Pretty much everyone has a painful story that they are telling themselves.
I used to have a pretty painful story. I have heard painful stories from every friend I have ever had, every client I have ever coached and from every person who has ever randomly come up to me and spilled their guts. The random gut-spillings happen to me more often then you would think, and those guts almost always have some of the most painful stories.
What Is A Painful Story?
Painful stories generally revolve around things that happened to you. Things people did or didn't do to you. Things people said or didn't say. A series of events that were traumatic or scaring in some way. Generally these situations happen in an instant, or for a period of time, then we do the heavy lifting required to carry these painful stories forward far past the original incident.
Part of the reason we do this is to help protect ourselves from getting into the same situation again. Our ancient ancestors survived in the wilderness due to their ability to recognize patterns - this type of berry made me sick, this snake bit me, this water was safe - but now a days, with painful stories this pattern recognition ability actually gets us into trouble.
You Always Find What You Are Looking For
After your painful incident or series of incidences, you set up a pattern recognition mechanism within your mind to help defend you from getting to a similar situation ever again.
Now you build up walls in your intimate relationships because you are afraid of being abandoned by your partner the way your father abandoned you.
You decide to turn to food for comfort because it never judged you and made you feel badly like your mother did.
You decide to be a people pleaser who never says no because someone told you that when you used to demand what you wanted you were a bitch.
The catch twenty two here is that holding onto your old painful story means that you are going to constantly be on the lookout for that painful situation.
You will be actively seeking the men who are going to abandon you and by closing your heart to them, will in effect be causing them to abandon you.
You will be eating foods that do not serve your health, which will make you feel shame and judged, and will attract the people who are going to ridicule and belittle you.
You will be so disconnected from your own wants and needs that you will simply comply to those around you all the time, and will attract the people who want to walk all over you.
In this life, you will always find what you are focused upon. You may not consciously realize at this point that by holding onto your painful story you are focusing on it, but you are. You are focused so hard on not experiencing it again, that it is really all that could ever manifest into your life.
This is because focus works both ways:
You either focus on what you do want and get it, or you focus on what you don't want and get it. Focus is focus, and focus does not discriminate.
This is the number one reason why letting go of your painful story is so imperative to your happiness. When you let go of your painful story, you stop focusing on that painful thing you wish to avoid, but are currently actively attracting into your experience over and over again.
When you let it go you make room to focus upon what you actually do what, and from that space you can go about experiencing your new, happy reality.
Tomorrow we will look at the four main reasons why letting go of your painful story is so difficult, and how to do it anyway 🙂
If you are a keener and want to read part two now, you can do so here 😉