Hello Again 🙂
Welcome to the third installment in my blog series on ending Privileged exploitation.
Today, let's talk about how the 'Self' plays into all of this. Why rejecting ourselves causes us to be unwitting tyrants to those around us, why rejecting humanity as a whole is harming us, and how self acceptance and accepting that we HAVE a self is the key to moving forward.
To Know The Self:
What I have been attempting to illustrate in the past two articles has been the idea that humanity has been and still is deeply unaware of Truth. We are struggling to survive in a world we have a poor understanding of. We have made many ‘rules’ and ‘systems’ that are painful and cause us harm out of our general lack of awareness around how the universe itself works.
With this, I am hoping that you can see that us humans are ONE with the Universe. We are not separate from our surroundings, from the earth, from the Universal and Natural laws - we are a PART of them. We are them and they are us. Thus, as we misunderstand, misinterpret, misjudge and reject the natural way of things, we are at once doing all of this to OURSELVES. We are projecting our lack of SELF awareness, and our lack of SELF love out onto the world.
It is THROUGH the SELF that we understand the world. It is THROUGH the SELF that we can learn about the Natural and Universal laws. That we can see truth from lie. That we can obtain and utilize more and more information. The self is the anchor point for understanding anything and everything. The self is the place from which all knowing is possible. Without the self, there is no concentration of consciousness that can see itself. The self is the reflection and it is the ONLY place from which we can know or understand anything.
To truly know the self, is to have access to all other information. To reject the self is to reject the place from which YOU are able to see/know the world. You are your own centre point. Without your SELF there is no ‘you’ to align or not align. No ‘you’ to understand or not understand. No ‘you’ to experience. Without YOU, the ‘self’ however you want to define it - there is no learning, growth, expansion, revelation, awareness or LIFE.
There is a saying - ‘how you something is how you do everything’ - and in this case I believe this to be applicable. How we think of and feel about OURSELVES is how we think of and feel about the world at large. The roots of all of our fear, misunderstanding, rejection, judgement and pain are sourced in our inner worlds. As we have fear about who and what WE are, about how we are going to survive and get our needs met, about whether or not others are going to accept us - we project all of this outward, and it dictates our behaviors and perceptions of the world.
You Don't Need Fixing, You Need Maturation:
We are exploitive because we are scared. We are scared because we don’t understand. We don’t understand because we are in many ways immature - lacking information. This lack of information starts with lack of SELF awareness - as again the self is our anchor point for understanding the greater universe. To reject you is to reject a part of reality. To be rejecting reality is to be at odds with life - and this is to be destructive. You cannot be rejecting yourself and be being benevolent at the same time. It’s the parts of you that you have embraced that allow you to do any of the truly benevolent things you do and to align with truth in the ways that you have - as these are the parts of you that are going along WITH life. The parts you have cut off from love are the parts that struggle in isolation, lack, fear - and thus are degrading. These degrading parts are against life - in the sense that they are moving in the opposite direction of life - and thus cause ‘harm’ in the sense that their actions cause a degradation of life.
How you love/understand YOURSELF is how you love/understand everything else. There is no way around it, as you are the centre point around which your consciousness moves.
As we learn to love the self, we will see the aspects of our beings that need expansion. That are causing harm due to being cut off from information. We are going to see where we have been trying our best to be benevolent and have been failing - not because we are inherently bad, wrong or intending to cause harm - simply because these parts that have wanted to do ‘well’ couldn’t due to the lack of information. We are going to learn that true benevolence is COMPLEX. Because life is complex. Thus, to truly UNDERSTAND what is benevolent and what is harmful, we must become more complex through the addition of more information. This requires that we allow ourselves to admit that we are causing harm, that we don’t know how to stop, and that we need more information. We will see that these parts of the self we have labelled as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ were never truly bad, but simply starved of what they needed to be benevolent - starved of what they needed to GROW and FLOURISH into the mature versions of themselves CAPABLE of the complexity of true benevolence. These parts having been cut off from love - having been rejected and labelled as a problem never got what they NEEDED to see the TRUTH of what would be TRULY benevolent, and thus have been acting from their relative place of misunderstanding. They wanted to do well, but didn’t have enough information to do well. They were doing the best they could with what they knew - always. All parts of you that seemingly cause harm, or that you will discover have caused harm, didn’t do so out of spite or actual desire to harm. They were going about the task of getting/giving love in the only way they know how. If it caused/is causing pain, it was simply too simple, the part didn’t/doesn’t know how reality TRULY worked enough to get it’s needs met in a benevolent/with life way. How could you expect a part of you to behave in a mature and benevolent way, when it has been cut off from the information NEEDED to grow and become mature enough to see and be this complex and benevolent thing?!
As we dive into self love, we will start to see all the places we have been causing ourselves and others harm through our misunderstanding. Through our lack of awareness. Through our fear. We have to learn to forgive ourselves for not seeing, not knowing, for being TAUGHT to reject ourselves and thus stay stuck in darkness. We must learn that to see all of this doesn’t mean we must dive into deeper levels of self rejection - we must see where we have been harmful and hurtful, see WHY we did it (we were trained to) and then change without that change being an admission of past failures we should have been able to avoid.
This is complex stuff. Taking responsibility without turning it into self blame - another reason to hate yourself and thus keep yourself cut off from that love you NEED to grow.
True Self Love Is Complex:
True self love is a complex undertaking that requires we learn how to say ‘it wasn’t my fault that I lived that way, that I believed what I did, that I cut myself off in the ways I did that made me act in ways that harmed myself and others, but it is now my responsibility to be different so that I can become benevolent, more and more. I must accept who and what I am in THIS MOMENT as good enough, as safe, as being the BEST I could have been/done given what I have been through, and now it is time to grow from here. Because to continue to hate myself is to continue to keep myself in darkness, meaning I can ONLY continue to do exactly what I am now seeing as being so harmful. There is no change without love and compassion - to think we are going to hate our way different is to stay blind. We must be willing to accept that where we are isn’t wrong - there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for where we are, and any harm we are currently causing. This is right in the sense that it is a perfect effect of whatever causes we have journeyed through in our lives.. Growth doesn’t mean this was wrong. Not growing isn’t the alternative either. ‘I am good enough and I am willing to grow’ this is our sentiment. I didn’t do any of this on purpose, but I’m willing to clean up the mess - and that clean up can ONLY begin with the one thing you have power over - yourself. ‘I love myself so that I can love the Universe - I love so I can understand, so what is can be evolved.’
We all fear that to love who we are right now or to give compassion to ourselves that our way of being isn’t our fault is akin to letting ourselves off the hook. We fear that in doing so, we are simply giving ourselves permission to stay as we are - hurting and hurting others. We think that continuing to believe that there is something wrong with us that needs fixing rather than to believe we simply need love and support is to protect ourselves from staying as we are.
But let’s take an honest look here. Has this tactic ever actually WORKED? Have you ever truly become happier, healthier, more in alignment with life through hating yourself? Blaming yourself? Trying to fix yourself?
I understand that the theory makes sense logically. But we must look at facts. Love is the only way to grow. Our harmful behaviors come from immaturity. To block ourselves from love until we are mature, is just like refusing to water a flower until it blooms. Giving yourself love and compassion in the middle of your struggle is going to be the HARDEST thing you’ve likely ever done - and it is also the only way forward.
Only love can mature an immature aspect. All parts that are in pain/causing pain are immature. The truth is that simple.
We need to learn self love if we want to move forward and be able to be different.
Next week we will wrap this up.
For now, settle in.