Wanna know one of the most POWERFUL ways in which you can start to personally dismantle the current systems of oppression, aggression, fear, misunderstanding, marginalization, abuse and overall out of sync with reality?
Here it is:
REFUSE to stay locked in ANY form of body loathing.
Hear me out.
I know this sounds superficial.
I know it sounds like working to love your body is trite and like it pales in comparison to the ‘real’ work that needs to be done to fight this system that causes so much harm.
But here’s the deal - this system FUNCTIONS off of a society that is disempowered. The systems we have only work because we, as a general population are DISCONNECTED from our HUMANITY. We are locked in fear, in self doubt, in self loathing and existential crisis.
This is what generates our willingness to turn a blind eye to abuses of power. This is what allows us to deny the pain WE are in due to the system, so that we can keep trying to have success within it. It’s what makes us good consumers. It’s what leads us to being manipulated without us knowing it. We are in so much pain, looking to fill the void with EXTERNALITIES - and because this isn't possible - we are NEVER going to fill the void of lack of love, security and the feeling of empowerment that we can figure things out in life from buying things or having status - we wind up making our OWN situations WORSE by continually engaging in the system, which then further deflates us, further traumatizes us and this causes us to be more and more harmful, self and survival focused without being aware of it. We constantly feel inadequate, not good enough, like our pain means there's something wrong with us, and this drives us more and more to consume, work harder, go inside and AVOID looking at others, our effects on them and how we may be serving to enrich this system that so heavily profits off the pain and suffering of others.
We are separated from our bodies, and thus the source of FEELING - which is where our POWER really is.
We allow others and ourselves to be abused because we lack the confidence, awareness, understanding and personal centering to actually stand up for what’s right and just - or even to KNOW what’s right and just.
Being in a state where you loath your body, where you are disconnected from it, where you would rather be ANYWHERE but embodied leaves you deeply vulnerable to the calls of ‘not enough’ which again, are the calls that drive the system we have.
Loving Your Body Is A call For A New World - But It Is NOT Your Fault That It's SO HARD:
Learning to love your body, learning to REFUSE to allow ANYONE OR ANYTHING to make you feel inferior because of ANY part of your physicality is the FOUNDATION for all other empowerment in this life.
It’s the foundation for stepping out of the constant ‘rat race’ of trying to fix or improve yourself - which leads you to overwork, over stress, over consumption, exhaustion, disconnection and so on - is self love. The lack of self love we all carry around is what leads us as a society to CALL FOR leaders and gurus that take advantage. It’s what leads us again to being so self-centered in our own pain and lack that we can’t be there for others, we can’t stand for what’s right.
This idea that some bodies are good and others are bad is a tool those in positions of power have been using FOREVER to keep groups of people disempowered and disenfranchised.
Now, before we go any further - if you hate your body, if you struggle to love your body, if you are caught in any form of body hate, if you are stuck in any cycle of disordered eating/treating your body in harmful ways, if being in your body is pure TRAUMA for you, if you have been abused or marginalized or specifically trained to hate your body based on it’s size/shape/color/cultural background, if you have lineage trauma that makes loving your body incredibly difficult- THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I repeat - THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
There is nothing wrong with YOU that you hate your body. Ever. You were TRAINED and PROGRAMMED from the very beginning of your life to hate your body. You did not make this mess. You did not cause this. You did not wake up and decide one day to hate your body and be disempowered.
This was DONE to you.
Thus, the MOST IMPORTANT first step in this process of learning to love your body and be embodied is to have nothing but love and compassion for yourself. Even if you don’t feel like you were specifically trained to hate your body - if you have any amount of disconnection from your body that is a trauma you experienced showing up.
This path is going to be harder for some than others.
This is a fact and we need to acknowledge that.
This path is going to look very different for a cis gendered, conventionally attractive white male than it is for a trans gendered American woman who is of African dissent, than it is for a white woman who was sexually abused in her teens.
We all come to this with our trauma and NONE OF IT is ANY OF OUR FAULTS.
We must all start by embracing the journey we have ahead of us, and allowing ourselves to GRIEVE the fact that it is going to be hard for us in our specific way. Allow ourselves to be SAD and ANGRY. We must allow ourselves to LOATH what happened to us or our families or to those of our culture. We must make it SAFE for ourselves to FEEL what we feel. To resent that we even have to do this work. That the journey is hard.
Next, we must start to recognize and realize that we can’t wait until we are represented by someone else before we give ourselves permission to start this work. We can’t wait to see someone who looks like us to be centered and celebrated before WE will CENTER OURSELVES and CELEBRATE OURSELVES. The system thrives on us waiting. Don’t wait.
Reworking Our Relationship With Our Own Bodies:
From here - the task is to re-work our relationship with our physical bodies. To start to treat them with love, respect, reverence and grace.
Again, this is going to be MUCH harder for some than others.
This is going to look different on all of us.
To begin, simply acknowledge where you are, and stop making it your fault.
You are not to blame.
From WHEREVER you can, start with ANY acknowledgement towards the GOODNESS of your body you can muster. If being in your feelings, being embodied is pure trauma - don’t force that. Witness your body from your head and appreciate that it is moving and breathing for you. Begin to shift the narrative that ‘your body’ is wrong/bad/flawed/broken/the CAUSE of any of your pain to the truth - your body is either RESPONDING to something in it’s environment that is causing it to exhibit pain, or it was ABUSED/ASSAULTED/MISTREATED in some way. All of your pain is a RESPONSE to having been violated/traumatized - none of it is BECAUSE of your body. Your body is not the reason you were abused. Your body is not the reason you were traumatized. The SYSTEM did that. The pain and misunderstanding of the world did that. Not your body. Your body EXPERIENCED that. And it deserves to be LOVED and NURTURED now to a state of regulation.
Making it SAFE for you and your body to be where you ARE is paramount. You are where you are and you feel how you feel. Nothing can really shift until you feel safe in that. So as much as you can, learning to shift from self/body blame to 'this is a response to something that is happening/the did happen that was ANTAGONISTIC to me, and this is how I am adapting/how I learned to adapt.'
Then, commit to a form of wellness practice.
And DO NOT allow yourself to buy into the marketing that says that wellness has to look like green juice or a specific diet or way of eating or moving. That wellness has anything to do with your brand of clothing or financial status.
Taking care of your body can literally mean you send your body a deep ‘thank you’ for pumping your heart, breathing your lungs and moving your legs for you all day while you sit on the bus between jobs and picking up the kids from daycare. It can look like taking 10 deep breaths in the bathroom in between classes. It can mean singing a good night song to your child before bed and allowing the vibrations to move through your being. It can mean looking in the mirror for 1 minute and just really SEEING your body. ALL of this is wellness. If healthy food is available - great! Eat from a place of NOURISHING your body rather than trying to ALTER it and see how that feels. Move from a place of NOURISHING your body rather than trying to alter it. Dress from a place of celebrating your body (in whatever way feels SAFE and COMFORTABLE for YOU - even if that means just wearing a nice bracelet you like under your sweater so no one else can see it) rather than dressing to try to CHANGE how it is perceived.
Wellness is all about INTENTION and again showing up for yourself WHERE YOU ARE. There is no right or wrong way. No gold standard. No shame or blame here. ANY act of looking to NOURISH yourself and your body IS IT.
Slowly start to tune into your feelings, and rather than rejecting yourself or trying to fix how you’re feeling - see if you can first have COMPASSION for yourself in what you are feeling and the CURIOSITY.
Don’t do this alone.
Rent books from the library of body positivity. Follow accounts on social media that feature lots of different bodies. Look up free resources on youtube. Get a coach or mentor if that calls to you. Get a journal. Do this with a friend. Message me and I will send you my book on body love for free. Check out all the resources here on my website: https://perceptiontrainers.com/eating-disorder-body-image-…/
This doesn’t have to cost you a thing. Nothing in your life needs to change before you can start. This is available to all people.
In fact, the more it’s internally motivated and driven the more powerful and profound it will be.
I've Been Trained To Hate My Body Just Like You:
I have lived in a body that has been very sick and NON able for all my life. I have been called fat, puffy, ugly, ‘sick looking’ weak, gross, anorexic, clearly unwell - you name it, it’s been slung at me. Often times from women in the ‘wellness’ community. And you know what I hear?
The system got to them.
In reality, if anyone has something negative to say about my body, and rather than taking the time to get to know me, to get to know my situation, to ask consent to share what they think they're seeing in me or to ask me questions before their project their ‘insights’ onto me - they don’t really care and are not coming from concern. They are projecting their own fears and beauty biases onto me. They are perpetuating the system that causes them to hate their own bodies by projecting that hate/fear/mistrust onto me. It’s just trauma. I send them love because I know it's pain their working from. Pain they don't see and that's suffocating them much more than it ever will me. If this is happening to YOU - it's the same. Anyone who actually cares or has wisdom will come to you with gentleness and grace. Anyone who attacks, provokes or accuses you of anything (especially if they don't know you) is being triggered by their own stuff. Lovingly let them roll on by. It's not you. You don't ever deserve to be disrespected because of your body - ever.
I personally absolutely REFUSE to entertain ANY of it. I REFUSE to let any comment or criticism against my body take up space in my reality. Because I will not be a victim of the system. I will not buy into the idea that I have to be ANY way to be good enough, respected, healthy or worthy. That my body has ANY baring on my worth or value. That my body can or could stop me from living my purpose, standing in what I know I am here to do. I REFUSE to make myself smaller, to hide away, to get focused on ‘fixing or changing my body to make it more acceptable looking’ and allowing that to distract me from LIVING MY LIFE.
The system will not have me. And it doesn’t have to have you either.
I live a minimalistic lifestyle where I consume next to no media. I'm not prone to looking outside of myself to be told what’s right or wrong for me. I've built an amazing life for myself that continues to be less and less harmful to others, more and more aligned with my purpose and simply filled with things that are WORTH my time and effort. I have a circle of loving individuals who DO know me who I am happy to take advice from. I am more and more aware of where I am causing harm and more and more capable of CHANGE so as to be more advantageous to the ecosystem as a WHOLE.
And this has been made possible because I STARTED with loving my body.
This journey made me less vulnerable, less self centered, less of a consumer, less of a chicken running around with my head cut off. I became more aware of SO MUCH with all the space left over from NOT focusing on how wrong or bad my body was and what i was going to do about it.
This Is Not Your Fault, But You HAVE POWER:
You’re worth this. Your pain and trauma are not your fault nor are they the fault of your body.
You have the power to shift your inner narrative with love and kindness to one that supports your growth and expansion.
Your disembarkation from the system of death. Your personal path to liberation.
Your body is going to lead you. Feeling will lead you. Your humanity will lead you.
Refuse to hate your body. Refuse to hate yourself that you hate your body.
Do this work on the inside and watch as you find where you fit in this world, what your role and zone of power is, and where the truth meets the lies.
Check out of the system by radically loving your body.
It’s the most profound act of rebellion you will ever embrace.
Nothing can touch you or stop you when you’re embodied.