In my experience, getting to a place where we FULLY allow ourselves to be upset with our caregivers, where we allow ourselves to stop looking for how they meant well, stop looking to empathize with their perspective, stop looking to figure out 'how they didn't mean it' or what their good intentions were behind the things they did that hurt and harmed us is a REALLY challenging thing.
Getting to a place where we can fully grieve for ourselves, where we can start to reconnect with all the parts of ourselves that got shamed, blamed, abandoned and hurt by our caregivers from a place of curiosity and compassion vs. assuming these parts are bad/wrong/deserving of shame is hard.
It's hard because when we REALLY let ourselves 'go there' what we're really doing is admitting to ourselves that our caregivers weren't right about everything.
This opens a floodgate of existential dread and fear. It can make us feel like we're now eternally alone, like we now have no idea what is and isn't 'right', like the hope we had of 'fixing ourselves' is now gone - and with that we can feel like our whole worlds are coming crashing down. From there, we may start to take this perspective of us not having been 'wrong' but the RULES we were given having been wrong out to society at large - and in THAT we will often find that this existential crisis gets much, much worse.
On the other side of this, if we're able to ride through it, there is a lot of freedom and breakthroughs. But getting to that again is all about facing deep existential fear and dread.
This is why learning to love ourselves fully is often something that triggers a 'dark night of the soul'. Sometimes this deep feeling of fear/hopelessness/loneliness will come over us even without recognizing where it's coming from.
Today I'm going to talk about all of this - why getting angry at our caregivers and then society will lead to a dark night of the soul, and how we can navigate that to get to the other side.
This is a tricky thing, but you're totally, totally capable.
And don't worry - this isn't a 'caregiver bashing' video. It's much deeper than that.
If you're loving these life tools, if you're wanting a more structured, guided path for how to integrate these tools into your life, and if you're looking for a safe and supportive community to walk with you THROUGH this work - be sure to check out
It's all the tools of emotional regulation and awareness, self awareness, processing and problem solving that we SHOULD have been taught in school.