Hello Lovely!
Last week we started exploring why Body Positivity Isn't Only About Diversity.
This week let's keep diving into what a TRUE Body Positivity movement is all about, and how we can actually create one.
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Finally, no one owes you their health. No one owes you an explanation for where they’re at, where they could be, what they’re doing, why they’re doing it and so on. They just don’t.
Same goes for normative forms of expression. Sexuality, gender identity, body modification, how someone chooses to dress or wear their hair or express - it’s not your call. You don’t get to deicide if it’s coming from self love or self hate - if it’s healthy or not. And demanding an explanation for their choices isn’t reasonable.
If we’re going to have a body positivity movement, a huge part of it’s going to be learning to leave people alone.
Literally.
Don’t concern troll.
Don’t question them.
Don’t ask.
If you REALLY want to know what’s going on with them, if you REALLY think you have advice to give that could help them from a genuine place - the correct way to go about that is to start with asking consent. Getting to know the person - if THEY are OPEN to that. Getting more information than you have via looking at them and their social media posts. If you really want to ‘help’ - you have to actually know what you’re looking at - and that’s going to require deep investigation. You may have hunches and ideas that are totally right - and still, that person doesn’t owe you a platform to share or comment. It’s their body. If they ask for your opinion, your help, your expertise - go ahead and give it. If they open up to you and explain their situation and create a container for you to share your ideas - again go ahead.
But outside of that?
Don’t. Leave them alone.
Enjoy their posts or look away.
Resonate with them for what they offer or share.
Listen to their material.
Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.
Don’t be afraid that you are being led down a wrong path following someone unhealthy.
Use your discernment.
We all have things to offer and we all have blind spots - and having perfect health is NOT a prerequisite for knowing things or having things of true value to offer.
Having perfect health doesn’t mean you’re wise. Being wise doesn’t mean you have perfected health.
We have to be able to sort through these things.
Trust YOURSELF enough to be able to wade through anything you are being presented with for the gold, leaving the dirt behind.
You Can Create Body Safety For Yourself:
For yourself, here is a list of people you owe an explanation for you health around:
That’s right.
No people.
Read the list again.
Now, there may be people you ELECT to share your health/body status with such as:
- Close friends.
- Family members
- Chosen health care practitioners
- A therapist
- A nutritionist
- Your favourite pet dog
Again, the main key here is you get to decide who you share what with.
Here is a list of people who owe YOU an explanation for their body choices. Who owe you a body that fits into a mold that makes you comfortable. A body that expresses in ‘normal’ ways. A body that fits anything you think of as healthy/good/attractive/normal/acceptable:
Same list. You got it.
Let's Make The World Safe For Every-Body:
If you really want to be a part of a body positivity movement - make being in a body safe for everyone around you.
Love EVERYONE.
Respect everyones boundaries.
Get to KNOW PEOPLE - PEOPLE.
Do what you can for your health, certainly but don’t project that onto others.
Let others dress how they dress.
Use their preferred pronoun.
Don’t ask them to be consistent.
Just let people be.
Most importantly - let YOUR body be enough. Start with yourself. Every time you want to project, blame, shame, question, reject or otherwise nit pick someone else’s body, go inside and comfort yourself. Really get at WHY you are doing this. What is it that’s making you feel unsafe? Unlovable? Unworthy? Where can YOU turn in and embrace more of YOUR body? Where can you make YOU safe to be how YOU are?
Look to the ways the media is manipulating you into changing how you eat or move or dress in order to fit an externalized ideal vs. what YOU want to do for YOU. Notice where you are making yourself small or insignificant because you don’t measure up to a health or beauty or normative standard - and just refuse to play by those rules. Validate yourself. Represent yourself. Don’t explain. Don’t ask permission. Be you. Own YOUR body - booty or no booty. Big hips no hips. Thick this or that, thin everything. If you’re ill, feel like your in the wrong body, feel suppressed or in pain due to your physical experience - VALIDATE YOURSELF. Learn to love these parts of you that are trying to keep you safe through self rejection.
Tend to these very real wounds.
Be RADICAL in your journey of body acceptance.
Starting with yourself.
Take it deep, then even deeper than that.
If YOU want to work out or eat a certain way because it feels GOOD for YOU - HELL YES. Make that safe. If you want to dress a certain way and be called a certain name - go for it. If others don’t comply again as long as they aren’t attacking you, let them be them. Don’t battle where you don’t have to. Don’t follow trends. Don’t shame anyone or anything.
This Is A Safe Space:
In honor of being the change I wish to see, here in my little corner of the internet and in my personal presence, I want you to know:
If you are in a body that has made you unsafe in this world - I SEE YOU. It’s not you. It’s not your body. Please don’t look at your body as being to BLAME for your not being safe here. Humans are doing that. Not you. Not your body. I SEE YOU.
If you feel dissociated from your body, disconnected, hatred, like you’re in the wrong body, like you don’t know how to express, like your body doesn’t express who you are, like your body is the wrong shape or size - I see you. I validate you.
If you are ill or struggle with your health - I see you. If you don’t care about your health, I see you. No matter where you are on the spectrum of health or ability - I see you, you matter.
No matter how close to or far from ‘normal’ your body expression is - I see you.
You’re safe here.
If I EVER do anything to make you feel unsafe, please just tell me. I’m human and I’m going to mess up. Say the wrong thing. Be insensitive. I am here ready and willing to do better. You can just tell me if I don’t catch it and I will change.
I love you. No matter how you look, where you come from, how you eat, how you express, what you choose to do with your body or to your body - it’s your body. It’s your right. It’s not my place to approve or disapprove. I accept you for how you are and I trust you to do what’s right for you with your own body. No matter what that is or how different it may be from me and my expression.
You’re safe here. No matter what. Always. I see you. I validate your experience. It’s real. You owe no one an explanation. If you want to talk about it, I’m here. If not, we won’t. But you’re safe and seen and loved and I have no judgements around your body and your choices.
THIS is how we will move towards body SAFETY.
First by checking out of the messed up system ourselves through SELF acceptance.
Loving the body YOU HAVE right now, the health you have access to and the whole LIFE that you are living.
Then accepting this in others.
Understanding that we don’t have to right to decide for anyone else what they should or shouldn’t do with their bodies. If it isn’t affecting you, it’s not your business.
Look to see people beyond their body.
Become a HUMAN.
Let others be WHOLE complex humans.
THIS is the movement we are calling for.
<3
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