learn INTERDEPENDENCE. Where we interact with others and the world around us as problem solving, capable adults who can be our own source of unconditional love, so that we can work with life as it is.

We never learned how to step out of the 'love = provision = safety'. We didn't get the foundational codependent relationship we NEEDED and now we're stuck in that codependent model in our adult relationships.

I want to unpack this today.

Let's dive into how we can start to untangle the messy relationships we had with our caregivers, so that we can start to build a healthier relationship with ourselves, others and life in general.

Gabore Mate: https://drgabormate.com/

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