Hello and welcome back!
If you’ve not done so already, I highly recommend that you go and read
Part One
And
Of this post.
Today we are going to look at two more of the root fears that are likely to come up when we consider following our guidance and how we can process those fears in a way that may liberate us to move forward.
Then we are going to wrap up this series with a short practice to get you started in following your guidance and just seeing how it goes.
This is tough work, and work that we will need to practice over time - so don’t let yourself get overwhelmed or think that you have to do this all RIGHT NOW today.
These are tools to integrate at your own pace, be gentle and be kind!
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I will be judged and shamed: The next hurdle that many of us are going to face in terms of listening to and following our guidance, is that deep, guttural fear of being shamed and judged by those around us.
We may have thoughts like:
“Only terrible people would do/not do what my intuition is telling me to do.”
“Oh I CAN’T do that, that would be totally ridiculous/embarrassing/not good enough.”
“If I did/didn’t do that everyone would think I am…”
“No one would understand me for doing that, everyone would just get upset with me.”
“No one I know is doing/not doing that, it would be really weird if I did/didn’t do it.”
“Who would love me if I did/didn’t do that?”
“Everyone would think I am dumb, lazy, bad, wrong, selfish, out to lunch, nuts.”
“No one does/doesn’t do that, so I can’t.”
“What would so and so think/say/do if I did/didn’t do that?”
“I’m not allowed to do/not do that.”
These kinds of thoughts are letting us know that we’re bumping up against a fear of being judged, shamed, ridiculed or misunderstood and they can help us identify where we need to support ourselves in order to move past the fears.
This deep fear of rejection, of being misunderstood or misinterpreted or simply this fear of doing something DIFFERENT from those around us again is something we now can expect is going to come up when we consider doing what our guidance is asking us to do, because our guidance is often asking us to do things that are outside the ‘norm’.
Processing this fear is not easy, and it will likely be something that we have to work through over a period of time.
Starting with becoming aware that this is what we’re afraid of is actually a MASSIVE first step - so I want you to know that being able to see this is already a huge step forward.
Next, we want to learn to VALIDATE these parts of ourselves that fear rejection, that fear being misunderstood and that genuinely believe that we will lose everyone we love and all safety if we were to follow what we actually feel.
We want to bring ourselves into a state of being able to witness that this scared part is just a PART of us - that it’s not ALL of who we are and that there is a bigger, broader version of self that is able to see, hold and validate this part AND that is able to see beyond the fears that this part has.
Can you bring yourself into a state where you can see that this part of you that is fearing rejection, that is truly convinced that if you follow your guidance that EVERYONE will think/feel a certain way and that if you do what feels right to you that you will be abandoned is only one PART of who you are? Can you witness this part with love and compassion? Can you start to see it as a child aspect of you that is attempting to keep you safe, vs. being a fully aware adult part that is seeing reality objectively?
Practice that until you’re able to get there. Take your time with it. Use this meditation to help you.
From here, see if you can start to allow yourself to deeply QUESTION these stories.
- Who is ‘everyone’ that will reject you - and what do you fear will happen if you’re rejected?
- If you’re misunderstood - then what? What is scary about that?
- If people judge you for doing/not doing - then what? What are you afraid the consequences of that will be for you?
- If you’re different from those around you or different from what others expect you to be - what then? What is the fear? What do you think will happen?
- If you were to be shamed, judged or made to feel guilty - how could you process that? Is there a way to see that others may be wrong? Is there a way that you could do/not do what you want to do, be misunderstood, rejected or otherwise told you’re wrong and still be ok?
- If others don’t understand or judge you, can you still get your needs met? Can you still be safe? What’s the actual worst thing that could happen and could you actually deal with that?
It’s very important that we unpack and follow the fears we have all the way through to the end. That we don’t stop at the ‘I will be rejected and therefore I can’t’ place.
When you take the time to notice that it’s only a part of you that is scared, and when you unpack the fears and really look at what could happen if you are judged or misunderstood - do you feel differently? Is there now some space to consider following what you want to do? Is there a loosening of the fear in facing it head on? Is there a sense of relief in looking at the fear and seeing that even if the WORST thing happens, you can still be ok?
THIS is what we want to get to.
You’re an adult now, an adult with capacity your child self didn’t have. You don’t actually need the approval of everyone to be safe. You can now be judged, misunderstood and told that you’re wrong and still go ahead anyway.
Once you have unpacked this - is there a part of you that is still curious to find out what would happen if you followed your intuition? Or do you feel like it wouldn’t be worth the risk still? Either answer is ok! Just see what happens when you process and make yourself safe.
I will be wrong and ruin my life: The final thought I want to go over in this article is that fear that we are WRONG.
The fear that what we are getting is not really an intuitive hit but just our own desire and projection. The fear that we aren’t actually seeing things clearly and that we’re just living from wishful thinking.
These fears can come up in the form of thoughts like:
“This isn’t my intuition, this is just me WANTING the world to be how I want it to be.”
“This is my imagination.”
“I’m just making this up.”
“Who am I to think that I am being guided by something? My life is so small, why would I think that something out there is guiding me?”
“This is stupid, I don’t know what I’m talking about/doing.”
“I’m always wrong about these kinds of things, I can’t trust myself.”
“There have been times in the past where I followed what I thought was my intuition and it went horribly. This is probably just like that.”
“If I follow this and I’m wrong, I’m going to mess up my whole life.”
“If I follow this and am wrong I’ll never recover.”
“If I follow this and am wrong everyone will think I am…”
These fears are TOTALLY normal and again, we’re all going to have them.
There’s not one person out there who is actually self honest, who notices their intuition and DOESN’T have fears and doubts about following it. No matter how seasoned someone is at following their guidance, I promise you that ALL of us struggle with this doubt, this feeling that we’re wrong and this sense that we will ruin our whole lives if we follow our guidance.
So can you start with just validating that these fears are normal and that you are just like the rest of us who have them?
The reality is, our intuition is almost never going to make logical sense to us at first. Our intuition is often going to lead us in a direction that seems like it goes against what we would normally do, what those around us do and what seems ‘logical’ on the surface. Much of the time we aren’t going to have a clear understanding of WHY our intuition is guiding us how we are and we aren’t going to be able to clearly explain to others why we want to do what we want to do.
This is what makes following intuition so hard. It requires SO much trust and faith. It’s following feelings instead of logic which is exactly the opposite of what we’re trained to do in our society.
Which is why we want to accept and even expect that any time we get an intuitive hit, right on the other side of that hit is going to be that fear of being wrong and ruining our lives - because that’s just how this process works!
What happens when you see this resistance and pushback as a NORMAL part of the process of following intuition, vs seeing it as the TRUTH coming up to tell you not to go with what you feel?
From here, just like we did above, I want you to give yourself FULL permission NOT to follow your guidance. Make it totally safe to say ‘no, I am not doing that, I’m wrong and I’m not willing to take the risk to find out what would happen if I did.’ Make it ok not to. Let yourself off the hook.
Then just for curiosity, see again if you can unpack your stories and fears about what you think will happen if you DID follow your guidance. What are you afraid of? What are you scared to lose? Who are you afraid will judge you? HOW could this step ruin your life and could it really?
Can you follow the fears all the way to the end, and just see how you feel as you really LOOK at them?
Finally, just as we did above, if you were to get yourself into a state of feeling like no matter what you chose, you were still going to be LOVED, still going to be SAFE and still going to be able to figure out how to get your needs met - where do you land?
This is how we process through those fears that come up.
Finally, Taking Steps
From here, the last piece of all of this is to see if we are willing to take some small steps towards following our guidance.
After we have processed, have made ourselves safe, have given ourselves permission not to follow our guidance, after we have loved ourselves unconditionally and questioned our stories of what we think will happen if we follow our guidance - from there we may be in a state where we end up feeling like we really DO want to try to follow what’s coming up for us.
If after all the above work, you end up at a place where you feel like taking the risk of following your guidance is still something you want to do - the last step is to break down what you are being called to do into the smallest steps you possibly can.
Instead of telling yourself that you have to do EXACTLY what you are feeling you need to do, instead of saying you need to take the WHOLE step, instead of forcing yourself to commit to following your guidance no matter what from here on out - I want you to instead peel back the message you are getting into the very smallest, most doable feeling segment you can - and ONLY commit to doing THAT.
Commit to just doing the SMALLEST thing you can do to honor your sense - and then promise yourself that you NEVER have to follow your guidance again, that you never have to listen to your voice of intuition and never have to trust anything if the step you take ruins your life.
Give yourself permission to do the SMALLEST thing, and then give yourself permission to see what happens - and to fully abandon the project if what happens is not to your liking.
Make it safe to do the bare minimum, just as an experiment to see how it goes, and to know that you can quit, go back and undo your choice at any time.
Remind yourself that you’re not married to following your guidance if you try it just once - it only has to be an experiment.
You are allowed to try, see that it doesn’t work, and then never try again.
You are also allowed to try, see that it goes ok, and then to take just one more small step after that.
You are allowed to break it down, to go as slow as you want and to really pay attention to the RESULTS - taking your time to figure out what your intuition vs. your conditioning feels like, what it’s like to face those fears of rejection and misunderstanding and to live for outcomes vs. hypotheticals.
You are allowed to go slow and again, let this be something you PRACTICE over TIME vs. something you have to fully commit to right off the bat.
Just take the smallest step you can, see what happens and promise yourself you can give up on it if the results aren’t worth it.
Do that, over and over again, and see how it goes.
Again, this article isn’t meant to be the be all and end all in following your guidance - but hopefully it gave you some tools to get you started.
Practice is the key.
One step at a time is the key.
See how it goes.
<3
Want more tools like this?
Check out The Mystery School Here
