Happy Western New Year friend!
I hope you have been enjoying the holiday season and all the awareness is has to offer you.
Today I want to offer you an alternative to a ‘New Years Resolution.’
Don't Resolve. Seriously. Don't:
Right now, you may be feeling the effects of the holiday season. The indulgence. The numbing out. The fights with family. The losing your cool. The overspending. The not feeling like you were being your ‘highest’ and ‘truest’ self.
Essentially, you may be feeling like there were many areas of your life - mental/emotional/spiritual/physical where you ‘fell off track’ - and now need to get back on track. Or you may be realizing that there are areas of your life that you have yet to manage getting ‘on track’ in - and now you feel all fired up to FINALLY conquer that mountain.
Which may send you into a cascade of goal setting, plan making, program creating/buying, self help regiment setting, retreat booking and other ‘growth’ strategizing so that you can ‘fix’ yourself.
What I am going to offer is this.
Don’t do that.
Let your mind do that whole thing. Watch the frantic action plan creation. Feel the stimulation and exhilaration of ‘starting a new plan’ that gives us all the hopeful feelings of a new life. See yourself visualizing this perfectly idealized amazing version of yourself that is going to show up to next years holiday celebrations, calm, cool, collected, zen, loving, open, generous, fit, healthy, emotionally stable and spreading glitter with each step.
Then come back to this moment.
Be here for a bit.
Feel how you are feeling right now - and then rather than rejecting, denying, shaming or blaming - relax.
Feel all the discomfort, pain, stress and wanting to 'get away' from all of this.
Then just be.
Open yourself to the who and what you are right here, right now and see if you can have some compassion for you. Can you witness all that noise that tells you you must change, grow feel better before you can approve of you - and then send yourself even just a little wave of approval right here, right now, just as you are?
Your 'Off Track' Is Your Saving Grace Right Now:
Can you open your heart to yourself, and give yourself permission to see that you did what you did, that you are who you are - because you had to be. There is nothing wrong with you - you have been doing and being what you have had to do and be in order to survive your life.
You are ‘off track’ because it is exactly that ‘off track’ behaviour that is helping you cope with your life right now.
You're coping with a life you are struggling to find your peace and happiness in. These 'off track' behaviors are not your enemy, but in fact are your friends.
Next, can you soften to the idea that you have set goals before. You have tried to ‘get back on track’ many times. You have made the perfect plan and even executed it perfectly for a while - but here you are again, starting over. You have done this before. This is not new. This is a repeat of a broken cycle, because here you are again needing to do it again. Needing to ‘get back’ on that track.
Meaning - no matter how well intentioned your past plans were - they didn’t work.
Resolutions Don't Work:
Ff they had worked, you would not have fallen off track. If your past plans had worked, if getting on track this way you are doing it now actually got you on track - you would still be on that track. If this way of fixing yourself had been/was ever going to be successful, there would be no backsliding, because it would have created PERMANENT SHIFTS in your way of being. Meaning you can face familiar circumstances and situations (holiday times, times with family, vacations, triggering situations) and behave and react DIFFERENTLY.
If your solution had worked - it would be permanent.
This is what we need to understand.
In order for something to have created a positive impact on you, it would had to have created a lasting impact. No backsliding is possible, no falling off the track is possible when your technique for change is actually working.
So if you are feeling like you are wanting to get back on track, and you really mean it this time, you can’t do what you have done before.
Because it didn’t work.
You need a new strategy.
A new tool.
Something that will actually work, so that when you show up for the holiday season next year, you behave differently even though everything else is the exact same. Everyone else is the exact same. You don’t fall off track. Your track is your new way of life, as natural as breathing.
THAT is what it looks like to truly have a strategy that works.
A Strategy That Works:
So how do we find a strategy that actually works?
We begin by learning to be with what is.
I know. It’s the antithesis of everything you have ever been taught.
We are told over and over again that if we don’t strive to change, if we don’t work to fix ourselves, if we are not ‘getting on track/back on track’ that we will stay stuck in our unwanted ways of being forever.
But look around.
It’s not working for anyone.
You know this. You watch as the gyms full up in January, only to empty out in February. You watch as the self help books fly off the shelves then gather dust. You watch as all the best laid plans and intentions eventually fall by the wayside.
It’s not because people are fundamentally incapable of change, growth or true transformation. It is not because we are so messed up that we are irreparable. It is not a failing on our part at all.
It is simply that we have been sold a strategy that is designed to fail.
By pulling yourself into what is right now, and practicing the art of actual self observation - you are not foregoing action. This suggestion that I am making for you to love who and what you are right now, is the the ‘opposite’ of taking the actions you will need to take in order to make your life something that feels amazing for you.
This is about ORDER and STRUCTURE.
The Symptom Is Not The Problem:
You see, whatever area of your life where you feel ‘off track’ or like you need to ‘fix’ - is not really what is broken or needs fixing.
That things you don’t like - that uncomfortable feeling that rises up when you think about your work, your body, your relationships, your money situation or all of the above are the SYMPTOM of what needs to shift in you.
And we know this - if you only attack the symptom but never address the cause - the cause remains. You can stay on top of symptoms for a while, convincing yourself that you have ‘healed’ or ‘changed’ - only to find that eventually you lose control and the symptoms re-emerge leaving you feeling hopeless.
It’s not hopeless. You just need to stop treating symptoms and start looking for the cause.
Once you have found the cause - THEN you can take action. So you see, this is not a path of inaction. This is a path of ORDERED and STRUCTURED action.
We need to stop. Take stock. Look at all the symptoms. Then stop some more so that we can LEARN FROM those symptoms.
WHY do you feel badly in your body? Why do you overspend? Why do you explode in your relationships? Why?
We must go in and investigate causes.
And the only way to hear clearly what the cause is, is to investigate with love.
If you go into your inner world, looking for the brokenness, looking to attack or fix something, looking to make yourself wrong - you will never find the cause.
The Cause Is Pain And Innocence:
The cause is actually an innocent part of you. You act out, eat badly, overspend, work a job you hate and so on not because you are messed up or broken, but because you are hurting and needing love. There is an innocent child inside of you that is traumatized and looking for you to show up with open, loving arms.
This love, this acceptance of what is, this saying ‘ok, this is what is and it’s ok’ is NOT the evil permission slip to never change so many believe it to be.
It is the exact opposite.
The truth is, it is only in the presence of your full, open, loving heart that you will ever be able to change.
Because the changes you want to make are the changes that support your best self. Your best life. You living in a state of love.
And you are not going to get there through hating yourself. Trying to fix yourself. Working to ‘get back on track.’
The person you want to be, is the person who is loving themselves, and living from that place of love.
When you love yourself, eating healthy is easy. Being responsible with money is a cinch. Having relationships where you can be authentic and loving is natural.
When you love yourself, you are naturally that person you want to be.
And loving yourself starts with loving the being that you are. Right here. Right now.
Getting some understanding for why you are the way you are - with love no judgement.
Then moving forward in love. One step at a time.
So rather than ‘getting back on track’ this year, how about you give yourself some love.
Some time to just feel and be with all that is right now - no matter how uncomfortable - so that you can LEARN from this.
This is the path to the life you want.
Loving yourself in what is, so you can see it clearly, and then align yourself with that which actually serves you.
You can only live a life that feels good from a place of loving who you are. Not the other way around.
So, take a breath. Relax. Come to the now. Surrender your fight with yourself.
Be with you. Open your heart. Learn about yourself.
This is the key.
This is how you show up next year actually transformed.
One loving moment at a time.
For more tools on this, check out The Transformation Series below:
part three http://perceptiontrainers.com/?p=3431
part four http://perceptiontrainers.com/?p=3534
Part Five http://perceptiontrainers.com/?p=3578
Part Six: http://perceptiontrainers.com/?p=3568
Part Seven: http://perceptiontrainers.com/?p=3604
Part Eight: http://perceptiontrainers.com/?p=3616