Why The Law Of Attraction Just Isn’t Reality


Now we’re REALLY getting deep into why The Law Of Attraction isn’t all sunshine and rainbows 😉

Today we’re going to be exploring even more why The Law Of Attraction appeals to us, and why it’s not actually the truth we want it to be.

Before we do that however, if you haven’t already, please read:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Now onto today!

Is Reality Only Happening Due To HUMAN Thought?

Which leads me to the next point - the idea that all of reality is happening from between our ears.

This is a MASSIVE idea in the New Age world, and it goes far beyond the teachings of The Law Of Attraction.

In so many New Age philosophies, we see the teaching that our reality is fully under our own control, that it’s coming purely from our conscious thoughts/feelings and that nothing ever happens to us for no good reason or any reason that wasn’t something WE were involved in.

The Law Of Attraction attempts to make us feel as though our entire existence is FULLY centered on us - and it postures that life itself is centered around human thought/feeling/projection.

THIS is one of the big red flags in the teachings if you ask me. 

On the one hand, to believe that our entire lives are under our conscious control is going to feel good.

It’s going to feel like, if this is true, that we can then protect ourselves from all pain and procure all the pleasure we could ever desire via getting our minds/feelings/emotions ‘right’.

It’s going to feel like a complete safe-zone when it comes to our childhood programming that tells us that EVERYTHING that happens to us is based on whether or not we’re living up to the expectations of that which has control. It’s going to feel like a total safe-zone to believe that we just need to know how we want to feel and we just need to signal that to the Universe enough and IT will figure out the HOW. 

We just need to know the ‘what’ and communicate that clearly. While being pleasing to the being that rules it all.

It’s going to feel ‘right’ to believe that we are the center of the Universe, for many reasons. Of course there’s the fact that to our perspective growing up again, we WERE the center of the Universe. Our caregivers, to our observation, revolved their behavior around us and our behavior.

Then even more than that, as we grow and become adults, it’s still pretty hard to NOT see yourself with a sort of ‘main character’ syndrome. MOST of us walk around feeling as though we are the center of it all, because we are the center of our own lives. We live in our own perspective 24/7 and this naturally creates a situation where we feel like everything in life is happening in/around/for/against US specifically. It can be really challenging to expand out and see that we are not, in fact, the center of all things. It can be really challenging to put ourselves in the experience of others. It can be hard to take a step back and realize that not everything that happens to us is ‘because of us’, in reaction to us, for or against us.

Most of us aren’t taught how to look at the world we live in and to see systems. 

We aren’t taught to see complex webs of interactions that all come together to create the cacophony that is each and every moment. 

We aren’t trained to look for how the world around us is operating independent of us, our will, our thoughts, our wishes and our control. 

We aren’t taught to really understand all the ways in which society is dictated by rules and customs that we didn’t have a hand in making nor did we even consent to participating in - they are just ‘the way things operate’ and that’s that. 

In our hyper-individualist culture, we’re trained to see ourselves as autonomous. We’re trained to see our economy as being one that provides equal opportunity for all. We’re trained to see ourselves as being ‘responsible’ for our lives. This is in part so that we WON’T look at the fact that a LOT of our life is actually being dictated by the social class we were born into, the access we do or don’t have to resources due to many societal conditions that are beyond our control, the capacity our bodies and minds have to live up to the standard operating procedure of the culture we live in and so many other factors that again, have nothing to do with us, our choices and what we are creating for ourselves.

Our world trains us to be self centered, and in this we often tend to believe that there has to be a ‘reason’ why everything that happens to us/doesn’t happen to us does or doesn't happen. But this reason can’t ever be ‘because someone else made a choice and I was just in the right or wrong place at the right or wrong time’. The reason can never be that ‘this is how the system is set up and it’s not responding to ME as an individual, it’s just following a set protocol.’ The reason can never be ‘there are larger patterns of life at play that aren’t even a response to human life at all.’ 

No, the reasons ALWAYS have to be about US, so that we can feel some sense of control over our life circumstances.’

Do We Really Have Control Over Our Thoughts And Emotions?

Finally, we have to acknowledge that we don’t have full control over our thoughts or over our emotions.

We don’t have the power to be in a perpetual state of ‘seeing the positive’.

Many of us have experienced deeply painful, traumatic things in our lives and these events have had a big impact on our life experience. They have had a big impact on the way we see ourselves, the way we see life, the conditions we’re in and what we perceive. Most of us come from backgrounds where we weren’t safe, where we weren’t given a ‘clear’ view of how reality works and where we don’t have a totally reasonable and rational view of life.

Then even if we haven’t experienced BIG traumas or HUGE pain - we all still experience the day to day disappointing, hurtful, confusing, sad and otherwise chaotic aspects of life - and these experiences are going to result in emotions and thoughts that aren’t ‘chosen’ by us, but rather are natural RESPONSES to stimuli.

Many of us have gone through things that mean that we CAN’T simply ‘see the bright side’ and where our ‘negative’ view of reality is actually exactly RIGHT. 

It’s normal and natural to have negative emotions, to not be in a state of forgiveness sometimes, to be hurt and sad and to need to have these feelings validated and expressed.

This is HEALTHY human processing - but the Law Of Attraction basically tells us we need to suppress all of this.

On top of this, again the way that we relate to our world, what we feel about it, what we perceive to be the causes of our pain and the solutions to that pain, what we are taking in and not taking in - so much of this isn’t under our full control either. 

The Law Of Attraction makes NO mention of the fact that so much of what we think and feel comes from our subconscious. Comes from what we’ve been through and all the stories we’ve created about what we’ve been through. The Law Of Attraction doesn’t mention that our traumas and other life experiences literally shape our brains, shape the WAY we think, shame the WAY we feel - not just what we think and what we feel.

The Law Of Attraction doesn’t take into account the fact that we aren’t consciously choosing our perception and perspective. That we have molded and adapted our perception and perspective to fit the circumstances of our lives - that we have been adapting and doing the best we could with what we were given - which for most of us were NOT ideal conditions.

Which means that a lot of the time what we THINK we want or need isn’t what we really want or need. What we think will make us feel better isn’t reality. What we think the problem is isn’t reality. What we think is CAUSING our problem isn’t the problem.

So much of the time we are ADAPTING the best we can to what we’ve been through. We are coping, numbing, self sabotaging and going after ‘solutions’ that aren't solutions because these are the only ways we know to soothe ourselves. To make ourselves feel safe. 

For many of us, what we are ‘attracted to’ in terms of what feels safe and familiar to our nervous systems aren’t the things that are ACTUALLY best for us. They are the things we KNOW. The things we grew up around. The conditions and patterns we know how to predict and exist within - and changing these patterns so that we can feel comfortable enough to actually step into something new is HARD WORK.

So much of the time the thing that’s ‘wrong’ in our life isn’t our ‘vibration’ or our emotions. What’s wrong is what we’ve been through. What’s wrong is systems. What’s wrong is how we’ve been hurt, harmed and antagonized. What’s wrong is how we’ve been unsupported. 

Much of the time the way we view the world has come from all the pain we’ve been through - and this isn’t WRONG. We need SUPPORT in this. 

We don’t need to be fixed. It’s not an internal problem.

We are adapting and we are working from what we know the best we can.

We need SUPPORT and we need new tools - we don’t need to try to ‘change’ our minds.

A lot of the time we don’t need more manifesting from what we think.

We need care and support to process all the ways we weren’t supported in our childhoods. We need to work through the pain we’ve experienced as we didn’t get our needs met or were antagonized. We need to recognize where we were held back, harmed and hurt in ways that weren’t our fault, that have caused us pain that we’re now COPING with in possibly self destructive ways - because that’s all we know how to do.

We need to explore societal systems and how they are affecting us to this day. We need to explore the ways our unique minds work. The ways that life does and doesn’t work for us.

There’s so much more to the picture than just want we logically think is ‘right’ as adults with lots and lots of history, subconscious programming and influence from the external world.

We need investigation into why we are how we are, why we think how we think, why we feel how we feel - and we need compassion. We need love. We need processing. We need support and understanding. There’s SO much more that goes into what we think and feel than just ‘making a choice to see things how we want them to be.’ 

Mental illness, physical illness, trauma, just being an individual having an individual experience - all of these things FORM our perceptions, our thoughts and our feelings in ways that we don’t have control over. There are so many factors that go into what we think, what we feel, what we experience and what we perceive. Many of which are NOT under our control and are NOT a result of any choices we did or didn’t make.

We didn’t choose what happened to us. We don’t choose the bodies we are born into. We don’t choose the ways we’re supported or not supported. We don’t choose the conditions of our upbringing and early adulthoods that shape the way we’re going to seek to meet our needs and to behave as we grow up. We don’t choose our thought patterns. We don’t choose the stories around who and what we are, our worth and our value.

SO much of this is handed to us, and it then sets the stage for what we’re going to experience moving forward. To shift these things isn’t a matter of just choosing a new emotion or vibration. 

I hope you see how much more to the picture there is than this law allows for.

When we don’t look at this, we are missing a massive piece of the reality puzzle.

We are thinking and feeling things due to history, programming, patterns and in response to reality. We aren’t choosing them most of the time.

Learning to embrace that we don’t have control even over our own thoughts and feelings at all times can be hard - but it’s important. We can certainly control how we respond and support ourselves as we gather new tools for doing so - but to say that we can just ‘choose’ to think or feel a certain way isn’t reality.

The habits and lives we have are a RESPONSE to all that we’ve been through and to the systems we live in - they are not just an individual, free will choice.

We are not just our conscious thoughts. Our emotions are complex. Our histories are complex. The reality we live in is complex. ALL of this needs to be addressed if we actually want to shift our reality in the ways we actually CAN - which most of the time isn’t in the full control way we WANT it to be.

Without looking at all of the things that have led to where we are, we can’t expect to have perfect control over where we’re going - and even then, we can’t expect to have perfect control over where we’re going.

The Law Of Attraction Is Deeply Flawed And A Massive Oversimplification Of Reality

The Law Of Attraction feeds directly into our already set perspective that the world is revolving around us. It gives it a kind of magical flair - and attaches a ‘benevolence’ to that which is controlling our outcomes - but at the end of the day, it’s still a teaching that says that everything that happens to us is because of us/for us on some level, which is really just matching what most of us already think/believe to be true about life.

The Law Of Attraction again makes us feel like we have total control over life - by placing us directly in the center of all outcomes. There’s no room in The Law Of Attraction teachings for the idea that systems were built WAY before any of us existed, and are therefore not operating via some reaction to us as individuals, but rather are just going along as they were set to go along in spite of us. There’s no room for the idea that other people have their own reasons for doing what they’re doing that may have nothing to do with us/how they treat us. There’s no recognition of the power imbalances that lurk EVERYWHERE in life, and the fact that some people's wants and desires ARE more likely to ‘come true’ based on their level of wealth, access and privilege than others. 

The Law Of Attraction fails to understand that so much of what we experience is dictated by who we are around, how they behave, what they believe and the limits or freedoms that those around us DO put on us.

The Law Of Attraction fails to recognize that a LOT of our experience as individuals comes from nervous system programming and conditioning - not from conscious thought. It fails to realize that much of what we feel, what we think is reasonable, what we are attracted to/not attracted to and what we have access to, what feels FAMILIAR and thus SAFE to us - aren’t things we are consciously choosing to choose or not choose. They are rather programs that have been woven into our nervous system and into other parts of our awareness that drive us into similar situations over and over again - even when we try to shift our behavior or make new choices. It fails to realize that we aren’t living as fully aware, logic based beings. It fails to recognize that our emotions aren’t always things we can CHOOSE to do something about. 

The Law Of Attraction tells us that we are ‘vibrational’ matches to any harm that may befall us - and this just simply flies in the face of true reality. Children aren’t choosing to be abused. We are not all in control of what others choose to do to us when they have the capacity to overpower us. We are not in control of the weather or climate the way we would have to be in order for this law to make sense.

On top of this, we also have to understand that SO much of what WE are attracted TO, what circumstances we choose for ourselves, how we’re able to show up for our own needs, wants and desires, how we interact with the outside world and the feedback we get from that isn’t at all a fully conscious thing. 

A lot of what we experience in this life is coming from our perceptual programs. A lot of what we choose or don’t choose comes from our conditioning. A lot of what goes on in our lives comes from deeper places in our being that have nothing to do with our adult reasoning and logic. SO much of what we experience as small children and young adults becomes our ‘set point’ for how we are going to behave, what is going to appear ‘right and wrong’ to us, and what we are going to do in terms of getting our needs met. Also, most of us have parts of self we still don’t understand, that are trying to get our needs met in back-door ways because they were never allowed to be fully expressed or to grow and mature. We all have behaviors we don’t understand because they are adaptations to pain and conditions where we didn’t have full awareness or the capacity to make life actually ‘good’ for ourselves. We all have ‘shadow’ aspects that are doing their best to keep us safe in a world that appears to be or is actually antagonistic to us in some way. Much of what we experience simply isn’t because of us - none of us created the systems we live in, and we have all done the best we can to fit in and get our needs met the best we can to systems that are oftentimes antagonistic to us.

SO much of our lives is not because of us at all. It’s based on choices others make and have made a long time ago. The patterns that are in place that we have to integrate into. Systems. Complexity. 

Anyone who’s ever tried to quit ingesting a substance or who’s ever found themselves in cycles of repetitive relationships will tell you that adult life often feels like our conscious mind is in some sort of ‘battle’ with these other parts of self that seem hell bent on hurting us. When in reality, we simply have programmed parts of our being that are trying their best to get our needs met, to keep us safe from perceived or real threat and that are constantly seeking what’s FAMILIAR - even when what’s familiar is harmful - because these things all read SAFETY to our nervous systems.

We are not fully conscious beings who are operating solely from logical, adult rationality.

A lot of our feelings, our interpretations, our ways of viewing the world aren’t chosen, and can’t be chosen. We have to acknowledge that even our ‘vibration’ and our thoughts aren’t under our full control. We’re far, far more complex than this. So even IF this law WERE reality - we still wouldn’t have total control, because there are so many layers of our being that are outside of our conscious control/will/awareness that are playing a part in our experience.

No matter what, we are not simply working from our conscious awareness - and this is part of what makes these kinds of teachings appear to be real - it can really LOOK like life is happening because of some ‘magical’ vibrational reason - when we don’t understand patterns, trauma, history and nervous system programming. 


Alright friends, one more break.

Let’s let all of this sink in, and then we can finish this whole thing up next week!


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The School is designed to give you all the tools you need, in order, that will allow you to figure out YOUR life path, as it presents itself, one step at a time.

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Author perceptiontrainers

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Join the discussion 2 Comments

  • Mary Anne says:

    Hi Aliyah….just a note to let you know I am in the now and at peace with myself….knowing so many helpers along the way…..so many experiences of life, love, heartbreak, spirit and earth have supported me on my journey and always will. I don’t know very much. I do know I want to live out these years grateful for this life I’ve been given. It feels nice to have a calmed down brain after these last years so filled with grief. I can’t say how this way of being has come. I have had the advantages of many good helpers each playing their part in these last six years of my life. Some longer than that….like you❣️ I find myself pondering new interests and ways of being and at the same time being perfectly content to be here now….(my buddy Ram Dass). Not feeling like pondering any particular person’s points of view after pondering so many…..perhaps Eckhart Tolle….find him so dear. Thank you Aliyah for your many personal responses to me during these years….many of them I have journaled. You are so dear. Sending you much love and big hugs…..Mary Anne?

    • perceptiontrainers says:

      Hello beautiful one! I am so so so happy to hear that you are in a new phase of pease and presence. You really, really did the work, and you fully deserve to be in this space of not having to push or pursue or learn so much. Now is a time to just relax and enjoy, as you said, and I am sending you so much love for that. You are worthy of this peace. Worthy of this time. There’s no where else you need to be, and no where to ‘get’ to. You are whole, here and now. Always always sending you love <3

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