You Get To Live Your Life For Your Own Expansion

Hello again Friend!

In case you missed it, you can check out my post from last week right here.

Today, I'm going to keep making the case for why you shouldn't feel like you OWE the world your story or your success, why we should be looking to question systems rather than constantly questioning ourselves, and how we can work towards a world that's truly more equitable and safer for all of us.

Because you deserve to live for yourself and your growth, without feeling like you OWE the world your story or transformation.

You shouldn't feel that there's pressure to heal or 'get better' - rather you should feel like if these are things you WANT that you have the opportunity to strive for them.

Because this is your life, and you don't owe it to anyone.

This Is Part Of The Reason We All Think We're Failures And That Our Lives Belong To Someone Else:

Again, to believe that everyone could just ‘find their purpose’ and that this would be socially rewarded with safety and abundance is a fiction that simply keeps us locked into the system, never questioning IT and only ever questioning ourselves and feeling like we are failing.

So many people are living on the edge of poverty, and so many are living BELOW the poverty line while we have people who are hoarding more for themselves and their families than they could ever use - and this is the only proof we need that we don't currently value human life. Our system is not set up to value life - and it’s created the conditions where most of us DON’T get to connect to our humanity, our creativity, to that which would actually be a balanced way of life because that would mean working less, doing less, having less, connecting to things that have been engineered out of our lived experience (like real conversations, time in nature, time for pleasure, time for pursuits that aren’t ever going to be a source of income) because we HAVE to keep focused on working and striving in order to simply survive. Or we are conditioned to prioritize work and consumption above all things because that’s what culture tells us to do - and thus again we aren’t living to have a human experience of growth - we’re just living to keep up and stay relevant. We work harder than we need to hoard more than we need, continue to feel like whatever we do or have isn't enough - and there's always the 'next level' we're supposed to be striving for - no matter where we are currently. We don’t want to be left behind, we don’t want to get kicked out of the social network, we don’t want to be weird or different, and we don’t want to be insecure - and thus we have to keep playing the game, always doubting ourselves and never feeling like we’re good enough or safe.

With all of this, it can be so easy to fall into the trap that says we aren’t here to live our own experience, to have our own lives, to do for ourselves what feels right and doable so that we can have as great a life as is POSSIBLE for us. Nor are we taught to question the system that makes living a full life even HARDER for those who aren’t totally able bodied/neuro-typical/able to work the way we have to work in order to have success in the system. Instead, we feel like we constantly owe the world a story, a hero’s journey, and some evidence that even WITHIN the system, we were able to ‘make it’ in some way no matter our limitations, pain or struggle, so that we don’t have to dismantle anything that’s rigging life to be extra difficult for large portions of the population.

We’re taught to literally assume that WE are failing, that we are the thing that’s broken, that we have to find some way of making ourselves ‘valuable’ to others so as to justify our existence if we are struggling in way way - and in so doing we are chronically upholding this system that is designed to support only a select few at the COST of the many. We’re trained to see any area where we can’t perfectly live up to the production and consumption standards required to keep our system going as personal failures that we must learn to rise above (no matter what it takes to do so) instead of seeing these blocks as flaws in the system that need to be adjusted so that more people have reasonable access to a GOOD life.

Remember - we DO have agency in our lives even within the system. Sometimes we are struggling and suffering in ways we do have the power to change - it's not the system it is us/our relationship with reality. This isn't about believing in all or nothing - that our success is either FULLY our own responsibility or FULLY the responsibility of our social systems - but it IS about recognizing where it IS the system that needs to change - not us.

Many of us in the spirituality/new age/personal growth communities have been brainwashed into believing that our lives are 100% within our control and because of us - and this primes us to blame ourselves from systemic failures, it primes us to participate in systems of abuse and exploitation we don't even see, and it primes us to believe that those who are struggling around us are causing their own struggle - leading us to ignore systemic issues that genuinely set people up to have a terrible life experience. It keeps us navel gazing instead of actually working to make this world a more equitable place where we are ABLE to. And it keeps us again blaming ourselves for everything that happens in our lives rather than leading us to investigate where some of our issues may not be due to our choices at all.

It blinds us to the complex and nuanced reality of human life, boiling everything down to personal choice. It makes us feel liberated in one sense that we are in total control of our own lives - but at the same time it totally takes our power when the problem doesn't lie with us.

The system is flawed.

The idea that we owe our lives to the system is flawed.

The idea that those who aren’t able bodied/neuro-typical/able to/wanting to/willing to function in the normal 9-5 working model where you have 2.5 kids and buy a house or who aren’t wanting to become full time entrepreneurs ‘working for themselves’ in some way - are impediments to progress and have to bend themselves into all kinds of pretzel shapes to try to justify their lives so that they can get what they need to survive, is complete and total bullshit.

The fact that we feel like we owe the world a hero’s journey when we are not being supported by the system, that we own the world our story of how we made it work instead of saying ‘this system DOESN’T WORK and IT is what needs to be changed’ is the big issue we face.

The fact that we all keep assuming that the system is right to some degree and that if we just work hard enough and align our chakras correctly we will be rewarded with what we need to survive is a huge, huge problem.

The Truth That Will Move Us Closer To Freedom:

The truth is, we have the technology, awareness and resources to provide a relatively good and safe life for ALL people in most developed nations.

We’re getting to the point where we have enough technology, resources and awareness to offer a good life to those even outside of developed nations.

The truth is, we don’t need to keep working and producing at breakneck speed in order to survive and move forward anymore. 

The truth is that those at the top of the system who are hoarding and being rewarded for their lineage of hoarding or their ‘hard work’ with so much MORE than they need aren’t making the world a better place. Many of them DO have amazing stories, have overcome a lot, have invented things that really benefited society - and their contributions ARE important - and at the same time the fact that our system is set up so that we can have a few that have SO MUCH MORE than they will ever want/need at the EXPENSE of so many not having enough, is always going to be a massive problem.

Our wealthy and powerful brothers and sisters didn’t get there because they actually offered to society the equivalent of what they now have access to in terms of wealth and privilege. The system is and was slanted for their success and their success is a direct result of unequal and inequitable distribution. Those at the top of the pyramid HAD to exploit, under pay, abuse and otherwise keep large groups of people OUT of those inner circles where a good life is possible.

Many of us in the ‘middle’ are again working within systems that still require that we participate in some degree of exploitation, that we benefit from certain privileges that aren’t afforded to everyone, that we engage in norms that are destructive to the planet - and we feel guilt for a lot of this while not realizing that to try to be different is to have to fight against a system SET UP this way. We didn’t choose it and getting out of it is REALLY hard. That’s a problem. Those being exploited by the system again are constantly being told that their misfortune is their fault/a result of their bad choices - lineages of trauma, not enough, exploitation and abuse are covered up and all that’s seen or talked about is the ‘bad behavior’ that has come as a result of all of this trauma. Then those who DO make it out are celebrated as examples - rather than being seen as those who literally had to fight against a system that was rigged for their failure by conforming to certain expectations that generally were BAD for their overall HUMANITY. Again this isn’t everyone, this isn’t every story - but it’s a LOT of them.

Thus, this idea that we are all supposed to find a purpose and success within this current system, and that if we can’t/don’t that this is some personal or moral failing is total and complete garbage.

We have the ability to evolve past this now. And the more we break with the thinking that’s keeping us bogged down in our current paradigm, the more we are going to be able to take action together as a human family to work towards something new.

New paradigms aren’t built with the same mindsets that created them - so SEEING all of this and changing our relationship to work, the system, what’s of value and ourselves is the first step.

Those who have extra needs, at this point, should have access to what they need regardless of what they’re offering back to the system. Those who are more able should contribute more, and be rewarded in an equitable way - not in a way that requires so many to have so much less than they need. This is a mindset change most of us need to make. It goes against what the system says - and that’s a good thing.

If there’s resistance to this - let’s ask ourselves why?

Who benefits from those who have extra needs NOT having what they need?

Who benefits from only those who can perform within the system having their needs met?

Who benefits from hoards of people never having access to what they need?

Who benefits from us continually believing that those who are suffering are suffering due to some moral failing?

Who benefits from us believing that we should always be more productive?

Who benefits from us always feeling like we don’t HAVE enough? Like we aren’t enough? Like we need to do and be more to be good?

Who benefits from us feeling afraid to say life is valuable no matter what it produces?

Who benefits from us no longer believing that excess STUFF and FAME make us happy? Who benefits from us being so disconnected from our humanity that we think it’s reasonable to work all day - that this is CELEBRATED instead of being seen as an imbalance?

Who benefits from us believing that the rising rates of depression and anxiety are due to us being WEAK instead of us RESPONDING to a system that is anti-human?

Who benefits from us believing that those who are sick/different in the way they think/not able to make the system values work are just making more choices?

Who benefits from us assuming the addicted, homeless, impoverished or incarcerated are bad and flawed instead of being seen as in need of love, support and again a RESULT of a fucked up system?

Who benefits from us believing society SHOULD be as unfair and unequal as it is?

Those who are chronically ill or dealing with chronic personal issues shouldn’t feel like they are failing if they don’t miraculously overcome and turn their journey into a product to be sold. People shouldn’t feel like they have to sell their lives in order to earn their place if they’re not able to work how everyone else does.

No one should feel like they have to become something magical - showing the world that positivity and the right mindset and values means that success is possible in this system no matter what - in place of being able to work and function like ‘normal.’

Yes, we can all support ourselves. Yes we can all get on our own sides. Yes we can all empower ourselves to some degree. I’m not saying we throw up our hands and say it’s ALL the system and that we have no say in our own lives. This is clearly untrue. We all do have some capacity to make life better for ourselves. Again this isn’t all or nothing. This isn’t saying we should all just be handed everything and never have to work or struggle. Life will never be like that - even if we tried to make it so. Rather, this is about figuring out what truly IS our job/responsibility to change, and what is a result of a messed up system. This isn’t about black and white - this is about acknowledging reality. Taking our power where we have it, where it actually exists, and calling out the system where that’s the problem. Being real about what is ACTUALLY happening in each instance and where the imbalance is coming from.

We start with taking our live back.

Back from this constant wheel of consumption and production.

Back from this constant feeling of needing to PROVE ourselves to the outside world. Back from believing that life is about as much material and social success as possible.

Back from the idea that we can be satisfied and made to feel safe and secure if we just have enough things. Back from the idea that culture has it figured out and that we need to conform.

Back from the belief that if we can’t contribute to the system as it is that we are failing.

Back from the idea that we should be machines. Back from the idea that we should all have to fend for ourselves.

Back from this nonsense of an anti-human paradigm that is no longer relevant to what we know and where we are as a species.

It’s how we got here. We have all the evolutionary reasons for being where we are. This isn’t about saying we shouldn’t have done what we did - it’s about saying we gotta do something different now.

So please, if you’re struggling with any kind of mental or physical illness/challenge, know that you don’t owe the world and ‘after’ story. You don’t owe us a transformation. You don’t owe us you doing the work to see the bright side of come up with some reason why this is all great and for a greater purpose.

If you WANT to do these things for yourself, do them. If they help YOU feel better, do them. If they support YOU in working through your days - then YES. If on your path you genuinely feel called to share, you really LIKE to offer your story, it feels GOOD and not taxing on you to be a support for others, if you do find a way that allows you to exist in this world with some joy and freedom and you want to help others find that too - hell yes. Make it happen. Be that. Share it. Sing it. Teach it. Show it.

But only if it nourishes you to do so. 

Finally, even if you HAVE an after story, if you have transformed yourself or your life in some way, if you’ve healed or found a way of living and working with what you have that makes your life better - you STILL don’t have to share. This is not a new thing you HAVE to make a career out of, it’s not something you’re now obligated to give away, you don’t now HAVE to reach out to others who are struggling like you did and you don’t have to support people if they are reaching out to you. You don’t have to tell us. You don’t have to show us. You don’t have to share. You’re allowed to just live your life.

Don’t let our system convince you that your life is something to be sold.

That you owe your life to the system.

That you’re here for US.

As a humanity, for a long time, we had to work hard to survive - I think this is where we got the idea that we have to earn our place here - and we’ve created a system that matches that experience. Now, we have the technology, understanding and resources to live in a new way - in a way where we all feel inherently worthy of being alive, and we build systems around helping to sustain ALL life as best as we can.

We can rise up and say no more to this idea that we have to earn our place.

Own your own life.

Start there.