Hello again!
If you haven't done so, I highly recommend you go and read:
Of this post!
Now onto our last section.
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Context Matters More Than Magic
With all of the understandings from the first two posts in this series, we can start to see why and how context matters so much when it comes to the promises that influencers are making about their secrets to success, health, love and freedom.
Right now there are a MILLION coaches using social media as their main marketing platform. Again these coaches come in all shapes and sizes - from ‘abundance’ coaches, to health coaches to business and marketing coaches, to polarity coaches and so on. There are a million different ‘flavors’ out there, but essentially it all boils down to people claiming to help you find the FOUR big things - wealth, love, health and general ‘joy’ in life.
You can find the ‘bro’ who will teach you how to lift heavy weights, eat nothing but beef and ‘clean up your room’ so that you can dominate in your work and love life. The polarity coach who will teach you to launch your million dollar product while lounging in your underwear as the love of your life feeds you grapes. The wellness coach who will teach you the mindset hacks you need to transcend the illusion of suffering from your private beach hut in Bali.
Everyone has their ‘secret’ that they proclaim to be the reason they are living a life that’s so much better than everyone else is living, and they claim to be able to sell it to you.
This is a really easy thing to do these days, partially because social media has made it so much easier for all of us to ‘fake’ an image/lifestyle that people want. Social media has made it so that we can all curate our shares in a way that it makes it LOOK like we are living in perfect wealth, health, love and bliss at all times - and because we are a group of people who desperately WANT to believe that it’s POSSIBLE to reach these states and stay there - we’re primed to believe people who tell us they have it.
Second, most of us are living in a state of pain. Most of us are working from a place of suffering in at least one of those big four areas.
We’re struggling with money, and we’ve been primed to believe that this is our fault and there’s something we need to fix about ourselves in order to change this.
We’re struggling in our relationships and we believe that it’s because we lack the skills we need to manifest the right relationship or we feel that the universe isn’t bringing us the right person because we haven’t ‘leveled up’ enough.
We may be sick or feeling like we’re not as healthy/vibrant/beautiful as we want to be and we deeply believe that anyone can have perfect health and the ideal body image if they just do the right workouts/find the right healing modality.
We don’t feel satisfied in life and believe again that it’s due to our poor choices, our lack of spiritual growth or because we’re ‘missing’ something.
We live in a world where we’re CONSTANTLY told that perfection is possible - and that if we aren’t experiencing it that it’s our personal choices that are getting in the way. Influencer culture tells us this. Capitalism tells us this. The idea that we are living in ‘free countries’ where we can make whatever kind of life we want to make for ourselves tells us this.
Now, here are the main things we have to realize as we look at influencers and all the products they sell us.
For SOME people, joy, abundance, health and relationship bliss IS just a matter of personal choices.
For SOME people, they are living in a state where their baseline health is good enough that if they have access to healthy food, enough rest, some movement and some wellness practices they’re going to experience really amazing results. For SOME people, healing from illness is a matter of just switching up their lifestyle. For SOME people, it is as easy as choosing to take care of themselves. This is a reality for SOME people.
For SOME people they have a product or service that is simply going to be in demand. They have a skill that they really love engaging in that is also highly valued in our economy. They have a niche that is currently exploding. For SOME people they have financial safety nets of parents or savings or others in their lives who are willing to support them while they ‘figure themselves out.’ Some people are able to take big risks and to wait out failure enough to find success. SOME people are going to find that becoming very rich is possible for them via their choices and via all the ways others are there to support them in that pursuit.
SOME people are lucky enough to find a person who is open and willing to work on communication, healthy boundaries, romance and all the things that make a great relationship great with them. SOME people find just the right tools at the right time to help them work through their relationship traumas giving them the capacity to create a healthy, stable connection with someone else. SOME people live in sections of society where the people around them are secure enough to be in a space to create healthy bonds. SOME people are lucky enough to stumble upon another person/people who resonate with them enough to want to establish a secure attachment. SOME people find the right support to help them break out of damaging patterns that were imprinted into them in early childhood that prevented them from being able to be there for a healthy connection.
SOME people are in a place in life where true joy is possible. SOME people are a few choices away from the kind of safe, stable, secure reality where they can ‘choose joy’ most of the time. SOME people can study spirituality and other modalities and have these tools and techniques really be what they needed to find meaning in life. SOME people have a ‘thing’ they do that gives them purpose and fulfillment.
The key here is - SOME PEOPLE.
In real reality, we are not all working with the same foundations. We’re not all working with the same access. We’re not all working with the same SOCIETY. We’re not all working with the same access. We’re not all working with the same skills and awareness. We’re not all working from the same mindsets and foundations.
In REAL reality, what is easily attainable for one, isn’t attainable at ALL for another.
In REAL reality, we don’t all have the potential to become wealthy or even financially stable in our current economic system.
In REAL reality we don’t all have the potential to become healthy and relatively free in our bodies.
In REAL reality we don’t all have the potential for a healthy, stable, loving relationship.
In REAL reality we don’t all have the potential for abiding joy and satisfaction in our lives.
Because in REAL reality the ‘ingredients’ for these conditions aren’t equally distributed, and they aren’t available to all of us at any given time.
THIS is really hard to accept about reality. But it’s something we have to accept in order to protect ourselves from being fooled into investing our time and money into programs, services and coaching that are only going to profit the seller.
Over the many, many years I’ve been working and interacting with the health, wellness and spirituality industry, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone get up and promise that they have ‘the secret codes’ to wealth, health, love and freedom that they can ‘transmit’ to you via their latest course.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard a guru or teacher claim that the ‘reason’ they ‘manifested’ their whatever it is they have, was because of a mindset or vibrational shift - that they can teach you for only $444.
I can’t tell you the number of coaches I’ve seen proclaim that success is simple - all you have to do is get up early, work hard, be disciplined and never, ever let yourself go into a ‘victim’ mindset.
The number of posts I’ve seen about ‘miracle’ healing solutions that mainstream medicine doesn't want you to know about is literally staggering.
The luxury villas, the super saturated photos of fruits and vegetables, the dramatic before and afters, the tongue kisses, the roses - I’m assuming you’ve seen this just as much as I have.
All with the underlying message that having what we want is just a CHOICE you can MAKE - it’s all about an action you can take and that the reality is once you ‘figure out’ how the ‘game’ works, that you too can create anything you want.
For some of these people the ‘secret’ appears to them to literally be a mindset shift/vibrational upgrade/some magical blessing from the Universe because in their perception, it was this magical shift that enabled them to have what they wanted.
For others the ‘secret’ is something much more practical like a diet or a hustle that changed their lives.
But for ALL of these people, there’s almost ALWAYS an ignorance of systems, status, wealth and access that makes what they’re selling virtually useless to MOST of the people they’re selling it to.
For SOME people, luxury, health, love and joy are a few choices away - because the system is supporting them in a way that it isn’t supporting everyone else.
For SOME people, there are very real barriers in society and in their biology that make it so that ‘transcendence’ isn’t possible.
The main thing we all have to understand about people who have the lives that we want, is that they did not get to where they are by any kind of magic or through sheer force of will/good choices. They were not blessed or treated differently by the Universe than others are treated. There was no miracle involved. They may have used discipline, they may have worked hard, they may be making great choices - and that’s real - but again, the reason those choices are yielding the results that they’re yielding, is because they had the FOUNDATIONS that allowed for those choices to matter.
No one has a secret code. No one has mastered their vibration. No one is being given the keys to the kingdom because they got into a particular state.
People have just been supported in different ways, have had certain foundations, have been given opportunities and had help and in THIS they've been able to create what they’ve been able to create.
Giving you an entire breakdown of the ways in which our systems aren’t fair and don’t give everyone the same opportunity to just ‘make good choices’ and prosper is beyond the scope of this post.
But I think we can all see that when you’re born into a situation where you have relative health, relative security, relative access to food/shelter/education/community support, where you aren’t going to be passed over for education or job opportunities based on your race/gender/sexuality/health status, where you have connections to others who have connections and where you simply don’t face the barriers to success that some of our society face - you’re likely going to be able to ‘make the right choices’ and have those choices pay off for you.
Our foundations matter.
What we have access to matters.
The safety-nets that are under us that give us the possibility to take the chances we need to take to have great success matter.
How much money we have matters!
THESE are the reasons everyone on social media has what they have.
And honestly, this hasn’t even touched on the idea that a LOT of people are saying they have things they DON’T actually have! A LOT of people are simply straight up lying. This is a hard pill to swallow as well, but one we have to be continually conscious of.
So What’s The Point?
All of this is to say - if it sounds too good to be true, if it sounds like ‘magic’ if what you’re being sold is a mindset shift or vibrational hack, if the ONLY nuance offered in the marketing material of something is slight tweaks in a program vs. admitting that this thing won’t work for everyone, if ALL that is involved is ‘personal choice’ and you’re being told that you can HAVE AND DO ANYTHING If you just work hard enough - be cautious.
Know that YES your choices matter. Know that to a degree, most of us CAN absolutely improve our lives via different choices. Know that it is possible to have BETTER and never let yourself fully surrender working towards something you know you can have. Know that we all have ways we can improve our situation and that there are really amazing people out there selling real tools.
AND.
Be cautious. Really consider the difference between where YOU are and where the people selling you the secrets they are selling you started from. Look into whether or not they are actually ‘self made’ or if there was support they had that you don’t. Consider their access. Consider their privilege. Consider the ease they have that you may not. Not as a way of saying you CAN’T have better results and not even necessarily as a way of saying that their product or service won’t work for you at all - just as a way of setting yourself up to have REALISTIC expectations of what you can achieve with any given tool.
Nothing is happening by magic. Sometimes good things happen to us not because of anything we did or didn’t do - but the mind likes to look for reasons and patterns and meaning. Sometimes we’re going to see things that don’t actually exist. Energy, shifting your mindset, shifting how you think about yourself and how you carry yourself throughout the world WILL make a difference mostly in how your life FEELS - and it can totally affect the CHOICES you make - but just be careful with anyone telling you that JUST be shifting your energy you can create things. Engage in all the things that feel good and real to you - and keep your feet planted on the ground at the same time.
Know that if you’re in a place where you’re deeply in pain/struggle, you’re going to be more likely to believe things that sound fantastical. You’re going to be TARGETED by people with things to sell. Be aware of this. Be aware of the parasocial ‘love’ that comes from people who don’t actually KNOW YOU, and who only love you when you’re a potential client or a paying client. Protect your heart. Protect your wallet.
Don’t let anyone convince you that life is 100% personal choice. Even though this may FEEL like an empowering belief, it’s not empowering in real reality, because it isn’t in alignment with real reality. It’s MUCH healthier to accept reality for how it is - the different obstacles we face so that we can be truly set up to progress in the ways we ACTUALLY can. People with more money, access and privilege than you DO have it easier - their tools are going to work differently for them than they will for you, their actions are going to have different consequences. Be aware of this, because this is just how our world functions right now.
Finally, never, ever blame YOURSELF when someone's tool doesn’t work for YOU. Again, look at the context. Look at where you are vs. where they are. Look at where they started vs. where you started. Look at whether or not you can verify that they have what they say they have. Know that the entire world right now is set up to support you in blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault - and that’s part of what keeps our economy going. Know that having money DOES make things easier. Know that having access DOES mean you have MORE opportunity. Know that having safety-nets DOES mean that goals are easier to achieve. Do what you can, hold yourself to whatever standard you want to hold yourself to, go for your dreams - ALL of these things! - Just never BLAME yourself when the reality is that your environment is less ideal than it was for someone else.
As consumers, we always have to do our due-diligence to vet the people we’re buying products from. We have to be on our toes and looking for our own bias’ and looking for the perceptual filters of those selling us things. We have to be aware of where we’re vulnerable to predatory marketing. We have to keep ourselves from falling into the trap of believing in magic when what was REALLY happening was money and access. We must be realistic - not so that we ‘limit’ ourselves, but so we don’t try to enact solutions to our problems that are NEVER going to be an actual solution for us - but only another area where we lose money, time and effort.
Always ask yourself - was it magic/personal choice? Or was it access, wealth and privilege? And what can I DO with that information as an informed consumer?
This is how we move forward.
<3
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