The ONLY Way To Change Is To Be SAFE

Hello Love.

This and next week I want to cover a really delicate subject - the idea of what it actually takes to change a harmful system.

I want to look at the patterns of behaviour that we see in people in our current world - the violent, exploitive, inhumane, individualistic and outright abusive ways in which people conduct themselves - and rather than looking for who to blame, to who cancel, who to get rid of, instead of looking for evil I want to look for the true root cause. From there, I want to explore what I think it will ACTUALLY take to shift humanity in a direction where it can be a SAFE place for all of us.

Again this is a big subject. I'm not going to have a full view or all of the answers. This is just a perspective. Have a ready this and next week, then let me know what you think when you do.


The Roots Of Our Current Systems:

No one alive today INVENTED the systems of oppression that exist.

No one alive today created racism, sexism, xenophobia, slavery, exploitation, discrimination, abuse or any other ‘ism’ that we look to and can say objectively cause harm.

No one alive today invented the capitalistic, every man for himself, the only thing ‘good about you’ is what you produce/how much you have accumulated systems that are destroying us.

No one fully understood how nature worked and willfully decided to build societies that opposed it, in order to intentionally mess with humanity. 

None of us CHOSE our conditioning.

None of us conditioned ourselves.

None of us chose the systems of religion, government or education we were made to accept as fundamental truth. None of us chose our families, lineages and value systems that became the foundations for how we process information. That became the foundations for the lives we would eventually create for ourselves in adulthood.

None of us chose to take on oppression internally or to live a life that is oppressive to others from a place of knowing that an alternative of peace and harmony existed. None of us have lived in ways that are harmful for ourselves and others having a clear understanding of an alternative that serves to uplift everyone because we WANTED to be harmful - having a complete understanding of a better way and just choosing the harmful one.

None of us chose to live lives where we have to cope, numb, self sabotage, scapegoat, be selfish/self serving, be codependent, or violent knowing we could embrace ourselves and the idea of community in order to find actual joy and freedom. None of us sacrificed our true natures to the corporate machine, to culture and fitting in because we wanted to suffer. Because we wanted to have to cope and numb and be unproductive. Because we wanted to become addicts or depressed or anxious to the point of needing assistance.

None of us rejected aspects of ourselves because we just felt like creating drama.

None of us live in harmful ways, have internalized biases, have coping mechanisms and self sabotaging behaviors or perpetuate violence because we WANT others or ourselves to suffer.

ALL of this - everything we see in the world as ‘bad’ right now, in ourselves and in others, are inherited traits.


Things that have been passed down to us when we were children and were getting our programming.

Everything we see is a result of humans doing what they knew to do at the time in order to get their needs met. It's ALL what we were given when we were first learning how to be a person. It’s all rooted in our innocence being trained in a certain way before we had any autonomy or capacity to objectively or critically think. We needed to fit in, and we needed a roadmap - and that’s where ALL of our behaviors stem from - what was being done around us by the adults who were our dictators. Our perceptions and ways of being were not chosen. They were given.

At the same time - all of humanity is this way. ALL of humanity inherited the patterns of their lineage - and humanity doesn’t have everything figured out - not by a long shot. Humanity has been groping around in the dark since we evolved into being ‘humanity’ - slowly figuring reality out through trial and error - and with each passing generation we are becoming slightly more aware as we accumulate the information that was acquired by every generation before us.

We are an ignorant species on many, many levels.

We think we are very aware - and we are MORE aware than we have ever been - but we are not AWARE in the context of having a good understanding of the complexity of reality.

This is made clear by our ACTIONS of violence and destruction.


Self sabotage.

We do ALL of these things because we are blind to reality - what our needs are and how to best meet them.

THIS is where it ALL comes from.

We want to consider ourselves wise - but our actions prove that we simply aren’t aware in a lot of ways.

When We Know Better, We Do Better:

Those who REALLY know better, do better.

When we can’t do better it’s because our programming won’t let us - we don’t really KNOW in our BIOLOGY that there is a better way to meet our needs/desires yet. What we are doing is filling a void on some level - and most of the time we aren’t even aware of WHAT we are wanting/needing, and how what we are doing is serving that to a degree. We are not seeing that the pain or destruction involved in what we are doing is showing us where our current methods are too SIMPLE - meaning that meet the need in a rudimentary way but via a route of chaos.

What this means is that when addressing our harmful ways of being, we need to discover the need being met by that behavior pattern, and then find a MORE COMPLEX way of meeting it that causes LESS chaos in the process.

That’s evolution - higher awareness of need with a higher awareness of how to meet that need in a harmonious way.

We can’t change, we can't stop doing what we know until we have a better understanding. To stop would be to then LOSE what we ARE getting from whatever we are doing. NOTHING we do is for no reason. NOTHING we do is pure self or external sabotage. ALL ways of being are in SOME WAY serving to meet a need r to help us avoid pain. Our current actions are PROGRAMS - what our systems learned early on to be the ONLY way, the acceptable way. What we could and couldn’t want and need and still be accepted.

We learned to meet needs in SHADOW ways when our expressions were rejected or misunderstood. We learned to get needs met in chaotic ways when those were the ways demonstrated to us. In order to change we have to reject our programming on some level in order to expand. To see that what we are doing isn’t ‘wrong’ but its chaotic and harmful - thus there’s a BETTER way. But we have to STOP doing what we are doing long enough to observe the deeper roots for that to happen - and rejecting our programming is a kind of death, it’s a loss of the security that we know, that there are people around us who know, that we can depend upon our current understanding. It means we have to LEARN and we are all deeply afraid of learning.

So we stay ignorant - and that’s what the world looks like right now.

The violence, the horrible things that we humans do to one another - all come from a foundation of not knowing how reality works. It all boils down to people doing in their moment what their fear and lack of awareness was driving them to do.

We were all conditioned and programmed.

We were all given a map for how reality works that contains untruths. That is founded on violence, shame, coping, numbing, sabotage and so on. Because that’s what our parents knew to do, and that’s what their parents knew to do - and everyone’s parents at large made up SOCIETY and what SOCIETY thought was right at the time. What those who controlled the resources thought was best for themselves at the time - and what those who DIDN’T control the resources thought they had to do to survive the power imbalance.

To this day, it may look like humans know better but aren’t doing better - and I would argue that in reality - most humans may have been presented with the reality of their actions, may know on some intellectual level that their way of life is harmful to themselves or others - but they don’t really KNOW the reality of the pain they are causing.

They are living from a place of ‘fear’ which means they can’t take in new information, can’t expand beyond their conditioning and thus are perpetuating patterns that they inherited.

They fight for a status quo because their nervous systems know no other way.

They can’t let go - that would mean questioning WAY too much.

And it would mean facing the fact that what they are doing is harmful - and most of us don’t have the emotional resilience to face our harmful behaviour and see that we just learned wrong and can learn something new.

Most of us see these parts of self and fear that if we admit to them, that we are FUNDAMENTALLY BAD.

This means we get rejected.

Which to our systems means death.

We can’t admit flaws because that means admitting that we are unworthy of love, and that means we die.


So we hold onto the patterns for security.

We deflect.


Don’t look.

Explain away.


Double down.

Pretend to have learned then go on as always.

The shame paralyzes us. 


Let's take a break here and come back to this next week!




Author perceptiontrainers

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