The world is often going to tell us that the BEST way to make ourselves safe, is to make ourselves ‘the same.’
That the best way to feel secure, to feel loved, to feel like we are good enough, worthy and ‘who we are supposed to be’, is to look around us, pay attention to how others are, and to mirror what is being shown to us as the ‘right’ way to be.
This is no accident - the reality is that ‘fitting in’ is something we humans have tried to do in order to feel safe, included, loved and validated for a LONG TIME.
As the reality is, we evolved in groups.
We evolved in a situation where being a part of the group, where being loved and accepted by the group was paramount to our survival.
Because if you were unpredictable, or viewed in any way as being unsafe by the group, chances are you were going to be attacked, ostracized or otherwise put in a situation where getting your needs met was REALLY difficult.
Even without this evolutionary imprinting, what most of us experienced as children mirrored this message - the more we were approved of, loved and validated by our caregivers, the more they attuned to us and the more they met our needs.
Thus, is it any wonder that we have learned to adapt to the cultural expectations of those around us in order to find safety?
The only problem with this, is the fact that when we are denying who we really are, when we are rejecting our true nature in favor of being and doing what’s expected of us, when we are not able to fully BE ourselves - most of this time this leads to a deep, dark feeling of being unwell, unsafe, unloved and disconnected.
So how do we reconcile this? How do we learn to be ourselves in a world where that often feels genuinely dangerous? How do we come to terms with the idea that the more we embrace our true nature, the more we are going to be able to embrace the true nature of others - making ALL of us feel more safe and welcome - in a world that is constantly making us feel deeply insecure if we don’t fit in?
That’s what we’re going to explore today.
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