Truth is an incredibly interesting and complex topic to contemplate and ponder.
There are many out there who are searching for ‘ultimate truth’ - believing that there is some overarching understanding that we can gain in life that will give us total liberation from suffering and can then be used as a single guiding light that we can center our world around.
Others - especially in our hyper-individualistic culture - are living for ‘their truth’ - operating from a belief system that says that we all have our own ‘right’ and that we aren’t supposed to force anyone or anything else to agree with ‘our truth’ and that we should be able to be free to live in ‘out truth’ no matter how others perceive that.
Many of us want ‘truth’ to be simple. We want to believe that we are living the truth, living in alignment with the truth and that how we are seeing things is ‘correct’ - or at least that how we are seeing things is correct ENOUGH to help us avoid pain and achieve a sense of peace and pleasure.
Many of us want truth to be something we live out as a way of serving others and being a good co-creator. We want to live out what is true because we want to be good, we want to be helpful, we want to be the kind of person who makes the world a better place.
At the end of the day, many of us are on a quest for truth - either ultimate, individual or somewhere in between - because we want to feel like we know how to make choices. We want to feel safe and secure and we want to be able to help others do the same.
This is all very noble.
But it’s also confusing.
Is there an ‘ultimate truth’ that we can apply to ALL things and ALL people that we ‘should’ be living by?
Is truth only relative? Is it true that what is real for one person may be totally false for another? Is it possible that what’s good and helpful for one could actually be bad for someone else?
Is it possible to figure out what the truth is? Or is it something that will always be unknown to us?
Let’s take a closer look at all of this today, and see if we can find a place of peace with all of this.
Truth Is Complex
The ‘ultimate truth’ about truth is that there are both universal truths that DO apply to all things (at least as they exist on this planet in this universe) AND there are relative truths that apply to some and not all.
Truth isn’t either or - and what’s ultimately helpful for one may be totally damaging for another, while at the same time there are some things that are pretty much ALWAYS true for all of us and ALWAYS false for all of us.
There are certain concepts that we can learn about in this life that apply universally - that are principles by which we can form a kind of ‘life path’, and there are going to be truths that we slide in and out of, that are going to apply sometimes and not others.
As much as we may want there to be a simple and straightforward answer around what truth is and how we can use that to help us make ‘right’ choices - unfortunately it’s not so cut and dry.
Living in alignment with ‘the truth’ is always going to require that we are keeping our eyes and ears open, that we aren’t defaulting to auto-pilot and that we are working our critical thinking and feeling muscles.
Which I think is the first and most challenging part of living a truth based life.
A truth based life means accepting that we aren’t going to find the ‘one thing’ that is ‘true’ that we can then hang our hats on and just coast with.
We are always going to be in a state of having to assess, reassess, learn, grow and expand - because truth itself is living, breathing and expanding with us.
Truth is dynamic in a lot of ways rather than being deeply stagnant and a pillar that never changes - and this means that we have to surrender the idea that we can ever ‘find it’ and then be done.
Which is hard.
It also means accepting that there will be times and places in your life where what is true for you really ISN’T true for others and vice-versa - and there will be times in your life where you are going to have to validate your own truth even when others aren’t able to.
It’s going to require that sometimes you recognize that those around you aren’t ever going to validate what is true for you because your expression of truth is so outside of their paradigm of what reality is as to be totally unrecognizable to them.
It means accepting that sometimes you aren’t going to understand another person's truth, and that what is actually ‘right’ for someone else may look and feel absolutely abhorrent to you. It means accepting that sometimes we are going to have to stretch our empathy muscles much farther than we ever have in order to get ourselves into a state of seeing that just because someone is living in a way that makes NO sense to us, that it really DOES make sense for them.
It also means accepting that even with ultimate truth, there are going to be times and places where others are not going to have the CAPACITY to understand what we know to be true and what ultimately IS true. That there are going to be times and places where the truth that we are seeing is too complex and complicated for some to really grasp and live by. That even if we were to explain it perfectly, demonstrate it perfectly or live it perfectly ourselves that ‘they’ still won’t be able to ‘get it’ because they are simply not at a place where they are ABLE to get it.
It means accepting that there will be times and places where WE aren’t capable of living in alignment with an ultimate truth. Where we don’t have the requisite understanding and capacity to live in a way where we aren’t breaking ourselves against reality to a certain degree simply because we’re not yet at a place where we have the resources or ability to know and live out what truth is.
Truth is complex.
It’s both universal and individual. It’s both changing and unchanging. It’s both something we continually grow into and something we will always fail to fully grasp.
We will never be able to fully rest in the idea that we have it ‘figured out’, while also being something that we CAN figure out to a degree that we have some firm foundations upon which we can walk knowing we have SOME things figure out.
It’s both and.
Let’s Talk About YOUR Truth
Now, for the purposes of THIS article, I mostly want to focus on the concept of individual truth.
I want to help you shift into a state of realizing that what is true, real, important and pertinent for YOU at any given time in your life may or may not have anything to do with what is true for those around you.
That what is true for others may be totally right and true for THEM - but absolutely wrong for you.
THIS is uncomfortable.
Because we live in a world where we are very much trained to look outside of ourselves for validation that what we’re doing and how we’re living is ‘right’ by having our choices reflected back to us in the choices that others are making.
We are deeply social beings, and part of what makes us feel SAFE is the feeling that we are the SAME as others. That we can recognize ourselves in others, that we can recognize our choices in the choices that others are making and that we can know that we are going to be ‘included’ because we align with what everyone else is doing.
This is totally normal, natural and not something we are ever going to ‘transcend’ or get rid of.
There are always going to be parts of ourselves that doubt when what we feel like we need to do for ourselves goes against what our culture is telling us we ‘should’ be doing.
We were all raised in families and in social circles that became what Martha Beck calls our ‘generalized other.’ The people that when we say ‘everyone thinks this!’ Or ‘Everyone is doing that’ we are referring to.
In real reality, there is no such thing as something that EVERYONE thinks, believes, does or doesn’t do. In real reality there are all kinds of people living all kinds of different ways - with varying degrees of success - but what we have been conditioned to believe as being the ‘right way to live’ is usually just what we are used to based on how we were socialized and based on the conditions of our upbringing.
What’s ‘normal’ and ‘right’ for someone who was raised in a strictly religious household may be totally foreign and WRONG to someone who was raised in a more secular way.
Those who were raised in a culture where affluence was the norm are going to have a totally different set of ‘truths’ when it comes to acceptable behavior, what is and isn’t a ‘respectable’ way to work, socialize, partner and relax than someone who came from a background of deep insecurity.
What WE believe to be ‘the truth’ in terms of what the ‘right way’ to live is, is largely dependent upon the CULTURE we were raised in - and this varies WIDELY based on a whole host of factors.
Just understanding this can help us shift out of the idea that what ‘everyone’ around us is doing and valuing may not be what is right for US or may not be what is right in general.
It’s just what was NORMAL for US.
The reality here is this: There are many different ways of living life that are functional and could be considered ‘true’ in the sense that they work. They get our needs met. They work well enough within the framework of ultimate truth that they serve us.
There is no one right way to live that all of us ‘should’ be aligning with - and this also means that what we were raised to believe is ‘right’ may not ACTUALLY be ‘right’ for us.
Expanding Beyond Conditioning
So what does all of this practically mean for YOU?
It means that you living your life in accordance with what’s right for you may mean having to depart from what those around you believe to be right and true.
It means accepting that not everyone is going to understand what’s right for you, and not everyone is going to be able to validate what’s right for you.
It means that there are going to be people out there who are totally fine living in a way that you simply can’t ever bring yourself to be fine with.
It means that on this path of spirituality and personal growth, we are going to have to be in a state where we are willing to accept that yes, there are some ultimate truths that DO work for all of us - like the fact that we are a part of nature and when we live as though we aren’t we cause destruction to ourselves and others - and there are some relative truths that are going to apply to some of us, some of the time but never everyone all of the time.
What I want to help you understand today is this - if what you have been raised to believe is ‘normal’ doesn’t feel good for you, doesn’t allow you to feel that you are able to be expansive, creative, free, and doesn’t give you a sense that you are living in a way that actually WORKS for you - you’re allowed to question it.
Even if it’s ‘working’ for everyone around you.
Even if other people seem to be happy living the way you can’t seem to get yourself to live.
Even if this ‘truth’ that ‘everyone’ thinks and feels a certain way LOOKS like it’s reality to you right now - if it’s not FUNCTIONAL in the sense that you really can’t get yourself to feel good doing it - it may not be YOUR truth.
YOU are a unique individual who has a unique life path.
And that life path may not reflect the life path of those you were raised by and around.
You may have different needs than those around you.
You may have different values.
You may have different perspectives that lead you to wanting to explore aspects of reality that those around you have no interest or even awareness of.
You may be a deeply spiritual being who was raised in a secular culture - who is looked at as ‘weird’ and ‘woo-woo’ rather than being respected as being a deep thinker and someone who feels.
You may be an artistic type that was raised in a family of A-typers.
You may be loud, outgoing and extroverted in a world where you’ve been taught that being small, quiet and introspective is the ‘right way’ to be.
You may have no interest in following a doctrine that everyone around you holds to be the Ultimate truth and the only way to salvation.
Your reality, your perception, your interests, your natural view-point and what is ultimately going to fulfill you may have little to nothing to do with what you were raised to believe is true for ‘everyone’ - and it’s your job to recognize this, and allow yourself to live in this different way - even if it means being misunderstood.
It may be true that those around you are able to live in a certain way that YOU can’t conceptualize being happy within - and that doesn't mean that THEY are doing it wrong for them.
This path of finding truth is going to require that you allow yourself to be who you are - even if that is different from how others live their lives.
This isn’t easy. But it’s necessary if we want to find peace in our lives.
You see, you living in alignment with what is true for YOU, is actually the BEST thing you can do for the world around you.
The more you are allowing yourself to understand and live as your fullest self - whatever that is in THIS moment, knowing that it’s going to change and grow with time - is your contribution to the evolution of our species.
You allowing yourself to be what YOU ARE is how you are going to live in a way that provides the BEST support for others who also need to live as themselves.
When you learn to embrace your truth - knowing that others may disapprove of you, not understand you, have no idea why or how you’re doing what you are - you are creating a space for others to do the same - and this is a powerful thing.
Letting go of the conditioning that ‘everyone’ is doing something and therefore we are shameful if we aren’t able to do that thing, is the hardest work we will ever do in this life.
Learning to validate ourselves when we aren’t being validated by our Generalized Other, while also learning that we don’t have to INVALIDATE anyone ELSE in order to find validation for ourselves is another MASSIVE learning step we are going to have to take.
This path of truth is a complex one.
It will help you find what is true for all of us - and it will help you see that just because something is true for all of us doesn’t mean everyone is capable of living that truth. But if YOU are, then YOU should.
It will help you break out of the conditioning that ‘everyone’ thinks and feels a certain way about what’s right, so that you can find the people and community that live in the way that is right for you.
It will help you find compassion and empathy for the fact that not everyone is you, what is right for you isn’t right for everyone and that everyone else is doing their best based on the conditions of their lives.
You are not here to find ‘ultimate truth’ with a capital T to then spread to everyone else.
It’s your job to figure out what is functional for you, what works, and what’s LEAST harmful within the bounds of your capacity - and to keep learning about what that is, one step at a time.
Your truth is going to change and evolve, and you are going to become more and more capable of understanding and living ultimate truth as you pursue your individual truth.
Both and.
So rather than trying to find what’s TRUE - can you look for what’s FUNCTIONAL? What’s least harmful? What causes the least amount of pain and the most amount of TRUE pleasure (the kind that doesn’t have a negative consequence on the back-end?)
Just keep following that.
Allow yourself to deconstruct and reconstruct based on REALITY and OUTCOME, vs what others think and believe.
Allow yourself the space to learn to validate yourself even when others can’t.
Move from what WORKS.
If it doesn’t WORK, it’s not TRUE - and thus there’s something else to explore.
Not everyone is going to reflect your choices back to you - and that’s ok.
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Are you ready for a true spiritual path that connects you to yourself and reality so you can feel good about your life?
Then come check out the Mystery School.
