Hint: it's not perfection.
It's not in finding perfect health.
The perfect job.
Perfect alignment.
I know I talk A LOT about being on a 'growth path' and that this can sound like what I'm saying is that we should be in a state of perpetual 'getting better/improvement/expansion.' That it's in THIS growth that we find happiness and fulfillment in this life.
With this I get asked - how can people who are sick then be on a growth path? How can people who have addictions or coping mechanisms be on a growth path? If people are in painful situations they don't know how to change - does that mean they are 'life degenerating?' Does this mean that unless my life is PERFECT in the sense that ALL parts of my life align with GROWTH - that I'm not living a good life?
Does it mean it's then not possible to have joy, abundance, happiness or fulfillment in life, if we have any part of ourselves we know are in degradation?
And what about the degradation we CAN'T control? The stuff all around us that we have to participate in in order to just survive in this world?
I want to talk about ALL of this today. I want to clear up what I mean when I say 'life generating' and what I don't mean. More specifically I want to help us move beyond any kind of perfectionistic thinking/black and white thinking that may be keeping us trapped in loops that we don't need to be in.
Life will never be perfectly life generating - we are all in bodies that are going to decay, we all participate in systems that don't align with life, we all have parts of self that aren't on board for growth right now. It's possible to have ALL of this and still be on a life generating path, feeling joy along the way.
<3
Dear Aliyah….Sunday morning here in the Great Lakes Bay Area, Michigan…I have become Nurse Nancy a bit as my husband is recovering from total knee replacement surgery…first post op appt is Tuesday. Your work continues to amaze me…you are a prolific writer…I hope someday I will hear the words for me…I hear them for Chris…wanting him here to work on what you ask us to do…make yourself a safe place, self love, have true curiosity and compassion for yourself. Understand the things we do to get love and approval that are harming us are because we didn’t get our needs met before we even had the consciousness to know we weren’t getting our needs met. At the same time I embrace your words about the negative effects of capitalism, western ideologies, the health care system, the self improvement industry…I would add in my mind that is what the western mental health care model is modeled after and the effects of militarization systems on the mind unleashed on the world and so heartbreakingly on the individual person who enter those systems. It’s snowing❄️?. After 40 months of “cognitive behavioral therapy” I am done. I do appreciate Kelly’s compassion and curiosity that heard/listened to my words. Chris and I had both entered that “system” before his death. I have also had a grief coach since June 2020….also a vilomah (bereaved mother). I am feeling stronger now by keeping my own counsel for the most part…I do have support people close to me…friends and family…a true Anam Cara…soul friend. You are that for me, too, in the ways that you can be based on the format we know each other. So….here I am using spirituality and physicality to sustain myself…always my coping mechanisms…taking what I like and leaving the rest most days…I have had to leave so much…taking those small steps some days…many more days staying right where I am…never stuck, but definitely looping, a very “squiggly” journey…always seeking; being okay with what I find…the good the bad and the ugly. You Aliyah are BEAUTY?….have a good week?.
I totally agree with you on the sentiments about our mental health care in this world. It’s very much in the dark ages in terms of really understanding why people are how they are, and what they need in terms of support. We live in such a complex web – and there’s only so much external safety we CAN create – and while we need to work towards creating it ‘out there’ we must also do the work to create it ‘in here’ too. Both and. We are a community of individuals. On our own paths together. I’m grateful to be a part of yours. I’m so happy to hear you’re honoring yourself and what you know you need and what you know you don’t. I see you, friend <3
Also sending your husband lots of love for his speedy recovery. I'm sure you're the best nurse one could hope for <3 <3 <3
Thank you DearAliyah….yesterday I listened to the forgiveness/not forgiveness talk…..oh my, this is so where I am…will be listening again…I’m so okay with how this is for me…I have asked for forgiveness…I know I am forgiven…but I am ambivalent about what forgiveness means to my self from myself…in so many ways it doesn’t matter…Chris is gone…I played my part as his mother…the weekend I knew I was done with cognitive behavioral therapy he yelled in my mind, “It is not your fault!”….many times. Fault, forgiveness, not forgiveness, failure, futility, fruitlessness, …..how bout FUCK…YESTHIS?! I am looking for protection from myself and others….putting this wrap of quandary of forgiveness/non-forgiveness fits perfectly…it truly is a boundary for me…my own little personal place of sitting…just for me…letting it play out however it does. I am getting a different sense of humor back…most days….and endeavor not to be an ass hole…but am true to myself in ways I couldn’t have been before.??☘️
Truly, truly, truly, it is not your fault. One step forward at a time, taking that space for you.
Seeing you and sending you all my love on this path you walk so bravely <3
Perception Trainers…..”When you can make space for yourself to be not ‘ok’- you may find you unlock a whole new level of peace.” …..DearestAliyah thank you….lately I have believed many of your posts on Facebook Perception Trainers have been written for me….and I know this is always true…but your posts have been so very personal in my “perception”. I thank you with my whole heart?. I had a coaching call today…I so appreciate Megan Hillukka of Grieving Moms Haven and the three other Grieving Moms on these calls …to nights post will be journaled….as many of your words to me have been. Wishing you so much love and big “Chris style” bear hugs DearFriend?. Another step???????
It melts my heart to read this. We are so much more alike than we are different hey? Let’s just keep creating a world of more compassion. Starting with yourself. Always yourself. Sending you a massive hug right back <3