Hello and Welcome back!
Last week we took a little break from this series to talk about navigating the holiday season, and now we are back for the rest of this series!
In case you missed them, please read;
And now onto today! The practical tools to help you move forward on your unique path into the unknown.
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When Resistance Comes Up
Now, were there times when I felt really resistant/resentful about where I was and what was happening?
YES.
There have been MANY times on this path that I just HATED where I was, where I felt stuck, like life wasn’t giving what I wanted and like I was ready for the next thing and I just couldn’t figure out how to get to it.
There have been MANY times on the path where the darkness of what I had to face in terms of healing my inner world felt like it was going to take over and take me down.
There have been MANY times where I was lost and had no idea what my next steps were - where I lost the plot and didn’t even know where I wanted to go or what I was working towards.
There have been times where I felt like there was no progress to be made, like I was taking 2 steps forward and then 1 back all the time, where every time I thought I was about to step into what I wanted ANOTHER thing popped up to be dealt with.
It hasn’t been a bed of roses, I can tell you that 😉
But again, I just kept showing up, dusting myself off, looking for the GOOD, looking for what was working, navigating what didn’t feel good, trying to figure out why and then doing my best to grow the things that felt great and to learn from and then minimize the things that felt terrible.
I had to chart my own course because there wasn’t an obvious path from high school to whatever it is that I am now.
I had to learn to get into my body, so that I could actually be in the SENSATION of whatever I was in - letting THAT inform me as to whether or not I was headed in the ‘right’ direction. Because there was no set path, I really had to rely on this skill.
I had to learn the difference between the feeling of something being hard/challenging/scary because it was growing me into who I needed to be, and something feeling ‘bad’ because it was actually the wrong step.
I had to learn the difference between something feeling good in the moment because I thought it was going to be some ‘magical’ solution or because it was familiar to my patterning, and something feeling good because it ACTUALLY served me on my path.
I had to untangle a LOT of what I believed about myself - questioning all those painful beliefs I had that ‘sounded right’ because again, they were familiar and habitual - but that FELT TERRIBLE in my body.
I had to learn discipline. I had to learn how to show up to this work every day - both in my personal life and in my professional life. I had to learn how to moderate my efforts so that I could consistently create content, show up for clients, be a support and be a STABLE place for people to land - and that required a LOT of internal shifting and fortifying.
I had to learn how to challenge the limiting beliefs that told me I wasn’t smart enough, informed enough, capable enough - and I also had to admit where I needed to learn, where I needed the support of others, where something was beyond my scope - so that I could be a very pointed source of specific support rather than flailing about trying to be all things at all times.
I had to learn how to keep going even when everyone else was telling me to quit, that I would never make it, that I wasn’t good enough. I had to learn how to believe in my capacity even when others - especially those closest to me - didn’t. I had to realize that in creating something that hasn’t been before, most people aren’t going to share my vision. They aren’t going to see what I see. They aren’t going to be supportive the way I want them to be - and that’s part of what this is.
I had to learn to trust myself, to keep going, to keep assuming the goal was possible - even when no one else believed, when no one else could see and even when I lost the vision myself.
This was a huge, life altering journey - and it’s one that I’m STILL on.
I expect that I will be on it for the rest of my life - and that doesn’t feel like a negative thing these days, because I know I can do it, and I know I can predict it pretty well.
What Are My Tips For You?
So if you’ve found these blogs helpful, or if you’ve resonated with what I’ve been expressing here are some takeaways that you can add to your life that will hopefully be supportive in you reaching your goals in this life, and more importantly in you becoming who you want to become (which is really the POINT of the goal).
- Get honest about what you value - Really slow down and take the time to assess what it is you want to say yes to in this life - knowing that all of your yeses are going to mean saying no to a plethora of other options. What actually matters to you in this life? What do you want to say you prioritized when you are at the end of your life? What will you look back on and regret emphasizing or ignoring? Can you accept what you value and make it ok?
- Get really clear on the things you want filling your DAYS - vs. just thinking about the goal state - At the end of the day, the GOAL isn’t the thing - your life is the thing. The path is the thing. Even if you reach the goal, it will be something that fulfills you only because it helps you to live a DAY that you like. Again, I am not saying that if you are in pain right now that you need to just ‘enjoy yourself’. Nor am I saying that the goal WON’T be fulfilling or that it won’t add to your happiness - I am sure it will! All I am saying is that we do want to make sure that the path is filled with nice things too. That we aren’t missing our entire lives wishing to be somewhere else so much so that all the beautiful happenings in our current life get pushed aside. We don’t want to lose our whole lives to the journey. We also don’t want to work towards a goal when ALL the steps on the path towards that goal hurt - if this is the case, it’s a sign to reconsider our goal. If there’s no joy on the path, if we can’t appreciate the progress, if we can’t appreciate what’s good on the way - we are missing our lives and possibly striving for something that won’t be fulfilling. If there isn’t joy in the steps, it may not be the right path. There should be progress that feels good, it should never be that the only pleasure happens at the END. Also, getting to an end goal means filling your days with activities that build towards that goal - and these are going to be the activities that are also going to be required to MAINTAIN that goal state. Thus, you want to make sure you enjoy the disciplines and routines required to GET to the goal, because you’re going to have to keep doing those same disciplines and routines in order to stay at the goal. So consider - what do you want your days to be filled with? What do you want your life to FEEL like? What are the things that help you feel that way and what are the things that take you away from those feelings?
- WHO do you want to BE - rather than making your life about what you want to accomplish, can you focus on the person you are wanting to become? - Can you focus on appreciating WHO you ARE right NOW, and then building a life around SUPPORTING that? Can you start to consider that you may be worthy of love, care, affection and resources just as you are - and if you were to move from THAT place, what do you want to do? Can you look to where you feel like you have to earn goodness/worthiness, and where this may be driving your actions towards goals that don’t actually align with you? Can you make the path about more than just ‘getting there’ in terms of some external outcome, and more about who you are becoming along the way? Can you let the path be deeper than the externals - giving yourself a deeper ‘why’ than just ‘I want to be at the end.’ Again, I validate that sometimes we are just trying to get away from pain, to try to keep ourselves alive, to try to figure out SOME way of life that won’t be what we have now - and that can put is into a kind of ‘survival’ mode that makes it hard to see any kind of bigger picture. If that’s you, that’s ok. Be with that and do what’s most supportive for you on your path. If there’s ROOM for these bigger questions and larger perspectives, allow for that. If not, support yourself. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself whatever you need in this phase and let it be enough. You can’t do this wrong. It’s your life 🙂
- Get real about what you CAN do in this moment - Rather than believing that there’s a magical step that will take you from where you are right now to exactly where you want to be (and feeling like if you don’t see that step that that means you’re stuck and will never get there or that you have to ‘wait’ for that perfect step to appear), can you open to the idea that it’s all going to unfold in steps? That the next right thing may look NOTHING like the end goal? That the next right thing may not even look like it’s RELATED to the end goal? Can you open to the idea that the path isn’t about doing AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE in any given moment, but rather it’s about figuring out what you can SUSTAINABLY do to work towards your goal? Can you consider that it may seem like you’re going to get there slower if you ‘do less’ - but in the end if doing less means you don’t burn yourself out it actually means you will get there FASTER. What would it look like to SLOWLY work towards your goal, with sustained effort, vs. trying to force it to happen as fast as possible, leading to burn out and having to start again? Can you open to the idea that whatever you’re learning from life right now - be that with your health, your relationships, your money, your time management or any other area of your life - IS part of the path forward? Can you embrace everything you’re doing as a part of the steps required to get where you want to go? Can you look for how what is arising in your life is fostering your capacity to get where you want to go - to start making those connections for yourself? Can you open to all experiences being useful - even if they don’t make logical sense right now?
- Embrace the unknown - As you walk forward, can you make room for the fact that there will be times when you don’t know what to do, where you don’t know what your next step is, where you don’t know HOW to do your next step - and rather than giving up, can you get CURIOUS about what you can LEARN in that moment? Can you open to the idea that the whole path is going to be FILLED with moments of unknown, and that this doesn’t mean that something has gone wrong or that there’s no way forward. It just means that there’s something for you to learn. Can you get CURIOUS when you don’t know instead of shutting down? Can you get CURIOUS about your feelings instead of ignoring them or assuming you know what they mean? Can you get curious when you feel like there are no obvious options or steps to take instead of shutting down? Can you open to what you still need to learn in any situation you’re in vs. assuming that things are going wrong when you don’t feel like there is an option to move ahead even though you want to? Can you allow yourself to REST in your routines instead of constantly pushing for the next thing? Can you open to the idea that you can learn, that you don’t have to know before you go, and that it’s ok to make mistakes in order to learn? Can you have a beginner's mind instead of assuming you already know everything - therefore there being no answer or way forward if you find yourself stuck with what you currently know? Can you open to the wisdom of others instead of feeling like you have to figure it all out on your own? Can you open to guidance that goes beyond just the intellect?
- Can you look at your whole life as the path? - Can you start to consider that everything you are experiencing IS a step on the path? Can you start to consider that EVERYTHING is giving you information, information that you can use to help you figure out your next step, what does and doesn’t work for you, what you like and don’t like, where your perception is right on and where it may need some adjusting? Can you get INTO your life, really embrace whatever is present for you in this moment, and USE it as a tool for forward progression? What does it feel like to tell yourself that EVERYTHING is a step on the path, that nothing is wasted time, that every failure is information and that every part of your experience belongs? How would that feel?
- Can you walk from a place of self support? - Can you shift yourself from working to fix/change/improve yourself so that you will be ‘better’ and start to really lean into the idea that the BEST path for you is one where you are looking to take good CARE of yourself? Can you start to unpack all the ways you’ve been conditioned to be/not be certain things so that others would love you, and start to see where you need to embrace what you actually are? Can you start that difficult work of no longer looking to prove to the world that you’re worthy, and rather STARTING from a place of feeling that you are good enough - and that all growth and achievement is just an extension of you expressing yourself - not something you do to EARN your goodness? What if you were to live as though you were good enough - what do you want then? How do you need to be supported? What actually feels good and what doesn’t? Can you asses your goals and desires from a place of already feeling worthy of care and love vs. feeling like you have to change or become something in order to be worthy? Can you shift from ‘pushing yourself’ to doing what’s most SUPPORTIVE of you and your growth long term? Can you think about caring for yourself instead of driving yourself? Can you do hard things with compassion vs. doing them with force? What would happen if you were to walk towards your goal from a place of self care and worthiness, vs. self deprivation or trying to EARN your worthiness?
Those are some big things, so take your time and be gentle on you.
You are on the path already.
Your life is already the path.
Every moment, every step is part of the learning.
It can ALL be what’s learning you where you want to go, if you are open to allowing that.
<3
Loving this content?
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