Shifting From “The Right Thing To Do” To The BEST Thing To Do


If you're alive, you're going to go through many periods of time where you don't know what to do.

So let's just normalize that right now. I know a lot of us feel like when we come to a kind of 'impasse' in life, when we arrive at a place where the way forward is not clear and where it feels like we're trapped or stuck that this means we've done something wrong or that life is legitimately hopeless. In real reality the unknown is ALWAYS going to be a part of our experience, because we can NEVER know everything and because usually the way we learn is through experience.

There's no perfect manual for this life, and so long as we're alive we're going to be faced with challenges we've never faced before, circumstances we don't understand and with the need to learn something that will help us move forward in ways we've never moved forward before.

Change is the only constant and there's no way to be prepared for every change.

With that, many of us get caught in loops of inaction or repetitive action that doesn't actually WORK - because we're so conditioned to look for the 'right' thing to do.

Meaning, our society is set up in a way that we're socially conditioned to believe that if we don't know something, if we take a step and it doesn't go how we thought it would, if we do something 'wrong' or make a mistake that this means that WE are morally inferior, that we are 'bad', that we are 'failures' - and oftentimes this leads to a lot of criticism, rejection and a feeling that we've done something fatally flawed. When we don't know, and when we make a mistake we often aren't in a place to be open to the learning because these events trigger a deep survival trigger in us - shooting us into a state of feeling like we're going to be abandoned and in this, that we aren't going to be able to be SAFE.

Along with this, our perception of what the 'right' thing to do in many situations - even ones we've faced many times - is often deeply affected by what OTHERS around us think is the 'right' thing to do.

In other words, because our culture has tied not knowing/making mistakes to our sense of self worth, and because that is tied into our sense of being able to survive and be safe, and due to the fact that we are such social beings - we often get caught in loops of repetitive ineffective action or hopelessness because we aren't able to look for actual RESULTS. We aren't able to safely LEARN from our mistakes, nor do we feel safe to admit where we DON'T KNOW - because this all means that we're going to be rejected and abandoned - which to us often feels like literal death.

So we spend our lives looking for the 'right thing' in terms of what others approve of/are doing - while also feeling the consequences of the fact that oftentimes what's 'right' by our culture isn't actually what's 'right' in terms of getting us what we ACTUALLY want.

We weren't taught to learn from reality, how to open to the unknown, how to work with no knowing instead of against it - and we were taught that the 'right way' is whatever gets us the most approval and safety from others.

If we can be strong enough to shift out of this - if we can shift from beings who are able to look for what WORKS vs. what is agreed upon - in this we find a level of freedom we may have never experienced before.

But this is hard - because again, it's all tied up in our survival.

Today, let's talk about making the shift from doing things 'right' to doing what's BEST in any given situation - and see where we go.


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