Today I want to explore the idea that your pain doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. In fact, your pain is actually a messenger looking to help you find ways of being that are BETTER for you than the ones you are currently engaging in.
The first step out of the chaos we are in, is embracing that our pain is not a sign of a flaw in US - but rather a sign of misalignment in how we are LIVING.
This is a massive shift, that can't help but create the massive shifts we are calling for in the collective.
It's time to really wake up.
You Are Not Broken:
You are not broken.
Are we ready to really wake up?
Are we ready to allow ourselves to really feel the pain that we’re in - and rather than allowing ourselves to be gas lit, minimized, told we are being unspiritual by ‘focusing on the negative’, start embracing our humanity and looking deeply into why the pain is there so we can align with truth?
Are we ready to really look at the fact that we have been fully and royally DOOPED by the ‘spirituality and self help’ worlds that have been telling us forever to stop looking at the pain, to make the pain ‘our fault’ by turning to self help/improvement, to stop being told that it’s ‘all in our minds’ and if we just shift our perspectives and perceptions enough, get rid of our ego enough, get rid of our self enough - eventually the pain will stop?
Are we ready to wake up out of this spiritual infancy we are in, so we can embrace the adult perspective?
You are not broken.
You are RESPONDING to the traumas of your life.
You are responding to the traumas OF THIS LIFE that you didn’t choose to be a part of, but that you are perpetuating and affected by simply by being born into a world with out of alignment systems which you have been forced to participate in.
Your anxiety is a RESPONSE to:
- Being forced to hide who you really are/to express in ways that aren't authentic to you because that's how you were approved of and thus how you got your needs met.
The perception that you are/were not safe (which often times is VERY TRUE.)
- Feeling that you are being antagonized and to not having your needs met in times when you couldn’t meet your own needs.
- Any unprocessed experience where you felt unheard, unwelcome, antagonized and threatened but didn’t know where it was coming from or what to do about it.
- Having learned that this world isn’t a safe place for you, that you must be constantly on guard - even after all the traumatic stuff has passed, your nervous system is now wired to believe the threat is ever present as a way of PROTECTING YOU. Keeping you alert.
- The SYSTEMS of oppression, destruction, chaos and out of alignment living that you were BORN INTO - that are ’normal’ and so seem ‘fine’, but FEEL terrible to you. You may have no awareness of WHY these systems are harmful, what the harm is, how they are causing harm, how you are willingly or unwillingly participating or what an alternative system could look like - but that doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling the EFFECTS of the system. Whether you were born into the role of someone is could be viewed as the perpetrator of chaos, one who seemingly BENEFITS from the system or one who is being oppressed and hurt by the system - you are suffering.
Your depression is a RESPONSE to:
- Not being allowed to process.
- Not being allowed to express your emotions or being continually invalidated in them.
- Not being allowed to have your experience or being shamed, blamed, scapegoated or otherwise told you were wrong/bad/incapable.
- Having what you are at your core be so deeply shamed, blamed, rejected or denied that now you CAN’T express as yourself in any meaningful way without THAT causing you so much ANXIETY that you go back to self suppression - depression - feeling nothing or feeling low all the time, because that’s SAFER than being yourself and being rejected. It is a response to not being allowed to grow and expand.
- Knowing somewhere in your core that this world is antagonistic to YOU and to the growth of those around you - without having cognizant awareness of this or the power to shift it.
- Living in a world where you are told that certain things are truth, that you must align with certain belief systems and structures that are antithetical to your personal growth and human growth in general - your 'normal' being at it's core antagonistic to your thriving, but having that normal be so deeply normalized you can't see any way outside of it.
- Not knowing who or what you are, constantly having to put on some sort of act or behaviour. Looking to please at all times.
- Knowing who you are and feeling that it is fundamentally wrong/bad/harmful.
Your coping mechanisms - your addictions, ways in which you harm yourself or others, your numbing tactics - these are all TOOLS YOU ARE USING to:
- Manage and navigate needs you don’t understand
- Manage wounds you have no way of healing/addressing
- keep yourself from being your real self (suppressing who and what you really are so as to keep yourself safe)
- NUMB THE PAIN of living in a world that is so out of synch with reality that our systems of chaos are looked upon as normal and right.
- Help you BE yourself, to express something you have no other way of expressing.
- Cry for help. They are how you know how to meet your needs right now. You don’t ‘know better and just aren’t doing better.’ You are not weak willed. You are not lazy. You are not selfish. You are hurting. You have pain you don’t understand, needs you don’t understand and ways of being you don’t know how to express or embody any other way.
Your scapegoats - the things you project onto, the people you blame, the ways in which you unload all of your pain onto your body/relationship/financial situation/job situation/location - that ‘thing’ you always point to and say ‘if I could just fix THIS I would be happy’ - is how you:
- Simplify/explain/rationalize your pain.
- Give yourself hope that happiness is just one quick snap/solution/shift away.
- Avoid feeling that your life is hopeless.
- Explain the unexplainable pain of a ‘normal life that’s fine’, the pain of trauma you know you faced but don’t think is ‘that bad’ or how you are explaining the UNIVERSAL pain you are feeling, being a part of a human race that is systemically at odds with itself and reality - thus causing pain for all.
- Create chaos in your life that you can then 'fix' and feel in control.
Your 'ego', all ways in which you self sabotage, the ways you continually ‘mess up’ your relationships, your health, your job, your money, your living situation - these are the parts of your life that are being run by the traumatized parts of you. The parts that don’t know how reality works, the parts that didn’t get to learn, the parts that know only what was ingrained into your nervous system as a survival mechanism in your youth. The parts of you that still feel like a helpless child who needs others to love/accept/understand/rescue you in order for you to feel safe. The parts of you that literally don’t know what else to do.
Your Pain Is A Response To Trauma:
Your pain is a response to trauma. To thinking the world was going to work this way, experiencing that it worked another, and never LEARNING about WHY what happened happened/didn’t happen. It’s a response to having needs you don’t understand (that were usually misunderstood by your caregivers) and thus aren’t getting met. It’s a response to not being allowed to be yourself. It’s a response to the out of whack systems that run our world that you were born into.
You’re not broken. Your pain, anxiety, depression, negative self image, hopelessness, spiritual bypassing, addictions, self sabotaging behaviors - ALL OF IT - is a RESPONSE to trauma.
You’re not broken. You’re in pain because you don’t understand yourself, you don’t understand how you work, you don’t understand your needs and you don’t understand how to meet them.
THE SYSTEM we have is broken. It doesn’t support humans thriving. We are all suffering under the weight of it. All of us. The abusers, oppressors, oppressed, abused, neglected, the victims and the victors - no one is winning. Not really. Not in real reality. We are destroying ourselves, our neighbors, our homes, and we are HURTING the whole time. We are numbing the pain by being productive, consuming, fearing for tiny things so we can’t see the bigger picture.
If we REALLY want a new world, we are going to have to STOP looking for ‘what’s wrong with us’ and START looking at WHAT WE ARE REACTING TO THAT’S OUT OF ALIGNMENT.
It’s the life we are trying to live that doesn’t work. The body, the emotions, the self, it doesn’t like. If there’s pain, there’s misunderstanding of the structure and a breaking of oneself against it.
Globally. Nationally. In communities. In our individual lives.
It’s all the same pain.
So are we going to learn and change our way of being to better support ourselves?
Keep looking for how to ‘fix ourselves’ so that we can fit into a system that we have assumed is ‘right’ - even though it’s working for exactly zero people?
Stop Buying Into The System That Says Your Pain Is Your Fault:
You’re not broken.
Stop buying into this.
How would the world change if we started saying ‘what’s causing this pain that we can shift?’ Instead of ‘What’s wrong with me that I can’t make ‘normal’ work?’
It may open your eyes to a totally whacked out world you seemingly have no control over. It may take the blinders off and give you a blasted out perspective that overwhelms you. It may leave you feeling helpless and hopeless for a bit. That’s ok. That’s a dark night of the soul. That’s the ‘taking the red pill.’ That’s the blinders and anesthetic wearing off.
Love the one who loses the plot.
Then, as you do, you are going to start to see the way forward. You’re going to start to see where you can start to dismantle the system - not out of spite or to be ‘against’ anyone or anything - but as a way of being FOR the world you want to see. You are going to help tear things down so new, better systems can be built in their place. You won’t fear the anger, the destruction, the cries for help, the seeming chaos - because you will GET IT. What we have NOW is chaos. What we have NOW is destruction. What we have NOW isn’t going to work. We can’t fear the crumbling. We can’t resist the change hoping to cling to what is.
What is of value will last. What is of benefit will remain. True benefit. When we work from FEELING not LOGIC - we will get the picture. If it hurts - we gotta question it. If we have to numb/stimulate to feel good - we don’t feel good. The system isn’t working. The real work will make you sick to your stomach at times. It will make you lose your footing. You will have no where to lay your head. Good. This is what leads to the light.
We aren’t going to ‘love and light’ our way to a world that doesn’t hurt. We are going to FEEL the pain of this one we have, and allow it to inspire us to shift to things that feel better. FEEL BETTER. Not look better. Not sound better. Not seem better. FEEL BETTER.
We are going to re-connect to our humanity. Where one is trapped we are all trapped. Where one is free we are all free. There can be no other way. We are connected to all whether we like it or not. Reality does not pull punches. Just because we didn’t know we were causing harm, doesn’t mean we aren’t suffering the consequences of doing so. We are. We feel it. That’s why everyone is running. Hamster wheel life. Productivity. Constant motion. So we don’t have to feel it.
It's Time To Start FEELING:
It’s time to feel it my friends.
Stop running. Let the feelings take you.
Then, let them inform you. One moment at a time. One day at a time. One step at a time. For the new world.
Let’s break down the old, find what works, then build the new from the foundations of feeling.
Are you ready to be a part of the new world? Good. Embrace that pain. Go in. Don’t run. FEEL IT. Let it move you. Rock you. Shake you. Then let it make you better. Stronger, more willing to change and be your own person who KNOWS what’s right and wrong and lives by that no matter what anyone around you is doing or is thinking.
EVOLUTION not revolution.
The adult perspective is not afraid to look at the pain that EXISTS. It is not duped into thinking looking is ‘amplifying’ it. No if it’s there, the NOT LOOKING is amplifying it - because it’s supporting the system that’s CREATING the pain. Pain exists for one reason only - misalignment. YES this STARTS in our perceptions - but as you TRULY SHIFT your perception from false reality to true reality, this so too needs to shift your WAY OF BEING, your way of relating with yourself and the world. If your spiritual practices aren’t changing you, they aren’t spiritual. If your love and light isn’t rocking you to the core as you feel the collective pain, it’s denial and delusion. If you’re not being called from within to stand up, work to liberate others, work to change yourself in ways that support the freedom of all (not just navel gazing and focusing on your own little experience and nit picking the shit out of yourself) it’s not spirituality. It’s a distraction.
Adults can own that we are participating in destruction. That we didn’t choose it but that we need to now actively UN-choose it. Adults can hold that we are GOOD and that if there is pain, this is a call to change. Change doesn’t mean you were wrong and bad before - it means you’re alive. An adult can hold that what is TRULY good for themselves, is good for the whole and vice versa. That there is no winning at the expense of someone else. A true adult can understand connectivity and their place in the world of changing what hurts in the self to benefit the all. A true adult is not afraid of shadow nor involved in any spiritual superstition.
True love and light, true introspection, true awakening isn’t going to drive you to feeling guilt, shame or condemnation.
It’s also not going to drive you to shame, blame or guilt anyone else, any institution, any system.
You’re not going to be ok with what is, nor are you going to have an enemy to fight.
You’re going to see that everything we have - the supposed villains and victims, the good and bad, the right and wrong - is a result of systems built on illusions. The illusion of disconnection. Illusion of one winning at the cost of another. The illusion of separation. In true love and light you aren’t ‘fighting separation’ - separation doesn’t exist in order to be fought against. Rather you will be living FOR UNITY. FOR the new system built on reality - the reality of inter connectivity. You won’t be against anyone. You will see their pain, and where you can love them, and then do what YOU NEED TO DO to create a new world of unity.
You will stand FOR rights of those who don’t have them.
FOR a system that supports the betterment of all. FOR equality.
FOR everyone to have their voice heard. You will be able to bare witness to the PAIN of others, never needing to minimize them or ask them to express differently - you will hear them and heed the call to create more space for more to have what they need to thrive. You will be strong enough to built the new thing.
No fingers of blame.
No looking for the perp.
Seeing the system.
No one’s fault.
Our responsibility to change.
Love and light means strength to go where the pain is, listen, and learn from it what needs to change.
We have created this world through our actions, based in misperception. We are going to change it yes by changing our perception - by following FEELING not logic - letting the pain dismantle what we think is ‘fine’ - and then we are going to BEHAVE in accordance with our new awareness. We aren’t going to keep this and have happiness. We are going to SHIFT THIS so that there is happiness. The pain will go when we stop putting our hand on the burner. Until then, we are not broken, we are responding to a system that doesn’t work.
Let’s change together. It’s going to be uncomfortable. And that’s good. Adults can be uncomfortable. Can change. Can learn and grow and be different for themselves and everyone around them.
You’re not broken. You’re feeling it. Let’s let it change us so we can align.