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These Wellness Leaders Seem Cruel - But Deep Down They Are Actually Scared:
The words and actions of these people come across as uncaring. Carless. Cruel in many cases. There is a lot of victim blaming and shaming. A lot of talk about how there is truly no situation where ANYONE is actually a victim - it’s all a personal choice. You’re just not empowering yourself enough. You brought this upon yourself. Total freedom is available and if you don’t have it - fuck you. Actually. Unless you’re going to follow/worship/glorify me - then welcome to the ‘awakening.’ You're one of the real ones. You get it. You’re not in fear like those other people. Now whose experience do we have to invalidate, subtly shame, deny, reject in order to stay here in this lofty place? Who do we have to blame? Who can we look at as weak and unmotivated? How can we take MORE for ourselves, continue to prop ourselves up as messiahs who have ‘the truth’ and ‘the answer’ for everyone - and if you’re not following/ding/getting results - YOU are failing. YOU are doing it wrong. YOU are the one to blame?
To me, this all boils down to an innocent fear.
These people aren’t evil.
They aren’t saints.
They don’t have it all figured out nor are they as horrible as they present themselves to be.
Rather - they were raised in a culture that celebrates independence above all things.
They’re human beings just like the rest of us who crave connection.
To be told that we’re loved and good enough and part of the group - and in today's culture being ‘in’ requires that you’re ‘sovereign.’
It’s a kind of ironic dance that has to be done.
The more ‘up’ you are, the more independent, wealthy, successful, healthy, ‘living on the wild side’ you are because you don’t fear death - the more the crowds gather and the community celebrates you. You represent the promise of that pain free, perfectly controlled life. When you’re down? Suffering? Doing it all but not getting the results? No community then. No likes and follows. Just pity at best, abandonment at worst. All the friends are fair weather. Too caught up in their own task of pyramid building to even have the time to genuinely connect with YOU. You must play the ROLE. You gotta be the person they all expect you to be - perfectly in sync with the group as the individual you are. You can’t actually be authentic - that would be off script and then we wouldn’t know how to respond to you. You can’t be down - we don't want to have to help you. No one helped us (unless you want to pay for my coaching services and be a part of my affiliate link chain and give me a bad ass review on your page, bro. Sis). You can’t be vulnerable. That would make us have to see our own vulnerability because we identified with you. You can’t actually mind the community - acknowledging those who aren’t actually capable of the levels of health and wealth you’ve accumulated - because that would mean you can’t keep accumulating and feeling good about it. You’d realize you’re profiting off of a system that necessitates that many don’t have what they need in order for you to have so much more. You have to keep being the guy, the girl, the positive, prosperous one.
They were raised without a spiritual ground to stand upon.
Most have become disenfranchised with religion, and prosperity has become the new GOD.
The success of THIS LIFE, the pleasure of THIS LIFE IS God choosing you. Smiling down on you. Saying you deserve it. How could it be any other way? They must be the chosen ones as they have the stuff. They must have done something to deserve their standing.
Again, they know what happens after death for sure - they heard it from that other guru. They saw it on mushies. They connected to it through their hearts in Peru on Ayahuasca that one time. Their assuredness is what lets them sleep at night. It’s what they cling to when they get a stomach ache. Or when the income slows. Or when the parties stop.
There is a constant NEED for the gatherings, the podcasts, the bro dates. The boss babe summits. The perpetual social media posts with all the likes. The constant spewing of material/their ‘truth’. Without these things, what would there be? Time to sit and feel. Time to look around. Time to see beyond their own four walls. That would be too much. The idea that you can get sick - can’t be real for ANYONE because then it might be real for THEM and then what? The idea that you can’t just ‘make it’ if you try hard enough - that can’t be real because if it’s real for others would that mean they have to re-consider what their light work is really doing? It can’t be that there isn’t a knowing of after death. If their narrative is just a narrative like all the other narratives - if they don’t hold THE TRUTH - what, does that make them just like everyone else? All the sheep? All those fear based low vibe scaredy cats who want to protect old people?
No it can’t be.
So they post. They supplement. They gather. They charge. They make another program. And if all else fails - they tell you not to worry about it. Be sovereign. It’s all just a hoax to convince you that their monopoly on power and privilege isn’t bad or wrong. The rest of the world is just gullible. Naive. Weak. Unmotivated. Not taking their health seriously. If they could only see. But they don’t. Oh well. Not my job. Not my problem.
This Is What Happens When Health And Wellness Are Taken Out Of Context:
This is what happens when we take so much of our spirituality/wellness practices from cultures and people groups that we bear no resemblance to.
That our current society doesn't have any context for.
That we ripped from them in the process of destroying them.
This is what happens when the pursuit of individual freedom and expression comes at the cost of community responsibility.
That was a part of THEIR journey that isn’t really connected to ours.
When the drive to HAVE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE is done so without the understanding that we are all connected. That things actually work better when we have a collective responsibility.
This is what happens when the idea of being a part of a group means losing the ability to decide for yourself.
When you tell yourself that your community is based on being a free individual - when in fact you have to be a free individual JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
When ‘community’ still comes from how we are THE SAME and how we DON’T NEED EACH OTHER. When it comes from never reminding one another of our mortality. Never reminding one another of our vulnerability. Of the places we don’t know or have security. There’s feigned vulnerability in the exact right ways - but never TRUE showing up. So long as we can be together and never challenge each other - not in any REAL way - and as long as we can walk away having ‘been in community’ with people who think just like we do, who are getting their own, who tell us it’s ok for us to keep accumulating more - no, we MUST - no matter how that may be impacting the rest of the world.
This culture we live in breeds this.
Because we are all so busy trying to provide for and fend for ourselves that the mere THOUGHT of having to be responsible to those less equipped than us is too much. We are all so starved for real connection and so AFRAID of our humanity that doing anything that would lead to REAL connection is simply too horrifying.
This is what happens when spirituality and wellness are in a vacuum of self and have been removed from the context of the whole.
When spirituality, wellness and connection are empty - we have this.
Pretty pictures, posturing, othering, shaming, blaming, rejecting and deflecting. We can’t look at anything that burst that bubble. Ever. And if we do, we can only be detached, or point the finger of blame somewhere else. To get it off us. We gotta separate ourselves from it because we don't REALLY have anything to help us process it or make it safe.
This is why we have huge groups of people who want to check out of the whole thing. Who are hurting due to these systems or have been a part of the systems and were cast out. Why we have people who want to believe personal responsibility isn’t a thing. Who wants to see a government or institution do it all for them. Who are fully nihilistic and materialistic - sling all that wonder and magic that comes with being alive in a world we don’t understand.
The whole system right now is a snake eating it's own tail. We are afraid to connect because the 'other' is going to take from us, but we feel so depleted because we are so disconnected. Connection feels like a risk and a vulnerability because we all feel so starved that we WILL rob from one another - mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We will throw one another under the bus. We will abandon each-other. Because we feel so empty. Because the system is set up to be every man for himself, we can't ever get what we want - safety in being ourselves within a community where our strengths and weaknesses balance each-other out. THAT'S the real answer. COOPERATION. But when we feel like we have to protect and defend, we can't cooperate. Everyone is an asset or a threat - and this is the toxic world we currently navigate. The system robs us of our humanity and THAT is the problem.
Sovereignty At The Expense Of Connection Isn't The Freedom We Think It Is:
People lack connection. They lack the capacity to be with the existential nature of life. To be with the pain and suffering we can’t fix sometimes. The capacity to see that others are having a different experience. That our being hell bent on individuality is costing us. They lack a true connection to the actual realities of death which may make them reconsider their assuredness in their interpretation of it all.
It’s a kind of really painful trap they don’t see that they’re in. That they are actually ALONE within. They aren’t seen or supported in their tribes - not really. They play act to be a part of the group - the group where everyone else is acting too. They boost the narrative so everyone can feel comfortable that they have it, and it makes them impenetrable. Infallible. THEY ARE DOING GOOD WORK. They are good. They are awake and good.
When we really know what it is to face death, we don’t belittle others.
We don’t tell them it’s all their fault or in their head or don't worry about it.
It’s just not compassionate.
It’s not real.
When we are spiritually strong enough to face the darkness of life - that’s when we are ‘woke.’ We no longer have promises of perfect transcendence - but we promise to be with people. To hold them through it. To walk with them when it isn’t instagramable. We make ourselves vulnerable - showing that we don’t have it all together.
YES we have power. YES we can make things better. YES. Yes.
We are a community where there isn’t equity yet. We have a responsibility to one another. We aren’t all the same. Life is messy and complex. We can take all for ourselves. Or we can be humble and realize that the more we have, the more we can make room for others to have too. We can check out of the system of ‘more more more’ - find our enough (no one is asking anyone to go without here, let’s be clear, but we do need a redefining of what’s ACTUALLY an ‘abundant’ life in terms of what really supports the human being in thriving.) Then see where we can contribute to the ACTUAL whole as it IS - not as we want it to be. We’re open to our suffering and the mystery of life - and asking just how we can make it a little nicer for everyone through our actions.
There Is A Balance To Strike:
Please know that I’m in no way, shape or form saying that personal responsibility isn’t a thing. That there aren’t very REAL things we can all do to better our standing in life.
There is a BALANCE - there is BOTH - personal responsibility AND community responsibility.
There are both things we DO have absolute control over and things we don't. There are tragedies of life that can’t be remedied. There are things that can be made better. We have a responsibility to do for ourselves what we can. We have a responsibility to do for others what we can. No one can help everyone. There may not be an answer to some of the suffering. We may not be able to have a perfect fix - but we can work for it. We can take what we’ve learned on this ultra individualistic bend and use it to better ourselves - because there have been amazing things that have come out of it. We don’t need to be conforming sheep following a leader. We don’t need to be fully independent either. We can find the balance.
These people are in fear - just like everyone else. Not bad. Not evil. Scared. And for good reason. Human life is scary. This is a lot. None of us know.
It’s my genuine hope that one day we can reconcile the human condition.
That we will be able to show up for ourselves in all of our trauma, all the unknown and uncertainty - the problem of our self awareness that isn’t complete - and rather than looking to escape it we learn to process it. To TRULY be able to be IN it all.
I hope that we can find enough comfort in the things we have learned to understand and control that we no longer need to make up stories to explain the things we may never understand.
Where we can build a true community that celebrates our unique strengths and differences, as well as what makes us the same. Where we can be both vulnerable and strong together.
Where we can work together for real for the betterment of all of us.
Where we no longer cling to nervous system simulation to take us out of our pain and trauma.
Where we have the tools to integrate our experience through health and wellness, rather than looking to them to get us out of here.
I hope we can start to embrace human realities together.
If you're being shamed or blamed in any way by ‘sovereign’ people - it’s not you. It's ok to be afraid and to not know. To want to protect others and yourself. It’s ok to not have it all together. To be vulnerable. There ARE people who do care. I care. I see you. Don’t let their lack of compassion for themselves and thus make you think there’s something wrong with you.
There’s a hollowness their running from.
An existential dread.
Let’s be the ones to face it, so we can hold their hands when they're ready.