I am the elite.

I am the 1%.

I've never been denied an opportunity based on my skin color.

Never been denied access to a country based on my citizenship.

I've been allowed to read, study, and explore religion as I please accepting or rejecting whatever I wanted.

I've always had access to clean water, food and shelter.

I have more money in my bank account than 99% of the world's population will ever have in a lifetime.

I'm willing to acknowledge that I don't need a vaccine for an infectious disease because generation before me took them, they have been generally irradiated where I exist and thus I don't need to worry about them. I have access healthy food, clean water, sanitation and so on that allows me to fortify my immune system. This is all massive privilege I didn't earn. I don't know what it looks like to have my whole village wiped out by malaria. I've never had to worry that if I got into an accident or if my 'natural remedy' doesn't work that I will be in trouble, because I've always had Western Medicine to fall back on if I needed it. I'm deeply aware that the reason we jumped from dying in our 40s to living into our 80s was because of medicine and sanitation - generally and broadly speaking. Indigenous tribes are far less polluted and closer to nature than I, yet their life expectancy remains low. It wasn't lack of nature that was keeping us dying at 40. Those living into their hundreds have a life that is far, far away from my reality.

I acknowledge that my solutions to dis-ease are privileged.

The fact that I have access to colonics and green juice is a result of generations of work that I didn't do. I’m privileged to be anti-vax. And just because it's the solution for ME doesn't mean it's the solution for everyone. Projecting my state onto others isn't helpful. My ancestors got me here because they were vaccinated and treated with medicine. Because they went through the process of learning about sanitation and building a world for me that allowed me to live past my infancy. I get to skip using vaccines and medicines now because of them using these tools as a stepping stone.

I believe other nations deserve this stepping stone too. Or if there is a better solution, let's offer that - but it must be actually practical for where THEY are at - not for where WE are at.

In fact, I see myself as a part of the problem. My feeling that I'm a victim who’s in need of rescue is why I don't see that my having a bigger house than I need, more clothes that 'represent me and are in fashion', spending money on a gym membership, spending money on pampering, spending time on my image and providing for myself - puts me in the position of the victimizer. When I believe that it's me that needs saving or defense from 'the evil system' I don't see the very real role I play in its upkeep. Of course I want to view myself as benevolent and maybe even a victim - but I'm not. I was indoctrinated yes. This hurt me yes. I’m taking responsibility for my wounds so that I can be a better ally for those who have so much less opportunity to heal than I do.

But it's not up to Jesus or Buddha or Trump to save me or change the system. It's up to ME as a massive beneficiary of it.

I have the time and resources to stop this.

I can forego the big house so I have more money to support people of color who are systemically oppressed.

I can move at home so I have more time and resources to source local food and support local farmers.

I can let go of my image so I have more time left over for giving to those who are providing life saving medical assistance to those dying of malnutrition and infectious diseases - the likes of which a colonic or green juice wouldn't even touch.

I can see that this world doesn't need another person in my position projecting my experience onto them, or believing that I’m the one in need of rescue vs. being the one who needs to be doing my role to take myself out of an elite standing so everyone has a fair chance.

I’m the elite.

I'm the class who is so afraid for myself I don't see the very real harm my privileged lifestyle causes. That my pain is not one of 'not enough' but excess that causes others to have enough. That my solutions are not universal. The 99% deserve the same stepping stones that gave me the life I have - medicine and sanitation. Incremental opportunities to upgrade their way of life. Education. Resources. That I can give. I can take less so there's more for them. Yes again, my self esteem has been prayed upon my entire life. I have been told I am not enough, taught to fear myself and others, taught that 'fitting in' is paramount to life itself. I have my wounds. Don’t get me wrong. But I also have the resources to wake up from the paradigm and to then set myself to work changing the system from the inside out to make it a more level playing field for others.

I Know We Can't Be "Saved"

I know no amount of disclosure or draining of the swamp is gong to change the system if people like me who benefit from it and who are scared to truly leave it, due to how truly different that then makes me, due to what I will have to give up in the way of friends, luxury, success or even storing up for my future - because we will simply put it back how it was. Because do I really want our status to change in the ways it needs to to create a system that actually works for everyone? This is a question I will continue to ask myself. What world is required to REPLACE the one we have, and what would that REALLY look life for ME? In reality, I’ll have to give up a lot.

Something tells me this situation we are facing in the world right now wouldn’t be happening how it is, we wouldn’t be so afraid of being so manipulated, we wouldn’t be turning IN MORE right now, had people like me, who control 99% of the resources through my DAILY CHOICES of what I buy, what I watch, where I live, how I live, the things I participate in because they’re easy, convenient and available to me, had done more work to get out sooner.

To TRULY get out. To make more room through less focus on myself and what I need, more focus on the world and what it’s needs are, that I can easily provide. Again, I see my own willingness to believe I’m not enough which is how the system works, my own willingness to go into defense of self instead of opening up to help others when things look ‘shaky.’ To look at how I’m being victimized instead of how I’m supporting this system. And that I think is the problem. It’s up to me to actually wake up to how I let this happen, and where I can actually eject myself from needing to be seen, validated or needing to fit in in any way, so I can be what life is calling for.

My Role, As I See It:

So when I see a government or other leader doing things I don’t like - GREAT! Where am I putting money in their pockets? Where am I ’voting them in?’ Because in this capitalist world leaders are voted in with dollars. So where am I supporting this leader staying in power by giving them so much of my resources? Where can I come up with what I would like to see INSTEAD of what they are doing, and put my money, time and effort towards THAT?

Because we can’t become not something. If there’s a problem, I must provide a solution, an alternative, or this is what we have. Where can I understand the issue from a larger vantage point?

I don’t like oil and gas? Great! Where can I invest in alternative options? Where can I use them in my life? Where can I reduce my dependency through not having a car? Not flying so much? Using less electricity at home?

Don’t like the idea of vaccines? Ok great! What are we going to do INSTEAD? Eat more fruits and veggies? GREAT! What about all the areas in the world that are in poverty and food deserts? What do I have to do to make that an actual reality for people? Sanitation? How do we create a situation where that is available so medicine isn’t the only option to keep people alive? What about the elderly and immune poor? Maybe the ways in which these leaders are handling things aren’t totally evil and black and white - maybe the issue is super complex? It’s easy to be an armchair politician/think I know how to solve the worlds problems - but then if I were really in a position of power, what would I do differently? And in that case, how can I vote for that with my resources? How am I going to create the change? Where can I stop spending money that goes towards these people I don’t want in power? If I’m woke, they can’t trick me into buying their stuff by telling me I have to, I will be rejected if I don’t, that their products mean something about me. I can free myself. And then I have my power to choose where I am going to spend my resources - no post on Facebook to protest necessary. I am actively doing what I want to see done. I’m the reason they have the power they do and I can take it away.

So I personally am going to continue downsizing.

Continue giving what I could spend on my own comfort to those who need basics.

I’m going to continue to stand up for those most marginalized, to make the focus of my work something that ALL beings can benefit from rather than things only available to those already at the top.

I’m going to continue to allow myself to be weird, and not in socially acceptable ways.

In TRUTH ways.

In ways that no one finds attractive.

I’m going to continue to move towards more sustainability less opulence.

I will continue to sacrifice parties, events, glamor for the humble day to day.

I’m going to continue to relinquish all that is not required for me to those who don’t have what’s required for them.

I’m going to continue to see that the world is waiting for the 1% to change because we have all the power, and realize still that I’m that 1%.

I’m what the world is waiting on to change.

I’m not going to wait for the world to change, to look for a leader, guide or guru to fix this - I AM THAT LEADER. I

am that guide.

I am that holder of the wealth. Privilege. Power.

It’s up to me.

To find my enough, so I can stop hoarding and seeing myself as a victim, so that I can serve the ‘least among us’ who have never had a fair chance. I’m not going to wait on the world to change, I am going to change. I am the 1% and I am choosing to change. This isn’t working. I don’t need my status. I don’t need more, protection or saving. If I see something I don’t like, I am going to work to change it. I’m not waiting for them. I am them.

I am the 1%.

It’s up to me to quit the system since I am the one controlling it.