Hello again!
In case you missed it, you can read part one of This Post Here!
Now today we are going to dive into the rest of the steps you can take to help yourself come out of resistance and into movement when you are working towards positive change in your life.
There is a method, and I hope you find this helpful.
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Validation Of Your Feelings: Next, can you lean into what you’re feeling?
- Are you feeling fear that you will look stupid?
- Fear that you will put in effort and it won’t turn out how you wanted it to?
- Fear that others will judge you?
- Fear that you won’t get it right and will have to learn things along the way?
- Are you scared that you won’t be able to figure it out?
- Are you afraid that it won’t ‘work?’
- Are you overwhelmed with where to start?
- Are you overwhelmed with trying to figure out how the whole thing will go?
- Are you worried that you are choosing the wrong thing? That there is something ‘better’ you could be doing and that this may be the wrong new thing?
- Are you scared that you are going to lose people if you do this new thing?
- Are you afraid that you won’t be good at the new thing?
- Are you tired? Stressed? Feeling like having to do a new thing is just too much right now?
Can you slow down with trying to motivate yourself and just allow yourself to settle into where you ARE right now?
I know this may feel like a waste of time, or like you’re ‘indulging’ in your fears - making it harder to get up and get going - but if we aren’t willing to slow down and actually validate and be with ourselves where we ARE - chances are good that we aren’t going to be able to do what we need to do to get ourselves going.
If we don’t know where we are on the map, how can we find our directions to our destination?
Allowing ourselves to understand where we are right now so that we can VALIDATE ourselves and have COMPASSION for our current thoughts, feelings, fears and doubts is INCREDIBLY important work that we NEED to do to again make ourselves feel SAFE.
When we feel safe, we are our most resourceful, and our most willing to take risks!
So can you allow yourself to just take stock of your current fears and doubts, and again, rather than trying to convince yourself of something you don’t believe right now or trying to force yourself to feel differently - can you just validate that you feel how you feel? Can you be nice to yourself in this? Can you make it ok that you feel how you feel right now and then ask yourself what you NEED from you to feel comforted, nourished and supported in this moment?
Can you shift from trying to push yourself to looking to SUPPORT yourself?
Checking In With TRUE Motivation/WHY Are You Doing This? Next, we want to figure out if this new thing we want to try is REALLY what we want to do, or if it’s just what we ‘believe’ we have to do to be good, worthy or otherwise if we think it’s the ONLY way to get to where we want to go when the reality is there may be another way.
We want to make sure that we are doing what we’re doing because we ACTUALLY WANT TO - and not just because we feel like we ‘should’ - because at the end of the day, doing something new IS going to be hard. It’s going to present challenges along the way we didn’t see coming. There are going to be many, many moments of feeling overwhelmed, scared and like we have to push through.
Thus, if we don’t have the INNER motivation to get us through these moments, if we don’t have a clear internal desire and ‘why’ - we aren’t going to have the resources we need to get through those tough moments. We do need to make sure that we are doing what we are because we actually have a belief inside that it’s worth the effort.
Also, sometimes the reality is that what the world is telling us we ‘should’ be doing, what the world is telling us we should be pursuing, what the world is saying we ‘should’ want and need to be working to become ISN’T actually in alignment with who WE are, what WE want and what WE actually value!
This is INCREDIBLY important to understand.
You see, not all resistance is ‘bad’ resistance. Not all resistance is just fear of the unknown or something we need to push past.
Sometimes we resist because we have a GOOD REASON for resisting! Sometimes we resist because our authentic selves are pushing back against a path that isn’t for us.
So, when we are dealing with resistance - and we have worked our validation and compassion skills - from there we want to shift into giving ourselves FULL PERMISSION to NOT do what we are thinking we must do.
We have to give ourselves space to say that it’s totally and completely ok to let go of the pursuit, to not do it, to stay how we are and to not change.
Again, I know this may seem silly, and it may even seem like if we did this every time we were scared, that we would never do anything!
But the truth is, when we actually give ourselves this permission to not do the thing - we must do it with the sense that even if we don’t we are still going to be LOVED. That we are still going to be approved of. It’s not just about ‘letting ourselves off the hook’ - rather it’s about shifting into a space of feeling like no matter what we choose, we are still GOOD ENOUGH and worthy of LOVE.
Because when we can separate if we are doing what we are to ‘earn our goodness’ vs to actually make a shift in our lives we really want to/need to make - THAT is when we are going to be able to figure out if what we are doing is TRULY right for us or not.
So it’s not just about saying ‘you don’t have to do this.’ It’s about feeling that we are loved, safe and worthy NO MATTER WHAT - and then seeing how we FEEL when we really consider NOT doing the thing.
If you were to feel like no matter what you could still LOVE yourself - even if you don’t do the thing - how do you feel about doing the new thing from THAT place?
Knowing you are valid, loved and approved of no matter what.
Chances are, if the new thing you want to pursue is REALLY right for you - once you feel that you are safe and loved either way, you’re going to find that you still have something inside of you that WANTS to move forward.
That wants to take the steps and the risk. That actually has the desire to see if the path ahead of you will take you to a new place.
From this place of safety and inner validation, you are really going to find your motivation!
If it’s something that’s true to you, the motivation will still be there - even through the fear, doubt and overwhelm - when you know that no matter what you choose you will be loved.
Give it a try, don’t take my word for it.
If you feel like you could be loved and safe even if you don’t take the step - do you still want to?
If the answer is no - can you try that on for a while? Really let yourself let it go. Really allow yourself to nourish and love who you are right here, right now. If the motivation shows up or inspiration to do something else appears in the future - great! That means you waited for right timing or you waited for the real right thing to come you way.
If on the other hand feeling loved and safe helps you find your real why, your real motivation and your real desire - then great! Now you have something to work with.
Remembering The Intention: From here, I want to invite you to take some time to deeply connect with WHY you want to do what you want to do.
- If you’re already lovable how you are - if you’re feeling seen, heard and validated - what is the TRUE intention behind taking this new step?
- How do you feel it will benefit you?
- How do YOU want to grow and WHY do you want to grow in that way?
- What will this new challenge bring to your life?
- What is the outcome you’re looking for and why is that outcome worth taking a risk for?
- What is the bigger picture that you’re trying to achieve? Why does this matter to YOU?
Let yourself be with this for a while. Don’t rush this process. Really let yourself FEEL the reason for doing what you’re doing, let yourself EMBODY it as deeply as possible. Let it be something that you can connect to when times get challenging and you become overwhelmed - because this WILL happen!
You need a deep FEELING place to return to when motivation wears off and the fear settles in. You need a why to return to when challenges that you didn’t expect arise. You need a why to return to when you are being judged, when you have to go it alone, when you don’t have anyone there to support you or tell you that it’s all going to work out.
This why needs to be connected to a FEELING. It’s not enough to just think about it.
There needs to be a somatic pull.
So be in your vision of your future. Settle into the overall intention. FEEL into what it would feel like to have what you want or to get where you want to go - and really consider what you believe this new place will make you FEEL.
- What is it that you want to EXPERIENCE?
- What is it that you want to HAVE?
- What is it that you want to move AWAY from?
- How would it FEEL?
- This feeling connection is also going to help you connect to your STEPS - so be really really aware of the FEELING.
- WHY are you doing this, and how do you want to FEEL?
That is the connection
Making Failure Ok: From here, we want to understand that no matter what we are doing, no matter how prepared we are, no matter how much we plan and no matter how much support we get - we are GOING to face failure on our path.
We are going to have times where what we thought would take us from where we are to where we want to go doesn’t work.
Where we look silly. Where we make mistakes. Where we need to repeat and repeat and repeat something until we get it.
There are going to be moments of resistance, fear and shame that will happen.
This is all normal.
But if we can stay connected to our greater WHY - this is what will help us move through these points of failure.
If we can allow ourselves to NORMALIZE failure along the path instead of seeing it as something having gone WRONG - again this is going to be INCREDIBLY empowering.
So can you give yourself permission to know that the path is NOT going to look how you thought it was going to look?
Can you give yourself permission to hold onto the FEELING of what you want, even if that means letting go of the PATH you thought you were going to take to get there?
Can you allow yourself to accept that repetition is the name of the game? That you are going to have to repeat the same lessons over and over and over again - and that that’s normal?
Can you make it ok to flounder your way forward?
THIS is so important.
Remember you aren’t doing this to be PERFECT. You are doing this to FEEL differently.
And learning MEANS failure.
You are going to learn more about what works from failure than you will from doing everything ‘perfectly’ right off the bat.
So, can you allow for failure to be a part of the path?
When failure occurs, what do you NEED to feel supported in LEARNING from that failure vs. seeing it as a reason to give up?
Can we plan for the fact that failure is GOING to happen, and can we set up a system where you first allow yourself to be upset and feel your feelings. Then you move into a state of self compassion and realizing that this is NORMAL and that nothing has gone wrong. Then shifting into SUPPORTING yourself so that you can then get CURIOUS about what you just learned? Then can we take that new awareness, and use it as we take our next steps?
How did the failure help us see something we can how USE in our process of moving forward?
THAT is how we want to approach failure.
Compassion, validation, curiosity, learning, new steps.
What if THIS was our new way of working with failure?
Starting Smaller Than You Think: Finally, from here, connect to the feeling you want to feel. Connect to your why. Connect to the real reason you’re doing this path of newness in the first place.
Let yourself really slow down and be with this feeling state.
Then look out ahead of you and find the next step forward that feels MOST like the feeling you are going for.
THIS is how you figure out your steps.
The reality is, you’re never going to see the whole path before you go.
You’re never going to have the whole thing figured out.
You’re going to stumble, fall, be wrong, and have to take detours.
This is normal.
This is how it’s ALWAYS going to be when we go out and do something we’ve never done.
Then in order to avoid being overwhelmed as much as possible, remind yourself that getting to wherever you want to go is not a race, and it’s not going to happen in a step or two.
It’s going to be a process. It’s going to be a journey and it’s going to take time.
And all you ever have to do is JUST the step right in front of you.
All you ever have to do is take the SMALLEST step you are capable of, over and over again.
In fact, you may find that you actually get to where you want to go FASTER by taking SMALLER steps that you do by taking bigger ones.
By giving yourself permission to go slow, to do just a little, to adapt to that newness and then adjust again - this is how you find the MOST safety for yourself within the unknown - and this will keep you motivated.
So whenever you feel overwhelmed, don’t take this as a sign to quit or give up - rather take it as a sign to slow down, and cut whatever steps you need to take next in half. Then in half again and again until you feel capable of taking the step.
There will be a voice that tells you that that small step isn't enough and that you’ll never get there - I promise you 🙂 That voice is just trying to protect you - but it’s not right!
Come back to your moment, take that small step. Make that good enough. Wait until you’re ready for the next small step.
You WILL get there - following your feelings - one step at a time.
It may not look how you thought it would look, and the path may take you in a totally different direction than you expected - but if you are following your FEELING intention and then taking the steps that feel like that feeling, one at a time, you will find you get to where you want to go.
You got this.
<3
Want more tools like this?
Check out The Mystery School Here
