One of the hardest things for most of us to accept in life, is the truth that healing takes time.
The reality that there’s no instantaneous healing, that there’s no ‘one thing’ that’s going to take us from where we are to where we want to go, and there’s no ONE answer that will rid us of all that ails us.
There’s no ‘one thing’ that will help us heal all of our trauma, or one revelation that will set us free from all self sabotage, scapegoating, numbing and coping.
Healing, pretty much every time, is a process.
A process of gathering tools, a process of learning, a process of figuring things out one step at a time.
Why We Want It To Be Different
Of course, it is perfectly natural, normal and understandable that we want healing to happen fast.
That we want to be able to find ‘the thing’ that is going to take us from the pain we’re in to the pleasure we want to be in as fast as possible.
Most of us are in a situation where we’ve been struggling for a long time, and it feels like we are at the end of our rope trying to figure out what’s going on, what’s going to heal us, and what’s going to take the pain away.
We live in a world where we are constantly told that simple solutions exist.
That if we just find the ‘right answer’ that we CAN liberate ourselves from all pain, suffering and struggle.
We live in a world where so many ‘experts’ and ‘gurus’ propose to us that there are ‘secrets’ we can find that will lead to us fully resolving all of our issues with a one or two step answer.
We live in a world where people tell us that they found a way of eating, a way of communicating, a manifestation technique, a secret of all secrets that led them to complete life freedom - that created a situation where they no longer struggle and have all the freedom in the world - and we can have this too if we just do the protocol or take the simple step that they took.
We have people shouting from the rooftops that one plant medicine ceremony, one workshop, one book, one program was the thing that took them from their low place of suffering to their empowered place of having everything they’ve ever dreamed of.
It’s really no wonder and no mystery that we believe that simple, easy, one-stop-shop solutions exist, and that we expect that if something we try to heal doesn’t lead to full freedom right away that it must be wrong.
We have a natural tendency to want to believe that simple, quick and all encompassing ‘healing’ tools exist because we want to heal quickly AND because we are being TOLD that they exist!
There’s nothing wrong with us for wanting a quick fix, a simple solution and a ‘thing’ that’s going to take all our pain away.
Our Culture Makes It Worse
Next thing to understand is that our culture doesn’t value process, progress, steps or consistency.
Our culture is all about as much production and consumption as possible - which means we are literally indoctrinated from day one of our lives to be in a state of taking things in, using them for a moment, throwing them away and moving onto the next thing.
We are trained from day one to value anything that is fast, easy, disposable and expendable at the expense of anything that’s long lasting, durable, progressive or slow.
This is really good for our systems that profit from our continual throwing away and consuming of something new.
This is really good for our systems that depend on us creating things at a rate and speed that is totally outside of what’s actually beneficial, useful or sustainable for us or the planet.
This is really good for our systems that depend upon ever increasing profits through hyper consumption and hyper production.
This mindset that anything that is slow, anything that isn’t ‘the full answer,’ anything we have to do over and over consistently and anything that requires that we stick WITH something for a long time is wrong, bad, a waste of time or otherwise unuseful has made its way into all part of our lives including our mindsets around healing and growth.
You may notice if you take a step back and look at the self help, spirituality and personal growth worlds, that most things are sold to us via the lens that what is going sold is going to be THE solution you are looking for, it’s going to work in 10, 20 or 30 days, and that its the only thing you need forever and ever.
You’re going to notice that what we think of a spirituality and self help are all things that are consumables - books, courses, programs, trips, retreats, tools, devices, supplements and so on - all again things that we feel we can ‘take in’, use/digest and then re-buy and re-consume again.
You’re going to notice that while most things are sold as ‘the thing’ that will fix everything - that at the same time there is a perpetual line of offerings, things to consume, things to digest, things to take in that are all offered as the ‘one thing.’
We are programmed to be in such a state of hyper-consumption that even in our healing we are never going to be satisfied with a single product or purchase - because there will always be the new, next, trending thing that is ‘actually’ the solution to all of our problems.
This is paradoxical, but the reality.
We are sold that everything we are going to do is going to be that ‘one thing’ that fixes everything - but at the same time we are operating from a place that says there always has to be that next thing.
We are trained to take things in, and to literally expect that they are meant to heal everything right away - and if they don’t we are trained to believe that this means that what we need is the next thing, the latest thing, the newest thing.
We are not trained to see anything as a step on the path that we may have to work over and over again before we see results.
We aren’t trained to really take our time with any one thing, to see what it does for us, to allow it to do it’s work over the long run - most of the time because the things we are being sold are relatively superficial so that they give that ‘quick hit’ of feeling like they are doing something - but then when that feeling wears off, we aren’t then trained to question if what we were being sold was really useful or not, we are trained to simply dispose and look for the next thing, or assume that we just need the ‘next level’ of whatever we just consumed.
We are trained to move onto the next supplement. The next healing retreat. The next mastermind. The deeper cleanse. The more intense detox. The ‘higher level’.
Forever and ever.
We are trained to just keep spending our time, money and effort on as many different ‘ultimate solutions’ as possible, trained to put all of our hope in these things to be THE THING while at the same time being primed to believe that the ‘next thing’ that is being sold is ALWAYS something we need.
Because the reality is again, most of what we are sold is very superficial. It’s very surface level, it doesn’t go deep into what’s happening with us and why - it plays right into our desire to believe that there are simple answers to our complex problems and it tells us that those simple answers are right.
Most of what we are sold doesn’t actually work long term, because most of what we are sold is lacking in any kind of true awareness of why we struggle, the bigger picture, the complexity of our nature and what is required to find true alignment and health in our ever evolving world.
Finally, we are trained to blame ourselves when those quick fixes don’t work, rather than questioning the message or the messenger. We are trained to believe that if the medicine retreat didn’t take away all of our trauma, if the supplement didn’t fix every symptom, if the cleanse or the communication tool or the book or the meditation didn’t fix everything that we failed somehow, and therefore we must re-invest more money, more time, more energy on the ‘next level’ or on consuming the thing we consumed over and over and over again trying to ‘stay on track’ and blaming ourselves when the promised results don’t occur.
Most things are marketed to us via ‘pain point’ marketing - and again this is for good reason.
We are tricked into believing that whatever we are being sold is the solution, because the person selling it to us knows how to speak to the pain we’re in - knows how to tell that vulnerable story of pain that they were in that is just like yours, they know how to tap into your fear that the world is out to get you and that they have the real secret to why you suffer and they are ‘awakening you’ to the truth.
We are sold items via reminding us of how horrible we feel, and then promising us relief from that feeling vai the product we are being sold, and it works because when we are in pain we ARE vulnerable to anyone who makes us feel seen, heard and validated in our pain.
People know how to act like they have a deep understanding by using big words and deeply emotional shares - just so they can turn around and sell us something that is quick, surface level, that puts the blame on us making us feel like we have the power to change things via ‘fixing’ ourselves and they know how to make themselves SOUND so knowledgeable after tapping into our vulnerability - thus leading us to believe that they must really have the answers.
They rely on us being vulnerable, feeling shame, feeling scared and tapping into all of that in order to sell us what they are selling us.
We walk away feeling seen, heard and understood, and like what we have just been sold MUST be solution - otherwise how they could they possibly KNOW how we are FEELING?!
Then again, when it doesn’t work, we are trained to turn on ourselves, look for the next guru who connects to our pain, and to do the whole thing over again.
Again, this is really good for the economy.
This is really good for our culture of ‘never enough’ that depends upon us feeling like we are failures and like the latest and greatest thing is what we need.
We stay on the superficial, jumping from one thing to the next, being driven deeper and deeper into shame and guilt as things don’t work and then we continue to buy and consume ad-nauseum never getting where we want to go.
What’s The Solution?
The solution here is to realize that most of the time the pain we’re in is more complex than we want to give it credit for.
We have to understand that we are complex beings, and when we are dealing with long term issues - health issues that have been around for years, relationship patterns we learned early on in our childhoods, ways that we cope, numb and self sabotage that feel totally out of our control, financial issues we can’t ever seem to get on top of and so on, are all things that are going to take TIME to address, shift and change.
We have to understand that there really isn’t ever going to be a ‘one reason’ why we struggle, nor is there going to be a ‘one solution’ that fixes everything.
We have to understand that what we are looking for in our healing work isn’t one stop shop solutions, but simply STEPS on the path. Items we can put in our tool-boxes. Moments of release that accumulate over time.
We have to recognize that the pressure to ‘heal it all right now’ is coming from a culture that wants us to stay in a perpetual surface-level understanding, that wants us to stay in a kind of ‘panic mode’ so that our critical thinking skills DO go off-line, so that we can be perpetually stimulated by being sold things via activating our ‘pain points’.
We have to recognize that the vulnerability that is inherent when we are struggling is being used against us - it’s being used as a way to keep us perpetually feeling unsafe, not good enough and like we are to blame for our pain, it’s being used as a tool to then tell us that we should be ‘afraid’ of all of these different things, and that ‘empowerment’ means buying more, consuming more, taking in the next thing and following guru’s as they pump out never ending lines of healing tools.
We have to recognize that the real solutions we are looking for are going to come from slow, gentle, self compassionate inquiry, that leads to us figuring out how we need to be supported, one small step at a time.
We need to realize that the tools that actually work are not the big, flashy, giant revelation tools - but rather the tools that are based on continued, committed practice over long periods of time.
The things that are going to benefit us the most are the things we invest in with our time and energy over the long term, reaping the rewards of accumulated effort.
THIS is the actual path of healing.
Slowing down.
Checking in.
Practicing a few practices over and over as they deepen in their healing.
Allowing ourselves to go deep instead of constantly bouncing from one thing to the next.
Of course there are some times and places where healing or growth is quick. Where the issues we are facing aren’t so complex and where some answers are relatively simple - and I don’t want to pretend that everything is some deep issue.
Sometimes the simplest thing IS the thing, and we aren’t dealing with something systemic.
I want to validate and acknowledge that.
Thus with anything, we want to check the superficial first. To easy and straightforward - the ‘thinking horses not zebras when we hear hoofbeats.’
But when and if the simple DOESN’T work, that’s when we open to the deeper and more complex, instead of running to the next superficial thing over and over and over again.
If the superficial doesn't work it’s not because you’re broken or just need the next thing - it’s likely because there’s simply something deeper going on that requires more time and investigation. More tools. More consistency.
Allowing ourselves to stick with what we have, working it, seeing what works about it, letting go of what doesn’t work about it, then slowly adding more and more self support tools in as needed - but only in a way that actually feels good, grounding and supportive.
We let go of the striving, we work through the feelings of not being good enough and we center on the reality that we are worthy just as we are - and all this ‘healing’ work isn’t about becoming something better - but rather it’s about supporting the beings that we are, right here, right now.
THIS is the path of healing.
It’s slow, deep, complex, nuanced and full of repetition rather than hyper consumption and fear based thinking.
We start from a place of worthiness, and work with tools that feel supportive, vs. starting from an assumption of brokenness, and working to try to fix.
We harness our vulnerability and don’t allow it to be used as a weapon against us.
We make room for the process and allow it to take place.
Healing comes this way.
Progressively, slowly and with grounded self compassion.
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