The ‘Love And Light’ Perspective Vs. ‘Shadow Work’ – Who’s Right?

Hello and welcome to another blog series!

For the next few weeks, I’m going to be exploring the concept of ‘toxic positivity’ and why it’s an issue that we should care about.

At first glance, the idea of being ‘overly positive’ doesn’t SOUND like it should be an issue. What could possibly be harmful about having an optimistic outlook/being hopeful/choosing to see the bright side of things? What could possibly be bad about choosing to focus on what’s working, what’s positive and what’s empowering instead of focusing on what’s harmful, hurting or not great?

While there is absolutely some validity to the idea of positive focus and while we can probably all agree that having a more optimistic view of life CAN be incredibly helpful for us in a lot of cases - we also want to acknowledge that this trend can and oftentimes really IS quite harmful, and we want to acknowledge the ways in which it’s actually propping up a system that CREATES inequity and struggle where inequity and struggle doesn’t need to exist.

This idea of being in a perpetual state of positivity has far reaching impacts - and many of them are actually way more negative than we may want to admit to ourselves.

So let’s take a deep-dive into this - let’s explore where positivity helps, where it’s unhelpful and where it can be downright harmful so that we can better empower ourselves to use positivity where it will serve us, and to avoid it where it will only make things worse.

The Battle Between Light And Shadow

In our spirituality and self help saturated world, there is a kind of ‘battle’ going on between two seemingly opposing camps - the ‘love and light’ camp which at its most extreme is ALL about the positivity and positive focus, and the ‘shadow work’ people who at their most extreme are all about facing the harsh realities of life, feeling our emotions, never denying struggle and looking at all the hard stuff as much as possible.

If we take a step back we will see that *most* real people aren’t able to actually LIVE in either of these poles - most people are going to find themselves somewhere in the middle because to be TOTALLY on one side or the other is, frankly, a lot of work - but I think it’s helpful to look at the extreme poles here to give us an idea of what we’re talking about.

On the extreme ‘love and light’ side, we have a doctrine that tells us that in order to live a good life, to create what we want to create and to experience what we want to experience, it’s imperative that we stay in a CONSTANT state of positive focus/feeling. There are many different off-shoots of this teaching and we will look at all the different flavors here. 

On this side of the spectrum you’ll find teachings such as:

• The idea that we manifest what we ‘are’ not what we ‘want’ - so we must be constantly in a state of controlling how we FEEL and how we BEHAVE in order to be as positive as possible in order that we will then ‘manifest’ experiences that ‘match’ that positive vibe we are emitting.
• The idea that in order to have a good life we must be constantly looking at everything that’s happening to us as a ‘blessing’ or something that’s helping us get where we want to go.
• The idea that systemic obstacles don’t exist, and that anything we want in life can be achieved through enough hard work, determination and having the right mindset.
• The idea that reality itself is always perfect - so if you are ever struggling or feeling pain/resistance to what is, that you need to shift your perception.
• The idea that it’s your FEELINGS that are controlling your experience and reality, and thus in order to have a good experience you must be in a state of perpetually managing your feelings/emotions so that you’re in a ‘positive’ state.
• The idea that everything is happening ‘for us’ never ‘to us’ and thus it’s important that we believe and live as though everything is perfect and that we are always being given what we need - and again if we don’t see or feel that this means we need to shift our outlook.
• The idea that the world is somehow totally just and fair - meaning good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, so if you want to have a good life you must ‘be good’ by whatever standard the specific teacher/teaching we are following tells us is ‘good’ and in doing so you will be ‘rewarded’ with all the ‘good’ things you want.
• The idea that those who have ‘good’ things have worked for them and that all of us have the same opportunity to have whatever we want because circumstances aren’t a key factor.
• The idea that negative emotions are the CAUSE of our negative feelings/experiences in life and if we want a better experience we need to shift our state first.
• The idea that the Universe is paying close attention to our ‘vibration’ or ‘frequency’ and that everything that happens to us is simply a reflection of that/result of that.
• The idea that ANYTHING can be healed if we do the right protocol/take enough personal responsibility.
• The idea that any past pain can be FULLY transcended if we have the right mindset/do the right healing work/see our role in it and take responsibility for it.
• The idea that anyone can be wealthy and have their dream life so long as you’re willing to ‘work hard.’
• The idea that our circumstances don’t create our life outcomes but rather our perceptions, perspectives and actions.
• The idea that negative emotions are the CAUSE of our negative feelings/experiences in life and if we want a better experience we need to shift our state first.
• The idea that the Universe is paying close attention to our ‘vibration’ or ‘frequency’ and that everything that happens to us is simply a reflection of that/result of that.
• The idea that ANYTHING can be healed if we do the right protocol/take enough personal responsibility for ourselves.
• The idea that pain ONLY comes from the PERCEPTIONS we have about life never life itself - that if we can just accept what is enough, we can be happy all the time.
• The idea that childhood trauma/trauma isn’t ‘real’ but something we transcend through choosing to take responsibility for ourselves and our emotions.
• The idea that we are totally sovereign beings who can always choose to be happy/healthy/well and that any time we aren’t we are just making a wrong/bad choice.
• The idea that we are whole and complete and that everything we need is ALWAYS available to us. That we can’t ever really ‘go without.’
• The idea that life is always on our side and that it’s our job to figure out how that’s true if it doesn’t feel like it.
• The idea that we can all be perfectly healthy/have perfect relationships/find the perfect career if we make the right choices.
• The idea that we can have ‘bad’ or ‘lower consciousness’ parts that we need to get rid of/transcend/starve out with higher consciousness ways of thinking, speaking and being.
• The idea that we can always ‘fake it till we make it’.
• The idea that YOU are your only obstacle in life.
• The idea that if we inform ourselves enough or get mentored enough that we can avoid all pain/struggle/mistakes.
• The idea that a perfect life/relationship/career/body is possible if we do the right work/do the right manifestations.
• The idea that if we are struggling in this life it’s due to a past life karma that we are ‘clearing’ or ‘healing’ in this life.
• The idea that there’s a lesson in everything. That nothing leaves until it ‘teaches us what we need to know.’

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it gives you an idea of what we’re looking at here.

A lot of the ‘love and light’ perspective revolves around the idea that reality is perfect and that WE are the ones who are seeing it wrong/processing it wrong if we don’t feel that way. It tells us that anything and everything we could ever want or dream of is possible and that there are no real limits in reality. This belief system revolves around the idea that perfection is possible and attainable, and that we are our point of power - that life isn’t happening independent of us, but all in response to us. That everything that happens happens for a GOOD reason and that every struggle or challenge is just an opportunity to become better.

This way of thinking gives a LOT of people a LOT of hope.

It convinces people that we CAN perfectly control our lives and our circumstances - either through controlling our inner world/feelings or through controlling our minds enough. Sometimes there is an action component - taking ‘aligned’ action and being smart in your steps - and sometimes it's way more about just working on your inner state and waiting for the world around you to respond.

But ultimately, this way of thinking leans heavily on the idea that we need to ignore the harsh realities of life, ‘get rid of’ our negative emotions, stay in a positive and optimistic state and be in total control of OURSELVES so that the Universe will give us everything we want and need.

It tells us that anything that we are experiencing that’s painful, hard or challenging is either a result of our doing something wrong/being something wrong/matching a ‘low frequency’ or is a challenge for us to overcome that is meant to strengthen us in some specific way to help us become our best selves.

This way of moving through the world makes it appear that the only reason anyone would suffer is because of themselves - their choices, their feelings, their mindsets or their incapacity to do the right work to find happiness and peace - which makes us feel like we can then AVOID suffering in OUR lives so long as we make different choices/are different people.

It makes us feel like there’s order in the universe, like everything is being orchestrated FOR us on some level, and at the very least that perfect peace and happiness are always possible via our perceptions.

Even if they aren’t promising you that you can change LIFE to be what you want, they promise that you can change yourself enough to be happy in life no matter what.

Who wouldn’t want to believe all that? It’s a very attractive idea - that we have total control over life and how we feel if we just take control of ourselves on some level - our minds, our feelings or our perceptions and actions.

That is the foundation of the Love and Light message - your life is all about and because of YOU, and if you learn to do the right things, you can create perfection for yourself. 

That everyone is responsible for themselves, and our greatest service to the world is to become our highest/happiness/most transcended self via perpetual self work and monitoring. 

There is a reason for everything, a reason we can understand and then utilize to create an even better experience for ourselves.

There is a reason for suffering and it’s something we need to work on within OURSELVES.

That we are our single point of ‘manifestation’ and thus the more we work to understand and control ourselves and our own behavior, the more we can create what we want in life.

That we all have equal opportunity for perfection - and it’s just a matter of performing ‘right’ by whatever metric you personally have bought into - performing spiritually, performing mentally, performing by taking ‘empowered’ or ‘aligned’ action, relaxing more or pushing more - that there’s a PERFECT way to be and when we find it, we can have whatever we want.

This way of thinking puts ALL the power in OUR lap while also creating the feeling that we are being guided/held/seen/loved/responded to by what is essentially the ideal, all knowing, all powerful caregiver who will reward us with a perfect life so long as we measure up to their standards of perfection.

Right now we’re not going to get into the weeds on what about this is supportive and what isn’t - I just wanted to give an overview of the different ways this philosophy can show up so that we can recognize it when we see it.

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Let’s take a pause here, and next week we will dive into ‘shadow work’ to see what THAT perspective is all about!

<3

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