
One of the most common things we're going to hear when we're going on a journey of processing our childhood pain is:
"Shouldn't you be over that by now?"
In our culture, there is a LOT of pressure to 'take responsibility for ourselves' - and with this, a lot of the time what is ACTUALLY meant is that we 'should' be working to make sure that we are in a state of fully owning our own lives, our emotions, our feelings and our actions as our own - never placing the blame on anyone or anything outside of ourselves.
There is a lot of stigma around 'blaming' outside forces - especially when it comes to blaming our caregivers or the authority figures that played a massive role in our development - and many people will reflexively move into shaming, blaming and guilting those who are in a space of allowing themselves to be angry, sad or upset in any way about their childhoods and how those childhood experiences formed their adult reality.
Many of us who are going through the necissary phases of processing the pain we experienced in our early lives are going to be met with people who either covertly or overtly tell us that we are working from a 'victim' state, that we are dwelling on the past, that we are giving our power away or otherwise that we are not doing the 'real work' we 'should' be doing to make ourselves the best people we can be when we are 'stuck' in blaming our caregivers - and for a lot of us we're going to feel a deep sense of shame and guilt around processing what happened to us, and we will often feel unsure if we even SHOULD be allowing ourselves to feel and express these feelings.
Today I want to talk about WHY we shouldn't/can't just 'get over it' when it comes to proecessing our childhood pain, why it DOES take time and is often a MESSY process to truly get to a place where we are able to 'move on' from what happened to us, and why this process is going to look different for every one - and thus why we need to have no judgement for ourselves around what OUR specific process looks like.
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