Today I want to continue exploring why compassion is the key to change.
Now on with todays conclusion!
Compassion Is The Answer:
This isn’t an excuse. Things DO need to change - but again if we REALLY want change we have to understand CAUSE.
Humans who are hurting, hurt themselves and others. Humans who are in fear turn to violence. As much as it may look like the rich and powerful have everything and thus have no reason to be in fear - they are acting from fear. It’s not intelligent to be violent or harmful - and in order to find intelligence we have to evolve. We have to open up. We have to learn and see complexity - something BEYOND just ‘what do I do to shore up as much for myself as possible right now.’
When we are looking at OURSELVES - and we are seeing that we have been participating in violent systems, that we have harmful patterns, that we have ways that we are coping and self sabotaging - we HAVE to start with compassion. If we REALLY want to change - if we REALLY want to evolve - we have to release ourselves from the idea that we are ‘bad people.’ That we chose to be the way we are haVing had the clear option to be harmonious.
We are all traumatized.
We are all hurting.
Life is hard - and it has been hard for all of us in different ways.
Again, none of us were born with total clarity on how to live a perfectly harmonious life and then just CHOSE to go and harm ourselves or others. We have to understand that while we may be totally participating in harmful ways of being - we aren’t doing it because we want to. We are doing it because we were trained to do so before we had the capacity to question.
We didn’t arrive at adulthood a blank slate of perfection and then choose to get addicted, be racists, be wasteful and self loathing.
We arrived in adulthood with all kinds of trauma, conditioning, needs gone unmet, shadows, misunderstandings and patterns that are the water we swim in.
When we start to become AWARE of ourselves, we MUST have the COMPLETE awareness that while we may need to change because what we are doing is harmful, this is NOT equal to us being BAD. We are not admitting our patterns of harm as a kind of admission of our dirty soul. No. We inherited all of it.
We cope because we are in pain. We harm because we don’t KNOW better - even if we seemingly ‘know’ better.
Until we have SAFETY - that knowing that we are fundamentally GOOD - just misinformed, traumatized, hurting and confused - we aren’t going to be able to shift how we operate. That’s because when we feel rejected, when we feel like we are ‘bad’ this triggers our nervous systems that we are going to DIE. It puts us into fight or flight - and in fight or flight we can ONLY do what we’ve always done. The patterns we were raised in. We can only continue to perpetuate patterns. We can’t evolve from that state.
When we become aware of a harmful part of self, we must start with compassion. “This isn’t my fault. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t condition myself. I didn’t decide that I had to hate these parts of myself. I didn’t learn these coping mechanisms because I wanted to cope with a life that hurt. I didn’t go along with what I was raised in knowing that there was something better. I didn’t lose myself because I wanted to. I don’t have hate and fear in my heart because I am fundamentally a hateful or fearful person. I INHERITED all of this.”
From there, we want to start to look at WHY we as a humanity may have adopted these ideas and ways of being. To really look to WHY we are all the ‘isms’. Why we are so violent. Why we are so self loathing. Again - when you really do this you are going to see that it all comes from ignorance. Misunderstanding. FEAR OF DEATH and not knowing that there was a better way before the patterns got set in place.
You’re going to find PAIN.
We are going to find humans who feel left out and behind. Afraid of natural and man made phenomenon. People who truly believe their ways of life are being threatened. People who want to be included and feel excluded UNSAFE. No matter how much they have if they are acting in violence or hoarding in any way - they’re scared.
Transformation From INNOCENCE:
Then, the transformation work starts to take place.
From this seeing INNOCENCE in even the most evil acts - you aren’t going to be any kind of apologist for objectively harmful ways of being. You’re not going to say ‘well since it isn’t ‘evil’ it’s fine.’ No, Because the CONSEQUENCES of these ways of being are still there. In our face. The pain that is a result of these actions, when you are honestly looking, can’t be covered up.
So we will then change because we want different results. We will love these parts of self, and decide to MATURE them. What do these parts need to GROW INTO - to understand, to become aware of, to see that will allow them to operate in NEW more complex and harmonious ways? How can I meet my needs, how can I understand my needs, in healthier ways? How can I be more harmonious in my actions towards others? How can I create unity and cooperation rather than division and divisiveness? You will start to see that the way forward isn’t about ‘getting rid of’ the harmful things - but about EVOLVING the harmful things.
Because the harmful things are simply UNINTELLIGENT.
They are shitting where we eat.
They are poisoning our own water supply.
The problems we face are all problems of not understanding unity and operating from a vantage point that’s too simple to be useful.
Humans aren’t evil.
They are traumatized and working from fear. Humans aren’t all powerful and in complete control of the system - the system is faulty and built on misunderstanding, and it harms ALL of us. Our current systems demand that ALL of us deny our humanity - from the bottom to the top. Those at the top may have a lot of power and wealth, but they don’t have joy or any kind of TRUE freedom. They are slaves to the system. NO ONE is really winning. It’s all based in ‘shadow’ or unawareness. You have these shadows you inherited. You didn’t learn how to express yourself, how to be harmonious, how to see things clearly - but you CAN.
We have to work with the nervous systems we have.
The safer we make ourselves, the more we are going to grow.
The more we grow the more intelligent we become. The more intelligent we become the more harmonious we become because that’s how life works. As a complex WHOLE. ‘Separate parts only’ thinking is a trauma state. Only out for myself right now is a trauma state. Shoring up power and control is a trauma response. It’s not intelligence. It’s not evil.
You’re not evil. You're conditioned and indoctrinated. These parts of you aren’t bad - they are programmed.
You can decondition and make this world a new place - but not through shame or guilt.
Only through LOVE.
THIS is what love really is - it shows us where the pain is, why the pain is and how we can do things differently. LOVE is learning and growing and then changing based on that ACTUAL learning.
You WILL Do Better - Compassion = True Change:
When you have compassion, you WILL learn and you WILL know better. IN THAT you will be able to DO better - one step at a time. Love doesn't make things ‘ok.’ It doesn’t remove consequence. It gives us the power to evolve to something more intelligent. To look at actual OUTCOMES and rather than going into shame and guilt or blame - you say ‘ok. What’s the need? How can I meet it in a more intelligent way? What’s the fear? What am I afraid of? What is the system telling me I HAVE to do/be/not do/not be in order to survive? That's actually UNTRUE and against my HUMANITY? How can I align with my HUMANITY and not the SYSTEM?’
From here you can make little changes that prove to your nervous system that a new way doesn’t mean sacrifice of what you had, it means having what you had in a BETTER way - THEN your body will let you change.
To try to force change when you don’t understand what you’re getting out of what you’re doing, so you can find a BETTER way to get that same thing - you will be driven to repeat the patterns you’re in. That’s the bottom line. Until you know WHY you can’t make a new plan and your body won’t let you go with your needs unmet/being something that got you in trouble before.
When you're no longer in shame and guilt, you are able to change.
You release yourself from the prison that says ‘if I change I ADMIT I was bad before.’
THAT is keeping us stuck.
It’s not working.
We may feel good about shaming others or feeling like they are getting theirs - but it’s not really working to make humanity better. It’s perpetuating cycles. People change when they are supported in growth - and that happens in a place of compassion. Not pretending harmful things aren't harmful - love isn’t denial - love is looking at ALL Of it - you're not bad and this is how we change. BOTH AND.
Love your shadows into light - the world depends upon it.