Hello Lovely 🙂
In todays blog I want to try to explain with as much efficiency as is possible WHY you are never going to GET RID OF any aspect of yourself.
I want to do this as a followup to My Last Post where we talked about being in 5D, and all that really means.
To put it short and sweet, all being in 5D means, is that you are starting to wake up to who and what you are. It does not mean that you are all the way there, that you are living it out or that you feel totally at one with yourself. It just means you are on the JOURNEY towards awakening to who and what you are.
You are on the journey to releasing resistance to who and what you are - and in that you are naturally at the same time releasing resistance to reality - because you and reality are ultimately one in the same.
You are not here to 'heal.' You are not broken.
You are not going to have an 'ego death.' You will change and transmute and grow, but nothing really dies.
You are not going to become someone you are not already. You are going to grow into the being you have always been.
This is self love. This is the journey into 5D - where you start to take your power back by realizing you never really lost it to begin with.
Understanding Why You Are Not Broken:
In this self love work, we are no longer in the crazy making business of trying to get rid of or fix aspects of ourselves.
We recognize now that no aspect of the self is going anywhere, and no aspect NEEDS to go anywhere. That no aspect is outside of God. That no aspect COULD go anywhere even if we wanted it too - as this is a unified universe. There is no where for any part of you to go.
Every part of you is there as a part of your journey and unfolding. We are here to take all the seeds of who we are that lay dormant within us, allow them to be watered or activated by experiences in life, and then expressed as we grow into them.
This is truth behind the idea that you are already everything you will ever be. You hold all the seeds of the person that you are. You are here now in this life to go through experiences that allow for these seeds to be activated by experience, and then played out by you in the physical reality.
The experiences of life are the water that activates the seeds of potential within you.
Your actions and choices from those places of activation are you growing into yourself - allowing those seeds to become the plants - or you staying stuck where you are - causing the seed to ferment.
This is what feels good in life - becoming all that you already are THROUGH the process of activation through experience. The one thing that feels bad is to deny yourself this growth by perceiving an external circumstance as wrong or bad and something you must protect yourself from.
So there can be nothing broken about you. Only aspects that have been activated and allowed to grow and flourish, and aspects that were activated and then denied the right to grow, and are thus fermenting right now.
Just a note before we move on - this fermentation is also a part of this experience. It is not at all wrong that we have all chosen to reject and deny aspects of ourselves from life. This is also a part of the learning 🙂 No judgement, it is all needed.
How We Develop Wounded Aspects, Shadow, Self Sabotage, Ego ETC:
The aspects of self that experienced trauma/pain what we judged as being wrong or bad, are the aspects we now call shadow, ego, wounded aspects and so on, and are the aspects that require coping mechanisms in order to live.
In that initial experience of trauma/pain, the aspect that experienced this circumstance did not understand what was going on. In truth, the painful circumstance was there to help stimulate the growth of an aspect of ourselves. It was the water activating the seed of potential within you. Only you were not able at the time to see it this way, and felt that the pain you were experiencing was wrong and should not be happening. In this rejection of the reality, the part of yourself that was ripe to grow from the experience ALSO gets rejected, and thus is cut off from what it needed to grow and expand. This part of you does not die or go anywhere, it stays right where it is, calling for growth.
For instance, the rejection we experience from our parents as children is the stimulation to evolve and expand from the childlike consciousness that says love is only available from the outside, into the more adult concept that love can be felt for the self WITHIN the self. This is the stimulation to grow into an autonomous adult, who is no longer reliant on caregivers for survival, love and affection.
If this growth were allowed to take place, we would realize that it is safe to be oneself, even if you are externally rejected. You can see that by developing this THROUGH the trauma of rejection, we would then be far more able to express as ourselves authentically no matter how we were received, and in that would be far more comfortable within ourselves. This would be an amazing foundation for the rest of life where we are called over and over again to evolve and change and be different from the status quo. If we had access to that inner approval and love from early childhood, we would be far more likely to live in alignment with ourselves.
That is what that rejection was there to do. Give us the opportunity to grow into individuals who are willing to be true to the self, expanding consciousness as they are, even in the face of potential rejection from others.
If instead, when we are rejected by our parents we label the aspect of self that was rejected as ‘wrong,’ ‘bad’ or the reason we were rejected and thus the CAUSE of the painful situation that should not have happened, what we are going to do is transmute this aspect into a shadow or a coping mechanism.
Instead of this aspect - say your sense of personal will - developing, it is seen as the CAUSE of pain, and thus we repress and suppress this aspect. What happens then is this aspect is denied the right to grow, stays in its infantile state - as the part of you that throws tantrums before it learns to express in words for instance. You are stuck now with the tantrums being your only way of expressing your will, because you never gave this part of yourself the opportunity to learn THROUGH throwing tantrums that there are better ways of expressing yourself. If you had been given permission to throw the tantrum, then talked to about what it was you were feeling or wanting, rather than being scolded, you would have learned that talking was way more effective for getting your needs met, and you would have evolved into one who does this. But when this aspect is rejected, it doesn't mature through the experiential learning process and thus gets stuck.
You hate this part of yourself that throws tantrums, and do your very best to deny this part and get rid of it. You develop ways of trying to avoid it (eating, drinking, over the top people pleasing etc) and do your best never to throw a tantrum. But any time it is time for you to assert your will in a situation, or when denying your needs becomes unbearable, because you never allowed for this aspect to grow and develop, all you have is the tantrum. There is no option NOT to express your needs and desires - so it is always going to come to the surface. Due to the fact that no growth was allowed to take place through all the rejection, the only tool you have for self expression is the tantrum.
You push it down as long as you can, but eventually it surfaces because you are stimulated by life to stand up for yourself. Rather than this sense of personal will being allowed to be expressed as a tantrum, then evolved into personal will communicated through words and the capacity to know the self and the situation - because it is labeled as wrong and bad, it stays stuck in infancy and all you have is a tantrum OR a denial of the personal will all together and a feeling of powerlessness.
The impetus to learn to express will occur over and over again. That trigger will always be there, often through painful situations that mirror the initial painful situations of your childhood where you felt your needs were not being met. This is exactly what NEEDS to happen to get you to do the growing required to learn how to assert yourself in a community.
The trigger to grow will never go away, because this growth is necessary for your expression. The longer you push it away, the longer you will face the same trigger over and over again. Once you learn to assert yourself, the triggers will still be there, but you will have a whole new empowered way of meeting them. In this, you will express in a higher ordered and more integral way.
You are not going to get rid of the part of you that has a tantrum.
You are going to allow for it to come to the surface, you are going to allow for it to show you where the first rejection of this seed of personal will took place (when your parents scolded you for throwing and tantrum) and you will ask that part of yourself what it needed. What did you want when you threw that tantrum? What need wasn’t being met? What were you asking for?
The Aspect Grows, Transmuting Into New Life:
In this, you allow this tantrum part light and a voice. You stop judging this aspect as wrong, and start to see it as simply a part of you that got hurt and wanted to grow. As you work with this part of yourself that throws tantrums - allowing it to come up and asking it what it needs, it DEVELOPS. You start to realize that all of your self sabotaging behaviors and coping mechanisms are just there to protect you from the pain of denying yourself the right to grow and expand. It hurts to think we are broken, and we need something to soothe the pain. It is not the over eating or the shopping or the bad boyfriends that are your issue - those are tools you are using to avoid feeling the pain of deep inner self rejection.
Eventually it will grow into the aspect of you that is capable of self reflection, communication of needs and even negotiation so that all parties can feel heard and respected. You will find that this part of you that threw tantrums was not at all your ego or a shadow, it was the seeds of your capacity to express yourself and your needs.
It needed to grow and develop from an infancy state into a mature one, but it was not wrong.
As you allow for it, it grows and becomes something new. In this we see the need for the coping mechanisms naturally go, because we are no longer in need of something to distract us from this aspect that wants to grow and expand but that is being rejected and denied.
So any aspect of self that is seemingly self sabotaging, is simply there as a defense mechanism against painful thoughts about the self. The negative aspects themselves are simply immature parts of our nature that need to grow through the light of our love and acceptance. The only issue is that when we don’t allow these aspects of ourselves to grow into what the painful experiences was calling them to grow into, they actually get stuck where they are. In this we emotionally and sometimes in the real reality, re-experience this painful experience over and over again, because this aspect is stuck in its evolutionary cycle, calling you to complete with the incident, grow and then move forward in a new way.
So we re-visit these wounded parts, re-visit the painful circumstances from this new vantage point of love, and we learn what we were meant to grow into.
THIS is where transmutation occurs.
The part of us that was in defense moves into truer expression, learns to be what it was trying to be in that painful situation, and then you are fundamentally different - not having gotten rid of anything, but having shifted something into a more ordered, complex and structured expression.
Fewf. That was a lot of theory.
Next week I will give you a practical step by step breakdown for how to actually walk yourself through this process. For now, just allow yourself to get used to the idea that you are not going to get rid of any part of you.