How To Be Consistent Without Being Constantly Motivated

Hello!

Today we are going to wrap up our series on motivation and finding the ability to take long transformational journeys.

If you’ve not done so, please go read:

Part One.

Part Two.

Now let’s talk about the importance of commitment, and why it is so key in any transformational journey.

Learning To Commit

From here, once you’re clear on your motivation, your values and once you have come to a place of choosing a path that you can actually find enjoyment in, now you’re ready for the tough part.

Discipline.

Consistent, sustained effort that becomes a part of your daily routine. 

Not over doing it. 

Not getting caught up in flashy methods. 

Not undergoing it. 

Not starting and stopping and starting and stopping. (Though this is bound to happen and there is going to be a learning curve. The key here is to simply not give up when we find ourselves struggling to maintain consistency but rather to simply get up, dust ourselves off and try again - over and over until our new routine becomes second nature, which it will! If we just don’t give up)

Not doing anything ‘extreme’ that you know you can’t maintain.

Finding a sustainable, maintainable effort that you can work into your life as part of your life consistently

The reality is *most* people are totally capable in terms of aptitude, capacity and ability to reach pretty much any goal that they set for themselves. The reality is that most people who achieve what they set out to achieve aren’t particularly gifted, special or in possession of some ‘special talent’ that is lacking in the general population.

Rather, the key difference between people who end up achieving what they are looking to achieve in life and those who don’t, is generally just time and practice. 

That’s it.

That’s the whole secret.

Getting where we want to go requires SO much less skill/knowledge/special talent than most of us believe. 

It’s way, way more about just putting one foot in front of the other, doing the routine, doing the steps, taking the risks over and over again.

Which means the MOST important thing you can do when working towards ANY goal or when taking on any new practice that you want to build into your life is to be SUPER reasonable about what you are capable of doing on a REGULAR basis, and committing to JUST that amount.No more. No less.

What this looks like practically is:

Looking at your goal/looking at the practices you want to add to your life in order to become the person you want to become - and breaking this goal down into manageable steps/looking at what you want to add to your life to support this inner journey you are taking. Rather than looking at the WHOLE PATH and trying to walk it from where you are - break it down into manageable pieces to the best of your ability. Of course you’re not going to see the whole path and that’s ok, but you can give a good estimation. 

From there, you’re going to focus on JUST the FIRST PIECE.

So if you are wanting to write a book - you know you have to go through the planning stage, which allows you to then have a plan for each chapter and what you will write, which leads to the writing phase, then the editing phase, then looking for an agent or learning to self publish - so on and so forth.

If you are looking to take a more inner journey/spiritual quest, you will have an idea of the practices you want to start with, the tools you feel called to and what you want to start to integrate into your daily life as a way of experiencing what these tools can do for you.

Break all this down, then look at just the first step which will be your preparation step.

My caution for you is this - take whatever you think is required for the first step, take whatever steps you think you WANT to take to get you started on your way - and cut that in half.

Really.

Remove some of the component parts. Make the meditation practice less extreme. Pull back on the dietary changes.

Go for something that seems almost TOO simple, something that’s just enough to give you momentum, but that also feels within your wheelhouse. Not too far outside of what you’re already doing.

THIS is how you work your way into consistency. 

A smaller step than you want to take.

Trust me on this.

Next, look at the first step and get honest about everything that has to take place within that first step. What are all the component parts of the first step that you will need to put effort towards? What kind of research do you need to do? Planning? Preparation? How are you going to set yourself up to have what you need to accomplish this long term goal? What tools do you need? What resources? Get yourself as set up as possible WITHOUT thinking you have to have everything set up PERFECTLY. Meaning, you don’t have to have all the latest and greatest technology before you start. You don’t need to take 20 more courses. If you have a REASONABLE amount of skill/knowledge/resource - you’re ready. Don’t let the preparation phase be the phase you get stuck in.

From here, get really honest about how much time you have to dedicate to this goal/project every day. What is an actual reasonable amount of time you can invest every day that will move you towards your goal? Do you have the number of hours/minutes? 

Good. 

Now cut that in half. 

Really. 

As hard as this may be, most of us dramatically overestimate what we’re capable of when we are super motivated and at the beginning of a journey we’re excited about. Most of us are going to overestimate our ability to hold onto motivation and we’re going to overestimate the levels of enthusiasm we’re going to have over the coming days, weeks and months. We’re going to underestimate how uncomfortable it is to change routine and schedule, and how uncomfortable it is to show up for the slow, often boring work of working towards something. So set yourself up for success. Know that if your more moderate estimation of what you can do really IS too little, you can always increase after you’ve gotten started. It’s always better to start with less and add as you go, than to start with too much and overwhelm yourself.

Make it almost too easy. Just challenging enough.

Your nervous system is going to fight this change, and you must expect that your willpower is going to wane.

Set yourself up for this.

Know that as you gain mastery, you will increase the intensity. The time dedicated. The bigness of the steps.

You’re not going to stay in this small step forever.

But you need the step to be small because what it is ACTUALLY about is building in the CAPACITY for discipline and consistency. It’s not even really about the step towards the goal in the beginning.

It’s about using that small step to generate a habit. To generate an opportunity for building your commitment muscle.

So look at it like this.

In the beginning you’re building discipline - that’s the point.

Next, execute. Look at the tasks for this first phase of your journey, look at how much time you have to dedicate each day, and start. Do your practices. Put in the time. Take the steps.

Build the discipline muscle.

Once you have that established, once working on this path feels like second nature, like it’s just part of your day now, THEN you can start to build on what you’re doing.

Then, as you go, you will notice that you naturally progress. You naturally move from phase to phase. You learn what does and doesn’t work for you. You will tweak your process. All of this is to be expected.

The thing that’s going to ALLOW for you to figure out what works, what you need in each phase, what needs to shift and change as it needs to shift and change is the fact that you are showing up every day. 

Consistency.is.the.key.

15 minutes of writing every day for a year is WAY BETTER than 3 weeks straight of 8 hours a day followed by 4 months of nothing.

10 minutes of mediation a day is WAY better than an hour a day for 2 months and then nothing for 6.

An imperfect diet maintained over time is much better than an extreme protocol that you can only stick to for 75 days and then you lose all your will and go back to doing what you were doing before.

Give your practices and your steps time to become your NEW NORMAL. Make it so reasonable and so accessible for yourself that you’re able to make it a new HABIT - and THIS is the key to perpetual progress.

When your steps become your new way of life, THIS is when we are really rocking.

Again, your routine will shift and change over time - it’s not that you will write the same amount every day for the rest of your life - but if writing is a new PART OF YOUR DAY in some form or capacity - this is how we get where we want to go.

When the progress becomes your new normal, you are no longer using willpower - and that is exactly what you want.

Look at the goal, break it down, set your foundations, decide what needs to be done in the first phase, decide how much time you have to dedicate to this goal every day, cut that in half, do your first step every day until it becomes your new normal. Work through all the phases, one at a time, adjusting as you go.

THIS is how we get there.

Sounds simple - and that’s because it is simple! Not easy, but simple. 

The Voices That Say This Isn’t Enough

The last thing I want to acknowledge here is the fact that It’s very common to feel like in order to make progress you must be pushing yourself to your max. It’s very normal to feel like if you’re not writing your book for 4 hours a day or practicing four different styles of meditation with 2 yoga practices and a breathing practice every day, like if you’re not getting your nutrition PERFECT right now and getting to the gym for an amazing work out 5x/week, if you’re not able to quit your job and immediately start making your passion your career - that you’re not getting anywhere.

It’s very common to feel like ‘time is running out’ and if you don’t do as MUCH as possible as SOON as possible, you’re going to miss your chance to experience what you want to experience, to become who you want to become and to achieve what you want to achieve. 

That feeling of urgency, the black and white thinking that tells us that if we aren’t doing EVERYTHING we may as well be doing NOTHING, the feeling that life is passing us by and that there’s no time to waste, comparing ourselves to others who seem to be doing and achieving more than we are, the belief that slow and steady can’t and won’t work - all of these things are going to come up as we start to develop our plans for getting where we want to go.

This is normal, natural and I want you to know that if you are feeling these things and thinking these things there’s nothing wrong with you.

Especially if you are in a place where you feel pain and part of what you are wanting to achieve is about getting you OUT of that pain. If you are in a situation or circumstance that feels really terrible to you, the feeling that you MUST DO IT ALL RIGHT NOW is going to be extra intense. If your current situation feels really bad to you, there will be LOTS of thoughts that are going to come up to tell you that if you don’t act now in a BIG WAY you’re never going to get better.

There are always going to be those voices in your head - and possibly voices that come from outside of your head to! - that tell you that you should be doing more, moving faster, that time is running out and that a slow and steady pace is the fastest way to make sure you never get where you’re trying to go. ALL of us feel like time is running out, we’re too old, we’re too late, like it’s never going to happen at some points on the path.

This feeling of urgency and all the stories that surround it are going to come up, many times, as you walk your walk.

The feeling that what you’re doing isn’t enough and won’t be enough is going to come up, over and over again.

This is normal and I want you to EXPECT it so that you can work with it when it inevitably arises. 

When these thoughts come up, I want to invite you to see them as parts of yourself that are truly trying to help you, but that are misinformed about reality. These parts are GOOD PARTS and they aren’t parts we need to try to ‘get rid of’ or that we want to listen to. 

Because here’s the truth - when we DO listen to these voices as being the TRUTH, we’re either going to get paralyzed with fear and find that our ability to do much of anything totally disappears, or we’re going to find that we push ourselves REALLY hard for a few days or weeks - and then eventually burn ourselves out leading to a place where we do lose our progress, and we lose our ability to keep up with any kind of consistent movement forward.

When we listen to the voices of urgency, those voices aren’t going to help us go faster - they are always going to drive us to either stopping completely or going too hard and burning out.

These voices that are innocently trying to help you are actually going to hinder you if you allow them to run the show - and that’s why we want to be able to WITNESS these voices, witness the stories they are telling us, and to remind ourselves that what they are saying isn’t true.

That no matter what, the only way forward is the way that we can SUSTAIN. There is no going fast for a short while and getting there. 

Short term goals, short term outcomes, short term ‘stints’ in life that require our full attention and all-out effort are real things and there are times and places for them. It’s not to say that ALL goals and ALL things in life have to be thought of as some long and drawn out process - sprints happen! But for the purposes of our discussion today, we’re talking about the long term stuff.

These parts of you that want to race ahead need to be SHOWN through time and effort that results DO happen when we moderate ourselves. They need to have PROOF before they are going to believe you that the consistent path is going to work. They are going to need comfort and love - to be told that you can still have joy, still have peace, still have love and still feel good about yourself even BEFORE you reach your goals. These parts are going to need time to express their pain, their anxieties, their struggle with being where you are. These parts just need time to express, they need to be held, they need to be given space to process and then they need to be shown over time that slow and steady really does win the race.

They need witnessing and validation, but they don’t need to be given access to the directors chair. 

Thus, here is a step by step process for loving these voices safe so you can return to what actually works:

Witness: When these voices come up, practice witnessing them. Practice seeing them not as ‘the truth’ coming in to tell you what you really ‘should’ be doing, but scared parts of yourself that are just trying to get out of pain/towards pleasure as fast as possible. See them as a PART of you, not ALL of you. They are not everything, they are not telling the truth, and they are just scared. Can you see them this way? Can you allow yourself to disidentify with these voices, to create some space between yourself and the voices?

What’s The REAL Fear? Next, see if you can allow these voices to express their REAL fears. Rather than simply believing that you need to barrel ahead as fast as possible or that you have legitimately run out of time and may as well give up - ask these parts what they are REALLY afraid of. What they are REALLY feeling. What they are really thinking is happening or will happen if you don’t go as fast as possible. What are their fears? What are the STORIES that are behind their desire to push you? Let these parts say what they need to say, again from a witnessing perspective - as though you are listening to a friend rather than from the perspective OF these parts and rather than listening with the intention to ACT on what is said.

Just let the pain and the fears surface so they can be witnessed.

Comfort These Parts/Process The Pain: From there, can you comfort these parts? Can you allow yourself to feel sad, to feel pain, to grieve, to want something different - without making that wrong? Can you let that pain out? Allow yourself to really express what you feel you need to express, to physically shake or cry or make sound. Remember, we’re not ‘giving in’ to the surface fear that we have to do everything right now otherwise we won’t ever get where we want to go - we’re looking for the actual fear/pain under that. Make sure you’re going beyond the surface, and that you’re allowing yourself to reach into the reality of what’s happening for you. Looking for where the urgency is actually coming from. Looking for the pain that you may be trying to avoid with making it all about this goal. Looking for what you think ‘getting there’ is going to give you that you don’t have right now/will take away that is hurting right now. Connect with yourself. Then give yourself what you need to be comforted in this moment to the best of your ability. We aren’t always going to be able to take the pain away or perfectly show up for ourselves - that’s a normal part of life. Just do your best. Be on your own side, look for how you can support yourself and then just do that, letting it be enough.

Return To Unconditional Love: Then on the tails of letting the pain out, can you witness any stories that tell you that you are inadequate how you are or that you’re unworthy of love as you are, and can you return to the truth that no matter what - no matter what you accomplish or don’t accomplish in this life - you are ALWAYS worthy of love? Can you find whatever pleasure or comfort or joy CAN be found in what you’re in - even if there’s still pain and struggle present? Can you remind yourself that your life is never ALL pain and struggle, that there are bright spots, and that the path towards healing or achievement is going to contain days where everything feels hard and impossible - but that doesn’t make it TRUE? Bring as much compassion, love and comfort to these parts as possible. Expand your vision and remind yourself that life isn’t ALL about this goal. Remind yourself of your worth and value. Find the little pleasures that exist today. Show these parts that it’s not all bad, that you don’t have to ‘become’ before you’re allowed to feel good about yourself, and that life isn’t all pain. Soothe these parts. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself in general to the best of your ability, and not losing yourself in the goal or thinking about the goal. Focus on the people around you and your ability to be supportive and connected. 

Keep processing and focusing on how worthy and lovable you are, until you return to your center. You’ll know you’ve done enough because the feeling of urgency will have dissipated. You will have a more balanced perspective of your abilities, your situation and the time you have. If everything still feels deeply chaotic and like you have to act NOW - keep processing. Keep returning to love. Ask for the love and support of others. Let yourself grieve.

**Now, sometimes we are in a situation where we are in a lot of pain, and where we DO need to do some things with a little more urgency than other times in life. There will be times when we have deadlines and where the pain we are in IS driving us to take our pace up. What’s important here is to remember that when we are in times of crunch, the best thing to do is focus on the measurable steps we can take vs. looking at the whole path we have yet to walk. When something is truly urgent, our task is to look for our clear steps. To gather ourselves as much as we can, and to do JUST what needs to be done in the moment, one moment at a time. We need to use our tools of drawing ourselves into the present moment, so that we can get clear on what matters right now, and doing JUST THAT. The focus needs to be on pragmatic forward momentum. It is really easy to get overwhelmed and lost in hopelessness when times are intense - and that’s ok. Check out this video to help you with tools for coming to the moment, so that you can center on just what needs to be done and nothing more. 

If it’s truly urgent, then your focus is on just what’s in front of you. Do that until the pressure subsides, and then return to your routine.**

Wait until you come back to your center to make any moves. Witness these scared parts until they are no longer ALL of you and you have a more balanced view of things.

Return to Routine/Celebrate Your Progress: From there, return to your routine. Return to your steps. Keep practicing what you know you CAN on a regular basis, and as you make progress really take the time to REGISTER this progress in your BODY. So rather than allowing the milestones of your journey simply pass you by, and rather than writing everything that isn’t the ‘end goal’ off as unimportant, take time to celebrate and deeply FEEL the results of the STEPS you are taking. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. We MUST learn to feel, register and celebrate our progress, otherwise life becomes an endless pursuit that is never satisfying. We must PRACTICE feeling the feelings of accomplishment and ‘good enough’ if we want to feel these things at the end of our journey. We must PRACTICE feeling our progress along the way, otherwise we will get discouraged and likely will find it really hard to keep going forward. You deserve to feel what you are doing - so be sure to make a PRACTICE out of it. Notice the subtle shifts in how you’re feeling as you consistently show up for your daily breathing or self love practices. Notice the number of pages you add to your book as you write for your 10-15 minutes. Take in the way your body feels and the slight shifts in your symptoms or pains as you nourish your body differently. How does this progress FEEL in your BODY? What is your EXPERIENCE of taking these steps? Can you CELEBRATE yourself mindfully and make sure you FEEL the progress as you go?

Take.in.the.progress.

Register every accomplishment along the way. 

SHOW your body the progress - don’t allow the progress to become the new baseline that you don’t perceive as an accomplishment. 

PROVE to this scared inner part that you’re getting there, that things are getting better all along the way, that you don’t have to wait for the end. These parts will become less and less afraid and will actually get on board with supporting your slow steps, the more they SEE that it’s working! So mindfully show them through FEELING! It has to be done in the body, not just the mind - remember that. You must FEEL the progress for it to register.

Embrace Setbacks As Part Of The Path: Lastly, know that setbacks are inevitable. Know that you’re going to fall off track sometimes. Know that you’re going to try tools and techniques that you will be SO SURE are going to help you - only to find that they don’t actually work. You’re going to have times where the progress you think you SHOULD be making based on how much effort you’re putting in isn't happening. There will be times when you feel like you took 3 steps forward and then two steps back. 

All paths have their bumps and I want you to start to look at these bumps as learning opportunities instead of seeing them as failures or signs that you can’t have what you want/ get where you want to go.

Open your mind to the idea that ALL things that happen on your path are PART of the path. Nothing is a distraction and nothing is there to just take you off your path - everything can be used as information to help you move forward.

Look for what each unexpected occurrence has to teach you. Let yourself process and be upset about anything that hurts, and don’t ask yourself to be grateful for or positive about things that suck - just don’t allow them to be the reason you give up or feel like progress is no longer possible.

Give yourself grace.

Make your progress just a part of your day.

Allow the form your daily practice takes to shift as you shift.

Celebrate all the milestones and notice all the progress.

THIS is how we get where we want to go.

It’s not about talent or willpower.

It’s about proper foundations and proper routines.

You got this.

<3

 

Loving this content?

Wanting something a little more structured and organized?

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